Still, like air, I rise

For many years I've told everyone I know I'd need a week off when my dog died. I thought I would be a saint-style stoic person until the moments surrounding the actual death, then lose my shit and take a week off of work to ramble around my house like Miss Havisham.

It happened in reverse. I lost my mind over a declining dog for over a week, remained stoic while my dog was dying, found peace in the moments after, and needed to go to work the next day for some semblance of normalcy.

I am working consciously towards my new normal. That tag is on that tattoo for a reason. I'm here. I'm okay. I can bend, stretch, be compressed, withstand. I am resilient. If I think honestly about who I am and what I'm made of, I realize that resilience is what makes me the most me.

I heard from so many people after Geege died. People I know, but also a lot of people I don't know. Broken hearts over dead dogs brings people out. All the dog people were so great in letting us know we were not fucking nuts for feeling so bad over a dog. Amanda told me that many times leading up to it and I am so glad I had those words in my head because I felt legitimately insane for reacting like this. I pride myself on moving ahead with dignity, and doing so quickly. There is not even one fuck to give for appearing put together in this incident.

Grief is one of the great equalizers, and it exposes us in a way that allows real connection. But man, it's uncomfortable, showing your pain to the world. And it's really fucking uncomfortable for the world to hear about it. Have you ever listened to or read someone express their pain plainly and cringe a little, inadvertently turning away from it, like it's something you need to shield yourself from? I have. You just want them to stop talking about it, to get over it, to move on. We do not want to sit down to a plate piled high with raw emotion because it requires us to respond and it's easier not to. Just pass the ketchup and let's eat in silence.

Throughout this I kept asking myself why the fuck I was putting this all out there, not once or twice or on one medium but on many. It's showing more of the man behind the curtain than I am usually comfortable with. I have no answer aside from the fact that writing is a great purge. Even so, I certainly do not share everything in this space that I write. I don't know why I shared this grief stuff. I don't know why I'm still sharing it. I'm not asking for permission or forgiveness, I just truly have no idea why I refuse to write about most things more than once but this I've theme I have let have free rein. If it wants out it gets out and it gets published without getting a re-read so good God please don't let there be grammatical errors.

Maybe someone will need it in the future, and here it will be. I don't know.

Grief is weird.

Here are some pretty frank descriptions of my thoughts this week. These are not solicitations for sympathy. In fact maybe there's something that makes you laugh. Grief can be ugly but it can also be funny. In my world nothing can get better until things can be funny.

Sunday: 

-Attempt real things after Geege's body is taken out but end up on couch in basement where I never go because it sucks down there hiding from MFD, Gus, Mae, life. 

-Spend afternoon obsessing over ordering a Geege bracelet and painting my toenails because what if I die from a broken heart and people see my toenails like that?  

-Leave house simply so I can return to a home without Geege for the first time even though that means subjecting my family to my surly company. My husband is much nicer for them to be around, as always. 

-Fear hugging my niece because I don't want her to feel my sad. 

-Interrupt mourning to receive phone call from Dunkin Donuts owner in an effort to secure social justice for her workers, succeed, go immediately back to sulking

-Tired of life and in bed before 9

-Talk to Geege before bed like he's still there

-Ignore all phone calls, 9/10 facebook comments, and some texts

-Survived

Monday: 
-Wake up and cry because I immediately remember Geege is not here.
-Forget sunglasses which makes crying on the train awkward.
-Cry twice in the office before 8:30 a.m.
-Exhausted to the point of propping myself up by 9 a.m.
-Tell one coworker so she can spread the news. Most people avoid me, which I prefer, except for those who have put dogs down, and we whisper in my office because we can't speak and cry together four different times like a secret club no one wants to belong to.
-I eat literally all the brownies that come with the staff lunch and since I work with great people no one says a fucking word or tries to take one.
-I fantasize about acting out all of my small, mean thoughts on people who do not deserve it then worry this will happen on public transport. Contemplate working from home for the rest of the week/my entire life.

-Should I wear a my dog just died sign to explain possible erratic behavior?
-Try to care about things, fail.
-Wonder why the fuck I am so upset when I know dogs don't live long and I have never been so upset about a human dying
-Have to face the wall when I tell my boss who is a huge dog lover and who has been there, it is really awkward because we are both almost crying and that is totally not what you want to be doing on a Monday afternoon with an employer
-Consider contacting TOMs and telling them a pair of plaid shoes in my size that are no longer in stock might help heal the heart of a woman who just lost her dog, realize I am opportunistically insane and refrain.
-Spend time looking for myself in the mirror because my face feels physically different from crying so much for the past seven days
-Begin to identify with a straw person someone puts on a bench as a fall decoration because I am lacking human response today.
-Answer most people but avoid one on one interactions like the plague.
-Spend the evening lost in a book.
-Notice Mae is really in distress and vow to do better tomorrow.
-Survived.

Tuesday:
-Wake up certain I am in a different stage of life as I no longer physically feel like every part of my body is a nerve ending, nor do I feel sunk into myself. I feel lighter. The bags under my eyes do not. Yikes. Eye cream applied.
-Still talking to Geege like he's here, realize I might do that forever, realize I am fine with that
-Mae goes to the vet and as suspected nothing is physically wrong with her, just the loss.
-On the train I am angry about something on a neighborhood facebook page. Self? Is that you?
-Post some feminist post on Instagram. I know this woman. 
-At lunch I am angry over the shitbox healthcare burger they're attempting to serve up again so I call my Senators. Self! That is you.
-At work I listen to a coworker complain about her husband without thinking shut the fuck up don't you know my fucking dog is dead! I actually feel sympathy because seriously why can't they just fucking call someone to fix something instead of pretending they are going to fix it
-I make a list for the weekend. I'm back. 

-Watch Geege videos and smile. 

-Hug my Dad without crying

-Observe Gus sniff the entire house relentlessly looking for Geege without crying 

-Re-engage with people 

-Go to bed at 11 and realize I have not cried all day for the first time in eight days

Today? Today is a new day and my hair stylist will remove the 314159 grays I have gotten over the last week which will bring me great joy. I will return to the shore alone and that might be hard. I will miss Geegie boy forever. I will be in real pain for a while. I expect to burst into tears at inopportune times. But I will do those things while laughing as much as I can and feeling joy. Joy and pain can co-exist in me if I allow them to. I don't have to choose one or the other. 

I had an idea in my head not only of how I grieve compared to others, but how and for how long I grieve period. I gave myself a hurdle that I then had to get over when I had no strength to do so. I think we have an idea of how we should properly grieve and that holds us back from grieving how we need to. Fuck proper. Grieve in your own way, every time. Even if it's different from the last time. And look for the laughs because they will move you forward.  

L'shanah Tovah, friends. I'm ready for a new year myself.

TWTW - the last one with Geege

Geegie boy, forever would not have been long enough with you. Thank you for one more weekend of cheeseburgers and ice cream and a trip to the beach, of burrowing into my leg, of letting me lay with you and cry my heart out, of just being here. We tried to give Geege the best day ever Saturday so he went to the beach with us solo, rode in the front seat to feel the wind on his face, had ice cream, and didn't spend any time without one of us next to him. 

Geege, I will love everything about you always. I will miss everything about you always, especially your huge heart that in the end was not strong enough for all the love you had in it. I will remember everything about you always, especially never spending a day in your presence without your eyes on me all the time, how you greeted me ecstatically every time I came in the door even if I was only out front for two minutes, how you were always the best boy, how you had your own rabble rabble language, how you were a weekend warrior and always so tired on Mondays, 

how your tongue was always out when you were tired, how you liked to pause during walks and roll around in the grass, how much you loved to eat, how protective you were of babies, how you would wrap your tail around my wrist when I gave you your last pet at night, how we had a nose kiss/inside of the ear whisper ritual before I got in bed every night, how you lay on your dad's pillow before burrowing under the blankets in the winter, how bad your breath smelled but how much you loved to give soft kisses, how you loved your birthday cheeseburger on May 8, how I woke up with you laying back to back with me arching your head every once in a while to make sure I was still there, how you cried throughout our wedding ceremony because you were behind me and couldn't see my face,

how you were the only well behaved dog on car rides, how valiantly you patrolled the bay window ledge and front door, how you both barked and wagged your tail with your whole body, how much you hated fireworks and loud noises earning you the names Heebie Jeebie and Shakey Jakey, how you endured costumes stoically to humor me, how you always waited on the bathroom floor for me to get out of the shower, how you followed me around the house overseeing my chores, how good you were at putting up with Gus's jackassery and Mae's insertion into everything, how you loved the sun and the beach, how you were the best head tilter, how you always sniffed my eyes especially when I was upset, 

how you responded to each of your 190 nicknames, how you would sit languidly on my lap relaxing in the late afternoon sun letting me hold you during our porch sits, how you hated the heat but loved to dash through the snow, how you squeezed yourself into Mae's tiny dog bed, how you dug a nest to make yourself spots, how you weren't shy about making the other two move so you could sit with me, how you made every day okay even when it sucked, how much you loved all of us, how patient you were,

how very much you loved to run, and how you always ran like the wind but stopped at a certain distance to look back for me and wait for me to say go ahead Geege, mama's okay. So like I told you yesterday...go ahead Geege...mama's okay. Run like the wind forever. It is physically painful not to have you here but I am happy knowing you are running like the wind on the beach, through the fields near our house, all over Treat Lady's woods, and along Lake Chrisann as well as anywhere and everywhere I am. I'll carry you with me forever. You are at peace. I am at peace. So many people and dogs were there to greet you.

We are grateful that we had one last weekend together in the sun and in the comfort of our home, which will be okay of course, but never ever the same. We had the best life together, the four of us, then when Mae came the five of us.

Much thanks to Lap of Love for taking my phone call Friday night and for coming out on Sunday to our house so Geege could go peacefully at home on his couch surrounded by his pack. If you are local and you need to make this decision, please consider them. They are kind when you need it, truly compassionate, and make everything as easy as it can be. They left us with a paw impression and a lock of hair, and Geege's ashes will come back to us in a few weeks so he can be scattered in his special places.

Thanks so much to everyone for the lovely words and thoughts last week and especially this weekend. I absolutely loved sharing Geege with all of you - he was the best good boy and we all know it. I want you to know he was ready and at peace. If I have not responded individually, know that in that moment I could not and likely will not but I have read and absorbed and appreciated all of your kindness. Thanks for being with us in spirit, reading the terribly sad things we have posted on various forms of media way more than once, and being patient as we try to get the sad out so it can't take root inside. Thanks also to Kim and Mario who gave us Jake just before he turned three on May 6, 2007. He will always be one of the best gifts of our lives. This weekend was terribly painful but I would not give up one second of our 10+ years together to avoid one second of the grief.

Geege was thoughtful even at the end. I had all last week alone to grieve what was coming, and he knows I grieve best alone. He has watched me do it many times. Do you think dogs can be soulmates? He was mine. I will have other dogs but not another soulmate dog. He also knew his dad would need a few days when he got back, and he gave him that too. Yesterday we told the vet what we did with him on Saturday and he was shocked because by Sunday morning he was so very ready to go. We thought Geege's Best Day Ever was our last gift to him but it was actually his last gift to us. His heart and generosity with his love were huge even when the rest of his body was finished. 

Knowing it was time and having the vet confirm it does not make it any easier. I feel at peace because he is at peace and his comfort is more important to me than my own. Yesterday I learned that peace is not solace. I don't find solace anywhere right now. 

Universe, please be gentle with our household this week as our pack attempts to navigate the world with four instead of five. I feel like my skin is on inside out and I think every other living thing in this house feels the same. It's a very raw feeling like a small touch would burn. Sunday I did my food prep and over cooked my eggs and purged my house and read my book and acted in any way I could, because that's how I get through things. Action. Movement. And Geege was following me around like he always has and always will, watching that I do things right.

Goodbye for now in the physical sense, my best good boy.

It's the end of the world as we know it and I do not feel fine

Yesterday I compared this week to a down on its luck country song, and I wanted to be able to come back today and say that feeling is gone but it's not.

Don't worry, I am not going to be the person who talks daily about how her dog is dying. But he is, and that is affecting me in a major way so to ignore it is inauthentic. I can't have this blog if I can't be authentic. I cannot show you my joy and refuse to acknowledge my pain. Please don't feel like you have to say you're sorry or anything every time because that is annoying for you, you know? Just send some love.

On one hand I feel like I can't keep writing about this and on the other hand I feel like I can't stop. I know, you're like please...stop. LOL. I don't want to talk about it and I can't stop talking about it to myself. I don't care about anything else and that makes me angry with myself because there are so many other things to care about. I am trying to get through the day at work without crying at my desk (about half successful all week) so I can go home and be alone. I prefer to be sad alone. It was good for me that MFD was in Houston all week.

Monday night I cried and moped and Tuesday night I was in a fog. Both nights I was in bed before 9 pm. All of those things are quite foreign to me - if I cry, I am a quick crier. I don't mope and I don't walk around in a fog unless I have taken conflicting cough medicines and made myself feel like I was on ludes (are they still a thing?). Wednesday night I set out to be more productive and that's when I felt the best. If I am upset about something, I am most comfortable with action, even little things unrelated to what I'm upset about. So I tried. With my usual little self care perk me up things.

Like fresh nails in one of my favorites, OPI My Private Jet. I never use this color without singing I see a line of cars and they're all painted black

I started a new book and said fuck it to two, one that never worked for me and one I loved but felt like I couldn't spend another minute reading. I've gotten more ruthless in the past few months with my do not finish books. And another great Show Us Your Books month, of course. I am still getting around to reading the last 10 linker uppers. Did you catch up with the end ladies?

I saw my niece and I think she was literally the only thing I smiled about on Tuesday. It is impossible to not smile at her. She's funny.

I made a batch of power breakfast muffins to freeze. I always feel better having frozen food ready.

Shoe purging and organization has begun. When things feel chaotic, simplify. Simplify. And if your handwriting is like mine, for God's sake use a label maker. We're not heathens.

Fresh sheets + completed laundry. Freshness never hurt anyone.

Dogs. Always dogs. The incredible love they give is worth the heartache of watching them wane. 

Because it is fucking heartbreaking and it's not going to be something that can be solved with my usual perk myself up tricks. Last night MFD returned from Houston and I was back to laying around crying all night. I want to say I've gotten a grip, I'm handling this! But I haven't and I'm not and that's just how it is.

I think what surprises me the most about how I'm dealing with this is that I'm very straight forward when people I love die. I am sad, sure. I will miss them forever, of course. But I am also very circle of life and I handle it better. I am usually the one in the funeral line who does not cry. When it's time for someone, it's time. I accept that and I want them to have peace. I of course want my dogs to have the same but I want their time to be up when my time is up. For the millionth time, I wish my dogs could talk. This is animal grief this week, and it is ugly.

But this weekend, to the beach, which Geege has always loved. We'll carry him down to give him what might be his last few days in the sun.

Enjoy your weekend. Hug your people! Hug your dogs.

Thursday Thoughts - the lovers, the dreamers, and me

1. Cease and desist, Birkenstock.

2. Question. How do people go about their business in the sun without sunglasses? Even thinking about it is a fate worse than death for me. My eyes are super sensitive to light, I wear sunglasses inside a lot and when it's overcast. Seeing people in the sun sans sunglasses makes me feel desperate inside, itchy to reach for my own and clutch them to my chest like a woobie. It perplexes me.

3. Every fiber of my being hopes that he's going to snap out of it and start eating normally again tonight, but in reality I think Geege is in his final decline. Please excuse my mental and emotional instability at this time, and I don't know if this time is a week or a month or six months or a year or what. Watching this and trying to monitor and gauge comfort is harder than I imagined, and I have imagined it a lot. I have cried more tears this week than I've ever cried in my life over anything, especially over something that is simply in the process of happening. They just leak out at work or on the train or wherever I am. I was crying so hard after the vet left Monday night when I called MFD in TX that I could barely breathe. It was hard to hear that there's nothing to do. Inaction is not my comfort zone. I know love is action but it feels like it's not and I hate that too. I think I've gotten a grip but spent much of the week totally off-balance. Edit: he ate more than he has in weeks last night and was trotting around this morning. Prove everyone wrong, buddy. 

4. My life is a country music song this week: I think my dog is slowly dying, I touched a slug with my bare foot and hand, salsa spilled in my backpack so my planner smells like a Mexican restaurant, and my train hit and killed a person Wednesday morning. Ole, motherfuckers.

5. Irma donations, focusing on the islands. I know Irma is the latest in the news cycle, but please remember TX still needs your help. Prayers and good thoughts are great, but the people affected actually need monetary assistance and physical supplies ONLY of things they have explicitly requested for physical donations, please - lists are provided for a reason. Something they will also need in the weeks and months to come - donations in the form of volunteers on the ground to help clear and rebuild and do physical labor. If you have the time and can get to one of these places, please consider using some of your days to do that. If you can get to Rockport, TX, I can get you a volunteer coordinator contact there - 70%+ of their structures were decimated. I will also pop back at some point with some places to donate to in the Keys since access is still very limited right now and immediate needs remain unclear and thus unmet. As always if you have organizations to add, please let me know.
-US Virgin Islands: Tim Duncan's YouCaring Fund . Virgin Islands Relief Fund is also taking shipments to St. John leaving from Philadelphia c/o Atlantic Aviation on Ashton Road if you would like to drop off until the end of this week, otherwise items will be shipped to Puerto Rico for disbursement to St. Thomas and St. John as there is no mail or air access to them at this point. There is an Amazon wish list and things change daily so please visit the Virgin Islands Relief page or Virgin Islands Relief Fund web page for the most up to date info and needs. If you need assistance navigating that to find the most up to date info, please let me know.
-St Thomas shipping container - You can't get to St. Thomas right now, but supplies are being shipped there if the cost of a container can be covered.
 -Antigua and Barbuda Red Cross - More than 95% of the structures on Barbuda were demolished. There is literally nothing.
- Here is an entire page of Irma gofundmes, many for the islands who are without access to most things at this time
-Donate blood - The Red Cross and OneBlood are calling for blood donations to aid in recovery efforts and make up for the suspension of blood donation efforts in FL. Blood donation activities are suspended in a hurricane but the need for blood does not stop. OneBlood sent supplies west to Texas as they had the same situation and now they are down themselves.
-National Voluntary Organizations Active in Disaster is an umbrella organization registering volunteers who will mobilize to assist on the ground once called upon. As with anything else, do NOT self-deploy to help unless you are working with an organization and have a plan or you will create an additional burden for communities that cannot take care of one more person, even someone looking to do good. This org will deploy across many affected areas.
-Volunteers needed on the ground in TX. MFD has been volunteering around Houston for the past week, these are legitimate and there is need if you have time and the ability to get there and get yourself housed: BakerRipley Harvey Shelter at NRG, Houston Food Bank, Second Baptist Church Houston Strong Volunteer Sign Up (opportunities to bring corporations or groups in to serve)

6. If you REALLY want to help please vote for candidates that believe in science. Call your government reps and tell them to leave flood insurance alone or improve it but not to roll anything back. Tell them not to let over-development of wetlands happen. Tell them climate change is real.

7. MFD comes back from TX today just as I am scheming on moving down the shore for two weeks. It'll add to my commute but I might not mind. And if I do mind I can always come home. I said I was going to do this last year and I didn't. It might be time. I think it would be good for me mentally.

8. Allow me to direct you to
-This ATTN video showing how it would be if we treated male athletes the same way we treat female athletes
-The link to register to vote in PA - October 10 is the last day to register before the 11/7/2017 election. Every election counts. The local ones more than anything. Please know when yours is and when your deadline is to register if you are not already registered or if you have a closed primary and need to affiliate with a party to vote.
-How trump lied to conceal his Moscow business partner
-As we approach the holiday season, maybe consider giving the gift of experiences and time over toys or things
-This opinion piece in Vogue entitled No, Hillary Clinton, the First Woman to Win a Major-Party Presidential Nomination, Does Not Need to Shut Up About It
-Rest in peace, Edie Windsor - a Philly-born warrior for LGBT rights and lead plaintiff in the SCOTUS case that overturned that wretched Defense of Marriage Act and was a huge victory for same sex marriage in the US
-When men are photoshopped from political photos (do not read the comments or you will stab someone)
-Anyone still supporting this shitstain of an administration: no one sees a problem with the White House suggesting a journalist be fired? This is literally what the First Amendment is about.

9. Reminder, thanks to cousin Susan for this one:

10. E-card of the week:

Happy happy birthday to my friend Lauren today! 

TWTW - the one with the split

Things that were not faster than a speeding bullet: the progression of last week. But alas we did finally arrive to a rainy Friday that culminated in the finale of Malt Madness in my office and my favorite pizza delivered by MFD before I headed to the shore for a quick overnight.

I cannot resist the lure of the ocean after a storm, so I got up to see that Saturday morning and her mighty power put on a fine display under gray skies that gradually gave way to light. Lots of foam on the beach and beach erosion. Pics on the beach in front of the Flanders Hotel:

I road my bike down to the Music Pier and the jetty around 5th Street to survey those scenes too before riding back heading into the ferocious wind. Shit that was hard. I popped into Drip N' Scoop for a coffee, then back to do some things at the house and read a bit.

I made quick work of the mile long Spring Block Party, buying local food stuff, a CD for Lola, and of course visiting the tie dye man because I have a severe tie dye obsession. Do you spy one of my new pairs of athleisure shoes? They're iridescent.

I was back home by noon and tired like it was midnight, but I did some things around the house and then begrudingly ran my errands. Every time I have to go to stores, I am reminded why I get groceries delivered. I had to go buy flowers in person anyway though, so...oh...and I left Mae outside by accident for the two hours I was gone. She was pissed. When MFD got home we watched Florence Foster Jenkins. I freaking love Meryl Streep.

Sunday we slept in until 8:30. Weekly food prep ensued immediately. Breakfast is zucchini pie, snacks are strawberries and yogurt, lunch is pasta/chicken/veggie salad, and dinners are greek bowls and baked chicken with steamed broccoli and mashed sweet potatoes.

After I had the dishwasher going and the sheets changed and in the wash, I thought I'd have to suck it up and get out and deal with the flower bed but it started raining sideways so that was postponed. I purged my dresses and went through some bags that have been sitting around collecting crap. I also reorganized my laundry stuff using some things I had around the house to estimate sizes I need. Some of them will be cleaned up and some replaced, but I'm finally transitioning away from commercial laundry detergent. More on that in the future as MFD uses up the commercial stuff we have left. I did finally clear out the spring bulbs and plant the summer flowers under the watchful eyes of Gus and Geege. A shower, fresh nails (Essie Sunday Funday - it's been a while), putting away sheets and towels, and sinking into Woman No. 17 followed.

Today my best boy Geege turns 13. 

In case you missed it this weekend and have interest in either of these topics: organizing your recipe collection and steel buildings and reducing pressure on the planet's resources. 

Tomorrow! Show Us Your Books with me and Jana!

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

Thursday Thoughts: any way the wind blows

1. I'm feeling in between this week...in between summer and fall, in between working and living, in between home and shore home, in between wanting to do and wanting to be lazy, in between this book and that book. In between isn't bad, it's just weird.

2. I'm not feeling in between on commuting. I'm feeling straight up worn out. It has been prolonged hell with the trains still out of service and the 20 SEPTA put back on last week already pulled off for further repair. Every morning and evening commute is at least 20-30 minutes longer than it normally is. It's grinding me down.

3. The Samsung Dishwasher Debacle of Summer 2016 has finally come to an end. After 15 phone calls, over 30 emails, and a lot of insanity, they have deposited the $404 they've owed me since July 18 into my account. VICTORY IS MINE.

via

4. Many Trump supporters are calling Hillary old...do they know he's older than she is? Continually LOLing and WTFing over this entire election.

5. I'm really doing it, you guys. I'm attempting to pack for Ireland in a carry on. Debbie showed us her ways at the shore last weekend. I'm giving it a go. It helps that I'm planning to do a load of laundry mid-way between the trip. I bought a new suitcase for the task at Marshalls and am waiting on a compression bag. I also want new leggings. So basically any recent shopping is for our upcoming trip.

6. And I've also been shopping for Libby, the newest member of my aunt army. Kim and Steve ushered this lovely little lady into the world last week in Boston. I cannot wait to meet her but photos will suffice until then.

7. Geege is this week's million dollar dog. He's having pricey as fuck dental surgery today. It worries me to have a 12 year old dog put under. Keep a good thought for him if you could!

8. Tomorrow! Are you ready?

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9. Reminder. Thanks to Rebecca at Knit By God's Hand for sharing on Friday.

10.  E-card of the week...

Thursday Thoughts: It's someone's birthday

1. Happy birthday MFD! Wishing you a killer last year in your 30s filled with adventure, peace, abundance, opportunity, biting fish, love, and as much laughter in your life as you bring to mine.

Also celebrating birthdays today: Debbie, AJ, and Griffin. Love to all of my September 1 babies!

2. We are spending some time down the shore for MFD's birthday, and I'm looking forward to sort of losing time and not really having a schedule. In our house, the birthday person makes the call for what they want to do on their birthday so today is entirely up to him! I see some sort of fishing in my future. Good thing books are portable! Hey ohhh.

3. Gus's birthday was Monday and it was...shitty. That night he was crapping blood all over the house and throwing up. MFD came home from the shore Tuesday to take him to the vet and he got bloodwork done. Wednesday I took him back for x-rays. We should know something today or tomorrow, so please spare a prayer for my first puppy. Meanwhile Geege was fretting and Mae was out back tracking and hunting cicadas like Crocodile Dundee. Only with cicadas of course.

4. Have I mentioned that Geege has a stroller now? I am having to carry him at the shore a lot, and I simply can't. It was delivered on Sunday and I'll be that lady soon. Oh, look...she's pushing her dog...in a stroller. He'll be comfortable, my arms won't be broken, and the other two dogs can carry on as they would, so no fucks given.

5. When my friend Catie shared this this week I thought damn it's like the bottom was written by Maisel. Well, Hazel. It made me laugh a lot.

6. I hit the library Monday for the first time in a while. I was getting no love from my hold list. This Conroy is quite possibly a re-read but I couldn't remember so I put it on my to read list and picked it up. Show Us Your Books is on September 13. There should be a new Armchair Librarians dropping sometime today in which Jana and I discuss Dark Matter by Blake Crouch. In future episodes we will be doing a Ruth Ware podcast (discussing The Woman in Cabin 10 and In a Dark, Dark Wood) and The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead. We also have an Instagram account (blank right now but please give us a follow) and are looking for other bookish souls who'd like to take it over for a few days at a time and share your bookish life. Let me or Jana know if you're interested.

7. Seasonal goal people, the Fall Goal linkup with Sara from Journey of Doing and me is on Friday, September 16. Mark your calendars. Feel free to report in on your summer goals too!

8. Well I know ya'll wanted that 808 can you feel that B-A-S-S bass?

9. Reminder. Cultivate your relationship with yourself.

10.  E-card of the week: To MFD today and all of our same aged and older comrades. 

Linking up with Kristen & Gretch