MFD: Steph, I want to get a hamster.
Me: A what?
MFD: A hamster.
MFD: Why not?
Me: One dog shit all over the house today and another cost a little less than a mortgage payment at the vet tonight and you want a hamster?
MFD: Mmm hmm. And a bird.
Me: If I die before you, no funeral. Cremate me, no receiving line, just a nice luncheon. No service. I will provide a soundtrack.
MFD: Will there be fart noises?
MFD: On the soundtrack...will we be eating and it'll just be a bunch of fart noises playing?
While watching COPS
MFD: This looks like a B&E.
Me: Is that breaking and entering for those of us not in law enforcement?
MFD: It is. You might also know it as home invasion.
Me: Don't ride their ass because you're not where you want to be.
MFD: I'm fine where I am. It's you.
Me: It is. We're off my sunrise schedule.
MFD: Now I know you haven't seen a sunrise yet this summer...
Me: They're all different.
MFD: But they happen every day. We're going to see a WHALE. That never happens.
Me: It'll be whale of a tale if you get a ticket.
MFD: A hurr.
MFD: Steph, would you be able to use The Force?
MFD: I don't know. Anywhere.
Me: Not right now. Could you?
MFD: I think so. Yes.
Me: I haven't even heard anyone upstairs.
MFD: I know.
Me: Are they not walking around?
MFD: Maybe they levitate.
MFD: Remember that long eyelash I had last year?
MFD: You don't? You picked it out.
MFD: Well, he's back. Or he has a brother.
Me: Say it again?
MFD: He's back. Or he has a brother.
Me: Ah. That's what I thought you said.
We don't typically exchange anniversary cards or gifts, but he chose a hilarious one this year that is straight true (aside from sweetie...that word has never been uttered in our house aside from me saying Sweetie Darling like Pats). Anyone who has driven with him will appreciate this too.
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1, Shit MFD Said Vol 2, Shit MFD Said Vol 3, Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5, Shit MFD Said Vol 6, Shit MFD Said Vol 7, Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9, Shit MFD Said Vol 10, Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29, Vol 30, Vol 31, Vol 32