Seems that I was busy doing something close to nothing, but different than the day before

Happy third workday of January. How are we doing? 

I am not a resolution maker anymore, but I have set intentions for the year at the beginning of most years. I don't only do that then, of course. I've done that quarterly, monthly, weekly, daily. This year, my only intention is to stay afloat.

When I think about what that actually means, I can break it down as I see it manifesting in 10 ways in my day to day. If you like anything from this list and want to adapt it into your life, cool, but this post is not me advising people how to live at this time. My only advice is however you can. This is how I'm doing it right now. I am not here to take a positive piss in your cereal and hand it to you and tell you it's milk. I'm not here to read anything from anyone doing that either. 

1. One day at a time mindset. This is easier for me to grasp since I live with someone in recovery and am extremely familiar with the concept of ODAAT, but as a planner it was still a big change. I am in a 24 hour vision cycle right now. Tonight I'll think about what I'm going to do or not do tomorrow. I used to plan my days out at least a week in advance. That doesn't work in my life right now, so I don't do it.  On weekdays, this includes staying on top of work with a task breakdown and lists. On weekends, it includes whatever I feel like doing that day. Living more by feel. A planner with no plans. Life requires adjustments.

2. No guilt. There is no right way to live through a pandemic and massive societal unrest. I can sleep more, eat more, turn off the news more. Whatever I need to do that day to stay okay or get to feeling okay, that's what I'm doing that day. And okay? That is what I'm aiming for. I'm not looking to be good, great, or positive AF. If I end up being any of those things that day, cool. But my goal every day is to feel okay. 

3. As the title indicates, my day to day is not much different. My intention is have a routine, but make it flexible. I suffered through much of 2020 because I thought I couldn't have a routine at all and I really need a fucking routine to feel grounded. So as an example: I can use my time before work that would normally be my commute time to read, sleep in, walk, write, get something done, sit quietly with my dogs...anything besides sit on my phone and waste an hour on it before I even start doing anything else. 

4. Essentials of daily living - adequate sleep, proper hydration, and food. The first two are self explanatory, no? As for the last, it's a little more than just food...when I first started really cooking, I would try to find something cool to make. Then I fell into the I need to cook to live, here are easy things that I like. In 2020 most things I found creative joy in stopped - cooking was one of those things. It's coming back. 

5. Put the phone down. 

6. Work/life boundaries. Something else I did last year to my detriment is let work bleed over into my time. Sometimes that's the nature of the beast when you are on a deadline but it should not be common practice. I'd get up and just start working and if I didn't have anything happening at night (um hello when were things happening at night never) I'd keep working. 

7. Rest does not need to be earned. I don't need to be productive outside of working hours first before I earn the right to rest. This world is exhausting and demoralizing right now and I'm fucking tired. I know you are too. We can rest. We don't need to front. 

8. Get outside. I don't feel as good anywhere as I do outside. 

9. Joy is not a crumb. Two things can be true at once. Two things can exist at once. Joy doesn't need to be tamped down because there is suffering in the world. If that was true, after the massive suffering we've endured and also caused through human time on earth, we'd no longer exist. So joy is not meant to be the crumbs that are left after everything else is dealt with.

10. Grace for myself and grace for others. There will be more bad days than normal this year like there were last year. People will forget things, I will forget things. We will disappoint each other. I'm giving myself and you more space. 

I tested these things out during my holiday oblivion period. I like how I feel mentally and physically. I'll keep on until I need an adjustment. I hope you're finding a way through that works for you.

Today, the Georgia way also works for me. Never forget this presidency and any possible change in the Senate was delivered to us largely through the blood, sweat, tears, ingenuity, and leadership of Black women. Recognize this and make sure Black women are in positions of leadership everywhere and paid what they are worth. 

March Agenda

Birthday month coming in hot! Not that hot, since I used this as an intro picture showing my shit up table, floors that are finally getting redone this spring, and dog on the table where you know, dogs do not belong but Bender doesn't know that.

ANYWAY

March's visible monthly to do list:

1. Continue no buy for unnecessary items/mindless buying/consuming.
2. Continue daily walks - now in the 40/40, 40 min of exercise a day for the Lent period, which I observe in absolutely no other way.
3. Stretch daily. I have never been a stretcher and I really feel that at what will be 43 this month so I must focus on it. My brain does not like yoga but my body likes yoga stretches (not pose holding) so I'm looking for something I can do at home that's not all yoga-y but has the stretching. Any recommendations?
4. Chiropractor & acupuncturist & possibly doctor because after a year it might be time to investigate this neck problem further than acu/chiro/massage
5. Get mammo & skin check
6. New recipes: including some dips for Year of Dip
7. Spring Equinox
8. Get a pedicure. I am in desperate, desperate need.
9. Buy sinks and faucets for smaller bathrooms at the shore and tile for one of the bath floors
10. Schedule shore house opening, couch delivery, and plumbing work
11. Dining room update in Philly: paint walls, chairs, china and corner cabinets; reupholster chair seats; purchase new mirror and two end chairs, purge both cabinets, get rid of old table and mirror
12. Small celebrations all month

I used to do monthly goals, then I went to quarterly goals, then back to loose monthly goals, then no goals except a few big mamas, now just a tracker for monthly to dos/should be dones. January's. February's.

What's on your agenda for the month?

Hope everyone in Super Tuesday states is out there voting today! Remember, you're not a pundit. You're a voter. Don't worry about electability. Vote for who you want to be President.

February Agenda

Friday Friday! The last day in January.

I used to do monthly goals, then I went to quarterly goals, then back to loose monthly goals, then no goals except a few big mamas. I need a visible monthly to do list, so here it is for February:

1. Continue no buy - not no spend, I had to correct the course on that after January - for unnecessary items/mindless buying/consuming. I bought some stuff for the shore house (need not want) and two books (want not need). 
2. New recipes: including some dips for Year of Dip and vegan mac & cheese Steph has shared a few times. Check on the vegan mac & cheese. I made chive/mascarpone/bacon dip, new hot crab dip, a black/bean avocado dip, snickers dip, cherry cheesecake dip.
4. Imbolc. Check.
5. Schedule annual appointments (mammo, gyn, skin check). Scheduled/went to gyn. Still need to schedule mammo & skin check. 
6. Continue daily walks. Doing it.
7. Get a quote on mini split duct for our apartment at the shore. Yes, it was way more than I expected given the small space so I'm getting another or not doing it at this time.
8. Start looking for a shore sectional again, which i do much of the year, for the fourth year in a row. Need to find and buy by March. Bought it, now fingers crossed it fits in delivery
9. Work on shore house website why can't I do this?
10. Drive By Truckers concert So good. 2/27
11. Chiropractor & acupuncturist Missed the chiro. Check on acupuncture. 
12. Rest, relax, recoup. Moderate success

This was January's.
What's on your agenda for the month?

January Agenda

Friday Friday!

I used to do monthly goals, then I went to quarterly goals, then back to loose monthly goals, then no goals except a few big mamas. I need a visible monthly to do list, so here it is for January:

1. No spend outside of necessities except for a new book coming out by a friend. Bought that book, also failed by buying a dish at Marshalls (5.99)
2. Find and purchase bathroom vanity and faucet for shore (work is getting done there, necessity). Done and done
3. Cook through pantry and freezer. Working on it still, have not gone nuts on food shopping outside of this
4. Make sure basement room is primed and painted. Done
5. Purge photo albums and organize photos. This is actually my plan for 1/31. I know, wild Friday night to close out the month
6. Walk youngest dogs on days without precipitation Only successful the last two weeks of the month
7. Change photos on blog header and blog facebook page (I actually did this yesterday, it had been over two freaking years) Done
8. Show Us Your Books readathon the weekend of January 18 Done
9. Work on shore house website Not done
10. Watch The Ranch Finished first season, not sure if I will continue
11. Chiropractor & acupuncturist & heinous but necessary dentist Done, done, done
12. Rest, relax, recoup I've had a great relaxing month with enough sleep and hibernating to feel good

And finally wish my BFF Laura a very happy birthday today. Love you Laur!

What's on your agenda for the month?

10 things I'll be doing in December

Poor December. There's a lot of pressure on this month with people seeking to pack it full of merriment or else.

There are a lot of things that do not make my December to do list. I will not be constructing a gingerbread house, crafting anything, listening to non-stop holiday music, visiting a live nativity, attending a tree lighting ceremony, dealing with any elves on shelves in person or on social media, writing a letter to Santa, attempting to eat healthy at holiday gatherings, making Christmas cookies, going caroling, seeing the Nutcracker, ice skating, watching every Christmas movie known to man, and numerous other things that I have no interest in. If you do those things, good for you. Not for me.

Some things that are on my December list:

1. Taking in all the lights. I freaking love lights.
2. Decking the halls, but not going nuts. There's a puppy less than four months old in the house.
3. Delighting in my ceramic Christmas trees. Everyone has a Christmas decor thing. These are mine.

4. Drinking out of holiday mugs.
5. Taking time for myself, which includes getting two massages and reading books and saying no to things.
6. Spreading cheer, especially to those who really need it.

7. Saying ho ho ho and ho ho ho mofos as often as possible, even when not appropriate.
8. Closing down the shore house until March and resisting this administration's push towards authoritarianism. I didn't say everything on this list was happy.
9. Meeting my nephew!
10. Purging and reorganizing various spots to start 2018 fresh.

What's on your December to do list?

Things that are probably like wrestling a gator

via

I've never wrestled an actual gator, of course, but when I think about how much grunting, sweat, strife, and near death is involved, I think of these things.

Putting the duvet cover on by yourself. Yes, I have tried the burrito method and I still end up sweating and cursing.

Folding a fitted sheet. After observing Martha Stewart and housekeeping professionals and attempting their ways, I have decided I like being a fitted sheet baller, shot caller, brawler better.  

Giving a dog eye drops or ear drops.

Trying to get your winter coat off when you get too hot in the driver's seat. 

Attempting to remove clothing that is just a little too small in the fitting room.

Getting men to settle on wedding attire. 

Untangling a necklace in a hurry.

Picking up poop while walking three dogs who have no respect for leashes.

Bumbling up steps with all the bags from the trunk so you don't have to go back outside for the rest.

What are some of your wrestling a gator moments?

*************

Haikuesday

Gators and Tuesdays:

Both dangerous and wiley.

Navigate lightly.

                                                                   **************

Happiest of birthdays to my little girlfriend Eva the Diva, who turns two today. She's cute, sassy, funny, and brings much joy to this world. And congratulations to Villanova! What a game. It's pretty safe to say 99% of the greater Philadelphia area is experiencing novanation in some way today.

Things you can remove from your to do list

January means mile long to do lists and visions of glory for the year. Here are some things I don't think you have to do. Just my opinion, but maybe it will take a load off of someone who needs a load taken off.

You don't have to...

1. Say yes to whatever others ask of you or invite you to do. Sometimes you have to say I love you all, but no. When you say yes to everything, it leaves you no time to do the things you want and need to do for yourself. Even if one of those things is sitting on the couch in your house, alone, doing nothing. Spend your time and energy on others, but set limits for yourself.  It's okay to say no to things.

2. Like everyone. Not everyone likes you. You don't have to like everyone else and you don't have to have a reason why you don't. Sometimes we just don't click with people. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with them, or with us. We just don't fit well together and that's okay.

3. Put more emphasis on your weaknesses than on your strengths. It's okay to know what you're good at and to share it with others. You won't get any awards for making yourself seem small. Don't dull your shine.

4. See things in black and white. Grey areas exist. It's okay to walk through them and feel comfortable in them.

5. Wear heels. Treat your feet. Give them the day off.

6. Apologize for other people. We can only control our own behavior. What other people do is on them.

7. React. When someone pisses you off, you can find great satisfaction and power in not responding. We can't control what happens to us in life or what other people do to and around us, but we can choose our reactions.

8. Set the world on fire every day. If you're happy in your life and work, it's okay to stay in that space a while and enjoy it before you start looking for what's next.

9. Explain yourself. Your life. Your priorities. Your choices. To everyone else: none'ya business.

10. Read non-fiction. Wait, that one is just for me.

What's on your don't have to do it list?

Winter Goals 2015

Even though it's been warm as hell in Philly, winter does officially begin on Monday. Winter is the second hardest season for me motivation-wise. Believe it or not, the first is summer. My winter season goals: 

1. Make mozzarella cheese at home.

2. Weights 3x/week and walking once a week. I abandoned my program and need to get back up to speed. The only way I can do that is slowly!

3. Eat at Abe Fisher.

4. Reconfigure basement rooms and how we're using them. This will require purging and reorganization.

5. See sunrise in Cape Town.

6. Bake a carrot cake.

7. Get shore house listed and rented out for the summer.

8. Monthly massage - actually use the membership I have at Hand & Stone.

9. Try five recipes I have pinned on pinterest.

10. Go up to the Liberty One observation deck.

What are your winter goals? 
I'll be reporting in on how I did on my fall goals tomorrow. 

Happy weekend, friends! 

Summer Goals - how did I do?

Summer 2015 ends calendar-wise in a few days. Here's how I did with my seasonal goals:

1. Make homemade cinnamon ice cream. Made on 7/11 and sweet Jesus it was delicious. 

2. Have dinner at Tallulah's Garden and Vetri. Tallulah's Garden on June 19, Vetri on September 4. 

3. Have lunch at Pizzeria Vetri. Lunch with Tara on August 4. 

4. Read an Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot book. I read The Mysterious Affair at Styles on vacation at the end of June. 

5. Purge and organize: utility closet. Done - second weekend in August. 

6. Visit Spruce Street Harbor Park. Done on September 4.

7. Visit The Clay Studio. Visited on July 28. 

8. Conquer fears: cook on the grill and swim in the lake. I've been grilling like a champ, mofos! I made myself do it once a week to truly conquer the fear. I was in the lake on two different weekends on floats but not swimming. I'm counting it. 

9. Increase weights and maintain exercise schedule. Fail. I actually had a falter with weights in general and dipped down to twice a week for the fuck it phase. I battled back into my routine but am still not as fluid with it as I was going into the summer. I'm working on it though.

10. Watch a sunrise and sunset in a beach town in the same day. Sunday 6/28 in Emerald Isle.

Did you make summer goals? How did you do?

Happy happy birthday today to my longest time friend Jen. We've been friends for going on 36 years. And tomorrow to my youngest brother Sean, who turns 21. Be safe and enjoy your first truly legal beer, brother. Love you both! 

I am travelling, please forgive delayed replies to comments. I'll catch you on the flip side. 

Things you can do today to increase productivity tomorrow

You're thinking wait, it's Friday, screw this post because tomorrow is Saturday I don't need productivity in my life on Saturday. Right? Maybe?  I know, not a great post for a Friday.

Anyway. I'm a very productive person. I get shit done. I'm definitely down with downtime, but I have to earn that time - I like to feel like I deserve that relaxation. I can give you a list of things I do in the mornings, but for me the true secret of increased productivity is doing things the night before to line me up for a great tomorrow. Things like...

1. Formulate tomorrow's to do list today. I do this every afternoon before I leave work. It has my work stuff on it with the top three priorities at the top, what type of exercise I'm going to do, any errands that need to be run, what's for dinner, and chores I have to take care of. This does two things: it stops my mind from racing to track down those things when I'm trying to go to sleep, and it gives me a road map for a successful day the next day. I don't waste time figuring out what to do when. It's already figured out.

2. Clear the surfaces. I don't operate well in chaos. I like to put my house to sleep when I go to sleep so I know I'll wake up to a clean slate in the morning. No dishes in the sink, no clutter crapping things up. I won't feel it weighing on me when I get up. Likewise, I clean off my desk or at the least put stuff into piles I'll tackle the next day when I leave my office.

3. Get out of your own head. Do a little exercise. Read a book. Watch a little TV. Weed your flower bed. Relax your mind and stop thinking about all the things you have to do. Just put yourself on auto pilot and loosen the reins a little.

4. Practice gratitude. What does gratitude have to do with productivity, you ask? Gratitude has everything to do with everything. If you want to attract more good, you'd better appreciate the good you have first. Every day before I go to sleep I do a down and dirty five things I'm thankful for list. Sometimes the things are big, but they're often small. If you don't tie yourself to the things you should be grateful for, you become an arrogant dick and everyone hates you. It's hard to get things done when everyone hates you. Does that reasoning work well enough?

5. Refresh. Get a good sleep so you start tomorrow in top condition. Remove distractions, wear a sleep mask, stop with the technology an hour before bed. Sleep is important.

What about you? What do you do today to prepare yourself for a successful tomorrow?

Summer Goals

Hello & happy Friday mon frers. Well, another season is upon us. Summer 2015 officially begins on Sunday. You know I do my seasonal goals - check back tomorrow for how I did on my spring goals - so you may have expected to see these today. I'm predictable, I know. I like it that way. My summer 2015 goals:

1. Make homemade cinnamon ice cream.

2. Have dinner at Tallulah's Garden and Vetri.

3. Have lunch at Pizzeria Vetri.

4. Read an Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot book. 

5. Purge and organize: utility closet. 

6. Visit Spruce Street Harbor Park. 

7. Visit The Clay Studio.

8. Conquer fears: cook on the grill and swim in the lake. 

9. Increase weights and maintain exercise schedule.

10. Watch a sunrise and sunset in a beach town in the same day. 

Happy happy birthday to my mom today! Love you Dalai Momma! And happy birthday to my cousin Ashley as well!

On a serious note, I wish for peace for the families of the Charleston victims, as well as the AME church community and the community at large. Hell, I wish for peace for all of us. We'll only get there if we can meet in the middle and stop being so ignorant and violent and cruel to each other. On the national scene and in my Facebook news feed, when a black person commits a crime it's described as animal behavior and there is rage and ideas that their actions are the reason people are rascist. When a white person commits a crime, they are described as mentally ill and we're sad about it or possibly worse - we're silent about it. Even though the motherfucker in this case was clearly a rascist and in fact killed those poor people because of the color of their skin. Judging by the lack of commentary I've seen on it, people must be largely okay with that. And that is fucked up. It is past time to have an honest discussion about race in this country. And God be with us all through that. 

Now back to BSing...what's on your summer to do list?

Current Hausfrauing Schedule

Cleaning on a schedule is something I've been doing for over 10 years. I bet my parents wish I used it when I lived at home and was a mess! It was a little rigid at first, but it's come to be something that makes my life a lot easier. I don't need to think about it. I just do it. Like any other routine, once I'm in it it's automatic.

I've shared this before both on this blog and via email to people who've asked but I'm revisiting it here because I do what I want. Sometimes I make changes to my hausfrauing schedule every few weeks. Other times it goes unchanged for months.

It is rare for things to get unmanageably messy or dirty in my house because I don't buck the hausfrauing schedule. The only time things look like a shitbomb hit us is when I've been sick or when we've just returned from vacation and things are strewn about. But we all have those upside down weeks and I find if the actual cleaning goes by the wayside, keeping on top of the daily dos lets me coast for a while in a fairly presentable manner.

A copy hangs on my fridge because I'm a dork

My daily dos are ingrained in me so I don't need them there but it's a good reference. Some nights I'm lazy and don't do them, but honestly not too often because that just doubles the next day's work load. I don't like making things hard on myself. I also look at it like this - would I rather spend a half hour every day putting the house to rights, or a few hours on the weekend sorting through the stuff I've let pile up for 5 days, then a few more hours cleaning it? And the cleaning will require more elbow grease because I was too lazy to wipe off the counter in the bathroom after I brushed my teeth. I'll take a half hour a day.

We all have a lot of stuff going on. I don't like living in squalor but I don't like spending time on the weekends cleaning and running all of my errands so I try to space it out over the week.

If I miss a day of anything, it's not the end of the world. I do try to stay on top of things because when I do, tasks don't take a long time week to week. It all ties together - if I've kept everything picked up and put away, vacuuming or dusting all three floors of the house doesn't take more than a half hour even when I have to travel with the vacuum.

Keeping time to a minimum is important to me - I get home at six or later and exercise at night as well. Food prep on the weekends takes dinner out of the equation most days.

Hanging this up also reminds of the quarterly or monthly tasks that I hate but that must be done. Doing them on a schedule means there's really no more ass breaking spring cleaning here. I do my ass breaking spring cleaning out in the yard now. Blah

Hausfrauing doesn't bother me, but my favorite week of the month is undoubtedly the one that contains the Tuesday our cleaning lady comes. The rest of that week is cake! 

Do you use a cleaning schedule? Are you  a weekday or weekend cleaner?

 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday

Fall goals - how did I do?

Well here we are, the final day of fall. Winter is upon us in name as well as feeling. Here's how I did on my fall goals. 

1. Major wardrobe overhaul - both summer and winter - all clothes and shoes, special occasion clothes, everything down to socks. Purge, update, and upgrade. And dry clean the winter coats while I'm at it. Dunzo. I got rid of a lot of clothes and consolidated. I actually have extra room in my drawers. And the winter coats were dry cleaned. 

2. Get up 15 minutes earlier three days a week. This happened once a week for a while, then it didn't happen any more. Bomb.

3. Stretch every night before bed. This didn't happen every night, but it happened at least four nights a week, which is four more nights than it ever did. 

4. Daily dog walk unless it's raining. I should've added or unless it's frigid - they don't like that. I mean, I don't either, but they really don't.

5. Try new recipes: one new app, main dish, veggie side, Sunday soup, dessert, and pie crust/pie from scratch. All links go to pins on pinterest.
      App - pepperjack cheese dip
      Main dish - lazy Sunday casserole, Minnesota hot dish, easy italian chicken bake
      Veggie side - Cauliflower tater tots
      Sunday soup - Shrimp & Corn Chowder
      Dessert - pumpkin pie cupcakes
      Breakfast - spinach muffins
      Pie crust/pie from scratch - I made mini apple hand pies, but the crust was not from scratch. Halvesies?

6. Outdoors:
       a) Clear out both sheds and find new storage for cushions Dunzo
       b) Winterize flower beds Dunzo
       c) Major cleanup of side yard Dunzo
       d) Pray for Yard Crashers to materialize as I'm working my ass off and fending off spiders.                       Done, but the bastards didn't show.

7. Go see a beach sunrise at the shore. Dunzo - November 8. 

8. October wallet watch. Results are here.

9. Vacuum/wash window treatments and clean baseboards. Done, hatefully. 

10. Take my car in for a tune up. Newp. I took it to get inspected, but that's it. Bomb.

Did you make fall goals? How did you do?

Friday Five: Cleaning Your Makeup Brushes

We all know we should clean our makeup brushes. Dirt bags like me forget about this chore amid the places to go, people to see, and Extreme Cheapskates marathons to watch on TLC. Then I break out, wonder WTF is going on, and realize I need to clean my filthy brushes. I'm here to remind you to clean yours too. If you want to do it quick and dirty, I'm sure you have everything you need on hand right now.

You'll need:
Baby shampoo or Dish liquid (I would typically use baby shampoo, but I didn't have any in the house)
New sponge
kitchen towel
napkins or paper towels

1. Put dish liquid on your damp sponge. Run the bristles of your brush under lukewarm water with your brush angled down. Do not fully submerge your brush or get the barrel of it wet.

2. Work your brush against the sponge.

3. Run the bristles under water, massaging them with your fingers. Again, angle the brush down and don't get the barrel fully wet.

4. Dab it on a napkin or paper towel. If it doesn't dab clear, repeat the process.

5. Reshape bristles and lay flat to dry. I leave mine overnight. Before doing the next brush, clean your sponge and reapply dish liquid because this grossness is now on it:

Easy, right? I have no excuse for not doing it more often. Except getting immersed in weird TV shows on the weekend and general living of life.

Cheers to the freakin' weekend.

Linking up with Joy as always, and the Northeast Bloggers