Tuesday, January 26, 2021

The Groundhog Day of it all wall

There's a theme in my life, every February. I feel like breaking out. Going somewhere, doing something different, getting out of my everyday life for a while. A need to escape. A longing to travel, to see and to do almost anything other than what I see and do daily. 

I fully believe in the restorative nature of the winter season - a time to pull in, hibernate, heal, reflect, restore, rest, sort, hygge, embrace, renew, build up energy, read, look inside and really clean out the internal clocks. But about this time, even with two months left of winter, I'm looking to break free, to look outward instead of in, to open the door and stick my head out and look around at the world. 

That's not different this year.  I want to go everywhere and see everything. Even when I don't live in a world that allows for that at the drop of a hat anymore. Whatever sparks this urge in my brain and body didn't get the Cancelled/now virtual due to Covid memo. 

If anything the February restlessness has arrived earlier and the desire feels more desperate, likely because I see and do less. I want to go somewhere I haven't been, do something I haven't done, but also...to do things I have. To reclaim the options we've all always had until we started living in Coronaland. These options still exist, of course, but the ease and comfort of doing them does not exist on my risk/reward spectrum. I want to eat at restaurants, actually AT restaurants and not take out, like every day and not do dishes ever again. To take a spur of the moment drive to visit a friend. To not have to plan doctor appointments near my office looking over my calendar with the precision required to plan tactical missions deep in enemy territory because I don't go to my office anymore. Because I need permission from my company to even go into my office. To be surrounded by movement and life in the city that I can observe at a remove.

There's a caveat of privilege to everything I write all the time, and never more than being a middle aged white lady office worker in Coronaland. I have it so fucking good and I know it. I work at home. I can stay safe at home. I'm not required to go anywhere. I'm not a frontline worker putting my ass on the line and my job does not require me to be in person. We took financial hits but were in a position to weather them. This is not an "I am sick of being stuck at home/life is bad because of Covid" post. I know why we're home and that we're lucky to have homes and I take neither lightly. 

I just wanted to acknowledge the Groundhog Day of it All wall out loud in case you also find yourself in front of this same wall every year around this time of the winter, and this year you find the wall way more extra than it normally is due to the ugly Covid 19 wallpaper this miscreant world applied to it. And you want to beat on it with your fists more than normal due to more worries and roadblocks and fears and so many people hurting physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. Everything is extra in Coronaland, including February restlessness. I'm not offering solutions to it. I'm just naming it. 

If you have funds, please consider donating to a charity that works with unhoused people, fill up your local food bank, and support your local shelters. Ask after your neighbors, especially the infirm or seniors who might see or hear from even less people than you do. Check in on people who have lost people in this pandemic, or gotten ill themselves. And as always wear a mask. Sign up for vaccine info as it becomes available in your state. The Groundhog Day of it All wall is enough without the extra Covid layer. 

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