Wednesday, December 19, 2018

Slithering towards Christmas Break

Slither (v): to slide or slip unsteadily on a loose or slippery surface.

What has 2018 been to me and a lot of you but a loose or slippery surface? No year is all good or bad, but let's just say I prefer my years to shift under my feet much less than this one did. I don't like to scramble for a new hold every second. 

I am in the every day is a good day to start fresh camp but I must acknowledge that I'm looking forward to the symbolism of the year change more than usual. When I am in a period of personal reassessment and change, I find I have less desire to engage in my traditions, which means some of them are destined for change too. 

I didn't send cards for the first time in 15 years and where I thought I'd feel regret, I felt relief. I didn't put all of my interior Christmas stuff out and I don't hate the minimalist approach to seasonal decor. My living room and basement are in a state of transition and even though I'm entertaining this weekend, I don't care. I don't think I have the right amount of gifts and what I have is not sorted or wrapped but I am operating under the you get what you get and you don't get upset guide to gift giving.

Despite not doing those things - or because of the space created by not holding resentment about doing them when I don’t feel like it - I feel like I have more capacity to enjoy what matters most to me at Christmas: face time with friends and family;  reading with the tree as a backdrop; and time off to just be, or in my case to get shit done or rest, I get tired really quickly and still am not back to normal. My company was awesome and gave us Christmas Eve and NYE as additional holidays and I am here for it.

Will I go back to those things next year? Maybe. Those are decisions for next year. I won't hold so tightly to the old that I have no room for anything new. The nice thing about traditions is that they’re always there if you feel like going back to them. They don’t hold it against you if you skip a year or five.

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