Thursday, January 9, 2014

Ain't no shame, ladies do your thing. Just make sure you ahead of thegame.

Did you know Missy Elliott wrote that song for me? I'm Maisel, and I'm here to tell you all about me. I can sum it up best by saying it's all about me. When I don't get my way, or when I get a wild hair up my ass, my alter ego Hazel will terrorize everyone and everything in sight like a tiny devil. Like Queen Bey says, Who runs the world? Girls. 
I'm 11 pounds of pure firecracker. I use all my weight to bulldoze everything in my path. I lure you in with my tiny stature, batting my eyes and holding my dainty little spotted paw up. You think I'm bashful and sweet, so you lean down and boom! I jump up and bite you on the nose because I need to keep the people on their toes. Do you see my Hazel eyes? Homie don't play.
Most days I bebop around, looking for things to get into. I'm intensely interested in everything. I just got here at the end of August and I've been trying to take over since. I tear ass around like a wild jackal, going as fast as I can on my tiny little legs, knocking blankets and pillows off couches, putting things in my mouth and shaking the bejesus out of them. I get moody sometimes, and that sounds like this:
Things are awesome here in my new home - I have the run of the house, the food is tops, they leave the TV on for us, and my clothes befit my scrappy diva status. I also have these brothers now. I really really want to be their best friend, but since I just turned four and they're older, I don't think they're ready for this jelly. I bullied Geege into letting make my debut here today before him. Bitches get what they want! King Gus already left his mark here.
I love my new parents. The Lady runs this house. Who runs the world? Girls. When she says something to me, I slow my roll because she's in charge. I try to stay on her good side but she does not like Hazel at all. I don't get it. Bitches unite! Can I get a hell yeah?

The Father is wrapped around my finger and lets me do whatever I want because I am small and cute and he wants a dog that likes him the best. Plus he picked me up from my old house and loved me when I was very smelly and had skin conditions. The Lady feeds me coconut oil and I am a fine sleek machine now. I like to commune with them both very closely even though lots of times The Father swoops in and takes me away from The Lady because he wants his own dog and the brothers flock to The Lady like bookends.
Like all self-respecting females, I have rules for living.

Rule one: Listen carefully. Do not F with me when I'm sleeping or in a vegetative state. I used to sleep on a crate pad in a kitchen, and now these people have bought me an enormous king sized bed because they know it's what a diva deserves. If you come near me when I'm sleeping, I will growl and I may cut a bitch! Who's house? MAE'S HOUSE. And sometimes RUN'S HOUSE. Much love to you Rev Run.
Rule two: All the things are mine.
What else? I am an insinuator like Gus, and if you move me from where I want to be I will scramble right back there cause baby there ain't no mountain high enough to keep me from getting to you. Otherwise, play with me, treat me like the diva I am, and let me sleep on top of you for warmth and we'll be solid.
I didn't choose the pug life. The pug life chose me. The people think I'm a pug/Boston mix but I know what I am: Maisel, the one and only tiny tower of terror.

Tomorrow The Lady is back and she has some announcements and a giveaway. Come back tomorrow or Hazel will be all up in your grill.

Peace out -
Mae Mae Cray Cray aka Maisie aka Mae aka MeMa aka Maisel
*****************************************************
Linking up for Pets Are People Too
Jade and Oak

33 comments:

  1. hehe so cute!! I need to do another one for Roxy and link up again. I love when she is growling even her forehead wrinkles up like a humans would lol

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  2. omg this is amazing. i've read other posts similar to this but this is the best! so cute :) bitches need the royal treatment.

    kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  3. This is SO funny. Bauer aspires to be as witty as Maisel/Hazel, for sure (because really, I think Hazel helped write that). I don't know how you get anything accomplished with those cute pug faces around the house. Also, how sweet of her to share the king sized bed with you and MFD. Heart of Gold, that one.

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  4. This made me laugh like a hyena at my desk and almost shoot Diet Coke out of my nose. Thank you, Maisel for sharing your world with us!!

    -Amber

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  5. Oooh I love her! The video is awesome. When is her birthday? (she sounds like a Leo)

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  6. Ahh! I love this link up! I wish I had known about it. Maisel sounds very much like our girl, Gigi. Love this!

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  7. What are you doing to me!!!! Seriously every time you do these types of posts, my want for a pug becomes fierce! Maisel is too funny! That video, too cute! All dogs should be the Queen B of their own castle! Diva it up girl!

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  8. holy crap I am in love with her!!!!

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  9. Oh Mae Mae, I'm so glad you adopted The Lady and The Father and know your rightful place in the pack as Queen of All!

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  10. ahhh love this! I can't believe she's only 11 lbs. awwwww. and our lady pug totally rules the house too. bowie will be nicely chewing on a bone and she'll just pounce on him and steal it. love maisel's little grumble haha. she is so cute. thanks so much for linking up with us. I want more pug pics all the time!!
    -- jackie @ jade and oak

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  11. I can't stop laughing! Little Maisel love!! She knows who's boss! Per usual, I'm in my Benedryl haze and cannot contribute much more.

    Thanks for the laughs <3

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  12. Ahhh Mae is just so darn cute! I love her huge attitude little dog way about her. That is how Mac is! She is just so darn adorable! Cant get enough pug pictures!

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  13. Awww so cute! I love rule #2, pretty sure my dog thinks that applies to the bed for sure! Your pups are too cute!

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  14. This.Is.Adorable. Clean up the language and turn it into a little girl book. So you are Queenie(as listed in my phone) and Maisel is a teeny-weeny-Queenie!!! So glad Maisel was in your life path. Love this to infinity and beyond and all of you, too.
    Carpe diem and embrace the warmer temps.

    Love Your MOMMA

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  15. Bahahahahaha! I'm dying!!!!! If I ever get into a bar fight (again) I know who I want on my side!

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  16. i love all your use of girl power songs throughout. i especially love your mom's comment

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  17. HOW MUCH DO I LOVE THIS?!?! Oh Maisel. The tiny tower of terror. That was so nice of you to buy her a queen bed! We bought jmeoww a couch. A very expensive couch. There are no limits to our pet love, apparently.

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  18. I love her and her little white spotted paw!

    Your mom's comment is gold today. Does she really have you listed in her phone like that?

    Sam is very clearly my dog and Leo USED to be my dog, as I got him when I was in grad school and it was just the two of us for 3 years until I met John, and now that shithead loves John more than me. Pisses me off daily.

    It is clear that Maisel forgot where she came from and has adjusted to a life of luxury living with you. Sam did the same; he was rescued from a dog hoarding situation and has clearly forgotten the first year and a half of his life that he spent living in a cage in poop with many other dogs and now has quickly gotten used to treats, soft pillows, and king sized beds.

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  19. MAISEL FROM THE BLOCK. I can't even. This post is fantastic Maisel. I think I'd even still love you as Hazel.

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  20. Steph, you are a mess!!! This is freaking hilarious...I have no idea how you come up with this stuff! And I think I like Hazel better...a b*tch has gotta do what a b*tch has gotta do. LOL! Okay, I miss Gus now even more.

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  21. Love her...Angel and Masie would be a riot together

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  22. these pictures, I can't. so cute.

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  23. And the award for cutest blog post ever goes too........................................

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  24. I will never tire of "they see me Rollin they hatin". Mae is great.

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  25. Oh my word. I died. First off Maisel - King Gus will not take too kindly to this I am sure! But seriously...this is the best one yet. She is a total diva. And livin' the pug life! Haha. I hope she makes more appearances. Poor Geege...backseat again...just when he thought he was going to be something....

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  26. Do you prefer one brother over the other? Or are you an equal opportunity snuggler?

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  27. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  28. Mae Mae Cray Cray aka Maisie aka Mae aka MeMa aka Maisel,
    I almost thought you were my sister from another mister, but that wouldn't be possible, considering the kind of diva I am. You see, I'm a cat, and everyone knows, including the dog, that I do as I please (except for when I'm bribed by my mom). But hey, I like your attitude. Divas unite!
    From the castle,
    Princess Zelda the Cat

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  29. Omg I cant! She is the cutest thing ever!! xoxo

    Lisa

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  30. Omg, Mae's moody noise is too much. What a little character.

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  31. Phenomenal. I had to watch the video twice to make sure that was indeed her making those noises!

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