For the rest of us

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going even listing any of the serious grievances I'm avoiding here, which I listed in the 2021 or 2020 Festivus posts because again, say it with me, so many are the goddamn fucking same. 

So the Airing of the Grievances below are petty. The Grievances List can not be exhaustive since time is short and there are so many petty annoyances. 

- iPhone created typos. Why does it capitalize shit all the time?

- dogs can’t tell you what’s wrong with them

- pet hair

- having to clean the base of the toilet near the floor

- cracked lips

- buying something I already had

- forgetting shit at the grocery store

- drool

- dirty stovetops

- I can’t get the hang of replacing the bag in the litter genie shitbox 

- having to think of what to cook all the time

- lack of international airfare deals 

- crumbs on the counter

- the construction on Rte 1 near Neshaminy 

- 95 through Philly period

- needing reading glasses and not having reading glasses with me

- having reading glasses stashed in multiple places 

- commercials being so fucking loud

- early dark

- contractors you have to take to small claims court in order for them to finish the job 

- taters instead of potatoes

- maters for tomatoes 

- parking at large events like concerts and games

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Gather ‘round the festivus pole

It's grievance day, MFers.

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

I'm not going to go into how 2020 slid right into 2021 in the most incestuous and grotesque way (forever to be known as 202021), how people still have no idea or desire to to care for themselves or others, Joe Manchin and centrist democrats swapping spit with obstructionist republicans none of the above who give one good goddamn about the quality of people’s lives, Biden lying about student loan debt and other shit, gun violence, law and order people pooh pooping law and order when it is shit they don’t like, people still worshipping at the dumpy altar of trump and swimming in the white supremacist pool with doody floating among them like Baby Ruths, no one doing a fucking thing about the people who actually are the government and knew about plans to overthrow said government, Fox News and all the toxic sludge poisonous hypocritical shit emanating from there, the Supreme Court invalidating itself and precedent, the war on women, everyone who said Roe would never be overturned, or people who cannot connect rise in violence with lack of money, care, opportunity, and love injected into communities that need it most. See more serious things I'm avoiding in last year's annual Festivus post because it's the goddamn fucking same.

Now, come. Come gather. Gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re attempting to keep the Airing of the Grievances here on this list petty as fuck this year. It can not be exhaustive since there are so many petty annoyances. 

-Unsubscribing and MFers don’t unsubscribe me 

-Reels. Instagram is not TikTok and should not be pushing people to feel pressure to make awkward shit in order to have their posts be seen 

-hair washing day

-the concept of dust returning over and over again like this is its home where it pays the mortgage and you are the foreign thing occupying space in it

-something stuck in my teeth

-Dr. Oz

-grudges. They’re lame and life is too short to waste energy on that shit

-having to repeat myself 

-Internet wellness gurus 

-adult zits, which are really fucking rude

-banging my head or running into something etc when I am already operating from a place of annoyance

-incessant dog licking 

-waiting. For anything. 

-repetitive noise and multi media

-drivers who ride in the left with no one in front of them and do not move over when someone comes up behind wanting to pass. MFers don’t control the speed! Someone wanting to go faster is not your business. Move it on over. 

-cracked lips 

-laughable and fake war on Christmas. Caring about  people only participating in cultural Christmas but not about people being unwelcome across borders or brown like Jesus or poor or sick like the people Jesus accepted, loved, and helped is a weird flex. It is quite easy to tell true Christians from judgmental people.

-when current me needs to fulfill the promises and prophesies of a previous, more hopeful, energetic, and ambitious me

-all the shit I’ve been sitting on mailing out to people 

-talk radio 

-constant spam calls

-thinking I replied to a text and I didn’t or did but did not press send

-being hot

-finding an error in a document I submitted

-drafts in the house 

-when I leave something on another floor and have to trudge back up the stairs 

- chipped nails

-dog farts

-interrupted sleep 

-keys sticking on my wireless keyboard 

-early dark

-feeling unprepared

-heartburn

-Flying too close to the sun on deadlines

-a year between seasons of shows

-pet names 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Friday Five: Leaning into December

Happy Friday friends! I know most of you love this month because Chrrisssstmaaaas. I hope it is everything you want and more.

If you have been around for a while, you know I do not fall under the Love All Christmas Shit banner. I lean into the Christmas stuff I do like - Christmas music a few days before Christmas, Christmas lights and sparkly things and mugs (I'll be sharing every Friday on the gram) and ceramic trees, a select few holiday movies (and this year, some Hallmark Christmas movies with Carol), Secret Santa'ing for kids, but it's not my favorite and that's fine. 

I know I'm not alone out here - some of you, like me, simply don't love it in a world that is gaga over it or want to celebrate a week of it and not a month plus - some of you associate it with something hard, or are missing someone or feeling something missing, you hate the commercialization of it, it stresses you the fuck out, you celebrate another holiday, you are struggling with health problems or money, you are finding it difficult to spark joy in this heavy world right now, or a combination of all of those things. If you identify with any of that, luckily December is good for other things as well! Some things I'm looking forward to this month:

1. Ending my year intentionally. Making my swim aerobics classes, scheduling my mammogram and skin check, reaching inbox zero in all inboxes, looking into a CPR course and the quick test now option to get certified, getting all of my shore contracts for next summer out, daily stretching. It's all happening and I'm putting this year in order and to bed gently.

2. Completing three tasks I have been putting off forever. Those three for me are reorganizing basement bookshelves, putting some stuff up on Poshmark to sell and donating some items, and linking my closet with the contact paper I've had for a blessed eternity.

3. Celebrating the solstice. I'm off this year, so I have even more time to get my altar assembled and plan a meal! It is the shortest day, which means more light is coming. Until it does, candles and string lights will do. A day to reflect, release, let go, and set intentions for the new season. To think about how to spend this winter to feed our souls. 

4. Festivus. Airing of the grievances on December 23? Tradition.

5. Rest. I'm off for a good chunk of time the week before Christmas into January. 

Every year on New Year's Eve I send the year off on a good note by donating to two causes that are not my standard go-tos. I invite you to join me in that this year! 

What are you looking forward to this month? 

Airing of Grievances 2020

Happy Festivus, my friends! A Festivus for the rest of us!

Absolutely zero 2020/serious shit will appear in this Airing of Grievances. Just assume inequity, racism across all systems as well as interpersonal, misogyny, white fragility, patriarchy, Covid and all of the grief and pain and all types of loss that comes with it, the federal govt mishandling of Covid at every single turn, Covid deniers, science deniers, conspiracy theorists, climate crisis, all senate republicans, some senate democrats, trump and his entire grifter family, public and government corruption, said government asleep at the wheel on the opioid crisis, the constant dismissal of mental health and substance use disorder issues and the shaft they get, the criminalization of poverty, the school to for-profit prison pipeline, capitalism killing us, lying liars who lie, argumentative and hypocritical assholes, and straight up motherfuckers are implied, ALWAYS, until they are corrected and fall off. 

This year has been a thing for this world and I don’t need to list any additional world or personal trauma to drive that point home. Yesterday I was adding a new IG story highlight, the second one devoted entirely to my dogs, and came across a tree hitting my house in the beginning of August from a tornado. Like...I forgot about a tree falling on my fucking house while my husband and dogs were inside, necessitating many repairs and rocking my neighborhood, where we do not get fucking tornados. And when I saw the reminder of it I felt no adverse reaction. I had no reaction period. Like I was looking at an okay picture of a flower. This year has done a number on me and I'm ready for this long holiday break. 

That’s the kind of year it’s been. We are all the dog sitting in the room on fire sipping coffee and saying it’s fine. So gather 'round the aluminum pole and remember we’re keeping the annoyances on this list petty as fuck this year. 

-crumbs on the counter. Do you not see them. Or what.

-dog hair stuck in couch cushions

-policing bad language. Fuck off out of here 

-people congregating at entrance and egress points - doors, tops of steps, bottoms of steps, etc. - this bothers me so much that it still makes the list in a year where I have congregated with no one and also seen no one else congregating at these points

-mice

-mealy apples

-shower curtains left open

-when I am too lazy to get something that’s upstairs

-my phone randomly capitalizing words or changing words that are typed correctly into other words. Fuck you phone!

-the political signs that are still in my fucking basement and the election shit that's still in my house on all levels

-when the washing machine is unbalanced

-loud cars and people who rev engines in residential neighborhoods

-food waste

-when things fall down the side of the car seat 

-losing sunglasses

-dust

-having to repeat myself. I respond like Uncle Louis in Christmas Vacation. THE.BLESSS ING.

-uncomfortable shoes, which is pretty much all of them after 10 months of being barefoot

-having every size battery except the size I need at the moment 

-hair washing days

-weak coffee 

-the grody insides of recycle bins 

Now you go. 

Then Feats of Strength. Until you pin me, Festivus is not over. 

Airing of the Grievances 2019

You know what December 23 is. A Festivus for the rest of us. Feats of strength later. Airing of the Grievances first. 

Paying for parking at a hospital - are ya fucking kidding me? No one even wants to be there

My socks sliding down my heel as I'm walking

That shitty misting rain

Coughs that won't die

Wet pant hems

Misogynists, racists, homophobics, xenophobics, etc

Christmas mania

Whining - by adults, dogs, children, myself, any whining at any time

Asshole drivers

Leaks

Non-voters by choice

Owning too much shit

People who consistently set themselves on fire so other people can be warm then act like they can't do anything about that

The entire gaggle of grifters trump family and their enablers in Congress

Not reading the article

Chipped nails

Technological difficulties

Thinking something is not a systemic problem in society because it's not a problem for you

Manipulators

The cult of busy

Overly packaged deliveries - huge boxes and padding for super small items, etc

People bitching about plastic bag bans like no, Gordon, you are not entitled to make as much trash as you want on this planet that will be there forever

95

Any series of unfortunate events that feels like dog pile on the rabbit

Stepping in dog poop and the fact that it happens often enough that it needs to appear on this list

Shower curtains left open after someone is finished showering

Unnecessary plastic packaging on fruit or veg at the grocery store in particular and unnecessary plastic in general, packaging or otherwise

That Christmas Shoes song

Takers

Food waste

Two assholes who rush up to the front of the train daily to be first off, forcing a group of familiar strangers who sit near each other to run a weird coordinated blocking game 

Authors avoiding contractions

I've made a donation in your honor to The Human Fund. 

TWTW tomorrow because I was at the grocery store at midnight last night and no, not today.

Now you, your turn with the grievances.

Festivus 2018 - The Airing of Grievances

Happy Festivus. If you need a time out from the merry holly jollies, this is the place. Today we air grievances of the things we are sick of in honor of Festivus, which is Sunday.. I'll go first, then you.

trump everything, let’s just get that out of the way up front

Beets are good for you and cookies are not

Commuting - I shit you not, it was raining inside my train yesterday on the way home

Bills - things you did not know about when you dreamed of being an adult who can do whatever they want

Up and down dogs - when MFD moves downstairs, Bruce and Bender erupt from under the covers like a volcano and take off downstairs like their lives depend on it. Up and down up and down 

47690579 gift guides from the same source 

Knowing Christmas shit has to be put away

The absolutely vile and gross state the election/campaign system is in now, if we don't get money out of politics we are truly fucked 

Not having powers like Samantha Stephens on Bewitched, it seems like that should be a thing by now

Being really tired but getting into bed and not falling right to sleep

People giving money to build an idiot border wall. This fucking wall is immoral, expensive, and ineffective (have you seen Big Bend?). I hope none of the donors consider Jesus their God and savior because I don't think he'd build a wall over feeding, clothing, doctoring, housing, and educating those in need. That is the absolute opposite of what He did. Even if they don't believe in Jesus and I don't believe in telling people what to do with their money...give that money to veterans or something. Man. 

Full trash or recycling cans - take that shit out

Unnecessary comments - yes, Karen, you actually can scroll by Lands End’s sponsored Facebook post without commenting how you don’t like them anymore. No one cares.

The I’m so sick of everyone being offended bitchers actually being most offended over things, like you are literally in an uproar right now over how you think other people feel

The overuse and misuse of the word offended

Chipped nail polish - must replace immediately

What are your grievances? 
And are you ready for Feats of Strength? 

My company is having a Festivus pizza party today and I am filled with glee.

All We Want For Christmas: From the Pugs

Everyone gets their shot at a Christmas Wish List...

I require the following. I'd prefer my desires to be granted today but if I must wait for Christmas, I will. I may pee on the curtains to show my displeasure, however. Fair warning. My wish list:

1. Total world domination.
2. Twenty-four hour a day access to the same food my humans are eating.
3. A weekend or 15 without my sister. And for her to have to wear silly costumes every day for my amusement.
4. For my parents to never go away on a trip. Ever. Then I won't have to pretend to be deaf for 3-10 days after they return home to make them feel guilty and terrible for not taking me with them. It's hard for me to remember I'm supposed to be deaf so they're doubly putting me out.
5. A world where no one tries to clean my ears.

1. Daily romps in our fields, Treat Lady's woods, or on the beach with tons of time to mark everything in my path. Geege was here! I say it with pee.
2. The freedom to hump the air or lick Gus's ears without getting scolded by my mother.
3. For my mother to stay home 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, so I can guard her and our home, following her everywhere and barking like a good guard does every time a person, dog, or car passes by. I am the Royal Guard and you shall not enter!
4. Fresh fruit at every meal.
5. A world where no one tries to take me to the vet.

1. A blinged out grill and some sweet hoodies.
2. A recording contract with Jay-Z. My Gremlin noises will be the next big hit in the music industry.
3. Endless scratches from my adoring fans.
4. For bullying my brothers and sitting staring in Gus's face waiting until he's done with his bone so I can steal it to be cool with everyone involved.
5. A world where no one tries to tell me where I can and can't sit. Yes, I can sit there and I WILL.

Peace out and happy Christmas Eve Eve on behalf of the dogs.

You might also enjoy this blog post by Geege, this blog post by Gus, and the most popular - Mae's blog post.

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Haikuesday

Dog blogs: I like them.

Dogs want stuff for Christmas too.

For real. I asked them.

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I would be remiss if I didn't wish you all a Happy Festivus today.

Grinch List

Let me preface this by saying that I enjoy the Christmas season. I like to deck my halls, share good cheer with those dear to me, send and receive cards, sing Fairytale of New York at the top of my lungs, marvel over ugly Christmas sweaters, sit on the couch and admire the glow of our tree, put reindeer antlers on my dogs, donate toys for tots, bake Christmas cookies, watch Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story, see everyone's tree and Santa pics, the whole nine.

But there are things I don't like too, and I'm probably not the only one. We rarely mention the stressful dark side of the holiday season for fear of being branded a Scrooge. Even though this is a season cloaked in magic, there is a reality to it, like there is to everything. Not loving everything about the holiday season doesn't make me or you Scrooge. This year my gift to myself is acknowledging that.

So what don't I like?

Doing the Christmas tree. I like it when it's up, but putting it up? No. Thankfully I'm married to MFD W. Griswold and he does it start to finish. And he does it very well - he clips it lovingly with scissors, he places each ornament carefully. He has an eye for symmetry and our tree is always beautiful. I usually have to take it down, which I also hate, but I'll take it. And, pine needles. Insidious vacuum hose ruiners.

Christmas music 24/7. Or that Christmas Shoes song, ever.

The attempt to cram a year of cheer into one month. By 12/26, I'm tired.

Seeing Christmas decor in stores at Halloween (I'm looking at you, Kohl's), really irks me. It takes away some of the rush. I remember when nothing was up in stores until after Thanksgiving, and it seemed like magic happened overnight. Now it's the sales that happen overnight. It puts me in a bad mood. I feel like greed and consumerism take over a lot of the season.

Expecting shiny happy kumbaya love circles because it's the holidays. Not everyone gets along or likes everyone else, and that's okay. That's life. Pretending for December is awkward.

Scheduling Christmas Day. Have I timed it right? Are we spending enough time everywhere? Someone is invariably disappointed and I am always anxious about it in advance. Why is it harder to keep in mind during the holidays that if you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one?

The holiday season tests my desire to keep a good life balance. I want to do everything and be everywhere and see everyone. I have to remember that I can't do it all without getting totally run down, rendering me useless like Randy in A Christmas Story.

This concludes the airing of the grievances and holiday whining.

Next up: feats of strength and holiday posts about pooping candy cane scented sunshine.

Linking up with Helene, Emily and Kathleen for Tell Me About it Tuesday.