Sunday, September 25, 2016

I knew when I met you an adventure was going to happen - A.A. Milne

This month marks 14 years for us as a couple, and today is our sixth wedding anniversary. We've known each other since seventh grade. There's a lot of water under this bridge.

We've gone through tremendous changes in the past three years of our marriage. All for the better, but big changes just the same. I'm proud of how we've acclimated and adapted, how we've supported each other, and how we've hung in there even when it would have been easier to not hang in there. 

So often internet discussions of relationships focus on the great and sweet moments, which of course I love because who doesn't love great and sweet moments? But just like in every other area, I'm a realist when it comes to love and marriage. Some days are diamonds and some days are rocks. Both serve a purpose but one is so much prettier so we tend to focus on those glittering diamond days when things are so good it almost hurts to look at them straight on. Then you have the days where someone's an asshole, something is hard, things are boring - the rock days. Not so exciting, not pretty or special, not often mentioned.

Honestly? It's exceptionally easy to be married when everything is great, but you're going to be shit out of luck if you can only co-exist on the high road...you have to be able to survive time in the trenches together as well.

That's why I've never tried to pretend we have the perfect relationship. I'm too proud of the hard times we've come through and I wouldn't let them go for anything - they've made us just as much if not more as the diamond days have made us. Besides, perfect relationships are a) a farce b) boring as fuck to even contemplate. We are imperfect people in an imperfect relationship living an imperfect life and it's pretty damn great. To those of you out there doing the same, I see you. 

Here's to another year of making dreams come true, of tenacity, of shit MFD said, of being real and true with each other, of support and encouragement and understanding, of love, and of adventure. 

A collage of the past 12 months:  (click on this to see 2015's collage and 2014's collage).
1 - In Grand Teton National Park on September 25 last year; 2 - October 2015 after signing papers on our shore house; 3 - November 2015 PanCan walk; 4 - An oddly warm beach day in December 2015; 5 - Cape of Good Hope in South Africa in January 2016; 6 - New Orleans in February 2016; 7 - Shawn & Maggie's wedding in March 2016; 8 - Back on the beach in April 2016; 9 - Chinese Lantern Festival in May 2016; 10 - before the Paul Simon concert in June 2016; 11 - Biking on the boards in July 2016; 12 - Tubing on the Delaware August 2016; us at Lucy the Elephant in Margate earlier this monthy

Happy birthday to Amanda today, one of our BFFs!

I'm off tomorrow, so maybe TWTW tomorrow night, or maybe Tuesday. I'll surprise you.
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39 comments:

  1. Oh the places you'll go and have been to -physically and relationship- wise. So proud of you both and love you both to infinity and beyond. Continued God and Goddess speed. The best wedding reception ever with the perfect location. Love. Your. Momma.

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  2. ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍👍😉😉😉😉🍍🍤🍍🍤🍍🍤🍍🍤

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    1. Continually confused by your need to send me pineapple shrimp emojis.

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  3. You'll both amazing !!! Wishing you both many more trips around the sun..🌞🌞🌞

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  4. As always , Good read ! ����. Well put , and true to the core ! Relationships take work ! You have to work at them , support one another , through good and bad times ! Every great relationship has pitfalls ... You two seemed to have done very well , in living in the moment, and being grateful for the time you have with one another. I don't know either of you well enough , but I see good people a mile away , and that's all I see !

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  5. What a lovely and REAL tribute to your relationship! Congratulations! Best wishes for many more healthy and happy years together.

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  6. I love this post so much! I feel like I've talked with you a little before about how sometimes it seems like people don't like to admit that their relationships aren't perfect ... So I definitely think your diamond/rock statements were spot on. And I adore the quote you used for the title!

    Happy anniversary! :-)

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  7. Thank you! Sometimes I feel like the elephant in the room of blogging is that we don't always get along with our significant others but it is never mentioned. The only posts I ever see about relationships are these super lovey dovey what-a-great-husband-and/or-father-he-is. And of course I don't really think a blog is the best venue to air my grievances but it seems disingenuous to not even mention that things aren't great when they aren't great. Some days are rocks.
    PS: Happy Anniversary. :-)

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  8. Congrats on 14 and 6!
    And you're right: the crappy times show us what we're made of as a couple, not the happy times.

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  9. Love this! Happy Anniversary ❤

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  10. Love this! Happy Anniversary ❤

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  11. I see you, too! Happy Anniversary!

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  12. You guys are adorable :) Happy Anniversary!
    And you're 100% right- the rocky moments are what build the foundation and cement things together. And they make the diamond moments a million times sweeter!

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  13. The hard times definitely make you grow stronger and see what you truly have as a couple. So glad that you guys have weathered the storms, and hopefully have lots of diamond days!! :) Happy anniversary!

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  14. <3 Happy anniversary and cheers to many more!

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  15. I love the monthly collage. Thanks for always sharing what a real marriage is. Happy anniversary to you guys!

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  16. Happy anniversary (a little late). Changes are bound to happen and when you handle the not-so-good changes together, it usually turns out to be good.

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  17. Happy Anniversary!! Wishing you both much happiness always.

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  18. That quote in the title is perfection! I agree, I love diamond days too but you certainly appreciate them more when you had to walk through lots of rocks. Every relationship goes through its ups and downs. Happy Anniversary!!!

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  19. I think the hard times are what can cement you closer together... marriage aint for the weak ;)
    Happy Anniversary!!

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  20. happy anniversary! 100% truth in that there's no such thing as a "perfect" relationship; it takes work and effort to make both parties happy.

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  21. You have such a great and refreshing perspective of the challenges you guys have overcome—seeing them as things to be proud of, as battles you've won, rather than as anything to be ashamed or embarrassed of. I so enjoy reading your blog all the time, Steph, because of your awesome perspective on life and the world and your commitment to being real. Happy anniversary to you two, and many more.

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  22. Love it. There's this stupid movie called "Just Married" with Ashton Kutcher & Brittany Murphy. It's certainly not the best movie but it has one of my favorite quotes about marriage/relationships ever and it always makes me tear up. After they've broken up and are about to end their marriage, Ashton is sitting with his dad looking at a photo album of his marriage to Brittany. His dad says "Some days your mother and me loved each other. Other days we had to work at it. You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next. I'm sorry your honeymoon stunk but that's what you got dealt. Now you gotta work through it. Sarah doesn't need a guy with a fat wallet to make her happy. I saw how you love this girl. How you two lit each other up. She doesn't need anymore security than that."

    It's honestly one of my favorite movie quotes because it is so true. Being a partner to someone is hard work. They fall short of your expectations continually and it can feel like a bummer. They will also blow your mind with their thoughtfulness and love. They both go hand in hand.

    Thanks for the great post and happy anniversary to you both! You need to make this marriage work so I can still read Sh*t MFD said forever. lol.

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  23. I love your ability to mention the shit times without airing intimate relationship details/grievances. The realest of the real. Happy anniversary to you both, wishing you many more!

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  24. LOVE this - happy anniversary to a couple that I don't know but appreciate and admire from afar. i love that you're not posting all the rainbow & butterfly moments because that's not real life. it's not the kind of people we are. cheers to many more years!

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  25. Happy anniversary! We also have our sixth one this year (in December). I have found that some of those "rocks, not diamonds" days end up being days that we laugh about later. Or maybe not. But it is all part of our story.

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  26. I've failed at important relationships, and I've had someone I love fail me too. Yes, the shiny, happy days are the easier days to make a relationship work. It's those times when all too often lovers/friends/partners fail each other, but the truly committed relationships work through them, and those are all the more special. Thanks for sharing, and happy anniversary!

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  27. Happy anniversary, and here's to many more anniversaries to come! You're 100% right that no relationship is perfect, but that's what makes you really appreciate the good times when you realize everything that you've overcome together.

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  28. Happy anniversary. You speak the truth about marriage and how people often only portray the good. Never the bad, never the fights and arguments, just everything is great and he bought me a present and aren't we the cutest. Nope, not life at all. There are many rock days along the path, but hopefully mostly diamonds. Wish you many more wonderful years of marriage.

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  29. Love, LOVE this! Happy Anniversary!

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  30. aw i love this! happiest of anniversaries to you guys. love everything you said about diamonds and rocks.. very true. i'd much rather that kind of marriage and life.

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  31. Happy Anniversary (a bit late . . . I took my vacation seriously last week)!! Loved this heartfelt and honest tribute to MFD!!! Cheers to many more years of living life to the fullest!

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  32. happy anniversary to you and MFD!! and wishing you many more years of happiness (and many more shit MFD said, cause those are hilarious) haha :)

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  33. Happy belated anniversary (I do what I want)! The two of you together make me laugh and inspire me; thanks for that! Here's to more adventures!

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