Wednesday, September 25, 2019

Nine lives

Today we are nine years married. This month we are 17 years together and have known each other for 29 years. 

It is true that while the days are long, the years are short. And different. Every year is different. 

Last year our anniversary fell a few days after losing my father-in-law, a few months before an election but over seven months in on the daily exhausting stress of running for office while trying to maintain a life and still like each other. Spoiler alert: not always successful. 

We didn't see each other for more than 20 minutes on our anniversary last year. MFD was campaigning then over with his Mom and I was pulling photos for his Dad's funeral service DVD. And that was...fine. Seriously. We already don't do gifts, and for a lot of years together we didn't have money to go out to even a halfway nice meal. I have zero expectations and would rather he fold laundry than get me a card LOL. I don't expect him or myself to be in a celebratory mood every year. Statistically over the long haul, that's not possible. And that's what this is, the long haul. 

But traditions die hard so I made us take a pic like I do on every anniversary. This one is at the end of a tiring day in the midst of an absolutely draining year. I'm glad I did. It's good to remember what we've gotten through together.  It's nice to look at this photo today and know we both feel a million times better than we did on this day last year. 

Not every day or year is full of celebratory cheer. Things change. We ourselves go through big changes. We lose loved ones and gain them. Circumstances arise and through it all we need time to individually adjust and to adjust as partners. As there is to everything, there is an ebb and flow and while obviously preferring the flow, I try to honor both because we need that ebb to adjust back into a flow. The river is wide and it is long and it forges the path it needs to take. 

If you ever see me out here acting like life is but a dream, know I have been body snatched. I would never put the pressure on myself or MFD to appear perfect or perfectly married so we can portray ourselves that way online. I’m not putting all of my business out there but I’m also not in the business of distorting reality. None of us are perfect and none of us have a perfect relationship but I do hope if people want to be tied to someone, that they find the person that is perfectly imperfect for them. 

Here's this year's collage with much less stress on my face than last year's because there’s more flow - see this anniversary collage in 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018

1) October - The only photo we're both in from last October. Thank you for joining us Melissa! 
2) November - Thanksgiving weekend at the shore, less than a week after getting our newest dog John Bender from a rescue
3) December - Christmas Day
4) January - New Year's Day
5) February - Shopping together is not one of our favorite things
6) March - Back to the shore for my birthday. Our house opening gift was a hot water heater that was broken and would take three weeks and numerous parts to repair
7) April - Good Friday
8) May - Taking our photo for Ruth & Pete's 60th anniversary
9) June - Bike riding and beach walking 
10) July - Family vacation in Emerald Isle
11) August - back to relaxing weekend days when MFD wasn't working - him fishing and me reading
12) September - more of the same

This year has been one of redefinition. Last year changed us as people and it changed our relationship. Who are we now? Where are we going? Where do we want to be? We're still figuring that out individually and together and enjoying ourselves.

Happy Anniversary MFD. This year has been infinitely more relaxing than last and that has been fucking amazing. 

Happy happy 40th birthday to Amanda! Love you!

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