Monday, September 18, 2017

TWTW - the last one with Geege

Geegie boy, forever would not have been long enough with you. Thank you for one more weekend of cheeseburgers and ice cream and a trip to the beach, of burrowing into my leg, of letting me lay with you and cry my heart out, of just being here. We tried to give Geege the best day ever Saturday so he went to the beach with us solo, rode in the front seat to feel the wind on his face, had ice cream, and didn't spend any time without one of us next to him. 
Geege, I will love everything about you always. I will miss everything about you always, especially your huge heart that in the end was not strong enough for all the love you had in it. I will remember everything about you always, especially never spending a day in your presence without your eyes on me all the time, how you greeted me ecstatically every time I came in the door even if I was only out front for two minutes, how you were always the best boy, how you had your own rabble rabble language, how you were a weekend warrior and always so tired on Mondays, 
how your tongue was always out when you were tired, how you liked to pause during walks and roll around in the grass, how much you loved to eat, how protective you were of babies, how you would wrap your tail around my wrist when I gave you your last pet at night, how we had a nose kiss/inside of the ear whisper ritual before I got in bed every night, how you lay on your dad's pillow before burrowing under the blankets in the winter, how bad your breath smelled but how much you loved to give soft kisses, how you loved your birthday cheeseburger on May 8, how I woke up with you laying back to back with me arching your head every once in a while to make sure I was still there, how you cried throughout our wedding ceremony because you were behind me and couldn't see my face,
how you were the only well behaved dog on car rides, how valiantly you patrolled the bay window ledge and front door, how you both barked and wagged your tail with your whole body, how much you hated fireworks and loud noises earning you the names Heebie Jeebie and Shakey Jakey, how you endured costumes stoically to humor me, how you always waited on the bathroom floor for me to get out of the shower, how you followed me around the house overseeing my chores, how good you were at putting up with Gus's jackassery and Mae's insertion into everything, how you loved the sun and the beach, how you were the best head tilter, how you always sniffed my eyes especially when I was upset, 
how you responded to each of your 190 nicknames, how you would sit languidly on my lap relaxing in the late afternoon sun letting me hold you during our porch sits, how you hated the heat but loved to dash through the snow, how you squeezed yourself into Mae's tiny dog bed, how you dug a nest to make yourself spots, how you weren't shy about making the other two move so you could sit with me, how you made every day okay even when it sucked, how much you loved all of us, how patient you were,
how very much you loved to run, and how you always ran like the wind but stopped at a certain distance to look back for me and wait for me to say go ahead Geege, mama's okay. So like I told you yesterday...go ahead Geege...mama's okay. Run like the wind forever. It is physically painful not to have you here but I am happy knowing you are running like the wind on the beach, through the fields near our house, all over Treat Lady's woods, and along Lake Chrisann as well as anywhere and everywhere I am. I'll carry you with me forever. You are at peace. I am at peace. So many people and dogs were there to greet you.
We are grateful that we had one last weekend together in the sun and in the comfort of our home, which will be okay of course, but never ever the same. We had the best life together, the four of us, then when Mae came the five of us.


Much thanks to Lap of Love for taking my phone call Friday night and for coming out on Sunday to our house so Geege could go peacefully at home on his couch surrounded by his pack. If you are local and you need to make this decision, please consider them. They are kind when you need it, truly compassionate, and make everything as easy as it can be. They left us with a paw impression and a lock of hair, and Geege's ashes will come back to us in a few weeks so he can be scattered in his special places.

Thanks so much to everyone for the lovely words and thoughts last week and especially this weekend. I absolutely loved sharing Geege with all of you - he was the best good boy and we all know it. I want you to know he was ready and at peace. If I have not responded individually, know that in that moment I could not and likely will not but I have read and absorbed and appreciated all of your kindness. Thanks for being with us in spirit, reading the terribly sad things we have posted on various forms of media way more than once, and being patient as we try to get the sad out so it can't take root inside. Thanks also to Kim and Mario who gave us Jake just before he turned three on May 6, 2007. He will always be one of the best gifts of our lives. This weekend was terribly painful but I would not give up one second of our 10+ years together to avoid one second of the grief.

Geege was thoughtful even at the end. I had all last week alone to grieve what was coming, and he knows I grieve best alone. He has watched me do it many times. Do you think dogs can be soulmates? He was mine. I will have other dogs but not another soulmate dog. He also knew his dad would need a few days when he got back, and he gave him that too. Yesterday we told the vet what we did with him on Saturday and he was shocked because by Sunday morning he was so very ready to go. We thought Geege's Best Day Ever was our last gift to him but it was actually his last gift to us. His heart and generosity with his love were huge even when the rest of his body was finished. 

Knowing it was time and having the vet confirm it does not make it any easier. I feel at peace because he is at peace and his comfort is more important to me than my own. Yesterday I learned that peace is not solace. I don't find solace anywhere right now. 

Universe, please be gentle with our household this week as our pack attempts to navigate the world with four instead of five. I feel like my skin is on inside out and I think every other living thing in this house feels the same. It's a very raw feeling like a small touch would burn. Sunday I did my food prep and over cooked my eggs and purged my house and read my book and acted in any way I could, because that's how I get through things. Action. Movement. And Geege was following me around like he always has and always will, watching that I do things right.
Goodbye for now in the physical sense, my best good boy.



51 comments:

  1. Sending you so much love as you go through this hard time...

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  2. My heart breaks for you. I'm glad you were able to give Geege a good last weekend. Thinking about all of you.

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  3. Eloquent and beautiful and awesome tribute to our sweet superhero ❣️❣️❣️❣️
    Love. Your. Momma 💖✨😇☮️🦄🌈💜

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  4. Oh Steph . . . this was just lovely. What a sweet boy that Geege was . . . I love all the stories and sentiments about your best good boy. I hope you have an easy week. Love and hugs to you.

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  5. I'm so, so sorry. I'm glad you were able to make his last days so amazing.

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  6. All the love in the world this week, friend. Grief is tough and it's so cruel how quickly the world moves on, much sooner than we are ready to move on after losing a loved one. I wish you an easy week and your household an easy time readjusting to the new pack life.

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  7. Damn it, I am in tears over this. That picture of the paws all together and your connection with Geege... Man, I get it. I so totally get it. Dogs are just such special souls. I'm so sad for your household right now. I know Geege is running back and forth in his forever shore-house, nomming on yummy foods and napping in between keeping an eye on all you guys. I'm so sorry for your loss, Steph. I just can't stop crying right now- this was beautiful.

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  8. No words.... I'm a mess after reading this.... I didn't know humans could cry for three days..... I am so sad.

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  9. A perfect tribute in every sense for the word.

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  10. I'm glad I put some waterproof mascara over my regular this morning. And that my Audit team from NY moved our timt to 2 instead of 5 mins from now. I almost couldn't finish it. I know how you feel, as I went through it with Daisy. She was my child, as Geege was yours. There are no words, only time. Be ready, though, one day he will come back to you as another dog--just like that movie that I have never seen. As I am certain that my PitLab is Daisy reincarnated (she is so damn stubborn, but always wants to be with me unless someone is eating). Love and hugs and all good things to lift your spirits.

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  11. I'm just so very sorry. I've tried to write something - anything - that might put my thoughts into words after reading your tribute, but I can't. It was obvious that Geege was loved immensely and that he loved you back with just the same intensity.

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  12. I'm so glad that you all got this day together. He rallied and you all did too, so that you could have this day together. He was so so lucky to have you guys, and I know you feel the same way too. Been thinking about you all weekend (you know this), and sending you lots of love this week! Here for you still!

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  13. I'll be honest I couldn't read all of this because I was crying too much. But, yes my Lady is my dog soul mate so I completely understand. I have and will love other dogs but none like her. Thinking of you, MFD and the dogs this week.

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  14. What a sweet and loving bog Geege was. My heart hurts for you and MFD...So happy Geege got one last weekend of pure spoiling and quality time with mom and dad! Sending love and strength. His memory will live on in your hearts. xo Emily @ Martinis & Bikinis

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  15. I thought I was mentally prepared to read this, but nope. Crying my eyes out, had to lock my office door for awhile. I miss him so much already. Love you guys.

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  16. Crying all the tears over here. Geege was an amazing dog and he was loved so much by you and MFD and anyone who has ever heard stories about him or got to meet him in person. His little paw prints have touched many hearts. You can be at peace with the fact that he is running and having the best time now. The Best Day Ever was such an amazing gift. I am sending you all my love and hugs.

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  17. I'm so sorry for your loss. What a cute little guy.

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  18. Steph,

    I'm so, SO sorry for your loss! I cried SO hard reading this post this morning...I could definitely feel your pain. He had a great life that some of the others are not so fortunate to receive! Even though he isn't with you anymore...isn't there at least some satisfaction that he is not suffering anymore? There is no way for dogs to let us know how much pain they're in but by showing it and some are better at hiding it than others.

    You take all the time you need for yourself right now. It's hard and I really can't imagine the pain you're experiencing directly, but your post says it all...

    What a wonderful post you made in his honor...just the detail you go into about him shows how much he meant to you. <3

    Sending so much love and hugs to you right now!

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  19. I have never once cried at the passing of someone else's dog. Until now. My heart aches for you because I know you are hurting and my friends should never hurt this much. I keep saying it but I am a text away if you need anything.

    I told you the other day that you are the best dog mom ever. I stand by that.

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  20. I'm so very sorry for your loss. May you find comfort in your memories of your beloved Geege. Beautiful post in his honor.

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  21. I'm sitting here crying at work... I know I don't know you or Geege personally, but I feel like I do. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. I lost my Gracie a little over three years ago and I truly believe she was my dog soul mate. I was finally able to get another dog this past January, and I adore him, but my first dog will always be my heart.

    Much love to you, your husband and the pups.

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  22. I am so so sad for you and Mike and Gus and Mae. But I love how you (and he) had that special day. It makes me especially sad because my soulmate (Grace) and I did not, but I know how deep your pain is and I wish I could take it away. The most profound thing you said is that you would not trade one minute of his life to avoid this pain - I so so so get that! God bless!

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  23. Always the hardest thing to let them go... Not even my fur baby but my heart is ripping out just the same. I know how empty a house feels after this kind of loss even when its still full. I too am praying for the universe to be kind to you these next few days & weeks as you all learn what life feels like without a family member.

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  24. Oh Steph. I am sorry for your loss. You gave a beautiful testament to your best boy, Geege. He deeply loved his family and was loved deeply back and that's what matters most. Sending you and your family a huge virtual hug. I found some comfort in this thought after Emeril passed - a moment in this lifetime for an eternity in the afterlife. You will meet again. May the universe treat you extra gently this week.

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  25. My heart breaks for you all. So sorry for you loss and praying for comfort! He seems like he was seriously the sweetest and I know you'll miss him dearly <3

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  26. What a fitting and beautiful tribute to Geege! I know the Geege-shaped hole you have won't ever be completely filled again, but I hope knowing that you were the absolute best dog mom will help you heal. Hoping and praying that you, MFD and the pups have a kind and easy week.

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  27. Such a beautiful goodbye. Still so incredibly sad. I'm crying for you and for Geege and for my Apple (my doggie soul mate). Sometimes I think it was easier for us that she was taken so suddenly, but after reading this, I almost wish that I got that last day with her. One last day to savor the smell of her ears, the feeling of that super soft patch of fur, one last slobbery kiss. This time for you is terrible, but I swear one day you'll think about him and it will bring slightly more giggles than tears. I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.

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  28. That head tilt, and these words. my heart breaks for you and im sending lots of love and peace. I grew up with so many dogs and they were family. Prince and Caesar though? Those two were my soul mate dogs. So i get you. Hoping Geege meets up with my Prince and Caesar and they all run in the wind. So many hugs Steph. Dang onions in my office :(.

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  29. I'm so sorry. You have me crying big crocodile tears. Such a wonderful tribute to a fabulous furry gentleman. My Ginger is my soulmate too and its going to be just so emotional when this time comes for us. My heart is so heavy for y'all and I am sending be nice universe vibes your way. I am glad you had the perfect Saturday with him.

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  30. I am so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you were able to have a wonderful day with him before you said goodbye. And rest assured, it's not tiresome to hear about your grief on social media. Let it out as much as you need to. We understand.

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  31. Sending you all the hugs! Love this post, and the pics of you sleeping next to him and all the doggies together with MFD on the couch. So many sweet memories <3

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  32. Beautiful yet so very hard and sad to read. In tears grieving with you. Big hugs and lots of love to you all. xoxox

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  33. Oh man I am bawling. This is the sweetest goodbye for such a good boy. Hope you guys are doing okay.

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  34. Aw, crap..here I go crying too. Yes there are such things as soulmate dogs. The term I've seen is 'heart dog' and my Max was that. I love my Ollie and his doughy goodness, I love my Murphy and his effing puppy insanity, but Max will forever be my own best dog. He's running with Geege too.

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  35. It took me 2 days to read this and I'm still a mess. I'm incredibly sorry for your loss.

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  36. I'm so happy that Geegee got to spend such an incredible time with you guys and his other pup buds on this earth. It's so heartbreaking when we lose such a dear family member. Sending you much love and hugs.

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  37. Your post had me crying during my morning meeting, thinking of my Phil. I know that their lives are better at our sacrifice, but it still hurts. Thinking of you and your pack.

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  38. i love that you did this, a wonderful way to remember him.

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  39. This is so beautiful. And you are completely right-nothing, not even knowing it was the right thing to do, makes it even a little easier. I am so happy to hear you are at peace, but I know peace and deep deep hurt can co-exist.

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  40. such a beautiful post Steph. definitely crying over here. i am so sorry for your loss. i feel like i 'knew' him even if i didn't really. i wish i could say or do something to take away the pain, but if we're wishing for things like that, i'd wish for animals in our families and hearts to live as long as we do (without aging or pain of course). wouldn't that be nice. hugs to you all.

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  41. Sending you and your pack so much love right now Steph! We just went through something similar with Dart, and our fur babies leave such a huge hole in our hearts because they just loved so much and are loved so much! But like you said, even though there's a lot of sadness, I don't think that anybody would trade all the good times so we could not deal with the sadness.

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  42. My little buddy 😰😭💔😔. Why did I come back and read this!? Cause I miss him so...

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  43. Justin and I have cried tears for you guys this weekend but this post is amazing. Sending your whole pack lots of love. I'm so happy you got to spend special time with him last weekend. I'm also happy you took so many pictures of the three amigos. :)

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  44. Welp, I'm crying. I knew I would. What a beautiful tribute to your "soulmate." I said this to you already but dogs are so special, ESPECIALLY pugs. It's science. I had a crippling fear of dogs my entire childhood and the only breed of dog that I encountered and found myself not afraid of was a pug. So I asked for one. We got Pugsley when I was 13 and he did so much for me: he cured my fear of dogs and also provided a companionship, bond and pure LOVE I hadn't felt before. I think about him a lot. I miss him a lot. I'm so sorry for your loss but so glad you got to spend his life with him.

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  45. I am so incredibly sorry that you had to say goodbye to your sweet boy. It's the hardest thing in the world, but after all they do for us, it's sometimes the best thing we can do for them. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts.

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  46. I still don't have the words, but this remains one of my favorite Pug posts. Rest in peace sweet Geege. May you fly with the angels, sweet pup. Hugs, Steph.

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  47. I'm so very sorry to hear of Geege's passing. May you find comfort and peace.

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  48. So I read this one a while back - only part of it, because I couldn't finish. It brought me back to my own baby, Tazze, who I had to euthanize several years ago. I'm not exaggerating when I say I cried the rest of the day. This post hit me so deeply, #1 because I wish I'd done such a beautiful tribute for mine. He deserved it. And #2 because I felt every word of it down to my core. This was a rough one. I miss my boy so much still, years later. I can only tell you I'm sorry for your loss and thank you for the most wonderful, awful post in history.

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