Nine lives

Today we are nine years married. This month we are 17 years together and have known each other for 29 years. 

It is true that while the days are long, the years are short. And different. Every year is different. 

Last year our anniversary fell a few days after losing my father-in-law, a few months before an election but over seven months in on the daily exhausting stress of running for office while trying to maintain a life and still like each other. Spoiler alert: not always successful. 

We didn't see each other for more than 20 minutes on our anniversary last year. MFD was campaigning then over with his Mom and I was pulling photos for his Dad's funeral service DVD. And that was...fine. Seriously. We already don't do gifts, and for a lot of years together we didn't have money to go out to even a halfway nice meal. I have zero expectations and would rather he fold laundry than get me a card LOL. I don't expect him or myself to be in a celebratory mood every year. Statistically over the long haul, that's not possible. And that's what this is, the long haul. 

But traditions die hard so I made us take a pic like I do on every anniversary. This one is at the end of a tiring day in the midst of an absolutely draining year. I'm glad I did. It's good to remember what we've gotten through together.  It's nice to look at this photo today and know we both feel a million times better than we did on this day last year. 

Not every day or year is full of celebratory cheer. Things change. We ourselves go through big changes. We lose loved ones and gain them. Circumstances arise and through it all we need time to individually adjust and to adjust as partners. As there is to everything, there is an ebb and flow and while obviously preferring the flow, I try to honor both because we need that ebb to adjust back into a flow. The river is wide and it is long and it forges the path it needs to take. 

If you ever see me out here acting like life is but a dream, know I have been body snatched. I would never put the pressure on myself or MFD to appear perfect or perfectly married so we can portray ourselves that way online. I’m not putting all of my business out there but I’m also not in the business of distorting reality. None of us are perfect and none of us have a perfect relationship but I do hope if people want to be tied to someone, that they find the person that is perfectly imperfect for them. 

Here's this year's collage with much less stress on my face than last year's because there’s more flow - see this anniversary collage in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018. 

L-R: 

1) October - The only photo we're both in from last October. Thank you for joining us Melissa! 

2) November - Thanksgiving weekend at the shore, less than a week after getting our newest dog John Bender from a rescue

3) December - Christmas Day

4) January - New Year's Day

5) February - Shopping together is not one of our favorite things

6) March - Back to the shore for my birthday. Our house opening gift was a hot water heater that was broken and would take three weeks and numerous parts to repair

7) April - Good Friday

8) May - Taking our photo for Ruth & Pete's 60th anniversary

9) June - Bike riding and beach walking 

10) July - Family vacation in Emerald Isle

11) August - back to relaxing weekend days when MFD wasn't working - him fishing and me reading

12) September - more of the same

This year has been one of redefinition. Last year changed us as people and it changed our relationship. Who are we now? Where are we going? Where do we want to be? We're still figuring that out individually and together and enjoying ourselves.

Happy Anniversary MFD. This year has been infinitely more relaxing than last and that has been fucking amazing. 

Happy happy 40th birthday to Amanda! Love you!

How to be a Supportive Partner After An Accident

Wednesday! How are we friends? Recently I was talking to Lindsay from Bourbon & Lipstick about being a supportive partner after an accident/surgery the other day and had bad flashbacks to MFD's accident a few years ago when he was off his foot for 12 weeks...the longest 12 weeks of my life...and how fortuitous that Maggie is here today with this article. Speaking of Lindsay, check out her post on Bourbon & Lipstick today about skin routines at every age - I volunteered mine to be included.

And speaking of Maggie, Maggie Hammond is a retired nurse and freelance writer, exploring and writing in the U.S. in retirement. An advocate for public health and nursing qualifications, she feels passionate about raising awareness of the current strain on public health organisations.

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Suffering from the consequences of an accident is a trying time for both the person involved and their close friends and family, particularly their partners. You will want to support your partner as best as you can following an accident, so here are a few things you can do to help.

Exercise patience
The impact of an accident, especially one that has resulted in debilitating injuries, can be significant. The individual may no longer be able to carry out certain tasks as quickly, or even at all. It is also likely to have an effect on their mental health, and they may be suffering from negative thoughts and seeking an outlet for their irritation. As their partner, the chances are that it will mainly fall on you to pick up the shortfall during the recovery process and be a sounding board for their outbursts.

Much like nurturing a child’s development, it can be frustrating having to pick up after people or wait while they try to accomplish tasks by themselves and reclaim some of their independence. It can be challenging not to retaliate to heated words or negativity. The recovery process can be slow, but you must remain patient.

Offer encouragement and motivation to your partner, and continue to support and facilitate their independence. Remind yourself that even though it took them half an hour to get dressed, they managed to do it themselves. That may be a massive step for them and one that should be praised, even if made you a little late to the doctor’s appointment.

Don’t let money bring you down
It is no secret that an accident, especially one which results in a loss of earnings, will add financial pressures. Finances are often a source of strain, even in relationships unaffected by injury. Don’t let it come between you and your partner. If they used to manage the bills and handle the accounts, then this may be something you will now need to take on, and you may have to manage your new budget better. If circumstances allow you to work together on this, then even better.

Don’t forget that there are services out there designed to help financially. Personal injury solicitors such as The Compensation Experts can support families through the challenges of post-injury life; that is what they are there for. You should not be too proud to seek out their help and advice.

Take care of yourself
Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help, or too proud to accept it. Friends and family can help to support you and your partner and take the pressure off you both and free up time to recover emotionally. Whether you seek out downtime that you and your partner can share, to distract from injury and allow you to enjoy each other’s company; or you take a little time out with friends for coffee and a chat, make sure you don’t forego all of life’s little joys.

It may feel selfish but don’t give up your favorite hobbies and still make sure you take time out for yourself, even if it is just for an hour. Your partner needs your support and for you to be strong for the both of you, and you can’t take care of someone else if you fail to take care of you.

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Any tips to add on how to be a supportive partner post-injury? MFD was not able to bear weight on his leg for 12 weeks. A backpack and hoodie to move food from kitchen to living room, a recliner, and a shower chair were big helps.

Happy birthday to Marla at Luck Fupus and Uncle Jim today!

Seven marriage things that have worked and seven that haven't

Yesterday marked seven years of marriage for us. This year has not been one of the easier ones on many levels but we're here, looking forward to the next year in this world together. Speaking of the future...when we were engaged and going through all the hoopla, I was told or read many pieces of  time honored advice and closely held convictions of others about what marriage is or should be. If we would have listened to them over doing what worked for us, we'd be sunk. The truth is every marriage is different. Every couple is different. You have to do what works for you. Chart your own course. 

These things have not worked for us.

1. Don't go to bed angry. Fuck that! Fuck that right now. We've gone to bed angry many nights, sometimes more than one night in a row. Marriage and life in general are complicated. Some shit is a big deal and takes time to sort through. Having to pretend to not be angry anymore before bed would go up my ass sideways. 

2. Keep date night. We're married. Isn't every night date night? 

3. Keep her happy with flowers. I appreciate them, especially when they are the cheapies from Produce Junction but am totally okay with buying my own. I'd take no dishes in the sink over a pretty bouquet any day of the week. 

4. A house is not a home without children. It is a home. Sometimes it's more than one. Wink wink to everyone out there who thinks they have the okay to comment on the reproductive choices of others. We don't need kids to start a family. We are a family. 

5. Nobody likes a nag. Nobody likes shit that doesn't get done for days. If I asked for it to be done and it's not done, you'll hear about it whether you're my husband, my contractor, or God. 

6. Be everything to each other. Good for you, not for us. See number four below. Also, MFD is not my best friend and I am not his. We are very good friends though. 

7. Act like divorce is not an option. It is an option. It's good when you know you'd choose to stay. That is not possible in some situations and I'm not participating in that farce. 

Things that have worked in our marriage: 

1. Share experiences, not gifts. I am a practical gift giver, which is not MFD's favorite. He is an expensive gift giver, which gives me anxiety. We both enjoy shared experiences, dinners out, travel, etc. much more, so that's what we do now. Or we buy what we want and say thanks, you got me this and I really love it.

2. Not freaking out over being out of sync. Life is long. So is marriage. It'll come around. It will require some work like all things worth having, but it'll come around. 

3. Sit beside each other in pain. You can't fix some things, you can't take away pain, you can't solve things, you can't heal things but you can sit and BE there through it. You are the constant and the constant is enough. 

4. Space. We do not do everything together. I cannot think of something either of us would hate more. 

5. Appreciating the little things. The little things add up to more than the big things.

6. Practicing self care. If one of us is not doing that, our marriage buckles under the imbalance. You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of anyone else - including being there for your partner. 

7. Laughter, always. 

Here's this year's collage - see this anniversary collage in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016. 

1 - 9/24/16 whale watching in Cape May; 2 - 9/25/16 anniversary sunrise in OCNJ;  3 - October 2016 Powerscourt Waterfall in Wicklow, Ireland; 4 - November 2016 in Edinburgh, Scotland; 5 - December 2016 at Crystal & Drey's wedding; 6 - New Year's Day January 2017; 7 - February 2017, a 70 degree day prompted a trip to the beach with the dogs; 8 - March 2017 a frigid day to walk over the Brooklyn Bridge and see Book of Mormon; 9 - April 2017 Regina Brave event at the Peace Center; 10 - May 2017 a cold Memorial Day weekend at the shore; 11 - June 2017 in Corsons Inlet; 12 - July 2017 in Emerald Isle, NC after a few days in Ocracoke; 13 - August 2017 Friday afternooning in the North End; 14 - 9/24/17 late anniversary eve on the beach

What works and doesn't for you? 

Linking up with Lauren & Bre

I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen - A.A. Milne

This month marks 14 years for us as a couple, and today is our sixth wedding anniversary. We've known each other since seventh grade. There's a lot of water under this bridge.

We've gone through tremendous changes in the past three years of our marriage. All for the better, but big changes just the same. I'm proud of how we've acclimated and adapted, how we've supported each other, and how we've hung in there even when it would have been easier to not hang in there. 

So often internet discussions of relationships focus on the great and sweet moments, which of course I love because who doesn't love great and sweet moments? But just like in every other area, I'm a realist when it comes to love and marriage. Some days are diamonds and some days are rocks. Both serve a purpose but one is so much prettier so we tend to focus on those glittering diamond days when things are so good it almost hurts to look at them straight on. Then you have the days where someone's an asshole, something is hard, things are boring - the rock days. Not so exciting, not pretty or special, not often mentioned.

Honestly? It's exceptionally easy to be married when everything is great, but you're going to be shit out of luck if you can only co-exist on the high road...you have to be able to survive time in the trenches together as well.

That's why I've never tried to pretend we have the perfect relationship. I'm too proud of the hard times we've come through and I wouldn't let them go for anything - they've made us just as much if not more as the diamond days have made us. Besides, perfect relationships are a) a farce b) boring as fuck to even contemplate. We are imperfect people in an imperfect relationship living an imperfect life and it's pretty damn great. To those of you out there doing the same, I see you. 

Here's to another year of making dreams come true, of tenacity, of shit MFD said, of being real and true with each other, of support and encouragement and understanding, of love, and of adventure. 

A collage of the past 12 months:  (click on this to see 2015's collage and 2014's collage).

1 - In Grand Teton National Park on September 25 last year; 2 - October 2015 after signing papers on our shore house; 3 - November 2015 PanCan walk; 4 - An oddly warm beach day in December 2015; 5 - Cape of Good Hope in South Africa in January 2016; 6 - New Orleans in February 2016; 7 - Shawn & Maggie's wedding in March 2016; 8 - Back on the beach in April 2016; 9 - Chinese Lantern Festival in May 2016; 10 - before the Paul Simon concert in June 2016; 11 - Biking on the boards in July 2016; 12 - Tubing on the Delaware August 2016; us at Lucy the Elephant in Margate earlier this monthy

Happy birthday to Amanda today, one of our BFFs!

I'm off tomorrow, so maybe TWTW tomorrow night, or maybe Tuesday. I'll surprise you.

Friday Five: Years of Marriage

Marriage is a lot of things, but when I think of how I would describe it, I most often think of a road trip. We all know no matter what external forces come up, a road trip is always only as good as the people on the trip make it. This is an especially fitting analogy as today is our fifth wedding anniversary and we are currently on the second to last day of a 10 day road trip through the the middle of a lot of nowheres with shoddy cell service. An appropriate test for a marriage, yes?

Relationships are work, which I wish they would tell you more about in books and movies instead of the gooey love stories they feed young girls who grow up thinking wonderful relationships just happen effortlessly to them, and the BS they feed young boys about how they just need to fix and save the day and be strong. Things in relationships are freaking hard sometimes, and it's okay to admit that. No person is perfect, so why would a relationship between two people be perfect?

MFD and I met in seventh grade and have been friends for 25 years. This month marks 13 years of us being a couple, 12 of which have been cohabitation years. And today? Today is our fifth wedding anniversary. We've had wonderful days that we wished would last forever and terrible days we couldn't wait for the end of; days where we felt invincible together, and days when we felt we couldn't scream loud enough at each other; days when our marriage felt like a tough old rock bridge and days when it felt like a chaotic landslide. Every time that was good and every time that was bad over the past 13 years together, we chose to stay in the car. We're still on the road. This is the truest quote I have ever come across about long term relationships:

The past 12 months have been more of a celebration of love, trust, and partnership and less of a need for tolerance and tenacity. We know that could be reversed next year of course, so we're enjoying it while it lasts in this order. A collage of the past 12 months:  (click on this to see last year).

1) September - our anniversary last year; 2) October - Halloween night; 3) November - Thanksgiving day in North Woods 4) December - Castaway Cay in the Bahamas; 5) January - New Year's Day to you guys, Mummer's Day to Philadelphia; 6) February - snowed in at home; 7) March - On my birthday in Niagara Falls, Canada; 8) April - Off to celebrate the marriage of friends; 9) May - Derby Day; 10) June - Swansboro, NC; 11) July - Stone Harbor, NJ; 12) August - Lake Chrisann 

Happy anniversary to us - we are both a work in progress, as people and as a couple. Here's to another year of growing together, keeping it real, having each other's backs, seeing the world, working hard for what we want and being grateful for what we have, living in the present, making dreams come true, and being in love.

p.s happy birthday to one of our BFFs, Amanda!

I am travelling, please forgive delayed replies to comments. 

Closed today on account of marriage

These two are getting married today. My brother Stephen and his long-time girlfriend Aubrey.

I love Aubrey. Which, as we all know, is not a given when someone marries into our framilies. I can't even make any schmaltzy now we're family statements. They've been together for 12 years, same as me and MFD. Aubrey and I have been family. I'm excited to stand up as a bridesmaid today when they make it official. She will be a stunning bride who will light up the room.

The four of us over 12 years ago in July 2002. 

The four of us a week ago today, Nov 7 2014

This little boy, six years younger than me, nemesis and intruder on my only child status in his early years, tormenter and source of gross boy smell in his adolescent years, lifeline in some hard times (his, mine, and ours), and one of the people I love the most in life...he's getting married today. Cue sentimental me. I expect to have some tears.

It is a wedding, after all.

I love wedding days. The beauty, the details, the hoopla, the show, the attire, the music, the food, the dancing, and the happy. All the happy.

I send a million good thoughts to the couple and hope a lot of hopes for them.

I hope day of hopes, like I hope they look around and really appreciate this wedding day that will fly by, that they take a few minutes to themselves to be all oh shit we're married!, that they always feel the support of the people who were here to witness them saying their vows, that they don't feel too rushed, that their pictures turn out awesome, and that they really enjoy this day.

Then I hope lifelong hopes, like I hope they know that a bad day personally or as a couple doesn't mean a bad life, that they know commitment will carry them through when the love and even the like isn't there, that they recognize their job as their partner's support and encouragement system is now the most important job in their life.

Then I take a zillion photos, have some apps, and go to the bar and get some free drinks. Today is my 11th and final appearance as a bridesmaid. This old broad is retired. I'm going out with a bang.

Cheers to love, cheers to weddings, and cheers to two people who I love very much on their wedding day.

Cheers to my dear friend Melissa on her birthday. Thanks for being real, always speaking the truth, listening when I need someone to listen, always supporting me, and being a lot of fun. 

Cheers to Friday, and cheers to you. 

Friday Five: Roles I Play in my Relationship

In keeping with the marriage theme this week since yesterday was our wedding anniversary, today I'm talking about roles I play in my marriage.


1. The Schedule Keeper - If you want to know if we can make it, you should probably just ask me. If you ask MFD,  he'll say I think so and then text or call me immediately to see if we're actually free, already booked, or have planned to not be free (AKA do nothing at home).
1a. The Vacation Planner - This is number one's little sister. Once the destination is picked, I make all of the arrangements and check in with him for opinions on restaurants, excursions, make sure his must dos made the list, etc.

2. The Detail Person - I'm concerned with how things go on a day to day basis and what we're doing/seeing/spending/saving now (which translates into The Bookkeeper). MFD is the big picture guy. That's an important balance to have, we remind each other of things the other one does not consider.

3. The Straight Man - In our comedy duo, MFD is the genial funny man and I'm the one who delivers the sarcastic line. We play well off one another.

4. The Hard Ass - When someone needs to be the heavy (with a company, about service, with someone who's being an asshole) or when someone needs to be told no...that's me. This week's shit list included Comcast and Verizon.

5. The Cook - We're actually both good cooks, but I end up doing most of it for various reasons including scheduling and the fact that I like to plan and prep ahead in regards to meals. I also really enjoy it. MFD typically makes a meal when he's seen it on TV and has a burning desire to make it. In that case he'll go out and do all of his own shopping for it as well.

What roles do you play in your relationship?

Romance is dead because that's how I like it

via

About 10 years ago, MFD brought home this weird cooler thing. He was full of glee as he sat down on the bed and said, "Look! I got you a present!" I unzipped it and it was a picnic basket cooler with all the things you need to eat on some grassy knoll or the beach. "We can go on picnics," he exclaimed. "That's...um...nice," I said.

Before you think I'm a total asshole (too late?) you should know I appreciated the gesture and that he chose something we could use on an outing together. I'm just not the girl who swoons over a picnic. We did pack it for vacation one year. Then he suggested ordering pizza so we didn't have to clean up, and I said, "Now you're speaking my language." When we moved, that went into the donate pile.

Via

You won't find me in the awwww chorus when your man does something super sweet, I have to remind myself to ask to see your engagement ring because I just don't care about jewelry, I'm not into public displays of affection (go on with yourself if you are, but keep it clean friends!), surprises freak me out, I don't like the word cuddle, I like candles but don't want to live by candle light, I have no desire to be swept off my feet, I don't take baths, I'm not a When Harry Met Sally fan, and it makes me sad to see rose petals on the ground instead of whole in a vase. I'm just not a romantic. I never have been. MFD is a romantic, and he's awesome at it. He puts up with me anyway.

There are women out there who are all I want to live in a Nicholas Sparks novel! Movies & books have made people lose their fucking minds and think relationships should be a living dream brought to fruition by the perfect person. Two things: 1. There is no perfect person. 2. There is no perfect relationship. Work at it, communicate, and show up for each other every day even on the hard days. That's real life romance.

Then there's me, living with the master of the Grand Gesture, happiest when he's vacuumed so I didn't have to, cleaned the snow off of my car, or run an errand I didn't want to run. The flowers and surprises are nice, but it's the day to day stuff that really matters to me. Don't worry, I do like power ballads, when MFD asks me to slow dance in the kitchen, tales of 50 year long marriages, hearing about why your partner is awesome for you, iconic LIFE magazine shots, Casablanca, etc. The other typical romance stuff, eh.

via

What about you? Romantic or no?


Linking up with Kathy for Humpday Confessions.

 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday

Shit MFD said this week

When I ask him to stop blocking the TV during the final dance scene of Dirty Dancing:
What? You've never seen this before?

When I wake him up from a very long Sunday nap:
What should I be doing? Watching the stupid Property Brothers?

Eating fruit cobbler I made Sunday and pointing at me with his spoon:
You know what? You should open up a fucking Honey's Sit-n-Eat type thing.

After not looking for the Gavescon at all. This can also be applied to keys, mouse, money, lighters, iPhone charger, ankle brace, whatever:
MFD: Where's the Gavescon?
Me: In the paisley box next to the pink box.
MFD: I don't see a pink box. This? (touches a tan box right next to the pink box)
Me: No.
MFD: What the fuck? Are we playing hide and seek with the medicine now?

Via text about a package we were expecting:
Me: I think the lamp arrived.
MFD: Wish it was a leg lamp...

When I told him I was doing a shit you say blog.
Oh. That's good.

Haikuesday:

Why can't men find things?

Age old question, am I right?

Just fucking look, men.

AND and and...check me out at Insert Classy Here where I'm sharing Hausfrauing Tips & Tricks today.

Tomorrow: bitches eating crackers. See you then. I hope your Tuesday doesn't suck hard.


Linking up for

The Predictable Me by MFD

This extremely attractive photo was taken during a hurricane in Wildwood in September 2008. It always makes me laugh. 

This weekend, Dirty Dancing was on twice. Naturally, I watched it both times even though I a) own it and can see it without commercials whenever I want, and b) have seen it eleventy billion times. If it's on, I'm watching it, and you can take that to the bank. When it comes to certain things, we're all creatures of habit. To myself, I am a very predictable person because hello I live this shit, I know what I do all the time.

On our way to dinner Sunday night, I said to MFD, "Can you think of some ways I'm predictable?"

He burst out laughing and said, "You are so predictable in every way." We've been together for 11 years this September. I certainly hope I'm predictable to him in some ways, otherwise he'd be caught asleep at the wheel, you know what I'm saying? Of course, he's predictable to me in a lot of ways too. Cohabitation breeds familiarity.

I was curious what he'd come up with at a moment's notice since he doesn't like to be put on the spot about anything. Here is his minute and a half list of ways in which I'm predictable:

• You are going to write a blog every day or every other day.
• You want me to do chores right away, and you yell at me because I never do them right away.
• You will prepare food for the week on Sunday. 
• You will wake up at the last possible minute you can and still get to work on time.
• You love water with lemon and a lot of ice. You use three glasses in one day and never finish any of them.
• You leave those glasses in bizarre spots where glasses don't go, like on the entertainment center or on the front table by the door.
• You go to Target and get the same things there all the time. You go to Redner's for certain things as opposed to Giant, which you never go to.
• At bars you ask for ice in a glass for your beer.
• When you're going somewhere, you will pack four days in advance at least.
• You will have a very long and lengthy reading list for every vacation and you will finish all the books. 
• You will look for shells on the beach.
• You will always ask me to put lotion on your back and say, "Make sure you get under the straps" like I don't know to do that. 
• Your birthday will be celebrated in grand fashion for a month. 

All of those things are true. The glasses thing cracked me up. I never noticed that I did that, but now that I think about it...

Here's something else predictable: Tuesday sucks. 

The End.

In what ways are you predictable?

I didn't marry my best friend

I always hear, see, and read, "I'm married to my best friend."  It's all over wedding stuff, like it is a given that that's what's happening - you're marrying your best friend. If your spouse  is your best friend, that is wonderful - I'm not bagging on you in the slightest so don't get your knickers in a knot. I do think in some respects it's become cliche - people feel like they're supposed to say it. Enter moi. I decided it was time to come out of the closet - there are marriages in which the wife does not consider the husband her best friend, and the husband does not consider the wife his best friend. Marriages like mine.

MFD and I have been friends since we were 13 years old, which is 23 years now. We've been together for 11 years. We have literally grown up together. He has always been and continues to be a very good friend of mine, but MFD is not my best friend and he never will be. He's my husband. I think that title bears enough weight by itself. My best friends? They were the people standing behind me in the bridal party line.

I do not want to tie the same person into the role of husband and best friend for a whole host of reasons, one being what if something happened? Then I'd lose both my husband and my best friend in one fell swoop? And myself and my mind in the process, obviously. I got married with the intention of it being forever. Forever is a long time, and if something happens to him before me, leaning on some close friends isn't going to cut it. I will need my best friends for that.

I also need my best friends to

• See movies like The Notebook or Bridesmaids
• Discuss the 50 Shades Phenomenon 
• Consult on female body issues
• Agree to take care of my chin hair if I should become comatose
• Take my facebook page down immediately if I die so it doesn't become a morbid visiting place
• Sound off to someone without them wanting to fix it
• Sit next to in pedicure chairs
• Drink wine and let loose with in the afternoon
• Let my mean girl out to roam around without fear of judgement
• Just be unguarded with people who see me for me and not me as a wife 
• Tell me when the dress looks bad
• Bitch to when my husband is driving me fucking nuts and know they're not going to hold it against him when I get over whatever it is

Let's face it...some things are just better done or discussed with your girlfriends. Especially those WTF is it with men in general situations.

My best friends have comforted me through many things, talked me down from many ledges, had so many serious and frivolous conversations with me, made me laugh until I snort, and just been a source of a criminal amount of fun and tomfoolery in my life. They are the sisters of my heart. I don't always need to explain how I feel to them because they just know.

Sure, MFD makes me laugh, and we have fun, and he's there for me. He is the most important person in my life, but he is not the be all and end all. I don't think that makes our relationship any weaker. Sometimes I feel like there's a WHAT? He's your spouse but not your best friend too? stigma, and to that I say that this is a choice for me. As my life goes on, I will continue to cultivate my relationship with my husband, and my relationship with my friends. Both roles are critical and integral to my happiness.

I don't want one person to be my everything unless that person is myself. At the end of the day, I stand on my own. On the rough days, I'll be propped up by my husband on one side and my best friends on the other. It's what works best for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Mawwiage is What Bwings us Togeva Today

Nothing says wedding like a good luck charm, Mister T stance and pug buttholes, am I right? Incidentally, the title of this post was my facebook status the morning of my wedding.

We have so many weddings coming up in the next year, it makes me think back on mine. That, the fact that I didn't have a blog when we got married, and linking up a day late and a dollar short with Holly and Mel for their wedding day shebang gives me an excuse to share a lot of wedding photos. Even though it's my blog and I don't need an excuse. I do what I want.

Location, Location, Location
We got married at the Deauville Inn in Strathmere, NJ. Because it was casual and beachy and because of this view, basically. This backdrop? This sunset on our wedding day? You can't beat it.

We kept it simple, 274 of our friends and family stood around and watched us get married with drinks in hand. The attire was casual and we urged people to dress comfortably and wear flip flops. And I arrived on a boat, bitches. Thanks to Captain Bill for getting me there, for stopping short on purpose and giving me and my maid of honor an oh shit we're going overboard moment that you and my dad shared a good laugh over, and for the sun breaking through so majestically on the way to the wedding site.

Colors
I was not the girl who grew up dreaming of her wedding day, so there was no blush and bashful for me. Navy I guess?  Here are some wedding things in lieu of colors. As you can see by the ketchup and mustard on the tables, we had a barbecue on the beach. We are not fancy people. We like to have a good time, no muss no fuss. Five dollar colored glass lanterns from The Christmas Tree Shoppe were plopped in the center of each table, surrounded by some shells and a photo of us. Tables were named after shore towns. I was obsessed with personalized wedding matches that I still use three years later.

First Dance Song
MFD picked this, and it was a surprise. It was Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel. It is very bizarre to be dancing in front of all of those people. I hate being the center of attention. I am the polar opposite of MFD.

Mummers
It's not MFD's wedding without Mummers. We had friends play from six different bands I think? It was a lot of fun. Not sure what the Mummers are? Click here.

Bridal Party, AKA Framily
We were all at the shore on Friday and did most of our pics then. One of my favorite pics ever is on the right of MFD and I with our bridal party in the distance behind us walking to the beach.

Of course we had our dogs in the wedding. Do you know us? And of course we had people climb on stilts and do Mr. Miyagi Karate Kid poses. And of course we gave a bunch of drunks sparklers and told them to have at it at the rehearsal dinner. 

We really had the best time. There was no asshole ruiner in the bridal party that everyone wanted to junk punch.

Honeymoon

We called the whole thing a wedcation. We came to the beach the Saturday before we got married and left the Saturday after. We lounged on the beach with the dogs, went out to eat, walked to bars, had dinner with friends who were down the week before, enjoyed the company of family and friends over our wedding weekend, hung out with friends who were down the week after, went to AC with friends, got some spa treatments and lobster in Cape May, did a bit of shopping, did a lot of resting and relaxing, frolicked on empty beaches and saw fabulous sunsets. I wouldn't trade it for anything. After going through the whole wedding prep and the long wedding day and utter exhaustion after, the last thing I can imagine doing is dragging my worn out ass on a plane with a set of freshly packed luggage. We saved the exotic destinations for years that followed. 

Regretskies

The only thing I'd do differently is to wear a short dress. That dress made it hard to maneuver in the sand. Otherwise, let's do it again! For free if possible. Anyone want to foot the bill this go round? Anyone? Bueller?

Something I Suggest You Do

Trash your dress the day after. 

Advice to You Fiance Knowleses out There

Everything we did reflected who we are as a couple, and I'm still really happy about that nearly three years later. I'm pretty sure I'll be pleased as punch about that for my entire life. I think it's really important to make sure your wedding day reflects the two of you, not what you're supposed to do or what someone else wants you to do. Also:

1. Don't worry about the small things. 

2. If something goes wrong, you're the only one who will notice. 

3. Whoever is there is who is supposed to be there. Whoever is not is not. If someone can't attend, it's not personal. 
4. You can't invite the entire world, and anyone who is offended that they weren't invited has no concept of per head costs. 

5. Think about the amount of money you are spending on one day, and make sure it's not going to make you cringe for years to come. 

6. It's your special day, sure. But it's also a special day for everyone who knows you. Let others share your joy. Don't say "IT'S MY DAY" in a borderline hysterical voice because everyone will talk shit about you if you do. 
7. Edited to add advice from a dear friend: "Make sure you don’t marry someone with a case of the Anthony Weiners." Which made me laugh and laugh but seriously, TRUTH. Sexters don't make good mates. 

What did you love about your wedding? What's your advice to those getting married soon?

Most photos courtesy of Photos by Lily. Local PA/NJ people, check her out.




Linking up with

Mel at 4Kottez and Holly at Where We Can Live Like Jack and Sally for Wedding Details

The Sowell Life - The Friday Five

Follow the Ruels for Friday Favorites