Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Romance is dead because that's how I like it

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About 10 years ago, MFD brought home this weird cooler thing. He was full of glee as he sat down on the bed and said, "Look! I got you a present!" I unzipped it and it was a picnic basket cooler with all the things you need to eat on some grassy knoll or the beach. "We can go on picnics," he exclaimed. "That's...um...nice," I said.

Before you think I'm a total asshole (too late?) you should know I appreciated the gesture and that he chose something we could use on an outing together. I'm just not the girl who swoons over a picnic. We did pack it for vacation one year. Then he suggested ordering pizza so we didn't have to clean up, and I said, "Now you're speaking my language." When we moved, that went into the donate pile.
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You won't find me in the awwww chorus when your man does something super sweet, I have to remind myself to ask to see your engagement ring because I just don't care about jewelry, I'm not into public displays of affection (go on with yourself if you are, but keep it clean friends!), surprises freak me out, I don't like the word cuddle, I like candles but don't want to live by candle light, I have no desire to be swept off my feet, I don't take baths, I'm not a When Harry Met Sally fan, and it makes me sad to see rose petals on the ground instead of whole in a vase. I'm just not a romantic. I never have been. MFD is a romantic, and he's awesome at it. He puts up with me anyway.

There are women out there who are all I want to live in a Nicholas Sparks novel! Movies & books have made people lose their fucking minds and think relationships should be a living dream brought to fruition by the perfect person. Two things: 1. There is no perfect person. 2. There is no perfect relationship. Work at it, communicate, and show up for each other every day even on the hard days. That's real life romance.

Then there's me, living with the master of the Grand Gesture, happiest when he's vacuumed so I didn't have to, cleaned the snow off of my car, or run an errand I didn't want to run. The flowers and surprises are nice, but it's the day to day stuff that really matters to me. Don't worry, I do like power ballads, when MFD asks me to slow dance in the kitchen, tales of 50 year long marriages, hearing about why your partner is awesome for you, iconic LIFE magazine shots, Casablanca, etc. The other typical romance stuff, eh.
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What about you? Romantic or no?

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Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions.
 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday

48 comments:

  1. I am somewhere in the middle. I am not into jewelry or big expensive gestures, and I hate surprises but I love notes left to let me know they thought of me. Doing something for me that I hate doing means more to me and I think that is romantic. I do love to cuddle though.

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  2. Not romantic AT ALL. It all makes me feel so awkward and I end up saying something asinine because I have no idea how to respond. John is not really a romantic at all either, and it works for us. He is, however, much better at writing nice things in cards. From me, all you usually get a love you and something funny.

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  3. did some unknown woman expel both us out of her vagina? because we are twins, i swear. i'm not into romance and i get annoyed when the husband buys me flowers because i'm all " THAT COST YOU $20???". my kind of romantic gesture is when he asks me where i want my shows recorded and sets the PVR for me. or when he goes and gets my lunch even though he's busy with calls because i'm just too lazy to get up and go. also, i don't want to lose my awesome parking spot LOL.

    i do appreciate the gesture but the sappy shit doesn't interest me. i bet if MFD and the husband got together, they'd figure out: our wives are bitches! hahahahahaahh!

    thanks for linking up!
    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  4. I think you and I might have been separated at birth. I'm probably too practical for my own good. I don't like being sent flowers because it's good money for something temporary that I'd rather be spent on something more practical.

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  5. Hahaha, spot on. I am somewhere in the middle, though. :)

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  6. I guess I am somewhere in the middle. I don't need Chris to buy me flowers or sweep me off my feet. I really appreciate when he does randomly surprise me with something fun though....like the picture he surprised me with for our kitchen last week or a new video game that came out that he knows we would have fun playing. I think people expect too much sometimes in the romantic department and really should focus on the little things like, hey...he took the trash out without me harassing him! How sweet!

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  7. i'm not very romantic either (and I hate Nicholas sparks - hope no one gets too mad at me for saying that ha). I have told jarrod that things like shoveling the snow or vacuuming when I didn't ask are the things that make me swoon haha. BUT I do love getting candy, flowers, jewelry etc. preferably jewelry I have picked out though!

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  8. I'm not into the "tradtional" romantic gestures (like jewelry, flowers, etc.) but I DO appreciate being appreciated! I'm like you, I'd rather have him take care of some of the day-to-day things than bring home a dozen roses. Also my husband is more of a realist than a romantic, so if he all of a sudden started doing a bunch of romantic things it would seem really disingenuous!

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  9. I don't need the grand gestures but I do like flowers or sweet notes. I like little touches. And I can't stand the girl screeching awww party when someone gets engaged.

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  10. I like thoughtfulness. Whether it would be taking out the trash or flowers just because. I like the thought behind it. Someone thinking "oh that will make it easier for her so let me do that." Not that I have anyone doing that for me now but eventually that would be nice. I guess I'm a bit of a romantic. When Harry Met Sally is my favorite movie ha!

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  11. OMG I am LOL-ing. Seeing the title made me laugh. Which is what I love to do- laugh. Someone making me laugh, taking care of each other, never letting me walk on the outside when we walk anywhere, so many things, that matter the most. Everything done really nicely on our home! The pool. Making sure we have reliable vehicles. A planting bed so I can random plant whatever I want, along with beautiful new landscaping in our front yard. Wedding $$$. Being silly!!! Especially with the little ones. No grand gestures or "queer"(my generation's word for weird things) romantical(my word) things! Lovely, happy read!!!! Have a happy day! Love you! Love your MOMMA

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  12. I guess I fall in the middle. I detest Nicholas Sparks and pride myself on never have seeing The Notebook. (I do love When Harry Met Sally, though). The big romantic proposal Steve had planned, turned into a disaster, and he proposed in the car in a parking lot because I was being a raging bitch (makes for a way better story if you ask me). Steve was all about grand gestures our first year together, these days, not so much (read: at all). I wouldn't mind a little more romance, and Im not talking huge diamonds (but yeah, I like those, too), but even just a text during the day that he's thinking of me, or bringing me home my favorite candy bar or surprising me with Cosi's for dinner. But, he takes care of me, mows the lawn, takes out the trash, puts up with my shit, deals with my propensity towards messes, and most importantly, loves me. Great post, Steph.

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  13. I think I'm probably somewhere in the middle. I have a practical streak but also a creative, adventurous, surprise-loving streak. I really, really appreciate the written word, that's something that means a lot to me so I love it when he write me random notes. I like having time with just the two of us (which is sometimes rare due to the fact that we really like spending time with our families!) And I do like jewelry, though more the earrings-shaped-like-a-bumblebee kind than diamond earrings that I'd be scared to lose. I like a vase full of pretty flowers or a flowering houseplant if I can actually manage to keep it alive....I wouldn't say either my husband and I are overly romantic people but we do put in some effort to remember what the other person actually likes, and that's probably romance at its finest, when you think about it!

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  14. I'm the same way! Candlelit dinner? Errrhmm... no thanks, can't we just watch our shows and shove our faces with the various goodies we picked up at Walmart?

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  15. I'm a happy medium. There are moments where I want a little romance, but more in the department of saying something sweet than the grand romantic gesture. Frankly, I'm just happy watching Netflix and eating. Hah!

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  16. I'm kind of a practical romantic. Don't bother with flowers because the cat eats them. I'm not really a jewelry person, although I love my engagement ring. When we're in a relaxed groove, talking and laughing and enjoying each others company- TRULY enjoying it- that's romantic to me. Also, don't all of the characters in Nicholas Sparks books die???

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  17. I am SO not a romantic! Your stories of car/snow cleanups are much more powerful! If I want flowers, I grow them or I buy them.

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  18. I like to THINK I'm a romantic--but I'm just not. The husbster is. Or at least he used to be in college. And all I could think about when he was Making The Grand Gesture is how much money he could have saved if he let me stay in my sweatpants and ordered pizza in the dorms instead of taking me out to some fancy expensive B&B. I like quality time--especially if it's watching a show together. I also find romance in the little things like you--sweeping the snow off my car? Freaking swoon. Emptied the dishwasher? I love you forever. Made the bed the bed when you woke up even though you see no point but because I like it? Thanks a million. I'll take the real life moments over the romance moments any day. You can't live in a romance novel--but if you make your everyday life sort of special, I think that's more impressive.

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  19. I think I use to be romantic and crave romance then I grew up and understood romance isn't necessarily flowers and candlelight. It's doing something for someone you love that you know is going to make them happy and fuzzy feeling on the inside, even if it's not romantic to someone else.

    My romance is Tyson knowing exactly what to bring me from Subway or Chic fil a without asking, when I spend the weekend with my sister and the kitchen floor is mopped when I get home, a candle for my desk when he knows I don't have one, and him spending a day at the beach with me even though I know he's not a beach person.


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  20. I love this! I wrote this exact thing last week! I'm not a romantic at all. Jacob's even less so it works out. And yes, when he vacuums, does dishes or put the kids to bed without me, I'm in love with him even more. I like having a partner not a caretaker. However, that picnic set is super cute. Haha!

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  21. We got a picnic set as a gift at our engagement party, and we thought it was a great idea. But just like you guys, it was never used and I *gasp* re-gifted it a year or so ago.

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  22. I like flowers and surprises and sparkles but cleaning the house from top to bottom before Christmas break was the best gift Andrew gave me last year. And I can't stand Nicholas Sparks. So, I, like many, will claim to be somewhere in the middle. I think a lot of that comes from being with someone for a long time and being practical. I mean jetting off to Paris for dinner sounds amazing in theory but a last minute flight to France would be insanely expensive and I hate wearing real clothes, so dining with an Eiffel Tower view in plaid PJ pants just doesn't sound as good. And you know by now that with me, lazy always wins.

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  23. I would say I'm somewhere in the middle. some stuff grosses me out and I hate PDA but I do like it when michael does something nice and romantic. but then sometimes i confuse him if i'm like uhh no don't do THAT

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  24. I like romance to extent, but not ALL the time or else the gestures just don't mean as much over time. I think it's more so of being thoughtful. And PDA? As long as it's kept to a minimum...no one wants to see someone's tongue down another person's throat! UGH!

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  25. It depends sometimes I like to be wined and dined. Sometimes i just want to be left the hell alone

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  26. I think I'm in the middle as well.... I love when Jared does a romantic gesture like flowers, an elaborate dinner, etc. But I love it just as much when I come home to the laundry being done and put away, or when he picks up a giant box of Nerds at the grocery bc I had a bad day!

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  27. Both? I don't need it or expect it. For me it's more of the little things...like going to test drive a truck an hour away with me instead of picking up an OT shift... On the flipside I love to do little romantic things for whoever I'm with. So don't need it/overly care about having someone be romantic towards me...love being that romantic person to someone.

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  28. I think im kind of middle of the road. I like the flowers and all that stuff but it really hits home for me when he does stuff without me asking him too.

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  29. I def don't fit into the romantic category. I would like the sweet gestures of help around the house though. Specifically I keep thinking I need to find a boyfriend who can help me with all of the crappy yard work! But flowers and shit - no. I also don't really like it when a guy is all about paying for EVERYTHING. It's sweet, but I can take care of myself.

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  30. I'm in the middle. I think some of these grand gestures are way too much. And who has time for that kind of thing. I'm more of a small gestures show your love kind of gal. Bring home pizza so I don't have to think about dinner. Take the kid to the park so I can get a pedicure. Those things are romance.

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  31. I bought K a card a few weeks ago for the hell of it. He told me "I love when you do this stuff, but I hate when you do this stuff, because then I feel bad that I don't do it too." A romantic, he is not, although he gets a good gesture in every now and again.

    But two years ago, on VDay, when my oldest cat had passed away that afternoon, he came home with a card and a container of Turkey Hill Chocolate PB Cup Ice Cream. He figured I'd appreciate the ice cream more than flowers that day and he was exactly right.

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    1. Amen. I'll choose knowing what your partner needs on a random day (even if it happens to be VDay) over anything else.

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  32. I'm somewhere in the middle - I like romance, but also know that the day-to-day stuff is where it's really at, and what matters most. I do get giddy when my guy plans a romantic night or day, but I'm just as happy when I come home and dinner is made, or the sheets have been washed and changed.

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  33. Yes and no! I like surprises, for instance my husband had flowers sent to the apartment last month with a cute note when we got exciting news after he started his new job; so that was sweet and perfectly okay BC there was a reason for it. But at the same time I hate when guys just randomly buy flowers & gifts for their girlfriend/wife for no reason, it just makes me think they are trying to win their affection, or they did something wrong. I just call BS on the random "romantic gestures". I feel that birthdays, valentines day, and anniversaries are the only real reasons to have romantic gestures.

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    1. I actually like random gifts - if I see it and it makes me think of them, I buy it. So if MFD sees flowers and he thinks I'd like them and buys them, I think it's the same. I know I didn't do anything wrong when I buy him a t-shirt I think he might like. So I approach it like that. I am not a fan of V-day!

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  34. I'd say I like both. I do like some romance, but if it were constant it would grate on my nerves. I need my space and non-kissy kissy moments.

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  35. Somehow after the shitshows that were my past relationships, I am still a romantic. I love love and all the cutesy shit that comes with it. I feel like I have a more realistic approach to it now that I'm a little older, but I will always appreciate that he gets me flowers, brings me my favorite candy if I'm having a bad day, and never forgets that I prefer sugar free red bulls.

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  36. Anyone who has ever had a whirlwind courtship (I have) had their "Sparks" moment. That's not sustainable over long periods of time though. I love surprises, but I definitely fall toward the side of not romantic. I can't stand rom-coms.

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  37. I am a hopeless romantic but I still wouldn't want constant romantic gestures of the big kid. It would start to feel insincere and over the top. But I feel you on the small stuff, that's what really makes the difference!

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  38. I want to think I'm a hopeless romantic but in reality I'm more like you. Do a chore for me and I'll love you forever. Let's face it. . . a guy doing dishes or cleaning up my apartment is pretty hot! :)

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  39. Total romantic. Hubs is not. At all. I do hate flowers though, since they die. Make me happy with wine and chocolate. Spend time with me. I also do not like PDA, but I do like the extra kisses and touches at home. THey just don't happen. Hubs is not that way. Oh well. More important things, right? I get my fill watching the Nicholas Sparks movies. :)

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  40. jose and i could not be less romantic if we tried!! I will take someone that cracks me up and i get along with any day!

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  41. i'm also not really into grand gestures... i don't much care for receiving flowers, having rose petals anywhere, and too much PDA makes me uncomfortable. food though, that's the ticket to my heart!

    jenn @ hello, rigby!

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  42. Romance evolves as should relationships. A dozen roses (I also think money that could have been used on something else), a love note, jewelry (huge mark up don't do it) a romantic dinner cannot hold a candle to Jack vacuuming for me (rare happening), unloading the dishwasher (he does this a lot), making burgers to order for my family and friends as well as breakfast when they visit. That is romantic to me. Romantic comedies are good entertainment but it is fiction it is not sustainable. Jack saying I want to make you a sandwich, it is better when someone else makes it. That is romance.

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  43. My husband is not romantic at all, and hearing you describe MFD I admit I am a little jealous! For me it's not the grand gesture or the stupid rose petals, it's going out of your way to do something to make someone else happy -- that is so sweet!

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  44. Well, I have to say that I nodded my head violently throughout that entire post. I am EXACTLY the same way. I hate surprises and the most romantic thing I enjoy is when I'm heard. J bought me the Humans of NY book for Christmas and it was my favorite gift because we had talked about that Instagram account and he remembered that and knew I would love the book. It's the little things that deviate from the normal without being ridiculous or cheesy.

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  45. I'm not romantic in the grand gesture type of way. I prefer little things to know that someone is thinking of me. THe rest is just super cheesy.

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  46. i love this! sometimes i feel weird because my friends talk about how their husbands did this or that, and i'm like... KC scraped my window so i didn't have to and it was amazing. he makes me cups of tea in the morning and sometimes at night. I hate the word cuddle, and we don't cuddle. we dont hold hands and i hate PDAs. a friend of mine is always like 'take a photo of me and my husband' and then they kiss and i always wait for them to stop kissing but she wants the kissing photo and I HATE kissing photos is that weird, oh well whatever. But I love my husband and he makes me the happiest gal in the whole world. it doesnt have to be a Nicholas Sparks book to be happily ever after.

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