Friday, November 17, 2017

The Gift of Friday

Happy Friday my friends. Are you ready for the quickest days of the week to come and go before you can blink?

G is for get your shit together. My to do lists have to do lists and I am jamming some shit out today, come hell or high water. MFD bailed me out on two separate errands yesterday because I fucked up the times.

I is for I want a new phone, all of my photos look like shit and I swear they did that on purpose to make people want to upgrade. I'm thinking of a Google Pix 2. I've only ever had an iPhone. Will the switch be horrible?

F is for Franken. You didn't think I'd let this go without comment because his politics match mine, did you? I'm disappointed in groping Al, but as a 40 year old woman who has lived on this earth and had countless incidents of uninvited touching in bars in my early 20s, many by guys who are otherwise nice, I can't say I'm surprised. I like the work Al has done in the Senate, but I believe the woman. The bullshit women have put up with since the dawn of time is not a partisan issue, in fact it's not even a political issue. It's a human issue.

I think this is a good conversation to have, and I think a lot of us are having conversations. Me and MFD are, me and my BFFs are, it’s topical in my progressive groups. We are all approaching this from different directions, similar to the conversations we're now having about pervasive and systemic racism.

Where is the line? What do we want going forward? All of this has made me think of so many things I’ve forgotten about for years. I don’t want to crucify any person who grabbed my ass in a bar without permission. As a logical person, I recognize an ass grab in a bar is different than sexual harassment in the work place which is different than sexual assault etc etc.

The patriarchy is on shaky ground but most positions of power are still occupied by men. It feels like the system is folding in on itself while those in power claw to keep it. It's alarming in that it's the only thing we've ever known so the toppling naturally frightens us because on the whole we fear change; and it's awesome in that everything can change: all the attitudes and the behaviors. I think we're on the cusp of something huge but women AND male allies need to keep smashing...even when it hits people they like.

Just to be clear, no one expects another person to have never done or said anything wrong. We are human. We are imperfect. We fuck up and we hurt each other. I hear a lot of grown men being like man...I should not have done that in my teens/early to mid 20s, I know better now. After acknowledgement, that's the key - you know better, so you do better. I don't want to berate you or shame you for not knowing better then. That does nothing for me, you, or the world. You atone by teaching your kids and your male counterparts how to support and value women and actually supporting them with your actions, not just your words. Of course I hear some What, now that's wrong? They can't take a joke? We can't flirt? etc. from those clinging to the old ways. You can flirt. You can still talk about WYLTF without devaluing and debasing them as people, without it being okay for it the conversation to devolve into grab her by the pussy (sad that that's like a national American phrase now), implying force or against will. I think that's the line, isn't it? Everyone is a sexual being. It's how you value the bodily autonomy of others. And it's teaching that concept of bodily autonomy at a young age, to ALL kids regardless of sex.

What you cannot do is touch someone without permission, and you are learning that there are consequences to doing so. Finally. You also cannot ever ever ever engage in anything remotely sexual with a minor. That…that is definitely in the set the world on fucking fire zone and I’d rather pee on the scorched earth next to you than give you a drop of relief. Equating Roy Moore's multi-offense pedophilia with Al Franken's boorish groping shows how partisanship in this country has eroded our decency and common sense and highlights our desire to be right and win at all costs - even when the  cost comes on the backs of women and young girls.

We're ALL learning - we were all raised in a misogynist culture. Women battle the same long-held cultural and societal notions of what they should just deal with as men battle those things that are okay for them to do. Things are changing and there will be growing pains all around. It's going to be uncomfortable but it won't be forever. It will be easier if we give ourselves and others trying to find new ways of being some grace.

Maybe we could start by not having magazines like W name a 13 year old as sexiest actress? Come the fuck on now. Hand me my hose of fire.

T is for toodleoo, mofos. Incidentally I learned from Lauren yesterday that MFD's Venmo name has MOFO in it. I got a good laugh out of that. I hope you have many good laughs this weekend!

Happy happy birthday to Denise, who has been framily to me since she was born.


  1. I LOVE android; the OS so much better and easier, IMO. The specs on the GP2 are amazing; the camera is rated as top notch. I'm not sure if you fiddle with the manual settings (brightness, ISO, shutter speed etc) but if you're the auto point and shoot type of person, the random shots will blow you away. Hope you get this phone!

  2. My phone has been driving me crazy lately, so I spent over an hour trying to get it to update last night and have never been more frustrated. It made me wishing for the days of flip phones, but I have a feeling I'm going to have to cave and get a new phone sooner than I would like.

  3. I'm nearing the end of my contract and am debating on getting an upgrade or keeping this one and trying a new plan. I hate it because it's taken me almost 2 years to finally get comfortable with this phone. Re: Franken, a friend last night said they wished we could just go back to a simpler time -- which then brought up the discussion of when was a better time than now? Yes, it's scary with gun-violence - but we all have the power to speak up now, whereas we couldn't 10-25-50-however many years ago.

  4. Can’t imagine not having an iPhone. It’s about f-ing time this touchy feely male privilege become extinct. Along with hate and greed. Extinct. Save the real elephants. Ban those who want animal parts as trophies. Good God in heaven.
    Happy and efficient weekend to all❣️
    Love. Stephs. Momma.

  5. I didn't see that W named Millie a sexy actress. Ewww, gross. I guess this article by Mara Wilson was probably in response to that:

  6. My boyfreind has the google phone, it is totally different than an iPhone for sure but not as confusing to me as his android was. Damn right it is not a partisan issue. He is probably one of my favorite senators politically but that is highly inappropriate and he needs to be shamed as well.

  7. So disgusting about W and the young girl. What the hell is wrong with the world...
    I need a new phone, too :(

  8. I need to upgrade my phone too but the Goddamn prices. Jeez. I truly think its a conspiracy why my iphone pics now look like crap.

    W Magazine. SMH

  9. I second everything you said about Al. I won't even comment on the thing about W magazine and I refuse to read it because that child is only TWO YEARS OLDER than my daughter and it's fucking disgusting.

    I know I need a new phone but I'm trying to hold out until I can get the reduced price upgrade.

  10. Yes to good laughs this weekend! Someone was mentioning switching their iphone only life to google as well. I hope you have a great weekend!

  11. I started to write about the Al Franken business last night and I just couldn't figure out the words. It felt like a gut punch, but not because it was surprising, I was more surprised at the people that were outraged by him, but defend the dotard president. I unfriended at least 8 people on facebook last night, drank a glass of wine and said fuck it to writing about it. Hope you have an awesome weekend.

  12. Yes to everything you mentioned about Franken, I believe the woman too. We have put up with more than enough, and I'm glad I live in a time where it's finally coming out into the open.

  13. well who runs the world...! girls so i need to buy a new phone :) best wordpress premium themes

  14. I went to an android phone a few years ago and crawled back to Apple after a few months because I missed my iphone, but there are others out there who swear that android is life. So I don't have any advice on whether or not the switch would be bad for you. I have a 7 plus but I really want the new X. Damn them for making cool shit all the time.

  15. Thank you for saying all of that—there’s so much to discuss, to reflect on, and I appreciate how you address it with thoughtful insight. I agree—we’re all learning, and it’s incredible how things are changing (yes, as uncomfortable for society as it is). I hope you had a wonderful weekend and were able to cross off some of those things on your to-do list!

  16. While it's heartbreaking to see men you respected & were a fan of accused of this shit, get em. Get em all. This is the beginning of something really monumental & important and I'm glad it's happening. Can we boot the biggest sexual predator of them all, our POTUS, out of HIS job next?! THANKS.

  17. Scott has the Google Pixel. To me, it's super foreign but he's never had an iPhone so he likes it well enough. There was a glitch with the screen almost immediately though and it has a funny green line down the middle of it.
    The salesperson was all about Samsung and Google and anti-iPhone so I feel like he pushed it.


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