Wednesday, January 5, 2022

No longer set adrift on memory bliss

In my year end post here, in talking with people, and around Instagram - I do a lot of micro-blogging there in captions and sharing in stories, which I said years ago I would never do and we all know what happens when we say never - I have said I have no goals for 2022 and wanted to come gently into this year. 

I suppose that's true, in comparison to how I used to transition into years and present lists here and what I considered goals. 

I spent a good portion of 2020 and some of 2021 adrift because that is what worked for me through that time. I ate more sugar than I'd like, moved less than I'd like, did not keep great work/life boundaries, and accumulated shit I do not need. All of those things served as crutches to help me survive some mentally and societally difficult times and that is what counts in the end. I cultivated some good habits too, like more time outside, and mornings for myself or more sleep. Those are coming with me into 2022, but some of the other stuff...I woke up one morning in fall 2021 and was like yeah, this isn't it. So I started making small changes because adrift amidst those things does not work for me where I am now. Most things I try to consistently do and pursue right now - and most boundaries I have in place - contribute to me feeling well balanced and at peace, and work in a motley little chorus to keep pandemic brain at bay because pandemic brain destroys my peace. 

Normalize waking up and changing anything at any time. You don't have to be what you've always been, and if you want to go back to doing something, you always can. We pigeonhole ourselves all the time and it serves none of us.

Since January is a quiet month, I'm spending it tracking. I want to know what I actually do daily versus what I think I do daily since days can run together. I have about 8-10 habits I believe I am consistent with daily and more I'd like to be consistent with so I put them into a habit tracker on google sheets and am spending January figuring out what I am actually consistently doing and what I can do. Like, can I be a person who doesn't hit snooze? Almost 45 years on this earth says no but we'll see. When I miss doing my daily dos, what is going on around me that day? Going forward I will adjust what I need to and swap things some months. Tracking this on Google Sheets is new to me too and - nerd alert - part of the fun. 

1. Drink 100 oz water
2. Veggie quota
3. Vitamins
4. Stretch
5. Walk
6. Get up no snooze
7. Moisturize at night
8. At least 30 min outside
9. No unplanned spending 
10. 10 minute tidy
11. Clear sink
12. Gratitude
13. No phone after 9 
14. Read 25 min
15. Sleep 8 hours

I also have some weeklies: face mask, do something different, yoga. All things I always mean to do and do not. Once a week is not a hard ask, right?

After discussing with Jana, I'm also considering switching my reading tracking from Goodreads to StoryGraph which is Black and woman owned, not affiliated with Amazon, and will give me the cool reading graphs I want at the end of the year without me doing jack shit to get them. I can also do half and quarter stars and  track which books I own. I imported all of my data from Goodreads so I'm testing that this month. The only thing I don't like so far is that if you add a book to your to read shelf and it is not published yet, it does not tell you at a glance when it will be. 

And planning. A family vacation. Some shore projects - updated light fixtures, peel & stick wallpapering bathroom, painting a tile floor, replacing or painting interior doors. Some light fixtures and furniture updates in Philly too. The planning and research are part of the fun for me and I missed that a lot when I felt in a place where we shouldn't be planning anything.

Maybe you're adrift. Maybe you are picking some old habits up or creating some new ones. Maybe you are just holding steady.

Two years into a pandemic that upended things for a lot of us, routines altered, stances learned about others in regards to public health and race and all manner of things that have changed relationships forever, late stage capitalism, loss and grief and deaths related to Covid and not, health system and public education system burn down and out, it has been a lot and there has been a sitting in a holding pattern feeling to the past few years for me and I know for a lot of you too. There have also been wonderful things - new friends made, new pets, babies born, engagements, birthdays celebrated, marriages, traditions returning, people living through a period of global pain and deciding to pursue what they actually want surrounded by people they actually want to be surrounded by instead of doing what they've always done and keeping people around just because, records broken, new skills learned, new hobbies explored, new favorite books and shows and restaurants and recipes, and most important always, people surviving all of their hard days. 

We all have to do our own thing and make our own way, today and every other day. If that is sitting still and holding steady where you are right now, that is good. If it is working on big goals, that is good. If it's small and steady intentional acts to keep you well, that is good. If it's one thing today and something else tomorrow, that is good. We don't need the turn of a year or month to change anything that is not working for us. It's all good.

Whatever you're doing, whenever you're doing it, and however you're doing it, I'm rooting for you. As long as it's not hurting yourself or others or like, a crime you are going to be on TV for. 


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