If you've read here for any period of time, you know my standing belief is that every day is a clean slate; a chance to change something big or small, start a good habit, break a bad habit, refresh my attitude, cleanse my energy.
That being said, I've been waiting for this day for what feels like all year. The symbolic big clean slate associated with the turning of a year is important to me this year in particular, where it has not been in other years. If I had to guess why, I'd say it's because I spent the majority of 2018 operating from a reactionary position, which is not personally desirable, and struggling to keep my head above water and my house intact. As my friend Gladys said, it felt like one long Tuesday and shit I hate Tuesdays. I learned a lot and grew a lot - a lot a lot - and I don't grow in easy, halcyon days. I grow in the trenches. That’s what kind of year it was. And while it was certainly not the worst year - no year in which I learn and grow so much can be classified as worst, plus I experienced a lot of beauty, fun, time with loved ones, great books, new friends, a challenging in a good way year at work, a new dog, good health, generosity, and support - it was also not my favorite. The lessons were necessary, hard, and took up a lot of space. I’m grateful for them and happy to be finished with that class for now. Today I feel like a graduate staring down a long stretch of open road, inhaling air that tastes like freedom and possibility. I’m not remotely sad to move on with intentions.
What's the plan for 2019? Be happy, be solvent, consume less resources and things, work for a better world, and mind my energy. If I had to boil it down to a phrase it might be consume less, be more.
I'll write about those things of course, that's what this space is for. I've been thinking a lot about consumption and fast fashion and what I own versus what I actually use. I also promised some posts about why it is important to get involved in local politics and how you might best do that if you want the backdrop of your every day life to reflect a country that involves equity and equality for all people, along with some of the things that must change in order for real people like you and me to be represented in government. This is not a presidential election year or a general election year but that does not mean it's not an important election year. Every year is important, every elected position is important. The dumpster fire of this administration makes it hard to look it in the face every day but you can’t turn away. I won't. You shouldn't either.
I'm also stretching my writing muscles - there will be more tech writing (like this travel post I wrote Friday or the reading raft post from the other week); more highlighting of monthly contributions I make and value to things like Real Justice PAC, Rosa's Pizza to feed the homeless, Ronald McDonald House Philly for families of seriously ill children, Patreon accounts of women of color who are doing a lot of work to set white supremacy and patriarchy on fire, and Building the North Star. It's good exercise for my mind to get back to short article writing that relies more on information and research and less on emotion and opinion, which helps with some off-the-blog writing I'm planning this year. I hope you enjoy the more article-ish, informative posts but if not, try back the next day. I will write more in general this year as well and try fiction writing which I haven't done in a while, but I don't know if any of that will appear on this blog.
Of course TWTW and Thursday Thoughts will remain staples, Show Us Your Books the second Tuesday of every month, real life/honesty/no sugar coating all the time because you know how I roll...Shit MFD Said will probably make a comeback but I am out of practice writing them down since we spent so little time together last year. I might even share recipes again. I might also have said that last year and never delivered but there's hope.
Thank you for spending another year with me in this space. If you'd like to see me write about anything in particular, I'm your Huckleberry. Leave a comment below or send me an email to lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com.
Don't leave 2018 without extrapolating all of its lessons so you are in the best possible position to act on your intentions in 2019. And if possible don't leave without making a charitable contribution to a group or cause that will benefit from it - I like to leave the year with a piece of the best part of myself behind in the form of generosity. Some years it's big, some years small, but it's something every year on 12/31.
2017 was a difficult year for writing my specialty - the mundane - when nothing going on in this country is normal and I feel quite strongly that it should not be normalized. Trust that I could have written 365 posts this year about exactly that. I chose not to for many reasons.
A very few examples of Not Normal that are not partisan - citizens from both sides of the aisle should be alarmed by these things:
A president who wages an unrelenting campaign against the free press (and consequently, the First Amendment) while he is in office
A president who praises and congratulates the world's dictators
A president who strikes equivalency between Neo-Nazis and people protesting Neo-Nazis. Sorry, no, there are no good people who are also Neo-Nazis.
A president who spends his time stirring up hatred against the press, immigrants, democrats, black athletes, and various other groups and people. The presidency is a big job and that is not a part of it.
A president who brushes off Russian interference in American elections.
A president who is anti-science and advancement
A Congress that ignores all of this and does nothing about it, leaving us with many Dem do nothings and a Republican party that is morally and ethically compromised. Republicans can not stand behind their Constitutional, personal, or ideological standards when they will not enforce the emoluments clause or force the promised disclosure of the president's taxes or deal with the blatant conflicts of interest that enrich the president and his family while he is in office
Passage of a Tax Bill that enriches the very rich which 80% of Americans do not approve of
A president who tells really obvious lies that are very easy to disprove with photographic and video evidence, but insists they are the truth, over and over again...and his supporters parrot that
A Press Secretary that stands behind a podium every day and tells people what they are seeing and hearing is not what they are seeing and hearing. Does that sound familiar to anyone?
I have aged 10 years in this one. I've forced my introvert self who is more comfortable expressing myself in writing to show up in person, to stand among the people.
But oh, the people. I've met a lot of smart, passionate people and reconnected in a new way with many that I already knew. I've been buoyed by the actions of fellow resisters, women in particular. I have said this a million times and I will not stop: I believe women will pull us out of this mess.
Because it is a fucking mess.
I learned a lot about people this year. None of it is political, but an alarming worship-like love of a sham politician is what ended up highlighting what I have failed to see around me, good and bad.
I've seen supposed Christian people defend the indefensible and excuse the inexcusable and say God gave us a man to save us - this POTUS is who they're talking about, mind, not Jesus. It's fucking wild.
I've seen people give everything they can to people they don't know - money, material goods, time. I never feel so good about humans as I do when we show up for each other, be it after a natural disaster or to help a local family in need or at an airport on a Sunday afternoon to protest a xenophobic immigration ban.
I've seen republicans who have never supported this man, the one time trump supporters speak up against bad policy, and others wake up and jump off the trump train completely because at the end of the day, we are all human beings, and so much of this administration's work is focused on stripping us of our humanity. Hope, is that you?
I've seen that it is possible to co-exist with our close friends and family members who are conservatives. We keep a mutual peace by not poking each other. We disagree sometimes, but we co-exist.
Then I've seen other people...people I don't have any kindness or understanding for, people who have drank a fucking weird koolaid and spent the rest of the year spewing it in the face of everyone.
I've seen those people attack MFD for showing up as often as he can, insisting he's a jobless drain on society because he schedules - and uses - his time in a way that allows for activism.
I've seen people make inferences about our life, mental health, and his sobriety that are, to put it nicely, fucking outrageous. There have been threats and attempts at intimidation and no, I'm not exaggerating.
When you take a stand, you expect push back. I didn't expect it in a lot of the ways it came and that's on me for expecting better from people we know personally but apparently not well. I've stopped expecting better of people.
Regular old Joe Citizen people have worn me the fuck out more than politicians ever could.
I am a woman who yells living in a world that still wants me to whisper. I can't and won't act like things are normal so we can pretend to live in harmony because there is no peace or harmony in an upside down world. I'm angry about where we are and I don’t give a fuck if that is uncomfortable for anyone else.
The need to resist this insanity is a constant undercurrent in my life. I am still living and enjoying myself, but I'm different than I was before Election Day 2016. I am more conscious of what I say, of my level of engagement with my employees (the people we elect are our employees), of what's going on around me, of how I treat people, of how other people treat people, of what I do to amplify voices that are not given the space I have, of where I spend my money, of what I'm willing to put up with (not too fucking much anymore), of what I'm willing to sacrifice. All of those are good things coming out of bad.
How our society operates is largely dependent on us - it deserves constant attention, cultivation, and participation. We dropped the ball. It can't be all of us out here for ourselves - increasing the greater good benefits all of us. This political climate highlights the vast chasm between that notion and the good for me/doesn't effect me so who cares split we are experiencing as a country right now.
That split has been painful.
What is more important than the society we live in? Nothing. If it crumbles, our ability to enjoy all the big and small things, like our families, freedom, hotdogs, Dirty Dancing...that all crumbles too. This is important. Truth matters. Speaking truth to power matters. I won’t apologize for it or stop doing it to make other people more comfortable. It’s not who I am or who I want to be.
If you feel similar to me, I hope you won't apologize for it or stop either. We are the people we've been waiting for. No one else can fix this and so many things that have come out of this year are not government or political problems - they are people problems. I'm looking at you, systemic racism and misogyny - while they certainly manifest themselves in government and politics and greed and power, individual people breaking down walls is where the shift has to happen first. Keep your sledgehammers out. We have systems to smash. Other people getting rights another group has always had does not mean that group will have less rights. Equality on every level is the only way out, and we don’t get there unless we confront inequality everywhere. Having power over people does not make you powerful. It makes you the oppressor.
Anyway. Before I move on, let me just say this, and thanks to Stacey for this gem.
What a year for the world, as evidenced by Google's Year in Search:
We got a new puppy and that's helped heal us. I've recapped TWTW 52 times, shared Thursday Thoughts every Thursday, watched as many sunrises as I could, and MFD is still saying shit. My nephew joined the world on 12/17/17, forever changing it for the better. No year is ever all good or all bad, and in that vein 2017 certainly had both, which I chronicle here and on Instagram - mine and the shore's.
As Zora Neale Hurston said, there are years that ask questions and years that answer. I always think of this quote at the end of every year and evaluate which type of year it was. This year answered, and for the first time in a while the answers were not things I liked hearing. Luckily you don't have to like things to learn from them.
Thanks for hanging in through this year - it's been a tough one for me to reconcile in my own head let alone in this space.
What's coming here in 2018? More life stuff. More me being imperfect and real because I simply don't know any other way to be. And certainly social issues and political stuff, because do you know me? but don't worry - it still won't be seven days a week of Gong Show posts so it's safe for you to return and carry on with me if you'd like to. Thank you for reading what I dump here.
Cheers to 2018. May the odds be ever in our favor. If we get off our asses and work to make sure society is reflective of the good I know is in the hearts of most people, they will be.
I know most of you don't give a shit about perusing a summary of my year, so I put some blog post highlights immediately below this paragraph so you can see if you missed anything you might like. You can click on anything that's a different color and it will take you to that post.
Crowd favorite MFD posts ran monthly January through December.
Show Us Your Books celebrated its first anniversary in October. All Show Us Your Books posts can be found here, and my top 10 books I read in 2015 can be found here.
A huge benefit of this blog for me is having a place to store my memories and lists and life events, so I'm a fan of the yearly look back. Before I figure out where I'm going next year, I want to review where I'm coming from. It makes sense to me. I vary how I do these posts every year, and this year it's monthly. Sort of.
Life Highlight Reel
January:Mummer's Parade January - Cibo with Jill & Frank. February: friends dinner at our house. March: Dirty Dancing on stage with Carol and the ladies in Michelle's family - My birthday weekend in Niagara Falls March 14-16
April: Celebrating the Diva's first birthday - March of Dimes Walk for Babies with Team Eva the Diva. May: Beverly Hills 90210 Gay Bingo - Memorial Day wknd at Melissa's - Memorial Day wknd part two at the lake
Happy happy birthday to my fabulous friend Angie today!
I would be remiss if I left today without thanking you for joining me for another 365 days around the sun. If there's anything you'd like to see on this blog, I'm always open to suggestions - please leave a comment or email me (lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com). While I appreciate you reading this year, I'm even more grateful for the interactions via comments on here, email, Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. The interactions are the threads that tie this hobby together for me and I appreciate them and you for reading.
I love looking ahead to the possibilities of a new year, but not before I look back and think on the moments that made this year good, and the ones that made it bad too. The ying and the yang, so to speak.
Time goes faster and faster every year, doesn't it? I remember being a kid and thinking the summer lasted for an eternity. As an adult I know it's two shakes of a lamb's tail. The same can be said for a year.
I like to do yearly wrap up posts so I can look back and see my year at a glance. For you, dear readers, maybe there's something you missed along the way. You can click on anything underlined and it will take you to that post.
MFD and I also had a lovely long weekend in Salem, MA for Kim & Steve's wedding; an April weekend in Cape May; a few trips to Lori & Jack's, and a weekend in Ocean City with Laura, Chris & the boys. Solo I enjoyed a weekend in Boston for Kim's shower and girls weekend in OCNJ in June.
Music
Not typically a concert-goer, MFD and I saw Bruno Mars in Hershey, PA, in July and Fleetwood Mac in Philly in October. Both were excellent. Stevie Nicks and I are now best friends. Just thought you should know.
Big Life Things
Both of my Kims and my brother and Aubrey got married this year. We had a blast at all of their wedding events.
Miss Eva the Diva came roaring into the world in April.
Firsts for me
This year, for the first time I...
-Saw a concert in a club box
-Flew first class
-Saw a game at Wrigley Field
-Went to a horse race
-Saw a shore sunrise in the fall
-Took a vacation in December
-Finished Christmas shopping in October
2014 was full and good. I always like the Zora Neale Hurston quote, "There are years that ask questions and years that answer." This year was a year that answered after a few that questioned.
Before we close out 2014, I need to wish my good friend Angie a happy birthday today.
I'm pumped for 2015 because like a true psycho I already have our big vacations booked for the year, and both include places we've never been and things that have long been on my life to do list.
If there's anything you'd like to see on this blog, I'm always open to suggestions. Likewise, if there are any questions you have, you can always email me (lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com). Thank you so much for reading this year, but even more for interacting with me, be it by commenting on posts here, via email, on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook.
Let's do this. Settle in, it's a whole year in review.
I'm currently reading my 50th book of 2013. These are my top 10:
1. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes
2. The Rosie Project by Graeme Simsion
3. Crossing to Safety by Wallace Stegner
4. Looking for Alaska by John Green
5. The Secret Keeper by Kate Morton
6. A Hundred Summers by Beatriz Williams
7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
8. The Light Between Oceans by M.L. Stedman
9. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
10. Winter Garden by Kristin Hannah
1. The Blacklist
2. The Americans
3. Downton Abbey
4. Veep
5. The Killing
6. Sons of Anarchy (I'm up to season five)
7. The Sopranos (I watched all episodes this year)
***Favorite People to hate on TV: Dana on Homeland, the inept FBI on The Following, Elena on The Vampire Diaries, Clay on Sons of Anarchy
Favorite Songs
1. Get Lucky - Daft Punk/Pharrell Williams
2. Royals - Lorde
3. Pompeii - Bastille
4. When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars
5. Ho Hey - Lumineers
6. Suit & Tie - JT
7. Wake Me Up - Avicii
1. Engagements! Kim & Steve, Stephen & Aubrey, Shawn & Maggie. Happy things.
2. Babies! My aunt Dawn and Sergio and cousin Tiffany and Brandon had babies in June. Two of MFD's cousins had babies - Matthew and Laura and Nicole and Patrick. Frank and Amanda found out they're expecting in 2014.
11. Declaring Sundays stay at home days whenever possible
12. Getting a new king bed
13. Expanding the gallery wall going up the stairs
14. Turning the office into a dressing room and rearranging the upstairs
15. Re-doing the front retaining walls and painting the front door yellow
16. Learning how to do a sage smudge on my house to usher out negativity, how to make perfect rice in the crockpot and freeze it, that hard boiled eggs are easier to peel when you make them in the oven, and how to fold a fitted sheet
17. Already started paying for 2014's vacation
18. MFD had a successful year in his business even though he was on crutches for over 12 weeks - not cool when you're a realtor and need to be on the move
19. We got a fake tree! Finally!
20. I did three spending freezes with not too shabby results, and my next one is set for January with a link up planned for February 4 if you're down. More info to come.
(when the link goes to my pin on pinterest, I've noted alterations in the description)
2. Essie nail polish (above L-R) Madison Ave-Hue, Sunday Funday, Cashmere Bathrobe, and It's Genius
3. L'Oreal Voluminous Million Lashes, the poor lady's Lancome Definicils
4. Erin Condren planner
5. Trader Joe's Face Wash and Moisturizer
6. Palmolive Soft Touch Aloe
7. Lodge Enamel cast iron dutch oven - total kitchen work horse.
8. Coconut oil - Good for face, body, hair...Christ even my dogs eat it to better their skin and coat
9. Muji Makeup Storage
10. Nordic bakewear - that photo is after using it all year and never once spraying it with nonstick spray. It is exceptional. I buy them at TJ Maxx or Marshalls.
In general, 2013 as a year was harder than most for many people I know, me included. I won't be sorry to see it go. I also won't be listing the shit events because who wants to read a wahhhhmbulance list? No one, son.
However, from all bad comes good if you're open to it. The things that were hard for me taught me the most even when the only thing they taught me was that I could persevere. Plus look at this large list I've amassed, all these good things! There is always yin and yang, good and bad. I really think you need some bad to appreciate how good the good is. That's life, and there is beauty in the nuances. Signing off with one of my all-time favorite quotes:
