Thursday, December 23, 2021

Gather ‘round the festivus pole

It's grievance day, MFers.

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going to go into how 2020 slid right into 2021 in the most incestuous and grotesque way (forever to be known as 202021), how people still have no idea or desire to to care for themselves or others, Joe Manchin and centrist democrats swapping spit with obstructionist republicans none of the above who give one good goddamn about the quality of people’s lives, Biden lying about student loan debt and other shit, gun violence, law and order people pooh pooping law and order when it is shit they don’t like, people still worshipping at the dumpy altar of trump and swimming in the white supremacist pool with doody floating among them like Baby Ruths, no one doing a fucking thing about the people who actually are the government and knew about plans to overthrow said government, Fox News and all the toxic sludge poisonous hypocritical shit emanating from there, the Supreme Court invalidating itself and precedent, the war on women, everyone who said Roe would never be overturned, or people who cannot connect rise in violence with lack of money, care, opportunity, and love injected into communities that need it most. See more serious things I'm avoiding in last year's annual Festivus post because it's the goddamn fucking same.

Now, come. Come gather. Gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re attempting to keep the Airing of the Grievances here on this list petty as fuck this year. It can not be exhaustive since there are so many petty annoyances. 

-Unsubscribing and MFers don’t unsubscribe me 

-Reels. Instagram is not TikTok and should not be pushing people to feel pressure to make awkward shit in order to have their posts be seen 

-hair washing day

-the concept of dust returning over and over again like this is its home where it pays the mortgage and you are the foreign thing occupying space in it

-something stuck in my teeth

-Dr. Oz

-grudges. They’re lame and life is too short to waste energy on that shit

-having to repeat myself 

-Internet wellness gurus 

-adult zits, which are really fucking rude

-banging my head or running into something etc when I am already operating from a place of annoyance

-incessant dog licking 

-waiting. For anything. 

-repetitive noise and multi media

-drivers who ride in the left with no one in front of them and do not move over when someone comes up behind wanting to pass. MFers don’t control the speed! Someone wanting to go faster is not your business. Move it on over. 

-cracked lips 

-laughable and fake war on Christmas. Caring about  people only participating in cultural Christmas but not about people being unwelcome across borders or brown like Jesus or poor or sick like the people Jesus accepted, loved, and helped is a weird flex. It is quite easy to tell true Christians from judgmental people.

-when current me needs to fulfill the promises and prophesies of a previous, more hopeful, energetic, and ambitious me

-all the shit I’ve been sitting on mailing out to people 

-talk radio 

-constant spam calls

-thinking I replied to a text and I didn’t or did but did not press send

-being hot

-finding an error in a document I submitted

-drafts in the house 

-when I leave something on another floor and have to trudge back up the stairs 

- chipped nails

-dog farts

-interrupted sleep 

-keys sticking on my wireless keyboard 

-early dark

-feeling unprepared


-Flying too close to the sun on deadlines

-a year between seasons of shows

-pet names 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

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