Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Shit MFD said this week

MFD: What's that? Pointing to a zit I just picked that is clearly a picked zit 
Me: What do you think it is?
MFD: Chocolate? A cut?
Me: It's a zit. A zit I picked okay?
MFD: tsk tsk


I am trying to fall asleep with my trusty sleep mask on and hear crunching at 11:30 p.m. 
Me: What are you eating in bed?
MFD: Cookies.
Me: Seriously?
MFD: It's just a small snack. 
(3 minutes later I smell citrus)
Me: Are you eating a fucking meal in bed?
MFD: It's a tangerine! It's health food!
Me: It's a clementine and this is not the dining room.



MFD: The shrimp are in a towel. So if you go in the fridge and are like, "What's in this towel," it's shrimp.
Me: Interesting. 

Picking up People mag
MFD: Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Woody Allen is probably like, "Thank God he died to take some of the heat off of me."

Someone has discovered Groupon
MFD: Hey Steph? I saw a Groupon for a colonic. What do you think? Should I buy it?
Me: Gross. And no.

MFD: Hey Steph? I saw a Groupon for a trip to St. Maarten. We should buy it.
Me: How much? Wait! Our vacations are all planned and we have three weddings this year. I have no more days off left. No.

MFD: Hey Steph? I saw a Groupon for a computer. We should buy it.
Me: You just got a computer in March. No.

MFD: Hey Steph? I saw a Groupon for duct work. We should buy it.
Me: I don't know what duct work cleaning is, so if you say so.
MFD: YES! Cool.

Sniffling and moaning
MFD: I think I'm sick.
Internal alarms start blaring. Code Red! Man Cold! Code Red! Man Cold!
I wish the period was inside of the quotation marks. Goddamn grammatically incorrect e-cards. 
***************************
Haikuesday
Do we have Nyquill?
Women run! It's man cold time.
Same cold, only worse.
***************************
Check out My So-Called Chaos today - I'm giving away $25 to Sephora!

Tomorrow: linking up with Kathy at Vodka and Soda for Humpday Confessions and sharing something we totally suck at in this house.
 photo purple_zpse5f7f916.png
Linking up for
Voyage of the Mee Mee

43 comments:

  1. The eating in bed thing: WHY do they do that??

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  2. Oh no!!!! Not a man cold!!!!!!! Run and hide!!!! That reminds me of an awesome episode of Big Bang Theory when Sheldon gets sick and everyone tries to avoid him because he is the WORST when he is sick. Haha :)

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  3. *hurrying off to put my shrimp in a towel*

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    Replies
    1. Right Saxty? Who does that? Blotting dry in a towel, sure. Storing in one? Hmm...

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  4. I'm glad it's still early at work and no one heard me cackling (loudly). So hilarious :)

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  5. wtf blogger did it again. IT ATE MY COMMENT.

    i absolutely hate it when M eats in bed. then he gets crumbs all over the place and when i say something, he brushes them off ONTO THE FLOOR and says 'what crumbs? there are no crumbs on the bed'. WTF

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  6. OMG the eating in bed would bug me too. You need to run, the man cold is no fun! The sniffling and moaning for sympathy enough are terrible.

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  7. Man colds are the worst!!! I think the Groupon quotes are HILARIOUS. :)

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  8. HAHA! The groupons are hilarious. Doug always brings up random shit to buy that we just do NOT need.

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  9. He had to get up and get the snack and presumably to throw away the peel so why can't he just eat over the kitchen sink like so many other men? The groupon thing is so funny, he was just dying to save that money. And he does make a good point about PSH. I hope for both of your sake that he isn't getting sick!

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  10. Bahahahah... the zit one is my favorite. Pete calls white heads "mashed potatoes." (See how I put my period INSDIE of the quotation marks?!)

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  11. I am prob the Mike Doyle around here! #laughteristhebestmedicine
    Heading out into the frigid, but thank God, sunny polar vortex.
    Accentuate the positive and always be grateful. #betterhappierlife
    Love your DalaiMOMMA

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  12. OMG, he needs to get the colonic. I am dying to talk to someone who has done it.

    WTF were the shrimp in a towel??

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  13. Lol I loved reading Shit MFD Says....men do the weirdest things. I mean you want to do a Groupon so badly that you'd get a colonic? I'll pass on that one and only he knows the logic of shrimp in towels...smh

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  14. Lol I loved reading Shit MFD Says....men do the weirdest things. I mean you want to do a Groupon so badly that you'd get a colonic? I'll pass on that one and only he knows the logic of shrimp in towels...smh

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  15. The one about Phillip Seymour Hoffman had me cracking up!!

    Man colds are the worst, it's like a whiny kid moved in.

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  16. I am perplexed about these shrimp in a towel. Men do some weird shit. John is brewing beer and I found it wrapped in a towel in our guest room closet. WTF.

    I love the eating of the clementine in bed. That is a pretty daring snack for bed, given how sticky you get and how messy they are. Also, at least he buys the Groupons. John finds them and then emails me to order them like I'm his fucking secretary.

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  17. Hahaha. I love it! I hadn't heard of this linkup but I'm on it next time!! And my husband totally does the zit thing. Bastard.

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  18. hahah the man cold. so true about Woody Allen...

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  19. Aaron doesn't eat in bed, except for M&Ms sometimes, but (have I told you this) the weekend I was at your house he decided to eat ice cream in bed and fell asleep holding the bowl WITH ICE CREAM STILL IN THERE. Someone had to launder all the bedding the next day.

    LOL at the Groupons, although I should have checked out Groupon for our trip. Damn!

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  20. I can't even pick a favorite. I was going to go with the shrimp, but his new found love of groupon - that's a man after my own heart!

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  21. "Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Woody Allen is probably like, "Thank God he died to take some of the heat off of me." Haha, this has to be my favorite line. And the man cold? Oh man, is that dreaded. You'd think it's a life-ending illness when a man gets the sniffles.

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  22. Eating oranges in bed?! Hahaha, I'd smother Jason with a pillow

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  23. This is absolutely hilarious....I'm telling you I could go on forever with what they say....last night was my favorite "babe where is your dish washing soap" in my head I'm going.....clearly he doesn't wash enough dishes and then I waited...."oh here it is under the sink"......pause....yes that is where it always is ;-)

    ~Amanda
    Meet @ the Barre

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  24. I DIED with the eating in bed!!!! That is AWESOME!! I hope he peeled it downstairs.

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  25. The PSH comment was awesome. And there are certain things where you shouldn't go with the cheapest you can find. Lasik and colonics are at the top of that list.

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  26. Hanging with Reghan
    she is a hoot and a half
    we play all day long.

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  27. Ha. I would never eat in bed. I eat everywhere else, but never in bed. Also, this is a great warning to NEVER let my husband explore Groupon. As I comment this, I'm sitting in the Philly airport. I'm waving to you now :)

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  28. ha these are all so awesome. love the eating in bed and the discovery of groupon ha. ah men!
    -- jackie - jade and oak

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  29. Hahaha these are hilarious! Love this linkup. The discovery of Groupon is golden material but the Woody Allen comment was my favorite. So wrong, but so right.

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  30. OMG so freaking funny! Man colds are the worst, bunch of cry babies! I can totally picture my boyfriend eating an entire meal in bed late at night...he sounds like a good time!

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  31. Okay, I have to know...does he know you post the shit he says??? LOL!! He is a piece of work...you two are a match made in heaven!

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  32. I think I am like MFD when it comes to Groupon- it's all so alluring!

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  33. hahahaha love it. especially how you responded "interesting" to the shrimp in a towel.

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  34. I would not want any food eaten in bed. I'd worry about the crumbs and such.

    Eek, man cold. Yuck.

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  35. Man colds are the worst! My fiance is from Anchorage, AK-- he lived there for 25 years and then comes here where we rarely have cold weather (Pensacola, FL).. we have three days of cold and actually get ice and "snow" so of course he gets the world's worst cold and life as we know it is over. Kill me now!

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  36. Hhaha so funny! And seriously.. about the man cold. Such babies!

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  37. Shrimp in a towel. That is SO something Scott would do. And, like you, I probably wouldn't even bat an eye.

    And it's terrible, but what he said about Philip Seymour Hoffman made me LOL a little.

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  38. OMG I can't even handle the groupon mess. Luckily--my husband hasn't discovered groupon (it's like my best kept secret) but we'd be broke if he found it. And we'd have coupons for the most random shit. The eating a meal in bed thing had me CRACKING up!

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  39. Oh man. I was so hoping you'd link up for this one again. Last months was hilarious!!! I think my TOTALLY something D would say. I gotta start writing down his shit so I can join in on the fun. Xo

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