Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Shit MFD Said Vol 4


Via phone after buying four pairs of glasses at Warby Parker and Pearl Vision in under two hours to make sure all the FSA money was spent by the deadline:
MFD: I bargained those bitches down. I said, "Look. I have $500 to spend and I want two pairs of prescription RayBans. For $500."
Me: And then what happened?
MFD: I bought a Groupon for 39 bucks for $200 off two pairs of prescription RayBans and BOOM I got them. I fed the dogs and now I'm going to buy shoes. Bye.

After spending 20 minutes in the Sam's bathroom:
MFD: Why would you blow your nose in the bathroom? It's like breathing in someone else's shit.

10:43 p.m., bedroom
Me: Are you eating? 
MFD: Just a light snack.
Me: A light snack does not arrive on a plate in the bedroom.

Watching Law & Order, mumbling to himself
MFD: He should go to jail for that hairstyle.

Looking in the mirror
MFD: Hey Steph, guess what I won't be doing anytime soon? 
Me: What?
MFD: Using that self tanner. 
Me: Well you thought it was lotion at first. 
MFD: Is that what you're saying so you can say, "My husband wasn't using self tanner for a week?" 

Via email:
MFD: Can you mash these two and put this kilt onto Dracula? (two photos are attached) Thanks!

Via phone:
MFD: I went to Dunkin Donuts today and the lady was a real bitch, barking, "Can I help you?" I said, "Can you give me a minute? There's a lot of items on your menu." Then she said it again real mean so I backed out of the drive thru. 
Me: I hate asshole service people. But with the menu...it's not the first time you've been there...you go every day.
MFD: Well...NOT TODAY.


******************************************
Haikuesday:
Excellent service...
Is there a Groupon for that?
I would buy 15.
******************************************

   photo purple_zpse5f7f916.png
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1
Shit MFD Said Vol 2
Shit MFD Said Vol 3

Linking up for
Voyage of the Mee Mee

38 comments:

  1. The DD thing is hilarious. I'd like to see that.
    I often wake up to whole dishes of leftovers missing from the fridge. Scott goes to bed hourssss after I do so he usually eats whatever he can find after 10pm.

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  2. hahahahahaah MFD is hilarious. i love that he bargained that shizz down; i would have done the same and then yelled BOOM BOOM POW, BITCHESSSSSS!!!! and the hairstyle comment LOL. so awesome

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  3. Love the hairstyle comment and the self tanner. Well did you mash the two pictures? Dracula in a kilt would be funny! Horrible customer service is the worst. As always love the haiku.

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  4. I cannot stop laughing! This post made my day and I absolutely LOVE the DD bit. I could just imagine onlookers watching him back out of the drive through. So funny.

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  5. A bargain hunter
    with lots of money to spend
    must be respected.

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  6. I want Mike Doyle's metabolism right now! The DD lady was not nice, but funny that he goes there and cannot decide.
    And, of course, the self-tanner!! Always a fun read!
    Soaking my tootsies
    the need care
    Glad I can reach them.
    Love your Momma

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  7. Bahaha! Ohhh, MFD! I for one will never be blowing my nose in a bathroom again... who knew he was so wise?! And leaving the DD drive-through? Who knew he was such a bad ass, too?! This is the crown jewel for me though: "He should go to jail for that hairstyle." haha

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  8. I totally want to see Dracula in a kilt, that's brilliant!

    I love the sign with his initials, almost as good as Stephanie's restaurant.

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  9. OMG! He his hilarious!!! You should put these all together for a book!!!!

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  10. haha i feel like michael would love for me to put a kilt on dracula. too funny. and such a good point about blowing your nose in the bathroom...

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  11. HAHAH i think he must be related to my boyfriend...

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  12. lol this is full of awesome!!!! Some people really should go to jail for their hairstyle!

    Chris used to go to the tanning bed...shhhhh. MFD's secret is safe with me.

    And he is right about blowing your nose in the bathroom. No thanks! I try not to breathe while I am in there at all!

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  13. I am intrigued as to what he was going to do with Dracula in a kilt and whether you did it for him?

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  15. I had to delete that last comment due to a typo. Anyway, I was cracking up in the jury pool room reading this! Hopefully, it's making me look crazy, but either way, that shit is funny! When can we all go out to dinner????

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  16. Omg the Dunkin Donuts story....I die. "Well...NOT TODAY!" Perfect.

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  17. haha! And why did he want to put a kilt on Dracula?? That's hilarious.

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  18. And Groupon claims another victim,... but at least he got his RayBans!! Also, loving the haiku!

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  19. Every time. He gets me every time. Especially the self tanner.

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  20. HILARIOUS. I love him so much, this was an exceptional group of quotes. NOT TODAY

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  21. I LOVE THESE!! The DD is AWESOME! My husband does the same things, and always orders the same thing. COME ON!! And the self-tanner! Hahaha

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  22. haha i love this!! i woke up after a rowdy friday to a plate on my bedside table, i know that i ate a whole amys frozen pizza, but I will not admit it to myself, just to blogland, not myself!

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  23. Ummmmm that Law & Order....hilarious. Also did you mash the kilt yet? Because if you won't I will ;-)

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  24. I was so excited when I read the title of this post. I love shit MFD says. the dracula thing and the DD are my favorites. so funny.

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  25. Haha I love these types of posts. I was crackin up.

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  26. he really showed that DD lady!!!! and didn't get his own coffee. so really it was a loss for him.

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  27. bahaha the "light snack" comment cracks me up! And the kilt mash up picture hahaha

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  28. This might go through twice. My iPad is an asshole today.

    Posts like this make me realize I'm not the only one married to a crazy person. And that is good.

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  29. Haha, I think the drive thru part was my favorite! I would totally do the same thing...after I called the manager and maybe kept them from getting more customers while still in the drive thru lane. Working in customer service I expect so much more now!

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  30. Hilarious! Sounds like he keeps life interesting!

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  31. Men can be so silly at times. It's hilarious. :D Keeps things interesting that's for dang sure.

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  32. I cannot stop laughing. This was my favorite addition so far. He should go to jail for that hairstyle and can you mad these two pictures together are the best. Sorry MFD the Drive Thru is not for browsing the menu please step inside. That said being mean to MFD is like kicking a puppy.

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  33. MFD is hilarious. My husband used to do the same thing at Starbucks... like dude, it's the SAME stuff they have had for years, you still need the menu? And were you successful in putting Dracula in a kilt? Do we know why he suddenly needed to celebrate his Scottish heritage?

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  34. LMAO! He sounds hilarious the DD incident made me laugh out loud for real!

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  35. These are great (as always). "Well... NOT TODAY!" I laughed out loud.

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  36. Bahaha I love that he knows how to use Groupon, and he's on point with the breathing in people's shit comment. Seriously.

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  37. I love the breathing people's shit comment. Anytime I'm in a public bathroom, I think about how I'm breathing other people's poop germs, and they're landing on me. Ugh.

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