Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Here's a Tip: I've been washing my face with oil.

Say what? Yes, it's true. I've been washing my face with oil thanks to some recommendations from friends and The Oil Cleansing Method. Me, who has bemoaned my shitty skin, zits, and oily face for decades. I am now washing my face in it.

I first heard about this oil cleansing method almost a year ago from my friend Diva T. I pshaw'ed her and said NEVER, mofo! Then Rachel H. brought it up again this year, and I thought what the shit, nothing else is working. I might as well try the blasphemous Oil Cleansing Method.

Never say never is sort of the lesson here, as evidenced by my conversion to The Oil Cleansing Method and also my ability to not wash my hair daily despite saying for years, "I have to wash my hair every day, I can't take it/wake up/feel clean unless I wash my hair, blah blah blah, it's fine if YOU don't wash every day, but with MY hair I need to, blah blah blah." And, no I don't need to and my hair looks better than it has in years. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, never sayers.

Awesome payout #1 of using this method: I'm not dropping one zillion dollars on moisturizers and other face potions guaranteed to make my skin as fresh as the skin on a newborn baby's ass. Nothing ever worked and  I never used anything until it was finished. And when I *did* find something that worked, it was discontinued - I'm looking at you, Avon True Porefection. I bought a bottle of castor oil and a bottle of sunflower oil, mixed them up in a travel bottle, and that's it. Dunzo.

Awesome thing #2 of using this method: I am a lazy as hell face washer and rarely do it. Which coincides perfectly with how you do the oil cleansing method. Just rub a wash cloth over my face most days? Sold.

So reporting in after a week: My skin is much softer and looks a lot better. I do have some new zits, which they said would happen. But my old zits are basically disappearing, which is wonderful. And it's not oily to the touch.

I'll keep you apprised of the state of my face. I know you're on tenterhooks now, bitches.

Oily oily oily oily, life is but a dream. Happy hump day!


p.s. Why when I google images for Never Say Never, does google images donkey punch me with 20483084 pages of Bieber? Jesus Christ! Some warning would be nice.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Knock knock. Is anybody home?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Exhausted. Next year I am saving my days and taking this entire week off, for sure. Santa  missed the memo to get MFD slippers for Christmas...he has two right feet ones from two different pairs and wore them all day. Poor guy. I will be getting him some matching ones this week.

Due to the kitchen remodel, we decorated on 12/23 and put our tree up on 12/24. We have never been so late. I normally like to restore order and begin the new year without Christmas items up, but MFD loves his Christmas stuff out so this year I agreed to leave it up until 1/6. Merry Christmas babe.

I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas weekend.

We did our traditional Christmas Eve at Sandy's, followed by some more family stuff. Christmas morning was a whirlwind, and we had a steady stream of visitors from about 11 a.m. all through the day and night. I believe our last guests left around 4 a.m.?  It was wonderful and the new kitchen was enjoyed by all. I stayed up too late, drank too much, and laughed my ass off at all the beer cans I found in all the cabinets.  Someone (Michelle) was nice enough to give me some laughs and also to document them with my own camera. hahahahah

On a sad note, we lost a wonderful person on Christmas Eve. Mr. Ricci was a true friend, very giving and loving to so many people, and an all around fantastic guy. I have known him since I was about six, and he was always so good to me. I am so sad he is gone, and my heart is with his family and everyone else who loved him.

Things like this remind me that you never know what's going to happen. It's so important to appreciate and focus on the good  in your life. Life is simply too short to give creedence to anything that brings negativity into your atmosphere. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. Appreciate the people who bring you joy and be grateful for every day. This concludes my soapboxy sermon.

Toodleoo, I hope you have an easy peasy week. Speaking of easy peasy, I saw a variation of this on pinterest and did my veggies like this on Christmas day. I thought it was fun.

Is it 5 pm yet?


Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I won't, and you can't make me.

Finish a bottle of lotion I don't like.
Most recent victim

Read a book that doesn't lure me in within the first 32 pages (it used to be 50 pages, how it came to be 32 seems like it would be an interesting story, but it's not). There are too many books on this earth to waste time finishing one that's not worth it.

Drink white zinfandel.
Sorry White Zin fans

Fight for a seat on an airplane. I will gladly pay extra to pick my seat in advance.

Listen to Gloria Estefan.
Sorry Ms. Estefan. The Rhythm is NOT gonna get me.

Vote for anyone who is anti-choice.

Purchase ketchup that is not Heinz or mayo that is not Hellmann's.

Wear Crocs or Uggs.

Not budging,


p.s. I should really stop buying wine for our Christmas Open House and leave some for other people to buy.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Listen up: Christmas Playlist

Before ipods were as common as the cold, MFD and I made Christmas CDs for everyone each year. Then no one used CDs anymore. The End.

Just kidding.

Here's my Christmas playlist for this year without input from MFD, because between this kitchen renovation and mummery we barely have time to talk to each other let alone craft a Christmas playlist.  Some of these songs make it every year, of course. I kept it to 20 songs because you have better things to do.

1. All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah the Pariah. Kenny Schwarz is the only person I know who hates this song.

2. Christmas is Coming - Vince Guaraldi Trio. I think Charlie Brown is a weinerwhistle (I know this is not a popular opinion and some of you want to throw snowballs at me for this) but the music is wonderful.

3. The Christmas Story - Dexter Gordon

True Story: This poster hangs in our spare bedroom.
4. Danse of the Sugar Plum Fairies - Bela Fleck and the Flecktones

5. Last Christmas - Wham. I sang the shit out of this song in the car on Saturday. It was awesome.

Happy Christmas. I wrapped it up and sent it out with a note saying "I love you," I meant it now I know what a fool I've been but if you kiss me now I know you'll fool me again

6. A Marshmallow World - Bing Crosby

7. Mele Kalikimaka - Bing & The Andrews Sisters

8. Purple Snowflakes - Marvin Gaye

9. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Jackson Five

10. Sleigh Ride - The Ronettes

11. What Christmas Means to Me - Stevie Wonder

12. 2000 Miles - The Pretenders

13. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues. It was Christmas Eve, the drunk tank. I love love love love this song, always have and always will. My favorite unconventional Christmas tune.

14. There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays - The Carpenters

15. Father Christmas - The Kinks

16. Hard Candy Christmas - Dolly Parton

Merry Christmas Dolly. I love you.
17. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - BNL and Sarah McLachlan

18. Here Comes Santa Claus - Willie Nelson. God love you Willie Nelson. I hope you get a fat bag of weed from Santa.

19. Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley

20. Please Come Home for Christmas - The Eagles

If you're not familiar with any of these, I hope you check them out and enjoy them as much as I do.

Keep a good thought for us as we race to the finish line on this kitchen reno. We currently don't have a useable sink/garbage disposal, and our water is not hooked up to the fridge. Back splash would be a nice present under 12/20's tree. And we have one sad wreath up as decor. Clark is not well. I did buy him a t-shirt that said Go Griswold or Go Home. hahahah ho ho ho ho

HO HO HO mofos!


p.s. I just ordered Christmas Vacation, how the hell do I not own this already? Thank you Amazon.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ninjas and other Wednesday Things

To kick off Wednesday Things, I will discuss Tuesday. It must be done. I hate Tuesdays, always have, they suck the life out of the week and serve no purpose. So I am always surprised when I have a Tuesday that sort of rocks. Yesterday was one of them. Thank you Universe.

All of my Christmas shopping is done and everything is wrapped. Thank you tiny baby awful wrap job jesus for gift bags. Kiss my grits bitches!
You can walk on my kitchen floor again, and we have some walls. From what I hear, we also now have appliances. The rest of the house is still a fucking war zone. I cannot wait to put this all back together after the counter tops are installed on Saturday. When you exist in an orderly space and are plunged into chaos, it screws with your head. Plus my dogs are puking, pissing and pooping wherever they please to show their great displeasure with what's going on. Is this over yet? How do people do longer renovations?

Eleven days out from Christmas we have no tree, indoor or outdoor decorations. MFD, aka Clark Gris, is not happy. Saturday we are missing two holiday parties and a dinner invite from dear friends to set things to rights and make Clark's heart fill with the joy of the season.

MFD and I are hosting a Christmas Open House on 12/25, and I'm plotting the menu this week, which I love to do. If you're hosting Christmas or the Eve, what are you having? Are you trying anything new? I want to try some stuff I've pinned on pinterest or starred on my Google Reader.

Jalapeno Popper Dip, you've made the cut. Congratulations.
You can thank Jessica W. for the gold star after I pinned her pin on pinterest. Say that three times fast.  
The sky was so gorgeous this morning I almost got into an accident staring at it.

I watched a Storage Wars marathon last night. I love that show. I would like to pitch my own show to A&E: Thermostat Wars.  MFD cranks the heat up and turns our house into a floppy sweatbox so he can meander around in shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt all winter. Meanwhile I'm so hot I'm panting and woozy and my skin is so dry it's about to crack. But he questions my need for humidifiers on every floor.  We conduct our Thermostat Wars like sniper ninjas. We don't discuss the heat. I hear "beep beep beep" from wherever I am and I know he's turned it up, so I wait a few seconds before slinking over and turning it down, "beep beep beep beep." A&E, this is a goldmine. I'll be awaiting your call.

And finally, the zit on my face looks like a flesh wound. Am I 14 or 34?

Searching around for some Clearasil,

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Attention Kmart Shoppers: Brown paper packages tied up with strings, these are a few of my favorite things

I am so glad I have so many favorite things that I can make multiple favorite things blog posts. Sorry to those of you who liked "I'd like to buy the world a coke..." This one goes out to those Von Trapps even though I am not a fan of their antics and singing.

Attention KMart Shoppers: I threw some small gift ideas in here too, it being December and all. Did you know that if I am in a store with MFD and we are dispatched to get two different things, he will stand at the front and have me paged on the intercom? Then I get all red faced and go running to the front, and  he stands there laughing. Ho ho ho, you funny bastard.


1. My quilt made specifically for me by my aunt Lori. Dogs, take note: this is not your quilt. It is awesome, and she does make them to sell if you are looking for a one of a kind gift.

2. Bruce Springsteen. Thanks to my Dad, who raised me on his music. If anyone in your life does not own this album, please buy it for them this holiday season. Or get them an iTunes gift card and stand over their shoulder while you force them to purchase each song.

3. Obsession and major time suck. Follow me: stephdoyle (if you need an invite, let me know!). For you crafty do it yourselfers, there are some awesome ideas on homemade gifts. HO HO HO mofos.

4. Making lists. Things to do, things to buy, things to see, people for karma to deal with in the appropriate manner.

5. Essie nail polish. OPI, you and your fat brushes are OUT. Since September 24, I've worn Essie's Merino Cool on my nails 80 percent of the time. Get some or give some as a stocking stuffer.

6. The original 90210. If anyone is looking to buy me a Christmas gift, I would like 90210 on DVD. All seasons. Please and thank you.

7. Chi-Chis. Yes, it's closed. Lori used to take me to lunch at the Oxford Valley Mall Chi-Chis almost every weekend in the late 80s/early 90s. Their taco salad is unparalleled, and I want to eat it again before I die. Please like the Bring Back Chi-Chi's Mexican Restaurant page on Facebook. Humor me!

8. I always forget how much I love Dolly Parton. Then someone mentions her and I remember. The wigs, the insane boobs, the tinkly laugh, the unfortunate starring role in Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. Islands in the Stream. Jolene. I Will Always Love You. And my favorite this time of year - Hard Candy Christmas. If that's not on your Christmas playlist, it should be. It is certainly on ours. MFD, please take me to Dollywood. But not next year, we have too many awesome vacation plans already set for 2012: Niagara Falls. San Fran. Tahoe. Carribbean Cruise. The poor house.

9. These socks from Le Crap. They are so comfortable and soft. Stuff them in someone's stocking.

10. Blackberry brandy. Put it in your tea for a hot toddy. Dear Santa, I need a lot of bottles. I was sometimes good.

11. This quote, which I live by:

12. This directive, and also the word turd itself:

13. This kicks the shit out of super dry and itchy winter skin:

14. The best iced tea to use when making your own at home:

15. Google reader, for keeping all of the blogs I follow organized and displays new posts ready for me to read when I have a minute to read them. To those of you who like to follow blogs and are not using this tool, I ask why the hell not? Sign up and keep all your blogs in one place.

Toodleoo, mofos. Happy shopping. A word to the wise: don't be grinchy, don't lose your shit over a parking spot, if you're cranky quarantine yourself to your room, and don't make the holidays all about yourself because that ruins them for everyone else. Spread cheer and smile until your face cracks.

Tastefully yours as ever,


Monday, December 5, 2011

You say goodbye and i say hello.

Goodbye, dishwasher.

Goodbye, microwave.

Goodbye, built-in stove.
Hello, crock pot in the living room.

Hello, Gus.

Hello, Monday.

This weekend, I:
-didn't sleep enough;
-learned some good things at the Relay Summit (;
-Had a lovely time drinking wine with Gail and Crystal, laughing at the shenanigans of Luke and Jack, and visiting with Aunt Carrie (thank you eternally for the beautiful bag) and Uncle Jim;
-Cursed pinot grigio for a bad hangover and ruining my trip to Target;
-Almost shit my pants in fear/anxiety watching American Horror;
-Was engulfed by a crotch rocket motorcycle gang while minding my own beeswax in my car: two to the front, two to the back, and two to each side, so freaking nerve wracking;
-Freaked out 29374938408 times about the kitchen not moving along fast enough in time to be done before Christmas;
-And slept on new pillows, for which we were seriously overdue.

Today began with my alarm not going off, and since I was so tired, I slept an hour and 15 minutes past it before I even woke up. Really? I've felt behind all day.

Is it 5 yet?

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