Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Shit MFD Said This Week Vol 3


At a family gathering
MFD: Wait! Put on Lawrence Welk!
Everyone in chorus: No!
MFD: What! That's a great show.

Putting dinner away
MFD: Where's the lid for this?
Me: Where all the lids are.
long pause
MFD: Well this is ridiculous.

Calling down from upstairs:
MFD: Hey Steph, would you touch Bruce Jenner's moobs for $10,000?
Me: What?
MFD: Moobs!

Yelling up from the kitchen:
MFD: Steph! Where's the milk? 
Me: I don't drink milk. I don't know. I'm guessing it would be in the fridge.
MFD: fah-ahh-ahhhck

Via text:
Me: Send me a pic of that hand lotion.
MFD: No lotion!
Me: We need lotion?
Via phone:
MFD: about your text...you said send a picture of lotion. We didn't get any in the mail.
Me: No no. That hand lotion for outdoors stuff that you got at Jack & Lori's.
MFD: That's cream.
Me: Same thing as lotion.
MFD: Balm, really.
Me: Still the same thing. 

Reading his church bulletin:
MFD: Hey Steph, you want to host an exchange student?
Me: No. 
MFD: They could have a bedroom and hang out in the basement. There's a generous monthly stipend. 
Me: No. 
MFD: Come on. Our own Long Duck Dong.
Me: No.

As I'm walking out the door:
MFD: Did you wear that outfit yesterday? 
Me: What do you think I am?

Today is my Pop's birthday. He is a card, saying things like:
-Very good (his go to response to anything and now mine)
-calls his grown sons "boy" and all women "woman"
-Say nothing, stay longer

*************************************
Haikuesday:
Birthday week is here
Pass the winning powerball
And the pimp cane too
*************************************
I just like the term pimp cane. Tomorrow: tooting your own horn.
 photo purple_zpse5f7f916.png
Linking up for
Voyage of the Mee Mee

47 comments:

  1. Your "Shit Men Say" is always the funniest <3

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  2. bahahahaha! long duck dong!!!! No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food!

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  3. Seriously MFD crack me up. You could have your own Long Duck Dong! Come on!

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  4. You're seriously passing up your very own Long Duck Dong? Automobiiiiiile...

    Scott said this a couple of weeks ago:

    Do you think Navy Seals practice breaking into our house just to see if they can do it?

    Then he fell off the bed on purpose. I give up.

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  5. Awww, c'mon Steph, don't you want your own Long Duck Dong!?!?!?!

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  6. HA! That balm/lotion/cream conversation sounds like something between Mark and I. But ours are more about colors. HAHA!

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  7. I want to comment individually on each little statement because they're all just gold--but I'll just say (for the sake of time) this is a hilarious collection. Seriously hilarious. In a dry humor kind of way. The milk one really made me laugh out loud!

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  8. I am laughing out loud about your own Long Duck Dong. That would be some amazing blog fodder there. Even more if you provided him his own pimp cane, just saying.

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  9. Bahahahah @ Bruce Jenner's moobs! Laughed so hard and slapped my knee... JC came running into the room - that's how you know it was a good (slightly scary) laugh.
    Happy birthday Pop!!!! :D

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  10. my favorite is the long duck dong. too funny!

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  11. I LOVE THESE!!! The lid, the milk! And why no exchange student? Come on!!!

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  12. I would touch a moob for $10,000...I ain't even gonna lie!

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  13. These were great! I was laughing out loud!

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  14. You guys are a lot funnier than Shawn and me.

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    Replies
    1. I attribute this to MFD's zaniness. I'm the dry man.

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  15. Hilarious!!!! Long Duck Dong- what's happenin' hotstuff! Grandpa's hyena, etc. That really would be crazy!!!
    Need to find a good pic of Pop to instagram. Enjoy 63 degrees later today and the extra daylight.
    Love your MOMMA

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  16. We could have our own Long Duck Dong....bahahahahaha!

    Also I'd touch Bruce Jenner's moobs for $10k, as long as hand sanitizer was near by!

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  17. Hahaha "Balm, really." Men aren't usually so particular!

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  18. hahaha he went straight for your heart with the Long Duck Dong there, didn't he? Can't believe you didn't cave! I think the lid one makes me laugh the most, such a typical guy!

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  19. Happy birthday, Steph
    (but beware the Ides of March)
    you are getting old!

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  20. I'm dying. I don't know which one I like better - moobs or Long Duck Dong. He's my new favorite man of blog world :)

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  21. Bet you'd get some awesome posts from hosting an exchange student. He might have something there...

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  22. An exchange student huh? That would be interesting! Happy Birthday to your Pop!

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  23. Haha Long Duck Dong... love that movie!

    And regarding the lids and the milk... yep I tell my husband all the time that he "missed orientation" whenever he asks where something is :-P

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  24. I would SO touch Bruce Jenner's moobs for $10,000.

    What, you guys don't keep your milk in the coat closet like everyone else? ;)

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  25. Hahaha, Lawrence Welk?! My granny made me watch that as a kid! I should do one about things Jason says..Happy Birthday, Grandpa!

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  26. bahahahha host an exchange student??? No way! I love when they ask where common everyday items are....they should really know and not have to ask right?!

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  27. Why can't men find anything in the kitchen??? It is like a scavenger hunt for Kyle and he acts like I set him up for failure by putting all bowls in the same place or silverware in the silverware drawer... the nerve!

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  28. Holy crap, I just got the death stare from PJ because I'm laughing so hard! If and when I ever get to meet MFD, it will take great restraint not to just yell "MOOBS!". Also, not that they are on the same intellectual plane or anything (because, duh) but I am pretty sure that PJ and MFD would have an epic conversation. Like, YouTube worthy shit.

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  29. LOL Cream, Lotion, Balm, same thing!!!

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  30. Having spent a weekend at your house, I can actually hear these conversations! Your very own Long Duck Dong. Fantastic!

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  31. I'm surprised he knows the difference between lotion/cream/balm! Would love to see his convos with an exchange student...

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  32. again, I love this. I love the "moobs" and "well this is ridiculous". I'm also a big fan of Pop's 'very good' response.. I may use that.

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  33. Ahh, my grandfather used to say "very good" all the time too in response to everything. It was amazing. He also said made borderline inappropriate racial comments (ones that I will refrain from posting here) that made you just shake your head. He didn't mean anything malicious by them, just the way he was raised and his life experiences.

    Also, I totally think you need an exchange student.

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  34. Hahahaha "Our very own Long Duck Dong". That is my absolute favorite!

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  35. Exchange student one hahahahaha can't stop laughing. Long duck dong. So wrong, but so right!

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  36. Well at least he keeps you laughing!!!

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  37. OMG the lotion/balm one and the outfit comment were my favs!

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  38. It really is balm lol. Admit it, you thought for a second about an exchange student when he mentioned Long Duck Dong.

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  39. "Balm, really" -- that is hilarious. But seriously, are all guys incapable of finding anything? Want milk? Hmmmm where might that be???? And that lid? Why, it's with ALL THE OTHER LIDS! Sheesh. I've had my husband call me while I'm out of town to ask me where things are.

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  40. Moobs! Love this. Seriously about the exchange student? I want one!! Haha, happy birthday Pops! XoX

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    Replies
    1. I'd take a Long Duck Dong, unfortunately he's one of a kind.

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  41. My grandma always watched Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights. (Someday that'll be us…watching old SNL reruns).

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