Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Shit MFD Said: Vol 41

Waiting on sushi
MFD: I need to eat.
Me: You just had a salad.
MFD: That was nothing. That was like I went outside and yawned and grass blew into my mouth.

After a four day who will empty the dishwasher standoff
Me: So I noticed the dishwasher has been emptied.
MFD: Oh? I wonder who did that.
Me: I'm not sure, because the dirty dishes are still in the sink and weren't put in the dishwasher. 
MFD: Weird.
Me: Must have been a moron.

MFD: Steph, this is very good.
Me: What is?
MFD: This salad you made.
Me: The one portioned out for my lunch in the little containers?
MFD: You didn't make this for the house? There were lots of containers.
Me: Five days in the week. Five containers for lunch.
MFD: Well I'm eating it for lunch now and it's excellent. It's so good, if you died tomorrow, this salad is what would get me through the week. I don't know what would get me through when it was gone, but this...it would get me through the week.
Me: Well I'm glad. 

Me: Aren't these shoes pretty?
MFD: Another pair of new shoes? Are you Imelda Marcos?

Me Driving his car to the shore
Me: I thought we discussed how your music isn't good driving music for me.
MFD: I thought we discussed how you're a turd.
Me: No. We haven't discussed that. 

MFD: What kind of lettuce is this?
Me: It's lettuce.
MFD: Is it spinach?
Me: It's lettuce. 
MFD: It looks like cabbage patch kid lettuce.
Me: Still lettuce. 

As he's heading down to the basement
Me: Bring up that bag downstairs that's full of towels.
MFD: It's actually not full of towels. It's full of butts and turds.
Me: It's not.
MFD: Where is it?
Me: Open your eyes.
MFD: singing open your eyes look up to the skies and seee...I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Me: Very nice. Do you see it?

And via text




All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1Shit MFD Said Vol 2Shit MFD Said Vol 3Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5Shit MFD Said Vol 6Shit MFD Said Vol 7Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9Shit MFD Said Vol 10Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29, Vol 30, Vol 31, Vol 32, Vol 33, Vol 34, Vol 35, Vol 36, Vol 37, Vol 38, Vol 39, Vol 40



23 comments:

  1. Oh shoes - G's thing when I buy another pair of shoes is he didn't realize he married a spider LOL! xo, Biana -BlovedBoston

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  2. Oh man, the line about the grass blowing into his mouth is priceless, actual lol out loud... almost spit out my coffee!

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  3. LMAO... like I went outside and grass blew in my mouth. That one is epic.

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  4. I have this theory that boys in general don't know what cleaning products are for what tasks. (That's the most sexist thing I've ever said but it's so true.)

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  5. hahaha he was all about the salads and lettuce this time! The dishwasher one made me laugh. I do it allll the time, and John will do it once in like a month and acts like he just built our house from the ground up by himself. It's just the dishes, guys.

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  6. Love all of these. Glad mike Doyle has a nice singing voice❣️ Have a glorious Thursday ❣️
    Love. Your. Momma

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    1. Jmj. It's Wednesday. Have a happy Wednesday.
      Love your confused momma

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  7. Both salad conversations are hilarious. That first one sounds like me. And the second one is half flattering and half eye-roll worthy. Hahahaha!
    I get so many texts that say, "I can use/eat/drink/move this?" Hahahaha!

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  8. "That was like I went outside and yawned and grass blew into my mouth." I laughed out loud at this. Isn't it so true for most appetizer salads? Barely enough to even be considered food.

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  9. LOL at the shoes and all the lettuce/salad talk. My husband feels the same way about salad, and if I tell him about yawning and grass blowing into his mouth he'd 100% agree :-P

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  10. Ha, These are good ones! The salad description is perfect.
    My husband and I are so territorial over certain food items - I wouldn't dare touch his chips and salsa and if he goes near my ice cream all bets are off. And leftovers are always contentious. Either it was good and we both want to eat it or it was less good and no one wants to eat it.

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  11. The grass blew in my mouth totally made me snaugh (snort laugh)
    I love text messages that have proof of the ridiculous conversations that are had ;)

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  12. Haha the salad conversation is my favorite, sounds like something my husband would do and say.

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  13. I love breaking into Queen lyrics and "no we haven't discussed that" Lmao

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  14. These are always so funny. Men and their obliviousness!

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  15. Hahaha well I'm glad that you make a salad that could last him for the whole week unlike that other one that he compared to grass blowing into his mouth!

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  16. Hilarious! MFD should write a book with his creative thoughts. Too funny about the salad on your sushi date.

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  17. I'm cracking up at the grass blowing into my mouth comment. Hilarious.

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  18. I'm glad your salads are both good enough to get him through the week if you were gone and nothing but grass blowing in his mouth lol

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  19. I'm pretty sure I've had the same conversations with my husband about salad AND the dishwasher.

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  20. how many times can i say it? you guys are frickin amazing. i grew up in a household where my parents spoke to each other like this and it's incredibly endearing to see the banter. keep these posts coming.

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  21. ... but like, what was in the salad? I mean it must have been amazing.

    The dishwasher is a never-ending battle in our house.

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  22. Grass in the mouth. I'm dying. I feel his pain.

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