Friday, May 19, 2017

And then I threw up on the train.


I wasn't planning to close down the week with a blog post about how I threw up on a goddamn train but here we are. Yesterday one of my worst non-life shattering nightmares came true.

I felt off in the morning and thought maybe I hadn't had enough water the day before. I trudged into work and drank some Gatorade and ginger ale and a lot of water in case I was dehydrated. By around 11 I knew I needed to go home. The trains are running on the hour at that point in the day so I was stuck in my office until 12:04.

When I got to the train station, of course my train was 10 minutes late. I slumped over on a bench next to a mother and her son who could not stop talking about what they were going to have for lunch AND dinner. Breathe through it. Breathe through it.

The train was a local making every stop and the ride felt like it took place over the span of four years instead of just over 40 minutes. We were rolling up to the stop before mine when it happened. The unthinkable. The public puking as a not inebriated or hungover adult on public transportation.

I whipped out an empty Old Navy online order bag and dispersed all the liquid I consumed that morning into it. Four pukes in the less than three minutes between that stop and mine. I tried to be quiet and hold myself as still as possible.

Then it was done, and the only thing my stomach was full of was mortification.

The lady next to me was looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and horror. I briefly considered telling her I was pregnant to explain away the spontaneous public vomiting but instead wiped my mouth on the inside of my dress and apologized profusely for vomiting next to her on public transportation. She scooted out of the seat to give me a wide berth and I rolled my puke bag securely down and gathered up my shredded dignity to exit the train.

If anyone ever needs to throw up in public and then carry it around with them, I would like to suggest the Old Navy online order bag. It's strong and it doesn't leak.

Can I also take this opportunity to blame SEPTA? If the train hadn't been late, I would have made it to my stop and puked outside of the train. I would like to be able to blame someone. Right? I am against blame shifting but lord I need to blame someone for this. Just this once.

At home I slept for five hours. My eyes were closed before my head even hit the pillow. Can your body shut down from public shame? I think that happened. I was back in bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 6 this morning feeling fine.

What a weird fucking day. One that I never, ever want to repeat. When you take public transport, your main fears are 1) bed bugs 2) accident 3) needing to puke 4) uncontrollable diarrhea. Out of the four of those, puking is the least horrifying and I hope it's the only one I ever have to deal with. Thank God it wasn't my regular train so I don't feel the need to don the paper bag of shame over my head for the foreseeable future.

Lessons learned:
1) do not travel without a solid, leak-proof bag
2) do not leave your computer at work so you feel the need to come in when you shouldn't
3) leave an hour before go time if you are sick at work

I haven't thrown up today, so it's already 470% better than yesterday.

Happy weekend!




30 comments:

  1. Ohhhhh man... I am going to put my Old Navy bag in my bag ASAP - I have one sitting at home.
    I threw up on a school bus one time - in my lunch bag - which paper is not a good thing to hold puke... that was over 30 years ago & it still is a memory I cant shake... so congrats, you have a new memory for life ;) Glad you're feeling better today. ... & FYI - a coworker here day before yesterday did the exact same thing. He puked & felt awful - for just like 24 hours & said it was like a light switch & he instantly felt better. I guess a THING is going around.

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  2. Oh noooo, that is truly a nightmare. Always fear throwing up on an airplane, I've noticed lately that they don't even provide barf bags anymore (just ramping up my anxiety). Super impressed with the use of the Old Navy bag, major Ninja move!

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    1. I sort of feel like airplane barfing is a little more expected? Like oh, people barf on planes. Trains, not so much. LOL. Note to all of us to carry a bag EVERYWHERE though.

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  3. Oh man. That sick feeling when you know there is no stopping it is the worst thing ever!!! At least you had the ON bag on you! Who knew it would be so sturdy for such the situation to arise. And I 100% think the blame is on the transportation for being late. Clearly you would have held it together long enough otherwise.

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  4. I never have anything like that on me. I'm so glad you did. What a nightmare! Glad you're feeling better!

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  5. Oh, man, I'm sorry. I hope you feel better. I've thrown up on public transportation before- it is pretty awful.

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  6. Throwing up in public is just the worst. I've done it multiple times unfortunately and I'm always humiliated by it. I do remember one incident at work however where I was getting sick in the bathroom so violently and loudly that one of the guys that was in the men's restroom next-door heard me and went into the office to ask if I was dying in there. I was pregnant so it wasn't a huge deal. Have also had to pull over on the side of the road and throw up as well it pays to have a baggie with you but sometimes you just have to pull over and just let it go.

    I hope you're feeling better. And I would totally leave it on the trains too!

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  7. Oh my gosh.... this story is a mixture of horrific and hilarious. I am SO sorry that happened to you!!! Wow... Honestly, though, I'd have totally told that woman I was pregnant. Thank God for Old Navy online bags. Whew..

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  8. Biggest. Fear. Ever. Sounds like you handled it like a champ though. I probably would have been sobbing. I'm not a good puker either, so I doubt I could be quiet and polite about it. With Cooper's age last year, I learned to ALWAYS take my computer home. Yeah it's a pain some nights, but it pays when I wake up and can't make it into work.

    Glad you are feeling better!!

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  9. So sorry, that sounds awful. I am glad you had that bag with you! I hope you are feeling so much better and can enjoy your weekend.

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  10. Good grief! What an awful experience. Cheers to you for finding the silver lining and cheers to rehydrating! Enjoy the weekend, Steph!

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  11. first time commenter but i had to - this happened to me around christmas. same exact thing - my always on time train was late and then sat for about 40 minutes because a train had hit a car. my normally 25 minute commute took about 1.5 hrs. i thankfully made it off the train but had to get off at the stop before me and then i threw up in public all over the train platform. it was so violent and horrible and a nightmare. i feel your pain.

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  12. Oh no! I hope you're feeling better. I once had food poisoning on a flight from Thailand-San Francisco, and I did not have an Old Navy bag to save the day. It was not pretty.

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  13. Oh man! Not good! I hope you are feeling better.

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  14. Ugh, that SUCKS. The stomach thing hit our house last week and it was bad enough in my own home :( Glad you are feeling better & hope it never happens again.

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  15. Ohh no, I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's the worst to not be at home when you don't feel well, but even worse to be stuck on public transportation-- so happy you had a bag with you though. I hope you feel better soon!

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  16. Oh my gosh you poor thing! I'm so sorry but as someone that takes public transportation every day - one of my fears as well! Feel better girl! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  17. I cannot even imagine what you must have been feeling. Like, you had to be really awful to puke on the train, I know. That's a serious kind of sick. Woof.

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  18. So mortifying! I hope the train wasn't packed with people. Such unlucky timing. Damn you SEPTA! Glad to hear you're feeling better today!

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  19. Oh. No. That is seriously a nightmare. Thank goodness you had that bag. I say you're totally right in blaming SEPTA. When all else fails, blame SEPTA. My brother in law works for SEPTA (he's an electrician) and we were out with him last night. My father in law asked him if he has to wear a uniform to work that identifies him as a SEPTA employee. He said no, and thank God. No one wants to be identified as a SEPTA employee! :)

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  20. You handled that like a champ. I can't even believe you managed it so well honestly. Glad you are feeling better and here's hoping for no more SEPTA moments like those.

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  21. OMG my worst nightmare! lucky you had that bag on you.

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  22. Just saw this. Lola's new nap schedule makes for busy mornings. Puke bag. Thanks to the universe. Keep one in your car, too.
    And way thanks to the universe you didn't have the diarrhea! Love. Your. Momma.

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  23. Oh my goodness! I am so so sorry! Thank goodness you had that bag! I'm glad you haven't had to throw up since. Fingers crossed that the other 3 never happen to you!

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  24. That is awful! I'm glad you're doing better. I once threw up in the middle of a crowded venue on the lawn. That was due to inebriation, though. Still embarrassing. What luck you had a bag!

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  25. Oh, no. That's one of my non-life shattering nightmares as well. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm glad you're better now! Definitely going to start carrying vomit proof bags with me now. What an ordeal!

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  26. OMG THIS IS A TOTAL TOTAL NIGHTMARE OF MINE. I'm sorry you had to endure this but...at least you had the bag? Imagine if you didn't? Throwing up is the absolute worst thing of all time and if I ever HAVE to do it, it needs to be in the comfort of my home. Ugh. Glad you're better!

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  27. I'm so incredibly sorry that you had to deal with that! I definitely don't carry around a puke bag with me, but I feel like it's always something good to have around. If it makes you feel any better my sister puked one time on a plane ride home from a vacation. They hadn't taken off yet so she had to wait a little bit before she could actually change clothes.

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  28. OMG! Why were you carrying around an empty ON mailing bag? I mean, thank God you were, but that's so random! Hahah! At least it was the middle of the day and not on a packed train during the commute. Also, AGAIN WITH THE BED BUGS ON TRAINS?! I had no idea that was a thing. Haha!

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