Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Things I'm Not

At a certain point in blogging life, any time you think of an idea for a post you automatically think well shit, have I done this before? I've been using this space since August 2011. By this point, chances are I've done it or something like it before. I just hope it's not been any time in recent memory. Anyhoo...some things I'm not.

Perfect. I love the quirks and the stuffing sticking out of the sides of people's lives more than anything that's straight down the middle. I don't have a version of myself I want to present to you here that's different than the myself I am everywhere else.

Sad that I don't have kids. I have not had one second of regret over that decision. The older I get the happier I am that I stuck to my guns and listened to my gut instead of societal pressures.

As aloof as I appear to be when you first meet me. I am not outwardly warm and fuzzy when I first meet people. I am reserved and observant and that combined with resting bitch face can come off poorly. I'm used to hearing I thought you were a bitch by now. And to be fair, sometimes I am a bitch, because I don't like you.

Fashionable or trendy. I will wear what I like and am comfortable in. If that happens to be in style, great. If that happens to make me look like Dorothy Zbornak, that's okay too.

A joiner. I don't seek out ways to occupy my time with group activities. I'm not most comfortable in a large group.

A night owl. I prefer the morning.

Going to keep doing something that has stopped working for me. I change stuff as often as necessary.

Interested in giving up cream in my coffee. Ever.

Lonely. A few weeks ago I was at the shore and MFD was home. He called and said "Are you lonely? You sound lonely." I said, "Do you know me? I'm never lonely." LOL Do I miss him sometimes when we're not together? Sure. But I'm never lonely.

A windows up driver. Windows down, music up.

Bored. One of my pet peeves is adults who say they're bored. You're an adult with a brain. Figure out something to do.

A head patter or sugar coater. I am not the person you come to when you need  or want those things.
In need of approval. Yours, hers, his, anyone's.

A survivor. If the apocalypse comes and we end up in some world that closely resembles any of the Dystopian novels I've read, someone go ahead and put me out of all of our miseries.

A napper. My goal for this summer is to be able to take a nap on the weekends and wake up without being a troll from hell.

A joke teller. I have no ability to retain jokes so that makes it very hard to tell them.

Afraid of confrontation. I don't actively seek it out, but I don't back down from it either.

Someone who uses a hair dryer. My hair gets blown dry at the salon because Kristi will not let me out of the chair otherwise. That is the only time. No exceptions for weddings, events, etc.

Comfortable speaking in public. I hate it. Nothing will make me feel good about it.

A paid protester. I just wanted to clarify. There seem to be some misconceptions out in the world today.

A dropoff Democrat. PA friends, I hope you're voting in the primary today. Polls are open from 7 a.m. - 8 p.m. Do not be the person who only votes every four years or every two years please. Local elections are extremely important - primaries included - and they happen every year. I'm actually probably not a true Democrat anymore either if I ever was, but you need to pick a party in order to be able to vote in the PA primary. Rude.
PA Dem voters: Check out Ellen Ceisler for Commonwealth Court Judge. She's fierce. 
Philly Dem voters: Larry Krasner for DA. He's progressive as fuck which we need right now. 
His civil rights background is exceptional. A straight shooter, no posturing or politicking. 

Lay it on me. What are some things you're not?


  1. I enjoyed reading this. Would you mind if I wrote a similar one and credited you? I am 29 and while that's younger than you, I have known that I didn't want kids, ever since I was a kid. I've heard most of the usual bullshit things that people say: "You'll fall in love with a man who will change your mind" (I've been married to him for almost seven years now, and we don't want kids), "You'll want them in your late 20s", "Don't you want part of you to live on after you die?", "Who will take care of you when you're old?", and such.

  2. I really love this! I might have to do this! I agree with you on a lot of these. As far as the kids one, I know a couple who had a kid just because they were afraid they would regret not having one, most awkward parents ever when it comes to their kid. As in the dad was once asked if he loved his daughter & if she changed is world and his response was "I don't know I'm still getting to know her." If someone doesn't want kids, they shouldn't have kids.

    Anyway, things I am the same way on: having that RBF, being a morning person vs a night owl, never blow drying my hair (I realized I don't even own one anymore), & driving with the windows down & music up.

  3. Love this. I agree on most. Many people in the obits I religiously read have no kids. I think it's so personal. Many are more nurturing and caring than those who do reproduce. I am proud of you to infinity and beyond. Sometimes a bit envious of all you do and have done. I really hate when you upset cry. Really. It's the worst. You are way not aloof then. Anyway awesome post. I love it. Have a happy day. So nice and warm.
    Love. Your. Momma

  4. I'm not a hair dryer person either. It drives my stylist nuts. Sometimes I win that battle. Sometimes (mostly in winter) I don't. I'm also a troll after naps. I just need to get enough sleep at night.

  5. Love this! Speaking of Dystopian things, have you watched The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu? It's SO GOOD.

  6. While there are many things we differ on (actually, it's mainly just book preferences, ha), we're actually pretty similar! I enjoy solitude and don't often get lonely, I am fully prepared to off myself in the event of an apocalypse (because I won't survive and I don't want to try), and I will NEVER stop putting creamer in my coffee. I don't mind speaking in public, though.
    I'm not one of those people that drives past animals/dogs wandering on the side of the road. I stop every single time. And sometimes that dog belongs to the house 100 yards away and they shoo me away, but I don't care :)

  7. LOLed at the survivor one. I'm so with you there. I have no survival skills whatsoever and I don't really even want to live in a world where they'd be necessary. I guess if there's no coffee I'd survive a few days because I would kill literally everyone and everything in my path...
    Also agreed on the bored and lonely ones. As an only child, it's something I get asked about a lot, whether I was ever bored or lonely. No on both accounts. I LOVE alone time (Hawkeye can be there) and I've never whined about being bored. Read a damn book.

  8. BIG fan of this post. I did one a few years ago and was going through drafts and thought, why not another one? Thanks for the reinspiration [is that a word]? I hear you on the survivor one, I should probably just be killed and let it all happen, cause yeah, no thanks.

  9. I also am not sorry I didn't have kids! I love it. Also not going to give up certain foods in order to be thinner, and also not in need of approval, although I do admit that I LIKE approval. It feels good.

  10. not someone who dries my hair, styles it, or gives a rat's ass how it looks. Just so it stays the hell out of my face.
    not fashionable or trendy. NOT.
    NOT EVER giving up cream in my coffee.
    not lonely. except after Grace died.
    not bored.

    In addition, I am not sweet, not cuddly, not affectionate, not motherly or grandmotherly, not interested in living without at least one animal, not willing to turn the music off, and not easily able to let things go.

  11. i get 'i thought you were a bitch' a lot. i also get 'well, you are a bitch, but i love you anyway' a lot too. definitely not a survivor either. i'd be dead in the first round of zombie things or plague things or anything that kills people. i suck at telling jokes, and it takes me like an hour to fall asleep whether that's at night time or nap. if i sleep for 30 mins i feel like hell, so i need at least an hour or two, and it always takes me like an hour to wake up and remember who i am/what day it is, so that means i need to like set aside 5 hours for a nap. which is ridiculous. plus then i sleep like complete and utter shit that night, so basically i should never take naps. the only time naps work are when i'm on vacation and we do a ton of stuff so i'm always tired no matter what.

  12. "Not a survivor" bahaha! I like to think I would be but realistically? Probably not. I don't know how to start a fire or find food and if I had to run from something? I'm good for maybe 3 miles before I drop.

    I used to whine about being bored all the time as a teenager. Now I want to go back in time and slap myself.

  13. I cannot stand people who say they are bored! You are spot-on with saying people should find something to do - it's all about being open-minded and creative!!

  14. Windows Down, Radio up - I SOOOO feel you - I dont get why people want to NOT feel the air flowing through their hair!!!
    I so appreciate the 'no kids' thing too - people do give a lot of pressure on that which is so strange to me that you want someone else to have children because YOU think they should...so dumb!!!

  15. One of my friends and I had a conversation recently about how we're not survivors. We talked about things we needed to learn to do like heal ourselves with plants before deciding we'd die by the third week. And I love protester one! It's amazing, I don't work 365 24/7. Apparently the only acceptable thing to do with your time is troll on social media, if I refer to my own experience with people with differing viewpoints :)

  16. I quit cream in my coffee for one month when I did a true Whole 30 and it was the saddest month of my life. LOL. OK that is dramatic, but I will never dream the cream either. And I am not one to want to live in an apocalypse either so peace out world! I avoid confrontation like the plague. Luckily Chris will stand up for shit if needed. lol

  17. I am soooo MFD asking Leland if he's lonely and like you the answer is always no. Whereas, sometimes I think I could be around people 24 hours of the day! Love that you clarified that you're not a paid protester, HA!

  18. Love this and love seeing how alike we are! I'm not a sugar coaster either but I have worked on it for the sake of my career. But only that. Lol

  19. Love this! The only one that surprised me was the survivor. I pegged you as someone who would lead against the army of zombies. :D I am terrible with a round brush and hair dryer and will literally stare in awe of people who manage it. The few times I attempted, I got wrapped up in the cord. :D I love seeing how we are alike and unalike. I definitely plan on borrowing this for a future post!

  20. I am almost to the point where I am not upset about having kids and i think turning 40 will be the key to that. People like you help me be accepting of the weird circumstances that have led me to be childless by choice by accident (as I like to call it.) Anyway all of this tells me what you are...YOU! And that is the best person to be. Roll those windows and turn up the music for sure!

  21. Thanks for getting out there today and exercising your right to vote!

    I'm always so happy to meet women who have chosen against motherhood, because I know more than a few people who defaulted into it. It's just nice and totally inspiring to see women exercising their right to make high life decisions after careful forethought, rather than just following a prescribed list of steps.

    I feel like everyone I ever met has told me that they didn't think we'd be friends when we first met, because I have RBF and also am an observer.

  22. I love this idea for a post because it's so interesting how different we all are. I think posts like this are a great reflection of knowing who you really are. I am definitely lonely sometimes but I can't always pinpoint it so I feel like it is a bit more nostalgia than loneliness. I completely respect and appreciate your views on not being a mother despite being very happy to be one myself. Like Alyssa said, it is absolutely a personal choice between you and your partner and there are plenty of other ways for you to influence the future generation if you so choose to :) I am also a bit more afraid of confrontation than most people... I like to keep the peace if I can. haha.

  23. LOL I'm with you regarding an apocalypse- just put me out of my misery! Also not a sugar coater, trendy, or comfortable speaking in public. Someone once told me "you just have to practice!" No. I am not a baby or child person. I suck with kids and think babies look like little aliens. I'm not a runner or yogi and have no interest in becoming either. I'm no longer an extrovert,... or as extroverted as I was in my 20's.

  24. Yesss, I can definitely relate to your third point, though I've never thought about it like that! I'm always confused when people say they're bored-- it's definitely something I'm not too. Also major SIGH to you even having to mention the protesting one, oh 2017!

  25. Great post idea!! I SO respect people who choose not to have kids. I know too many people who have them because of societal pressures. I also am never fashionable or trendy. I told someone the other day that I only had about 6 pairs of shoes and they about dropped out of their chair- lol!

  26. Ha... I just bought one of those sheer, long, kimono jacket things at Walmart of all places (Anthro $90 can suck it) and every time I wear it I feel very Dorothy Zbornak.I would like to be a survivor but in reality I have very poor skills. I could cook for the survivors though:)

  27. I'm not interested in giving up my creamer either. Or my DD caramel swirl!! I was so disappointed at the turnout at our polling place. Especially with the current political climate, I thought it would be packed. I was the only one there, and only number 96 for the whole day and I didn't go until around 6. These primary and local elections are so, so important!

  28. I'm not a napper either, I always feel like crap after I take one and turns me into a nightmare. haha.

  29. I suffer from RBF too so it's a problem when it comes to first impressions.
    Adults who are bored are boring. Kids who are bored are just kids.

  30. I love this post so much Steph! I think it's important to realize who we are and who we are not and not beat ourselves up over it. If you want kids, have kids, if you don't that's great too. We should never succumb to this world's pressure to be something we're not when we don't have to. May just have to adopt this idea for my own blog! ;)

  31. It's good to recognize and be comfortable with your dos and don'ts. I used to be such a night owl but now I can't keep up with it being exhausted from work all the time. Hell no to public speaking. Just can't.

  32. "I'm used to hearing I thought you were a bitch by now. And to be fair, sometimes I am a bitch, because I don't like you." <---- Ditto. And the not being lonely thing/being totally fine doing things by myself. I'm not someone who cares much for being polite - I am generally kind to people, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that it's inappropriate to talk about politics, or mental health issues, or what have you just "because it's not proper" or it might be a touchy subject.

  33. I love all of this and agree with most things. My favorite is the "survivor" line. I'm with you - screw that, I'm out.

  34. Love love love this post (and mayyyyyyyyyy steal the idea & credit you, of course!). All of these things make you who you are and why I am glad to call you a friend. Also, a life without blowdrying sounds amazing. Oh & I'm never bored/lonely either.

  35. I was never a napper until about two years ago. I'd take one every day if I could now! But I have to set an alarm so I don't sleep for two hours and wake up grumpy. I'm also not a survivor. I'd run toward the zombies and just let them have me.

  36. AMEN to coffee without cream. HELL to the NO! I however am a napper, and it's glorious!

  37. I'm sorry, someone thought you were getting paid to protest?!

    Life is too short for coffee without cream.

  38. Love all of this. Wish I had met people like you during my recent, short stint in Philly...maybe then I would have liked it a bit more! Alas, I'll have to keep up from afar. Just found your blog a few weeks ago and already it's one of my favorites - so thank you for sharing!

    1. Aww, I wish you met people like me too. I'm sorry you didn't like it here.


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