Tuesday, August 6, 2013

When sharing is not caring

On Sunday, this blog turned two years old. I've written about a host of things here, serious to silly. It's been read by people I never thought would read it.  I often hear, "Will you put that on your blog?" or  "Why don't you share that?" Which is a good lead in for me to get on a soapbox about Facebook over sharing.
I'm a straight shooter. In person, on Facebook, here on this blog. However, I don't divulge it all onscreen, even on my blog that functions as a sort of journal. I might write in general about relationship issues, but I won't write something about a divisive family issue, something fucked up my best friend is going through, or a serious argument MFD and I have. If I'm writing about something here, I'm being authentic because I simply don't know how else to be. Which is why some things don't appear here. Even though I put my shit out there daily for people to read, I still believe some things should remain private.

While I'm happy to tell you when I do a shitty tile job, screw up a recipe, how I'm not nice because I hate weak people and I'm impatient and many other things I'm not good at doing, it doesn't mean everything is up for grabs.
There's a fine line between being real and being an over sharer. You know that Facebook status that everyone talks about - ohmygod did you see what Blank posted? Can you believe she put that on fucking facebook? Totally inappropriate! What the fuck!  
Sweet mother of pearl, I hope you're not that person. If you are, we need to have a Come to Jesus talk. I think it's tempting to put it all out there in a status update when you're sitting behind a screen, lonely or angry and in need of validation. I'm here to tell you NOT to put it all out there. You need to deal with some things privately.

You don't have to be Miss Mary Sunshine or only show your good side to the world, but you don't have to let it all hang out on Facebook either, especially when a situation involves other people. Opting not to let it all hang out doesn't make you any less real and it doesn't mean you're hiding anything. It means you're being an adult and processing things as you should.

If you are on the facespace creating a status in lieu of talking to someone specific you're having a problem with, you should probably grow up and rethink that. By all means, put the entire Comcast organization, people who butt in line, people with BO, etc. on blast - those are not interpersonal relationships that may be damaged by your need to vent.

Similarly, don't post vague things and hope people ask you what's wrong or if you're okay. Either say it the first time or keep it to yourself and deal with it appropriately. Sweet Brown ain't got no time for vaguebooking. That's for you, Laura. Laura hates the vaguebooking.
That sums up my soapboxing on Facebook over sharing. What's ahead for this blog?

Expect more Thursday Thoughts, recipes, curse words, e-cards, book talk, photos of my dogs/the sky/my feet, things MFD does that piss me off but that I ultimately find funny, the weekend that was updates, fun times with family and friends (AKA FRAMILY), organizational tips, meal planning and food prep, nail polish, the occasional political/insightful/shit just got real post, but do not expect inappropriate sharing of my issues. I wouldn't do that to you, or to me. If I can share a vulnerable or sensitive topic in an authentic manner without selling my soul to do it, I do. If I can't, I don't.
Thanks to my friends and family who have trusted me to cover our shared experiences here, because doing stuff with you is what makes my life fun and fulfilling. Thanks to everyone else for reading. I hope you still find it as entertaining as you did when I started it.



29 comments:

  1. 100% agree! all that facebook drama is stupid... i removed those people from my list...same with twitter!

    i don't understand how people can divulge intimate information in social media....i do that about *myself* via my blog to some degree but i would never betray someone's confidence on my blog/social media.

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  2. Oversharing on Facebook makes me insane. I love my sister, but she has gotten out of control with it. She is going through a (early) mid-life crisis of sorts and puts shit on there all the time that my mom and I have to tell her to take down.

    The STFU Parents website is fantastic for this. It makes the shit she puts up there look totally normal.

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  3. You know I have a family member who adores the overshare. I wish I could show her this and she would actually get it!

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  4. Sharing my deepest darkest most intimate thoughts and secrets is inappropriate? Damn. How else will I get love or attention or sympathy? Your words have wounded me to my soul.
    To that end, I may have to do myself in.

    (I have seriously seen this kind of shit, only usually misspelled and grammatically incorrect and backed up by alcohol and/or drugs... and sadly, it often yields the desired responses.)

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  5. I have a family member that "vaguebooks" and it makes me throw up in my mouth.

    I love your blog. That's all.

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  6. I love every single thing about this post! Magnificent Genius here!!

    Lol!

    Chels @ Red Velvet Rooster

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  7. Love it. I also hate it when people vaguebook, say "the hubs" or just post way too much info. And congrats on your blog for 2 years! Wow! And yes, I still like reading it as much as I did when you first started it :)

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  8. congrats on 2 years!! and totally agree... there is a line for sharing and oversharing.

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  9. Preach it! I'll be sharing this because I feel exactly the same.

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  10. Love that t shirt. LOL

    Have a wonderful day.

    Kisses,
    Sofia

    stylishlyinlove.blogspot.com

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  11. sweet mother of pearl this is all so spot on!

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  12. Wow, 2 years. Time flies faster every day. OMG, people needing attention
    constantly is crazy. However, very interesting people-watching. True life is stranger than fiction many times. I do wish Gamma could go on facebook, tho. That would be very interesting and keep her occupied.
    Wonderful blog, as usual!
    Carpe diem another splendid day.
    Love your MOMMA

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  13. Bra-Vo!!!

    As a frequent FB poster and a fellow blogger, I often have to stop and wonder, "is this an over-sharing situation?" And sometimes the answer is yes, and I have to back off. And I'm not entirely sure I've always made the right call. But hopefully, my friends (online or otherwise) will call me on that B.S. right away.

    Nobody likes to see it. Nobody wants to be it. But there it is. Sometimes I just want to comment "FB is not therapy. Get some."

    :) So so so glad I found your blog. Keep on truckin', blog friend.

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  14. Exactly! People say, wait, y'all just have the perfect marriage don't you. And of course we have our ups and downs with arguments, but I'm not going to air our dirty laundry on the blog for the world to know. It's personal... I'm an open book, but sometimes my husband is not. And FACEBOOK.... paragraph statuses are why I love twitter. 180 characters yo!

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  15. Vague updates are the worst! I hide those people. I also think people that constantly talk about how great their relationship is are actually struggling. I'm all for acknowledging your partner and sharing fun things you do together, but there's no need to shove it in our faces. I have some friends who talk about how awesome they are every single day, going as far as saying "I'm so glad we can't have kids together (she has 3 and he has 2 from 4 previous relationships, so there's that) because the world can't handle the awesomeness of our offspring!" Ewwwww!

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  16. Amen. Happy Blog Birthday! Anniversary? Whichever, 2 years is baller, nice job.
    I don't have facebook, so I can't be guilty ;)

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  17. LOL, people are ridiculous on facebook. So glad you touched on the vaguebooking. Also, sad that you left coffee off of your list of things that we can expect to see on the blog - I really hope it's not going anywhere! Happy Two Years!

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  18. Thanks all! I hope I have many more good years in me.

    Mother - truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

    Mare - I am continually amazed at how people respond to it.

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  19. Say it again!!! I agree 100%...be real, just don't be a real Debbie Donwer...keep your private bizzzznessss private....le duh!! Congrats on TWO years!!

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  20. Someone I know from high school puts her entire life on Facebook. Her. Entire. Life. There is not one moment she doesn't chronicle. She even jokes about it. It needs to stop.

    There was someone I used to be friends with who LOVED creating FB drama. In fact, that's how I found out we weren't friends anymore. She unfriended me and then said shitty things about me in a status update that I couldn't see. It was bullshit.

    Ain't nobody got time for that.

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  21. My blogger bird friend - I'm so glad I found your blog too! I've had to pull back sometimes and I'm glad I did. Other times I did not, and I hope not to repeat those!

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  22. I *almost* bought into someone's whiny post yesterday. She was complaining about "Why doesn't the school have uniforms? It'd be so much easier!" and then went on to say she bought her 6 year old 20 pairs of jeans. Someone commented with "...and I bought my daughter 35 shirts".

    Holy mother of all that is good in this world...I was speechless. But my fingers were itching to say something snarky!

    Good post topic! :)

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  23. Ding ding ding!! Why I hate facebook. You nailed it. I have to say the worse statuses are the vague ones. You want people to ask you what's going on, or whatever. Seriously? Get friends. Or learn to text. They have hookers, maybe they have fake friends who will text you for money...

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  24. I using you as inspiration this week. I'm too busy at work to think on my own apparently, but I think your are dead-on with what I NEED to read this week. Thanks! xoxox

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  25. Oh I really hate when people post something on FB that doesn't tell the whole story just so people will ask questions. I hate when people share too much. I share a lot on my blog, like you, but there is also plenty of personal stuff that doesn't ever make it on there and that is ok!!!

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  26. Passive-aggressive status updates that start with "Some people..." make me want to wrestle a bear.

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  27. How do you constantly NAIL IT?!? I'm going to share this on facebook...I am...so that some people in my feed can learn how to do things properly :)

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