Fat Tuesday Haikuesday

Fat Tuesday donut.

A year without Mardi Gras.

Go away, Covid.

Pandemic diet:

We ride the sugar dragon.

Sweets daily. I know.

Groundhog day again.

This is pandemic life now.

Will it ever end?

Coffee intake down,

like losing my religion.

Call up R.E.M

Every day hydrate.

Slamming 100 ounces.

Hey, water water.

Gone candle crazy.

Rose gold candle tray of tools.

I am extra now.

I miss restaurants, 

seeing people on the street.

Many things. Not you trains.

Remember hugging?

Carefree coming and going? 

Now, a production.

Looking for balance.

Days run into each other.

Do calendars help?

Skincare regime up.

It gives me something to do

that feels like progress. 

Joy is not cancelled,

though some days hard to find.

Go play hide & seek.

February gray

can go away whenever. 

You are not welcome.

I used to Haikuesday every Tuesday. It felt good to revisit today.

Today is Tuesday, right? 

The boys are back in town

What kind of person visits her ant traps constantly to see if any ants have taken the bait?

This kind of person.

I haven't had ants for a few years. I used to get them every  year, then I tried the borax/sugar water mix and they were gone for years. Now they're back so I'm using it again.

3/4 cups warm water
1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon borax

Mix that up real well. Soak cotton balls in it and place them around wherever you have ants.

Then check it obsessively like I do. Just kidding that's not required but seriously if you find yourself doing it, it's fine. It's fine.

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Haikuesday

Ants in the kitchen

Scurrying on counter tops

Worse than ants in pants

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I'm here for the haiku

My brain is a sieve
What day is it? Am I me?
Pass the coffee, please.

Breathe in and breathe out.

Just a toilet paper roll,

Not worth the jail time.

Soft pretzels are art.

Only eat them in Philly. 

Same as cheesesteaks, son.

Shush, loud train talkers.

You are in shared public space, 

not your living room.

Exposed, cold ankles. 

February is not May. 

I should have worn socks.

Great friends are golden

but concealer is crucial.

Girlfriends would agree.

This might be beef stroganoff.

I don't know what beef stroganoff actually is, and maybe this isn't it, but it's what I call it. We also say strokemeoff and laugh like 12 year olds. I got a recipe from Big Hungry Shelby over 10 years ago and modified it as the years flew by and here we are with a quasi beef stroganoff casserole thingy.

Despite that intro and the photo (casseroles photograph like dog meat) it's good. I promise.

Ingredients
2 lbs ground beef - for this I had leftover shredded french dip so I used a pound of that instead + a pound of ground beef
2 tbs worcestershire sauce
2 cans cream of mushroom soup - please make your own if you can, it's good, I promise
1 medium minced onion
One bag of egg noodles, cooked
16 oz sour cream
parsley
buttered cracker crumbs

Directions
Saute onion in a smidge of butter. Remove and immediately brown ground beef. Drain, add Worcestershire sauce. Mix meat, onions, cream of mushroom soup, sour cream, and cooked egg noodles. Grease a 9x13 dish and dump it in. Top with buttered cracker crumbs if you dare.

Bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

Serve it with a side of veg and get some health in you.

Haikuesday

Casseroles look gross,  

taste good. It's a conundrum.

Like eighties fashion.

Please tell me you are voting in your local general election today. 
I don't care who you vote for, I don't even care if you go and push the vote button without making any choices to make your thoughts on the bullshit political process known. 
I do care that you go and push the button. 
"Voting doesn't matter, it won't make a difference" is up for debate. 
Sitting at home on your couch will definitely not make a difference. 
Go.
Vote.

When I dip you dip we dip french dip

Can anyone say french without mimicking the mom from Better Off Dead? First, I have frawnch fries. And frawnch dressing. And frawnch bread.

ANYWAY...
Once upon a time I used to share recipes. Then I got in a rut and stopped doing that. I didn't feel like cooking so I did the minimal. I woke up one day and was like hey...I feel like cooking again. With my older recipes too. And fuck it, they're not always going to be healthy because I am not always a healthy eater and the season of the comfort food is upon us.

Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes, is it not? Let us say hello to cooking again.

This recipe is originally from Simply Scratch. The original calls for red wine and beer and makes five pounds. I do not keep alcohol in my house and I do not need five pounds at a time, so here is my version.

Ingredients
3 lb beef chuck roast
1 large onion, sliced
3 garlic cloves, smashed and peeled
2 tbs olive oil
kosher salt and black pepper
1/2 cup of this: 1/4 cup of red wine vinegar with water added up to the half cup line
4 cups beef broth for crock
3 tsp beef bouillon granules
2 tbs soy sauce
1 tbs worcestershire

Directions
Pull meat out of the fridge a half hour before you are going to work on it.

Heat olive oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Season both sides of the roast with salt and pepper. When the pan is hot, sear each side for 3-4 minutes. For those of you out there like me who like to skip the searing step because it'll be fine without it trust me you want to do the sear here.

Add a smidge more olive oil and throw the onions in for 3-5 minutes or until soft. Remove. Deglaze the pan with the red wine vinegar concoction, scraping up all the brown bits.

Add to a large crock: roast, onion, garlic, red wine vinegar situation, soy sauce, Worcestershire, bouillon granules, and pour the beef stock over all of it.

I cooked it on high for four hours, but you can certainly do low for eight.

Remove meat and shred with forks, add back to liquid. Serve on crusty rolls.

Despite the title, I do not dip the sandwich in au jus because I hate soggy bread but by all means, have at it.

Haikuesday

At a loss name-wise. 

when i dip you dip we dip

seems appropriate

Daily Shower Spray

One million different people use my shower at the shore, so I decided to make a variation of Crunchy Betty's Daily Sparkly Shower Spray. Since I was making it for there, I thought fuck it I'll make it for the shower in the shore apartment (even though we typically shower outside in the summer) and the shower at home. 

I use 16 oz glass bottles from Amazon for this type of stuff - this is the blue and these are the brown (set of three). 

Ingredients

1 cup rubbing alcohol

1 cup hydrogen peroxide

4 tsp Dr. Bronner's Lavender Castile Soap

30 drops peppermint essential oil

10 drops lemon essential oil

Directions

Add ingredients to bottle. Shake well every time before using. Use in shower daily after you're finished in there. 

I love the smell. I ended up adding 10 drops of lemon essential oil to each bottle a week later and it's a keeper. 

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Haikuesday is back. 

Dirty shower? Clean it up.

George Parliament funk. 

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Mini Stuffed Peppers Two Ways

I love food in miniature and I love dips, so it's safe to say I could exist on appetizers.

I made these for Carol & Dad's annual holiday party and it was my first time making the taco ones but the mozzarella pesto beauties are a standard quick little bite in our house.

Ingredients
1/2 lb or 1 lb ground turkey
taco sauce to put in with that
green onions
finely shredded cheese
mozzarella cheese, cut in strips
pesto
bag of mini peppers

Directions
Brown ground turkey, drain, and add taco sauce . Use the leftovers to have tacos one night that week - you need a very little amount of this. Allow to cool.

Cut tops off of peppers and cut them in half. Scoop out any seeds and cut away some of the pepper to make them a little wider if you need to. Lay them in a 13x9.

I filled half and half with the taco mix and topped with some finely shredded cheese and green onions and half with the mozzarella cheese topped with the pesto. You could certainly do all of one or the other. Preheat oven to 400 and bake for seven minutes. Serve immediately.

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Haikuesday

Finger foods for life

Sorry forks, you are fired

Manner regression.

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Breakfast Casserole

I get stuck in breakfast ruts with egg muffins or breakfast burritos or savory oatmeal. I don't try to break out of these ruts because the thing is that I am totally fine with eating the same thing for breakfast most of the time. I'm not sure what made me get a wild hair up my ass to try this breakfast casserole, but I did.

Honestly? I would probably not put this into my regular rotation for my weekday breakfasts - it makes a lot, and while I could scale it down, I'd rather not. It's also a little too much work for me for a standard weekday breakfast. This is a great option for brunch or holidays or a weekend with friends when you don't want to be a short order cook. It's hearty and delicious.

Ingredients
1 lb bacon, chopped, cooked, drained
1 small onion, diced
1 orange bell pepper, diced
4 green onions, chopped
20 oz bag of Simply Potatoes shredded hashbrowns - I used southwest
8 oz shredded cheese
9 eggs, beaten
1/2 cup milk


Directions
Preheat oven to 350. Spray the bottom of a 13x9 pan with cooking spray, arrange potatoes in a thin later on the bottom, and bake them off for about 10 minutes.

Cook bacon and drain (see my grease trick below). Add onion and pepper to the pan and saute for about five minutes.

Beat eggs and milk together, and add salt & pepper to taste.

Remove potatoes from oven. Layer cheese, bacon, green onions. Pour eggs mixture over. Top with the remaining cheese and green onions.

Cook for about 40 minutes, then hit it with the broiler for an additional five.

Line a bowl with tin foil, place strainer over it, and drain bacon into the bowl.
Much easier cleanup when the bacon grease hardens. 

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Haikuesday

An ode to bacon:

Savory love, sweet heaven.

Pigs would not agree. 

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Green chile chicken dip

Did you ever unintentionally complicate a recipe in advance, but when it came time to make it you just said fuck it and ended up throwing a bunch of crap together? That's what happened here.

It's been a while since I've tried a new recipe. I slack off in that department over the summer, but I feel like it's been a little longer than that, across the board.

When I needed an appetizer for Lola Jean's first birthday party, none of the solid favorites were ringing a bell for me. Neither was any recipe I was perusing. So I took a few recipes and mixed them up and came out with this dip.

Ingredients
2 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts
2 cups lime juice
2 packets fajita seasoning
2 8 oz packages of cream cheese, softened
1 cup sour cream
1/2 cup mayonaise
8 oz shredded sharp cheddar, divided into two equal parts
2 4 oz cans diced green chile peppers
2 4 oz jars diced pimentos
3 green onions, sliced thin
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp cumin
paprika for flash

Directions
Whisk fajita seasoning and lime juice and place chicken in it. Marinate chicken for at least four hours. I like to leave it overnight.

Bake at 375 for 25 minutes and let sit for 15. When cooled, shred chicken - I always do this in a food processor but you can do by hand or with a hand mixer.

While chicken is in the oven, unwrap cream cheese and place it in a large bowl to soften. Add mayo, sour cream, chicken, garlic powder, onion powder, and cumin. Mix well with hand mixer. Add green chiles, pimentos, green onions, and half of the cheese and stir to incorporate

Transfer to a greased 7x9 baking dish. Top with paprika and the other half of the cheese.

Cover with foil and bake for 30 minutes at 350, then hit it with the broiler for 8 minutes.

Serve with Fritos scoops, tortilla chips, crackers, or celery.

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Haikuesday

First sentence fuck it

That must be a new record... 

or just daily life.

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And today is Mae Doll's birthday. Happy happy Mae. 

Cilantro lime cauliflower

I will not attempt to insult you by calling this cilantro lime cauliflower rice, which is what a lot of the internets call it. It's cauliflower, scaled down to be rice-size, but it's still cauliflower. Not rice. Luckily I love cauliflower and it's good for you, so personally I find this to be a good side dish substitution for rice. It was a great accompaniment to some chicken marinated in lime juice, olive oil, salt and pepper, and ancho chile seasoning.

Ingredients
1 head of cauliflower
2 TBS butter
kosher salt + pepper
cilantro, chopped - I like a lot so I probably used more than 1/2 a cup
Juice of three limes

Directions
Pulse cauliflower in the food processor (or similar) in batches.

Steam in the microwave with butter for five minutes.

Remove, season with S&P, add cilantro and lime juice, and mix well.

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Haikuesday

People are people.
Veggies are veggies, not rice.
You can't fool a fool. 

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Happy birthday to my brother-in-law Mark!

One-ish pan chicken dish

I know, what's with the one-ish, right? Well, this is absolutely a one pan chicken dish unless carbs are your mistress, like me, then it's a two pan dish. It's a recipe that's like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book. You decide how this story ends!

Amanda shared this original recipe on the facespace, then I crapped it up because I didn't really read it all the way through. So I got the idea here and ended up with this. I was initially peeved because I thought fresh spinach would work better and I didn't have any, but I was happy with how this turned out with the green beans and it was easy. 

Ingredients
2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
6 small pieces of boneless chicken (thin cutlets would work well, I cut a few chicken boobs up and sliced them thin)
kosher salt + pepper
1/2 cup balsamic vinegar
2 cups grape tomatoes, sliced in half
2 cups green beans, steamed for about 3 min in the microwave (I used frozen, cleaning out the freezer)

Directions
Heat oil over medium high heat in a large skillet.

Season chicken with salt & pepper. Drop it into the pan and cook 4 min on one side and then three on the other. If you overcook it, it will be like eating a rubber ducky. No one wants rubber ducky for dinner.

I put a lid on at this point to reduce mess. To be honest, I rarely cook chicken on the stove top because it's a wretched mess and I hate it.

Anyhooooooo I put three pieces in, cooked them, removed them to a plate, then did it again with the other three pieces and removed them as well.

Pour balsamic vinegar in and watch it bubble like a witch's cauldron. Scrape the bottom with a wooden utensil. Add tomatoes and cook about 3 minutes, then add green beans and cook another 3 minutes. Add the chicken back in, remove from heat, and serve.

And if carbs are your mistress, try spooning it over whole wheat orzo. You won't regret it.

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Haikuesday

Chicken Little lies. 
See? The sky is not falling.
I do on skis, though. 

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Friday Fatassery on a Tuesday: Baked Cinnamon Sugar Donuts

Hoo boy. I got a donut pan and asses are about to get a lot fatter up in here. I worked from home on Friday and had these mixed and done before I would've even stepped off the train in Center City.

At least they're baked and not fried? Of course, they are dipped in butter sooo...

Thanks to my Soul Sister Ina Garten for the original recipe. I halved hers and altered it a bit.

Ingredients
Baking spray with flour
1 cup flour
3/4 cups sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon kosher salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/2 cup + 2 tablespoons of whole milk
1 tablespoon melted butter
1.5 teaspoons vanilla extract

For the topping: 4 tablespoons of butter, 1/4 cup sugar, 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions
Preheat oven to 350. Spray a donut pan well.

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt. In another bowl, whisk together egg, milk, melted butter, and vanilla. Add wet ingredients to dry until just combined.

Spoon batter into donut pan, filling each one a little more than 3/4 full.  Bake for 17 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Allow to cool for five minutes, then tap the donuts out.

Topping: melt 4 tablespoons of butter. Combine sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Dip each donut in the butter then in the sugar - one side or both if you're feeling frisky. It was Friday so they got a double dip in my house.

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Haikuesday

Pass the donuts, friend.
Scarf them down while they are hot.
Elastic pants rule.

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Show Us Your Books - What I Read in April

1. First order of business: a book themed Haikuesday ditty:

Don't fret, don't fear, for
it is Show Us Your Books Day!
Dance, booknerds, dance. Dance!

2. Second order of business: At the end of May an episode of The Armchair Librarians will air where we will discuss Side Effects May Vary and I'm sure we'll also touch on Dumplin' by Julie Murphy. We won't do spoilers, but if you'd like to read either of those before you listen to the podcast, now is the time. If you want to actually hear Jana and I talk about books, reading, and other things that may or may not be related out loud, you can catch us once a week on The Armchair Librarians. It's on iTunes and all episodes live here: http://thearmchairlibrarian.com/ .

Linkup Guidelines:

This link up happens the second Tuesday of every month.

The next one is Tuesday, June 14, 2016 (Flag Day!). 

1. Please visit and comment with both of your hosts, Jana & me
2. Please display the button (need it? let me know) or link back to us on your blog post
2. Please visit a few other blogs who've linked up and get some book talk going!

Here's what I read since the last linkup. As an example of how I don't really count books...when I sat down to write this post, I was sure that I had only read four books since the last linkup. 

Engrossing Reads

Please Don't Come Back from the Moon by Dean Bakopoulos - I adored the writing and really liked the story too. It's hard to be both gritty and mystical but this manages both well. Jana and I discussed on Episode 8 of The Armchair Librarians. (paperback, purchased from Amazon)

Circling the Sun by Paula McLain - I was a huge fan of The Paris Wife, and McLain did not disappoint in this similar undertaking. McLain takes actual history of actual people and crafts novels around them. This time her main character was Beryl Markham (who wrote West with the Night) and Denys Finch Hatton and Karen Blixen (Isak Dineson, writer of Out of Africa) filled it out. This was a beautiful and romantic novel tinged with loss, triumph, and hardship. I truly enjoyed it. (library hardback)

Jane Steele by Lyndsay Faye - This is being touted as a Gothic re-telling of Jane Eyre, one of my all time favorites. I could see plenty of Jane/Jane paralells, but I really liked this story standing on its own. It was a little wild, a little improbable, a little out there, darkly funny, and pretty enjoyable. If you don't like books of Jane Eyre's wavelength (time period, manner of speech, etc.), this is not for you. This is also an example of why I say give threes a chance: I rated this book a three on goodreads and really enjoyed it. (library hardback)

Miller's Valley by Anna Quindlen - Quindlen's novels are usually solid reads for me, and this one was no different. I knew I would love it from the first three pages, and I did. It didn't blow me over or knock my socks off, it wasn't that kind of book. I saw it referred to as a quiet novel, and that's a great word for it. It held true to itself and pushed a lot of my great book buttons: beautiful writing, small town setting, working class/hardship. (library hardback)

Passed the Time Just Fine

Don't You Cry by Mary Kubica - This was hard for me to get into, but I needed to know where it was going so I kept with it. Once it did get going over halfway through, it was like a runaway train. I had to sit outside in my car just to finish it instead of driving home. Pretty far fetched to me. (Free from Netgalley)

My Best Friend's Exorcism by Grady Hendrix - I adored the 80s references and the kind of friends Abby and Gretchen were. The exorcism and demon stuff freaked me out, which was the point. Lots of insanity in this book, which made it a quick read for me, I finished it in a day. (Free from Netgalley)

Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys - A solid read with a like-able cast of quirky characters fitting of New Orleans. It left me wanting for something - a little more depth, a little more closure, I'm not sure. But something. (library hardback)

One Kick (Kick Lannigan #1) by Chelsea Cain - I tore through the Gretchen Lowell / Archie Sheridan novels by Cain, so I thought I'd try her new series. It didn't blow my hair back, but I'll definitely continue on. I want to see if it flows more when the set up of what will be a series character is all taken care of. (library hardback)

Hard No

The Girls by Emma Kline - This started out as a 4+ start book and ended just around a 2 star book. So much promise, lacking in delivery. I love me a good cult book...this wasn't one. I wouldn't waste the time. (Free from Netgalley)

An InLinkz Link-up

My go-to chicken marinade for the grill

Some recipes are a delight for the eyes and the imagination, bursting off the page in a photo that's so good you feel like you could eat it. This recipe is not one of them. We can't only share the sexy recipes, you know. We need the utility players just as much.

I have no idea where I found this marinade, somewhere on the Interwebs I'm sure. But now I'll know where to find it. Right here under the recipe tab.

Ingredients
1 cup ketchup (I use Simply Heinz and do not consider non-Heinz ketchup ketchup at all)
Half cup soy sauce
Virgorous shakes of Worcestershire (new unit of measurement! Honestly, I put probably 2 TBS in)
3-4 TBS rice wine vinegar (white wine vinegar if I'm out of that)
3 TBS dijon mustard
heaping tablespoon of garlic
kosher salt or Himalayan pink salt
Pepper

I approximate these amounts, as you may have guessed.

Directions
Put them all in a big old bowl, whisk vigorously, and submerge your chicken for 2-8 hours. I like to leave it in there for a long time, and overall I prefer to use chicken thighs on the grill.

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Haikuesday

Chicken or the egg?

The stupid age old question.

Just cook both well.

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What's your go-to marinade?

Wishing my fabulous Gail a fabulous 40th today.

Pineapple Stuffing

I'm not typically a fan of fruit where it doesn't belong...like in stuffing or with meat or in salads. I'm not much for mixing my sweet and savories. I make an exception for this pineapple stuffing. It's sweet but delicious and good for holidays since it's a total fatassery dish. 

Ingredients - this makes enough for the 8x8 above, you can double and make enough for a 13x9

6 slices potato bread, cubed

1 cup sugar

4 eggs

1 20 ounce can of crushed pineapple, drained (I found no crushed so I used cubed)

A sprinkle of cinnamon

1 stick of melted butter

a few grinds of salt from a grinder

Directions

Preheat oven to 350. 

Add all ingredients to a large bowl. Mix gently with a plastic spatula. Spray an 8x8 with nonstick spray and bake for 45 minutes.

One of the reasons I share recipes on here is to have my own place where I can always find them instead of having to save photos like this from my mom. LOL

The Return of Haikuesday

Savory or sweet?

This leans right. Consequently, 

Spring means smelly feet.