Talk a little while about the year, by which I mean actually do not talk much about it

The title comes from A Long December by the Counting Crows, of course. I will actually not be talking much about the year itself because I don't have the space to at the moment and frankly, it's not required of any of us so I'll be going gently into the next. I'm worn down, my dog died this week, and I have spent the rest of the week in an intentional drift mode that I need. Every year has good and bad, and this one was no different. I'm going to share a least favorite run on sentence thing and then a list of favorite things to remind myself and in case you want to try any of them out in 2022.

Least favorite thing

In many ways it feels like we’re stuck on a 2020 spin cycle, back to blurred work/life boundaries, government stuck in neutral on things that could really help people, most of us living in two distinctly different worlds surrounding an ongoing global pandemic and late stage capitalism resembling Squid Games/Hunger Games, and I now live in a world without Gus. 

Favorite things - some happened this year, some I found this year, some I've been using for years but wanted to include. If the link goes to amazon it is affiliate. If you do not purchase from Amazon I am sure it is available elsewhere. 

Reconfiguring small spaces in our shore apartment and Philly kitchen and larger spaces in the basement in Philly, moving two beds into one bedroom and and turning the then unused spare bedroom into a fully functional and set up home office. I have the same amount of space everywhere but more useable space almost everywhere

Wallpapering my closet with peel & stick (this one). MFD did the small bathroom at the shore with a tile version of peel and stick and grout and I'm super happy with it. 

Sunsets. I was Team Sunrise forever and I mean of course I still am but sunset is a nice way to put the day to rest and I made it a point to do that a lot this year

Mixing three types of Johnson’s popcorn. Barry's Tea. Hot chocolate icing from Cake Life Bakery in Philly. Frozen mixed berries from Aldi. Dried mango from Aldi. 

The integration of Billy Hicks. His unknown to me arrival still stresses me out a little LOL. Also Litter Genie

Dogs crowding onto an electric blanket

A solid rental season at the shore 

Rooting for good things for my friends and fam. Love is good and important, but really rooting for people is where it's at.

Some new windows and all new exterior doors at the shore, and then painting my shore doors 

Peloton stretching, daily walks

Mare of East Town, Ted Lasso, Yellowstone, select Hallmark Christmas movies (first time watcher in 2021) 

Seaglass, whelk shells, empty winter beaches

Vaccines. Boosters. 

These 12 books

Fold out shore desk and Two tier shelf

Outside

This pullover sweater-ish sweatshirt from Aerie, these leggings from Old Navy

Etsy shops: Islann Co (hair ties), TWSS Quote Shop (mug, tee, graphic design work)

Patchology lip service glass to balm treatment, 

Paula's Choice Omega+ Complex Cleansing Balm (to remove sunscreen after multiple reapplications on a beach day)

Vintage glass taper candleholders. Thrift stores. Small shops in little towns. Contrarily, HomeGoods. 

Target curbside pickup, Shipt

Lefant robot vacuum 

rechargeable candle lighter , Light sensing nightlights, Swan Creek candles

Knowing I never have to go back to my office in person unless I want to

A few trips into the city, being more conscious of slowing down, allowing myself to rest instead of do, letting people and things go, using my energy wisely, more eating out, other people's coffee, the return of a lot of things even if they were modified or different

Girls weekend at the shore, an impromptu night with Kim and Melissa and their girls at Melissa’s, a December day in Fishtown, a quick September weekend visiting Kim and Libby and Steve, running around Southern Vermont, family shore time throughout the year especially with my niece and nephew (hope to not push more sand wheelchairs again any time soon), driveway parties, my brother Sean and Nicole's engagement party, my Dad and Carol staying with us, Friendsgiving at the shore, a visit from Meem in January, July 4 weekend at the lake with Lori & Jack...so many things I am not bringing to mind immediately...basically all the times I got to spend with people I love

Those of you who have been here for a while know I like to end the year by giving to (usually two) organizations that are not on my monthly donation list. Some years I don't have a lot to give and some I do, but the intention is always the same: help others while asking for or receiving nothing in return. It's a good way to leave the year and if you like that idea, I hope you'll do the same. 

I hope regardless of any personal, professional, or societal losses or challenges that may have made your year heavy, that you too have a list of favorites large and small to leave this year with. If you are so inclined, share a few with me below! 

Thursday Thoughts - we'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne

1. Nine and a half  months of a global pandemic is not stopping me from pulling a Top Nine on Instagram. We’ve got Philly delivering for Biden - it says Philadelphia, PA. In the Democracy business since 1776, RBG dying, my I'm coming out of quarantine things I want to remember post, comparison of the Dad from Teen Wolf and MFD, my 43rd birthday (wearing a RBG shirt because we are birthday twins) visiting Aunt Carrie & Uncle Jim in FL, a recent winter sunset here, the front photo of Mae in the pink princess bed (a click through series), Bruce & Gus asleep at the lake, and MFD's birthday. 

2. So...big New Year's Eve plans? Just kidding. I actually do have big NYE plans. Like Christmas Eve, this is typically one of my favorite days of the year. I'm going to go about my business making sure I enjoy today even though there's no hustle to get read for New Year's Day and all that jazz. I hope you enjoy it too. I ordered dinner from a small local restaurant. I already painted my nails this morning. I'm going to take a long walk on the beach. We are going to pick a show to watch and probably play rummy 500. It's going to be a good day.

3. I like to end the year with donations outside of my standard monthly donations (Planned Parenthood ever since I could afford to donate anything to anyone and Philly Bail Fund) to feel like I’m leaving the year on a good note. I did that last night. It was hard to choose where to donate this year since so many people are in need and the government is full of fucking assholes who don't give a shit about the people and left them to flail through a global pandemic. SHAME. Since I put money from sponsored posts to charitable donations, I upped my acceptance of sponsored posts through the fall to be able to give more than normal and spread donations. Thanks to all who read or clicked on links in those posts! And extra thanks to organizations out there who expanded services to be able to provide additional support in a pandemic. This year I kept it mostly local to Philly and gave to Covenant House , Broad Street Ministry , Mighty Writers, PFLAG, The Amistad Law Project , Juntos, and Women’s Way. If you have anything to spare and can give to anyone doing additional COVID relief work or rent relief/feeding people, please consider doing so. 

4. I’ve been threatening to get crocs house shoes  (I have their flip flops, I mean like ugly crocs crocs) because I have killed my feet wearing super cute Sanuk house shoes with jack shit for support both in the house and around the corner for dog walks multiple times a day. My beach boots are not super supportive either. My one heel feels freaking fractured right now I swear. It’s touch and go. I am headed to a small local shoe store that has a lot of comfortable (ugly?) shoes today. We’ll see. 

5. I’ve been making big ass salads this week and I feel extremely virtuous. I also made copycat CFA nuggets in the air fryer last night that Gail shared from Damn Delicious with minor modifications. They were good. I put a food highlight on Instagram for me to refer back to (I don't think other people use highlights, do they?) so I will hopefully do more food-ing.

6. Walks this week.

7. I’ve read two books this week, the first two in the Shana Merchant series by Tess Wegert. I think it’s finally time to write a good list of my preferred female detective series books. Did you check out the Favorite Reads linkup? If you're looking for a book I know you'll find one there. 

8. Big fans of this soda here. 

9. Reminder as we pass through the calendar end of a difficult year and head into one that will also be hard at least for a while in many ways for many people 

10. E-cards: All of us talking to this year on the phone. Bye, now. Bye.

Happy last day of 2020. It's been a ride. Onward, together, yes?

What appears beyond the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts titles is what I'm listening to when I'm starting this - this week is Auld Lang Syne - this version is from The Choral Scholars of University College Dublin

Every year is your year

The last few years I see more people saying how the year we're leaving has sucked and the next year is going to be better. Myself included a few times.

Every year is good and bad. It is the yin and yang. This is real life, not a perpetual good trip. Why do we expect carefree, easy living when everything in history and our collective adult life experience tells us that expectation is unreasonable, like Poison told us Every Rose has its Thorn? 

Especially as we get older, the reality is that there is no sustained period of time where everything goes our way, no one gets sick or dies, nothing breaks or costs a shitload of money we did not anticipate spending, nothing brings us to our knees, we make no mistakes, we deal with no loss of anything, we have no shock or disappointment or rage or upheaval. Sometimes those things happen in succession and life seems like a lot because it is a lot sometimes.

I'm not saying some years aren't harder than others. We have bad or devastating things happen that can be hard to recover from. When we don't recover within the time frame we've set up for ourselves, we think we're not okay. Not dealing with things like we expected to can take us by surprise. 

When we lose something - a loved one, a friendship, an opportunity, a marriage, a way of life, a job, whatever it is - we grieve. Grief changes who we are as people - to survive requires some internal rewiring. Likewise, when we gain something - a loved one, a friendship, an opportunity, a marriage, a way of life, a job, whatever it is - we expand to adapt, and expansion requires internal rewiring just like grief does. Trying to move forward out of grief or expansion using our old ways doesn’t work because we're not the same as we were before that loss or gain. We can't take the same paths and expect them to lead us to where we want or need to go. Life requires alternate routes and we need to give ourselves permission to take them instead of clinging to old ways that block us from going forward.

We also go into every new year thinking who we are on January 1 is who we will be on December 31, forgetting that every grief and expansion will change us a little (or a lot). 

Maybe we didn’t do one single thing we planned to this year. Maybe instead we survived some things that were unexpected and fucking hard, looked good doing it, laughed when we thought we didn’t have it in us, learned something we had no idea we needed to know, helped someone when we ourselves needed help, showed someone that it’s okay to not be okay, and about a million other small but really good things that we sweep aside when we push a year into the not my year category. 

If you come through a year where some things were great, but then some things were really fucking hard but to date you’ve survived 100% of the hard things and also laughed, connected, hugged, enjoyed, shared, learned, exchanged smiles, saw beauty, felt the sun on your face, heard music, tasted deliciousness...how can that NOT be your year? Give yourself credit and cut yourself some slack. You’re out there killing it being human, and you’re going to do it again next year. 

Here’s to 2020. 

Clean Slate Fan Girl, reporting in for 2019

If you've read here for any period of time, you know my standing belief is that every day is a clean slate; a chance to change something big or small, start a good habit, break a bad habit, refresh my attitude, cleanse my energy.

That being said, I've been waiting for this day for what feels like all year. The symbolic big clean slate associated with the turning of a year is important to me this year in particular, where it has not been in other years. If I had to guess why, I'd say it's because I spent the majority of 2018 operating from a reactionary position, which is not personally desirable, and struggling to keep my head above water and my house intact. As my friend Gladys said, it felt like one long Tuesday and shit I hate Tuesdays. I learned a lot and grew a lot - a lot a lot - and I don't grow in easy, halcyon days. I grow in the trenches. That’s what kind of year it was. And while it was certainly not the worst year - no year in which I learn and grow so much can be classified as worst, plus I experienced a lot of beauty, fun, time with loved ones, great books, new friends, a challenging in a good way year at work, a new dog, good health, generosity, and support - it was also not my favorite. The lessons were necessary, hard, and took up a lot of space. I’m grateful for them and happy to be finished with that class for now. Today I feel like a graduate staring down a long stretch of open road, inhaling air that tastes like freedom and possibility. I’m not remotely sad to move on with intentions. 

What's the plan for 2019? Be happy, be solvent, consume less resources and things, work for a better world, and mind my energy. If I had to boil it down to a phrase it might be consume less, be more.

I'll write about those things of course, that's what this space is for. I've been thinking a lot about consumption and fast fashion and what I own versus what I actually use. I also promised some posts about why it is important to get involved in local politics and how you might best do that if you want the backdrop of your every day life to reflect a country that involves equity and equality for all people, along with some of the things that must change in order for real people like you and me to be represented in government. This is not a presidential election year or a general election year but that does not mean it's not an important election year. Every year is important, every elected position is important. The dumpster fire of this administration makes it hard to look it in the face every day but you can’t turn away. I won't. You shouldn't either.

I'm also stretching my writing muscles - there will be more tech writing (like this travel post I wrote Friday or the reading raft post from the other week); more highlighting of monthly contributions I make and value to things like Real Justice PAC, Rosa's Pizza to feed the homeless, Ronald McDonald House Philly for families of seriously ill children,  Patreon accounts of women of color who are doing a lot of work to set white supremacy and patriarchy on fire, and Building the North Star. It's good exercise for my mind to get back to short article writing that relies more on information and research and less on emotion and opinion, which helps with some off-the-blog writing I'm planning this year. I hope you enjoy the more article-ish, informative posts but if not, try back the next day. I will write more in general this year as well and try fiction writing which I haven't done in a while, but I don't know if any of that will appear on this blog.

Of course TWTW and Thursday Thoughts will remain staples, Show Us Your Books the second Tuesday of every month, real life/honesty/no sugar coating all the time because you know how I roll...Shit MFD Said will probably make a comeback but I am out of practice writing them down since we spent so little time together last year. I might even share recipes again. I might also have said that last year and never delivered but there's hope.

Thank you for spending another year with me in this space. If you'd like to see me write about anything in particular, I'm your Huckleberry. Leave a comment below or send me an email to lifeaccordingtosteph@gmail.com.

Don't leave 2018 without extrapolating all of its lessons so you are in the best possible position to act on your intentions in 2019. And if possible don't leave without making a charitable contribution to a group or cause that will benefit from it - I like to leave the year with a piece of the best part of myself behind in the form of generosity. Some years it's big, some years small, but it's something every year on 12/31.

Cheers to clean slates and living with intention.

TWTW - the one with the New Year

Friday was all about the production - I worked from home and got my shit in order for 2017 work-wise. Meanwhile back at the ranch a photographer from the Courier Times was at the house by 9 a.m. to take pics of MFD with his Star Wars toys that he bought a few years ago to replace the long gone toys of his youth. Let me set the scene for you: just delivered groceries all over the counter, no bra on, bedhead, crappy Maxwell House coffee the only thing around to drink, knock on the door, MFD upstairs doing his hair, me left to answer it. Deliver me. Article here.

Lunch errands included Marshalls, Ross, and the death defying Produce Junction parking lot for flowers. At the end of every year I like to freshen up a little of my decor - new table runners and hand soaps and this wall thing MFD is sure to hate. I also ordered a lamp from CB2 because I couldn't find anything I liked. MFD would leave Christmas up for eternity, so I compromised and took everything down Thursday night except the tree and the front window.

I felt a cold coming on so I tried my hand at some homemade elderberry syrup using a recipe from Crunchy Betty that Steph pointed me to. It's great, and much cheaper than the $14+ bottle of syrup in a lot of stores. We rounded out Friday night with a Brother's Pizza and I was in bed by 6, where I stayed all night but didn't fall asleep until midnight.

Saturday of New Year's eve started with a 4:20 alarm. I had to get to the shore to get the outdoor furniture in and clean out the fridges and I figured if I had to do that I might as well catch the sunrise. I spent an hour on the beach and it was cold and beautiful and energizing. My last sunrise of the year thoughts here.

After I finished the not so fun chores, I stopped for a coffee and a donut in town. I missed being down more in November and December this year, I love how Ocean City does Christmas. 

I was back home before 10:30, lounged most of the day, and for the first time in an eternity we were out on NYE - we stopped at Pat & Kat's and Joe & Catie's and enjoyed being out and about. We were asleep around 1.

My New Year's morning kicked off as it always does, with the preparation of pork and sauerkraut and mashed potatoes. I killed it on the pork this year. Mashed potatoes are skins on as always. 

Michelle, Amelia, Debbie, and I took the train downtown for the Mummers Parade. It was a really fun day, and I was back home by 4-ish. Ferko placed fifth and their Captain got first. I enjoyed the show, I always do. If you missed it, you can see it along with a gallery of professional photos here. 

My office was closed Monday. I slept in then spent the rest of the day fighting the urge to do nothing. I did get to ShopRite, Target, and Jo-Ann Fabric to pick up a frame. I finally framed the elephant print we got in Africa last January. I made veggie soup and MFD's family came over for soup and salad dinner. We rounded the evening out hanging with the dogs, as usual.

Weekly food prep: burritos out of the freezer for breakfast. Lunches and dinners are leftovers of pork and sauerkraut and soup and salad.

Let's see what 2017 has in store, shall we?

But first, let's wish my BFF Laura a very happy birthday.

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

We'll drink a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne

I don't make new year's resolutions anymore and I don't give a shit about going out or even doing anything on New Year's Eve - my grand plans for tonight are pajamas, hot crab dip, Making a Murderer and hopefully asleep by 11 - but I do love the anticipation of the new year and saying goodbye to the old one.

Sometimes it's hard for me to look back on the year and reflect...sometimes that's because the year was full of shit, which has happened to me many times; and sometimes it's because the year was so life changing that I can't really comprehend it yet. The latter has been true for me the past two years. I'm trying to gulp it all down and get my balance and breathe before I turn my face towards the new year.

Whatever you do tonight, take a minute to recognize the goodness this year has left you with, and open the door to let any badness float out into the dark of night where it belongs so it can go lay down in the yard like the turd it is. If you drink, don't drive, and if you drive, don't drink.

Good luck to MFD marching in his 28th Mummers Parade tomorrow, as well as all of our friends and family in other bands.

from New Year's Day 2015

Not sure what a Mummer is? Click here or read my blog about Mummers Day 2014. If you're out of the area and would like to watch, click here for the live stream of the parade. MFD is in a string band, and that division is last. Bands should hit the judging/TV area around 1 if the parade is running on time (it's rarely on time). His band - The Joseph A. Ferko String Band - is last in the lineup. If you're in the area, head down to the parade! It's a Philly must. Peters and I will be trolling around down there tomorrow, so when you see me post weird shit on Instagram, these links above will sort of explain it.

This year's Philly.com article on what's new in the 2016 Parade is here.

Here's to health, growth, and prosperity for all of us in 2016!

TWTW - first one in 2015

I'm taking it back to NYE for this one. Frank, Amanda, Eva, and Debbie joined us for dinner and the ball drop. We had a good night culminating in the banging of the pots & pans. Ending a good year and beginning a new one with great friends was really wonderful.

Thursday Debbie and I braved the winds and headed to the Mummers Parade. It was fun as always, although I'm not a fan of the new route they used this year. We saw it all, parking in South Philly and walking up the entire parade route and then back with MFD's band. We met up with good friends along the way and saw the sights of Philly on New Year's Day: sequins, feathers, confetti, instruments, and tons of beer can trash.

Friday I woke up and thought man, I shouldn't be hungover, I didn't drink that much. Then I realized I had a fever and basically slept for 24 hours, which the dogs loved because all they do is sleep. When I wasn't sleeping, I was watching The Wire, drinking tea, and eating the cure all - wonton soup.

Saturday I was feeling about 75%, so I got the remaining Christmas put away and did some laundry. Sunday was magazines, lounging, more laundry, and prepping for the week.

I also switched out some decor in the kitchen. The before has been up for five years. The top photo is a collage made on Snapfish of all the places we've been this year. I can just switch out the collage going forward. Sorry for the crappy window reflections in the pics.

Sunday afternoon culminated in a crap ton of water on the bathroom floor and palpable rage from all dogs - dog bath day!

I don't get sick often, but it forces things I don't often do - laying around, sleeping a lot/late, and not adhering to a to do list. Sometimes that's really refreshing. So while I'm not a fan of the quick virus, I am a fan of the resultant slow down.

This week's food prep was not needed, which is a blessing when you're not up to it. Breakfast is breakfast burritos from the freezer. Lunches are steak over spinach/tomato/cucumber salad. Dinners are leftover pork & sauerkraut, baked chicken and steamed broccoli. Snacks are carrots, bananas, and power breakfast muffins. Cookies are not on the menu, which will be a shock to the system after existing on them for the month of December.

Happy birthday to my father-in-law today!

In case you missed it, I'm giving away a copy of book one and two of the After saga to one lucky winner. Go check it out.

Some housekeeping: Choose Your Own Adventure Challenge Link Up on December's Simplify Goals is this Thursday, January 8. The next Show Us Your Books Link Up is Tuesday, January 13.

I hope you guys had a wonderful new year. Here we are, back at a full work week...what's that? I think we're about to find out.

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

Turning the page

In reality, December 31 to January 1 is simply a flip of the calendar page. Symbolically, it's a lot more to me. It's a blank slate I fill how I choose.

It's a new beginning, a chance to discard that which no longer serves me, grows me, or makes me happy so that I may make room for that which will.

It's another year for me to continue to capitalize on my strengths and work on my weaknesses. It's a new planner to fill with goals and ideas. It's a new chance to understand and to be understood. It's a fresh opportunity to be kind every day to myself and to others.

These prospects excite me. I'm ready to turn the page. 

Good luck to MFD marching in his 27th (edited...I thought it was the 26th) Mummers Parade tomorrow, as well as all of our friends and family in other bands.

from a previous year

Not sure what a Mummer is? Click here or read my blog about Mummers Day 2014. If you're out of the area and would like to watch, click here for the live stream of the parade. MFD is in a string band, and that division is last. Bands should hit the judging/TV area around 1 if the parade is running on time. His band - The Joseph A. Ferko String Band - is last in the lineup. If you're in the area, head down to the parade! It's a Philly must.

NYE Trivia: this is my 293rd blog post of the year.

I wish you health, growth, and prosperity in 2015.

Happy New Year!

Poised on the precipice of a new year

I love turning the calendar over to a new year. I think of it as a fresh start: a clean slate I can mark up as I choose, a story that I'm excited to write. There are few things that rev me up as much as possibility and I associate the dawn of a new year with an abundance of possibility.

As individuals and as a couple 2013 was a difficult year for us, one that required a lot of growth and change. I've been writing this blog since August 2011 and I still wrestle with being authentic and real in this space while keeping what should be private private. Having a blog does not mean being an open book, and people should not expect that that's what it means. *I* should not expect that that's what it means. Vulnerability is not a comfortable coat to wear, and what I write here always opens me up to scrutiny and sometimes pushes me out of my comfort zone. It challenges me and I like that but sometimes it also makes me shrink back, reluctant to share. Thank you for knowing you aren't seeing everything behind the curtain and reading anyway.

We are each on our own journey in this life, and I'm really glad I get to share pieces of mine with you, and hear pieces of yours through our interactions. I love your comments here, conversing with you on facebook, and talking about something you liked (or didn't) on here in person. Thank you for another year of being on the other side of the screen.

What's ahead? I feel at peace in my heart approaching 2014. I'm kicking it up a notch at work and I'm on the verge of offering sponsorship and advertising on this blog. Things are humming along for me, and MFD is in a great place as well and is looking forward to working at a new brokerage office with a lot of great opportunities ahead for him career-wise. We're anticipating an awesome 2014.

I don't make resolutions. I'm much better keeping myself accountable with seasonal goals (you can see my winter goals here). However, I do have some intentions for 2014: acceptance, possibilities, and self-discipline. I want to be more accepting of things I can't change, more aware of all the possibilities I have, and more self-disciplined in regards to my health and wellness. Like put the fucking cookies down and back away type of self-discipline.

And, as with every year, I want to be better, kinder, stronger, braver, smarter, more aware and more fierce.

Whatever else you do today, do yourself a favor and leave your old shit behind in the vestibule as you close the door on 2013. Don't carry it with you into another year.

What about you? Do you make resolutions or set goals for the year?

I'm wishing all of my mum friends good luck tomorrow, especially MFD and the men of the Joseph A. Ferko String Band. Mummery is a great, storied, long-time Philadelphia tradition MFD has been involved in for 26 years. This is the first year in many years that I won't be having a parade party in the warmth of my own home but will instead be down on the street catching a bit of the string bands. It was originally forecasted to be a high of 28, but now it's a merciful 36. Still, I'm pretty sure I was wearing flip flops last year. Layers, be kind to me. Check back here tomorrow early for a link to watch the parade live (string bands should be on around 1:30) and see how Philly does New Year's Day.