Tuesday, February 23, 2021

More than words, or no words. Same diff.

This weekend on Instagram Alyssa  posted a tweet something about the world being out of things to say and I replied I have absolutely nothing left except things that make me sound like I've eaten a bunch of acid. Like things I'd not normally discuss, or that make little sense, have no importance/aren't even interesting, just going off on tangents about nothing. I've got nothing. Nothing going on, nothing new. I am looking forward to things, but that's not a cure for the same ol' of today. It's also different to carry on a virtual conversation with someone versus being in person and having conversation flow naturally. 

Do I mind being home most of the time? No. However, I do gain inspiration from being out in the world, so I  lack that now and have for quite some time. Many of us draw inspiration from being out in the world and some people probably didn't realize that until this past year. Even the most self-proclaimed anti-social not people persons among us suffer from such limited social interaction and lack of proximity to actual humans in the same space, both strangers to observe and also humans we love and see often. We are not built for so much solitary time, even those of us who love it and prefer it (meeee). When I do see people, I am reminded that I have to learn how to be with people again. Coming up on a year of a life much different than most of us have always lived, the strain is real right now, even from places of privilege. If you are a person who creates or shares content for a living or because you like to personally via blogging or social media, it is not an easy content creation time. It's not just about the creation of actual content - the inspiration, writing, graphics - it's knowing the people you're serving it to aren't that hungry, or they've already eaten that this week. You don't necessarily feel like reading or writing a lot of things and you can definitely feel the mood that people don't feel like receiving them. 

Combine that with hitting the grisly over 500,000 dead from covid in America milestone, all the political and social unrest that's not left us alone and the knowledge of the work ahead to dismantle systems, the frustration over vaccine availability and rollout, the gray and cold and precipitous weather for most of us in the northeast, the devastation in Texas and other southern states from a climate crisis weather event, and it's certainly straight put your head down and get through the day status right now. A more quiet period. A collective period of don't have much to say - not just me, and not just you. Maybe a period where we let that be and don't try to fill silence because we think we have to or should. A break from the constant posting and scrolling and consuming and feeding and scrambling. 

I read this on the Ladies Pass it On facebook page on Saturday and thought yes. Yes. 

You’re not imagining it, nobody seems to want to talk right now.
Messages are brief and replies late.
Talk of catch ups on zoom are perpetually put on hold.
Group chats are no longer pinging all night long.
It’s not you.
It’s everyone.
We are spent.
We have nothing left to say.
We are tired of saying ‘I miss you’ and ‘I cant wait for this to end’.
So we mostly say nothing, put our heads down and get through each day.
You’re not imagining it.
This is a state of being like no other we have ever known because we are all going through it together but so very far apart.
Hang in there my friend.
When the mood strikes, send out all those messages and don’t feel you have to apologise for being quiet.
This is hard.
No one is judging.

Donna Ashworth

Hang in there friends. We're almost through February. The vaccine rollout is happening, albeit not as quickly or as easy to understand as we'd like. We'll be spending more time outside again soon, which made it so much easier to socialize last year. You're all invited to bring a blanket and sit with me on the beach. 

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