Things I've been meaning to tell you 6.14.2024

Aldi coming in hot with this lovely toter. A perfect replacement for one I just lost that I got in Vermont a few years back.

Weekends gone by post here for the last three, all good ones. Someone had a bead kit at the shore Memorial Day Weekend and I swear I will be finding these for all eternity.

Our hydrangea is having a moment

How I've felt since finding out I had Lyme's disease last week - IYKYK. I've felt as crazy as Felicia. Cliiiiiiiivvveeeee. Where are my Witches of Eastwick fans? Goddamn ticks. It has been a journey for sure, and not a pleasant one. Things went south very quickly. Bless these mega antibiotics. And the fact that I had a visible and very clear bullseye rash. I've never been so sick in my life, and I've never been so scared for my own health - what a privilege at this age to be able to say that. A weird after thing is that I have not had coffee since 6/3. I tried hot and iced and couldn't have more than a sip of hot and two of iced. 

I much prefer this type of feeling...which is how I feel when I walk into a new Marshalls/TJMaxx HomeGoods that has all of my things. I found an awesome one close to me at the shore that I haven't been to before and it is awesome.

In the midst of the Lyme's shit and first shore rental checking in, I picked up our new senior dog - 14 year old Queen Victoria, a corgi who lost her owner in May to cancer. She comes from Senior Dog Haven and Hospice, the same place Mr. Rooney came from and the same awesome foster. Crown Vic is likely at the end of her lifespan (corgis are 12-15 years by all accounts), but we'll keep her comfortable in style for as long as she has left. She's acclimated to us and to the dogs, but has not been to the shore yet.

Someone who is not interested in acclimating to the new dog...

The late light in June is just dreamy.

I am in the season of more Philly, less shore as the shore population swells and I find it harder to operate down there. I estimate I'll probably spend 3-ish days a week down there and four in Philly versus all the time down there like I do in the off-season. Philly showing up and showing out this week. 

The shore rental season prep flew by this year, mostly because we left it until the last fucking minute despite intending to do it all spring. I didn't paint the trim this year so I better be doing that in the fall. We're fully booked until Saturday of Labor Day weekend. We have a few September rentals too and may rent out a bit in October. 

More people but still pulling in treasures. 

I spent a zillion dollars at my car maintenance today, and MFD spent a mil on his inspection last week. Goddamn that hurts, back to back and not expected. I still need two tires also, but I was not getting them there. It has been forever since I bought tires, like literally many many years. Tire City here I come.

The party of law and order doesn't care about law and order if you're an old white grifter bamboozler rapist misogynist who appears rich. Then you can do whatever you want and they'll still vote for your hateful, lying, law breaking ass

Sincerely - fuck the supreme court. Overturn the ban on bump stocks largely supported across the board, sure sure. The fucking MANIACAL LUNACY of guns having more rights than women in this country. You can shove the 4th of July up your fucking ass, Clarence Thomas. These people are bought and paid for, several of their wives are the hateful white ladies upholding patriarchy that memes are based on, and every blessed one of them lied to the American people with their hand in the air saying Roe was settled and they would not disrupt it. This is a rogue court acting on behalf of their billionaire benefactors. Fuck you all, I hope you have the days you deserve and that it comes with incurable crotch rot and dental pain

If your password requirement is like 12+ characters, a number, a character, etc etc to infinity, you can shove it up your butthole. Also, can hackers just like hack the fucking government and big businesses and wipe out mortgages and student loans and medical debt and siphon some off the top of that and not try to place a $99 order on my Grove Collaborative account? I am not personally offended or upset when my credit card gets compromised but like hello when it is the credit card you have hooked to everything and it happens days before things hit like your spotify, home warranty, cat insurance, etc. No thank you. Again, please direct your efforts to cancelling student loan debt, medical debt, and mortgages. Or credit debt itself thank you and good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Congrats to all the grads, and happy day to all the dads

SMD

Things I've been meaning to tell you 2.7.2024

For years I was blogging four to five times a week, then three, then committing to still documenting weekends and monthly reads, then a substack post here and there, then stopping even the weekends and monthly reads the weekend after Thanksgiving…and I stopped with no regrets. I didn't want to sit at my computer any longer than necessary. I didn't feel like I had the capacity for it. Since then it’s been like having all the things I shared regularly for so long bottling up in my brain causing a traffic jam. I never thought not putting a blog out would add to my mental load instead of subtract from it, but that's what happened. I am a creature of habit and continued adding any little unimportant thought that flew through to a mental list until my brain felt like the scene in a movie where a pillow bursts and the asshole down feathers that are a PITA to clean up are everywhere.

I'm going to try for a weekly round up, which I will start immediately with no expectations and achieve with varying degrees of success. Let us begin.

1. I’m so glad Tracy Chapman is getting all her flowers for Fast Car. Now let’s do Talkin’ Bout a Revolution.

2. Then let’s actually have a revolution where the needs of actual every day people are met over the need to return profits to shareholders or fund the military industrial complex, which America does without care for how it impacts and erases actual every day people, scorches the earth, and does lasting damage to our shared humanity. Too many of us do not realize our entire lives are attributable to the luck of being born where we were born. Related: let's Make America Go Back to When Congress Produced Things Aside From Sound Bytes Again. Do nothing motherfuckers owned by corporate and/or foreign interests, the lot of them

3. White women powers, activate! Form of: the same shield around Black and Brown women - celebrity or not - we use to surround Taylor Swift. This isn’t a dig on TS, it’s a reminder to us white ladies that white supremacy AND patriarchy are not the shark, they are the water we swim in. And a lot of the time, us white ladies are the lifeguards who focus so hard on some swimmers that we’re just letting non-white women drown. Plenty of Black women have more to say on this than me, and plenty of white women are slamming the door on it because they are sick of the beating Taylor Swift has taken because the NFL shows her on the screen which, ladies, I’m with you. Two things can be true at once. If you read shit like this and get defensive, stop and discuss with yourself. I immediately stop and ask why I’m getting defensive. And as a rule and lifelong commitment to my authentic self, I am ruthlessly honest with my answers. It is okay to change your thought process or to have a realization that sparks a change in how you see the world at any time. If you find yourself stuck, you might be dead.

4. Some of you right now: Back on her bullshit, why did I start reading this

5. I spent two hours on a combo of live chat and phone chat with the bastard Xfinity this morning to lower our shore internet only cost from $160 to $102. How the shit they justify Internet Only at $160 when it was $85 in 2020 is one of the world's greediest mysteries. The cost of utilities in general is absolutely insane globally. Also why isn't Internet fucking free. 

6. Free deodorizer for dog beds, blankets, etc: sunshine. The same thing that kept the Ingalls family from smelling like old crotches through most of the winter. Have you ever read The Long Winter as an adult? If not, recommend.

7. I'm thrilled with how  table originally purchased for $20 from ReStore turned out in Philly - this is Modern Masters Metallic Paint in Amethyst over All in One Paint in Thistle. My niece critiqued it while it was in progress, prompting an additional coat I was not going to do but she was correct. I still need to add a lacquer top coat. More metallic painting shit coming this weekend at the shore. Who knows how that will turn out, because I'll be damned if I'm letting the rest of the thistle go to waste so it will be the base for the two smaller tables I'm doing at the shore as well. Different metallic paints are going on top of that but they are not in the same color family so the end results will be a surprise to both you and me. 

8. Items of note from last weekend: Mr. Rooney's first $$$ emergency vet visit. Face time with a good friend is always comforting and fantastic. Bruce is back on his coffee bullshit. A two hour walk on a windless Sunday in February feels like an amazing dream.

9. Have I mentioned I'm putting my feet in the water every day I'm at the shore, winter included? The water's not bad, really. I need to ground myself in all seasons, and also I'm a pisces what do we expect

10. Woman who is always saying, "I rarely watch movies," has recently watched movies.

I'm coming back next week, I swear.

Friday check in chat

Coming at you live from Philadelphia International Airport. The last time I was in an airport was March 16, 2020. This morning has simultaneously been foreign and familiar. Foreign in that a lot of things have changed. Familiar in a lot of things remain the same, including new Covid-era things: rolling with last minute changes like the lot where I made a parking reservation yesterday afternoon at 3 is closed this morning and I was redirected, maskholes who think they can put their mask on whenever the fuck they want so I am arguing with people in a small passenger van before 7:30 am. I understand in this life in the time of corona yet still detest a last minute change in airport parking. I always get riled up by people who think rules apply to six other people and not them. Those things have not changed either. 

You might notice some more This post was written for the Life According to Steph audience posts recently. I've accepted more sponsored posts because I've amped up my donations to literally everything, including new Afghan refugee and local Ida sufferer groups as well as some veteran support organizations and Ultraviolet to combat the outright assault on women in TX. If you have spare change or time I hope you help who you can how you can. So many people out there need it and we do not have the social safety net other countries have. I will die on the abortion hill. You can take your arguments about that or vaccine and mask mandates and shove them up your asshole. Not today, and not ever with me. Go elsewhere. 

What else...the second to last airport experience I had before the world changed was also to Boston. Kim was stocking supplies and I had no idea what was even happening because I was up to my ears in work deadlines and pulling 12 hour days. Kim and I were together in the afternoon of September 11 20 years ago and this might be the same time we've been together on that day since. I'm looking forward to spending the weekend with her and Libby and Steve.

Did you know Auntie Anne’s has breakfast sandwiches?

The pineapple is the new pink princess bed, which Billy Hicks has gotten in the mix on. We have a pink princess bed at the shore and in Philly and both get daily, consistent use. We have a shark at the shore instead of a pineapple and so far only Billy has been in that but Ben and Mae love the pineapple. 

Yesterday I woke up to the realization I had forgotten to make coffee, which I made the day before obvi since I make iced coffee. My work day was packed and I was doing some extra since I had an afternoon appointment, plus it was raining so I was not in the mood to go get some. Flex time has been amazing yesterday and will be again today. Anyhoo I sulkily drank a smidge of MFD’s hot coffee and made it a point to get a medium this morning with plans to get another when I land. 

Show Us Your Books is Tuesday. Join me & Jana & our online reader crew.

Have a breather of a weekend.

This morning I was sitting out back thinking

-How fucking great it is to have the ability on a work day to sit out back and think with a cup of coffee instead of rushing out the door like a fucking crazy person.

-Mae makes a an awful keening sound that sounds distinctly human and is very jolting. 

-About my BFF Michelle, who celebrates her birthday today. When I talk about the people who have seen the literal worst moments of my life and never looked away but instead either sat beside me in my pain or grief or rage, or helped me figure it out, she is at the top of that list. It's funny how life brings you people that you need. We met about/over 18 years ago now at the Hulmeville because she was dating a friend of ours and bonded over soap operas of all things. Life went on and she didn't keep him, but I kept her and will forever. I keep all the real ones who see me and let me see them. Everyone else falls off when they're meant to. Happy birthday Michelle!

-The glorious smell of in-season, perfectly ripe strawberries that wafts out when you open the fridge

-The comfort I get from having furniture of my grandmom's and great grandmom's

-How sad it is when people do not have true friends who really see and accept and love them 

-How fucking bizarre the concept of an influencer is, and in that same internet vein, how heavy and hard it must be for some people to have an online persona and a face to face persona and those people are not the same people. We are here to be our authentic selves in this one life, and not doing that removes authenticity, truth, and imperfect human beauty from the world. Be who you are. Everyone else is taken. 

-Summer rain rules because then you don't have to water plants. 

-Dogs have become clingy monsters in pandemic life. I will never be sad to have all the extra time with Gus as his body breaks down and he approaches 16. 

-I put two seriously late birthday cards for the Kims, Michelle's card, and my bonus grandfather's Father's Day card in the mailbox today. Do mail people still take letters to be mailed from the box or do they have to go in the actual mailbox on the street? Update, I know you were on the edge of your seat: my mail person took them

-Birds are pushy squatters. 

-Actually flexing flex time is a whole new world. Gus was up shitting at 5 am and I had been up until midnight reading. I got all the dogs up and out, fed them, pulled the sheets off the bed, gathered towels throughout the house, threw a load of laundry in, got a bin out as the trash still hadn't been picked up, and went back to sleep for an hour. I started work at 9:30 and will just extend. I didn't stress or run around and it is such a nicer way to exist. We've always had flex time, but it's harder to flex when you are commuting and dealing with train schedules. They start to suck after the 6 pm hour.

-I am up to my armpits in deadline driven work for the next month.

-I will never understand the unwillingness to get a vaccine in a global pandemic especially when the excuse is big pharma or govt using you as research. What the fuck do you think they're doing through the device you're reading this on right now? Or because you don't want that in your body, but you ingest chemicals through your skin, mouth, and nose in the products you use on your body/face/hair, how you care for your lawn, what you eat and drink, what comes through your pipes. Man alive.

-Life has become a series of the eating same foods over and over prepared just a bit differently. I'm making greek orzo salad today.

-I have to start stretching. I think this all the time but I have to.

-There is a shit load of organizing, furniture moving, and painting to be done in the Philly house. I am a broken record with this as I swear projects lag here like they don't at the shore, probably because they can't at the shore due to it being a vacation rental for some of the year. We're in a holding pattern for a while as everything is off the walls through quite a few rooms as we paint and move stuff around. The gallery wall alone going up the steps has so much on it. One of the bedrooms is basically empty as we wait to paint it. We're living among piles. I want to throw it all out.

Love, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy and also me.

14 Current Random Obsessions

1. Paper plates.  I see so many photos of food on paper plates. Am I in the minority using actual plates and washing them instead of using plates and throwing them out? 

2. Being thrifty. I intendto spend the year watching my expenditures and evaluating what is really necessary when something runs out. I didn’t expect to enjoy the thrift and the parsing down so much.

3. Using all the food. Pantry and freezer clean out are happening and I'm actively searching for what to make each week instead of buying more. 

4. Kiwi. I eat it constantly. I had no idea how many people don’t eat it. It's been a topic in my office.

5. The Great British Baking Show. I think I covered this yesterday but isn't it so comforting? The people are so kind to each other and really just come as you are, not overly made up insanity.

6. Requesting books. I’m maxed out on my hold requests at the library. I request books all the time but have been a hungry book ogre recently.

7. Avoiding facebook. I'm so much happier when I log on, post my blog post, and check out. Scrolling is not good for me at this time.

8. Reading about making soap. I’ve read a zillion articles and blog posts about it over the years. This obsession is cyclical and I’m back in it.

9. Water. I can't get enough and can't refill my humidifiers enough. I hate having the heat on.

10. Countdown to spring. I'm ready to go back to the shore.

11. Hibernating. Home, rest, live slow. I’m going to make the most of the indoor months instead of inventing things to do. 

12. Candles. I’m burning through them like wildfire.

13. Mint tea. With a spoon full of sugar.

14. Brienne of Tarth. What an intelligent badass.

Thanks to my friend Heather for this post idea - she does her 14 lists on a lot of Fridays. Check her out!

Your current obsessions?

Did I catch a niner in there?

Once upon a time, I posted a Friday Five most weeks. I intended to resurrect that today but it's actually a niner if we're going by number of photos so it's more like another Thursday Thoughts on Friday. I used to run every day randomly on this blog. It's nice to revisit that. Follow along the photos left to right now.

1. The title is of course a reference to Tommy Boy. There's never a bad time to reference Tommy Boy.
2. Stole that from Amanda on Instagram.
3. Nails in Set Sail from Sally's Insta-Dri line. Part of me feels like dumping all of my polishes and only using Insta-Dri going forward.
4. This sat with me all day yesterday.
5. Rice, exciting, right? That rice is made with bone froth, fockers. I'm done fucking around with this cold.
6. See Exhibit B of Done Fucking Around With This Cold: fresh batch of elderberry extract. I slacked on my daily dose of this for a few weeks before I got this illness and I know that's why I have it. I use this recipe sans brandy. Update: it's walking pneumonia, these potions aren't doing shit. Seven days of antibiotics coming up
7. Chicken enchiladas for dinner using enchilada sauce I made a while back and had in the freezer.
8. These Old Navy sweater leggings are warm and extremely comfortable. Also extremely not flattering. Like, at all.
9. I like to take photos of my dogs under the tree. Typically they are closer but not Bruce who can't leave the tree skirt alone.

This concludes another round of inconsequential shit you don't care about. I could’ve written about last night’s furniture debacle in which we attempted to move our hulk of an ikea entertainment center to the basement in one piece at 9:25 pm, failed, attempted to take only the top off and move it to have it fold in like a house of cards as it teetered on the top step, struggled to get it back in the living room so we could lay it flat to take it apart only to have it sag in the middle and drop in on itself like an imploding building, and all the yelling and cursing in between and the shit strewn everywhere and the dogs trapped on the sofa. But I won’t write about that. Nope. I’m going to pretend that shit never happened. Only one injury was sustained to the top of my foot. It’s fine, I’m fine, we’re fine.

Have a good weekend!

Thoughts from an 18 hour plane ride

HOUR ONE

Fucking BO. Worst BO ever. WHY GOD? WHY?

Ooh cushy headphones. 

Where is that BO coming from? 

Is it me? MFD? Sniff test time.

So thirsty. Assholes confiscating my water bottles after I've been through security. Motherfuckers. Fucking fucks. 

I wonder how much snow is around the car.

Don't think about the snow. Relax. Serenity. 

Source of BO identified. Diagonally in front of us. Super.

That child sounds like there is a demon inside of it. 

Annnd MFD has fashioned a nose mask to combat the BO using earplugs, toilet paper, an eye mask, and airline socks. I don't know him. Put your hand near your eyes and look away.

And he's reading over my shoulder. STOP IT.

And the girls next to us are taking his photo. 

Wait I have to take his photo.

If they don't get this entertainment system figured out there is going to be a mutiny on this plane. 

HOUR TWO

Pretty sure I'M THE CAPTAIN NOW is on this flight. 

I probably need to go to the grocery store tomorrow. 

Don't think about to do lists. Go to sleep. Serenity now.

Everything is closing in. Must switch to the aisle seat. 

Have a shitfit on an airplane and force your husband to switch seats with you RIGHT NOW due to claustrophia can now be checked off of my list

Did he seriously tell me to calm down? Does he know me? 

Do not lose your shit. You can do this!

Stuart Smalley shitbag affirmations are not going to work now.

Our picture taking neighbor is going to be the one to start the entertainment system mutiny. She has just confirmed it.

If I don't go to sleep I am going to be a danger to myself and others and also probably get divorced. 

Come the fuck on benadryl, any day now you can start working.

HOUR EIGHT

Dakkar. I can now say I've woken up in Senegal. 

Taking every empty seat physically apart to check it...security is real here.  

Did they seriously want to know if I was going to wake up to eat at 1 am or whatever the fuck time it is? YES, I'm sleeping. NO, I do not want your food. Shove it up your ass!

I'll have two Dramamine instead. Benadryl is fired after hours one and two on this fucking tin can in the sky.

No, I do not want to get up so you can go to the bathroom. 

I smell farts. If I was sleeping, I wouldn't be smelling farts. 

HOUR 14

I can't smell the BO anymore. I can't smell anything. My nostrils are as dry as the Sahara.

Where is the water? How do they expect me to survive without water? They're supposed to leave some in the galley and there's nothing except trash there. 

It's so quiet in here I feel like screaming.

I guess I'm finished sleeping, time to put the pillows away.

Yet again I have a carry on full of just in case shit that I have not used once. I need to reevaluate my carry on life. 

Too bad these cushy headphones don't work. Now I'll never see The Martian.

They totally did not clean the bathrooms in Dakkar like they were supposed to.

HOUR 17

This breakfast tastes like hammered shit.

I hate everyone. It's like Lord of the Flies up in here. 

***************

I dropped my basket about a week before we were supposed to leave and the flights were the main reason. Honestly they were not nearly as bad as I thought they'd be - 16 hours to Jo'burg with a stop to refuel in Accra, Ghana, followed by 2.5 hours to Cape Town and 18 hours from Jo'burg to Dulles with a stop to refuel in Dakkar, Senegal. I am surprised that they seemed to pass quickly thanks to a pseudo sleep both ways.

TGIF! In super poor planning, I have a work event planned for tonight. I just want to take my jet lagged ass home to bed. Happy birthday to my cousin Tiffany today!

Islands in the stream of consciousness from the massage table

What my brain is saying and seeing while on the massage table. 

Alternately titled: Showing You My Weird.

That's a lot of oil.
Like an oil slick.

Exxon Valdez.

I'm the Captain now. 

via

I never even saw that movie and Jill has me saying that.

Should I go to Pier One after this?

How do they keep from dropping the oily hot stones?

What is that noise?

I think Pier One closes at 9.
No one should close at 9.

So thirsty.

That noise is my breathing. 

Darth Vader breathing.

The massage therapist probably thinks I'm suffocating.

Think relaxing thoughts. 

I am in a meadow.

The hills are alive with the sound of Griswold.

via

Machine Gun Kelly. Machine Gun as a nickname. I can't imagine it. 

I wonder if anyone has the nickname Slotted Spoon.

I hate Atlantic City.

I hope I don't fart.

That's like...the international shared thought to have during a massage.

My feet are like hooves. Pedicure time.

Relaxing thoughts relaxing thoughts

I'm on an island. 

Islands in the stream. 

I'm glad Kim and Steve picked that song.

Baby when I met you there was peace on earth.

Give peace a chance.

Yoko Ono's singing is terrible.

Stream of consciousness. 

Thoughts darting like tiny minnows

I should make this a blog post.

 -------------------------------------------

That's what I remember from my Tuesday night hot stone massage. My brain goes crazy for about 10 minutes then goes into an almost sleep-like state for the rest of the massage. Stream of consciousness is interesting. And funny. And really weird. And light enough for Friday.

So, here we are.

Happy Friday, happy last work day of January (I originally said day, thanks Tara for helping a sister out with the calendar!), and happy weekend! What are you getting up to?

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I'm the kind of girl who...

• Always wears sunglasses, even when it's overcast 
• Would rather be at home than out
• Is on time
• Believes that inner strength will see you through everything 
• Functions best within a routine
• Tells it like it is
• Celebrates my birthday for the entire month (March. Get ready)
• Doesn't care for unnecessary drama (and it's all unnecessary)
• Is assertive and sure, commonly called "bossy" in women
• Knows my weaknesses and isn't ashamed to admit them
• Would eat a steak every day
• Will get up at the crack of dawn on vacation to see the sun rise
• Doesn't get people who don't like Dirty Dancing (the movie, not actual dancing dirty)
• Always carries a book 
• Goes to the library every week
• Drinks iced coffee daily, all year 

• Thinks grammar is important
• Treats my dogs like royalty
• Never wants to talk on the phone
• Has to force myself to exercise
• Laughs raucously and from my gut
• Tries to be inclusive of others
• Loves organizing anything
• Takes a lot of pictures
• Lets the F word fly
• Needs to plan ahead and has issues with being spontaneous
• Wears flats and not heels
• Loves flip flops and sneakers
• Believes in the grandness, benevolence, and karmic nature of the universe
• Is not religious
• Wears minimal daily makeup 
• Can be mean as a snake when provoked
• Goes into the ocean in my wedding dress

• Refuses to use a blow dryer or an iron
• Likes to have a foot sticking out from under the covers
• Is addicted to having a list for everything
• Is often mesmerized by the sky
• Has never cared if people like me - they do or they don't, me caring about it isn't going to change it either way
• Has a weakness for nail polish and lip products
• Is a feminist 
• Doesn't have a glass or wine, beer, or any booze daily and is put off by the alcohol culture in the U.S.
• Tries to be kind to the environment and sustainable
• Is reliable
• Typically avoids the zoo because animals in captivity make me sad
• Feels like my very best self on the beach, right next to the ocean
• Will cut people out of my life who only bring me down and not think twice about it
• Would do anything for a friend 
• Thinks fart noises are always funny
• Wakes up grouchy from a nap
• Can't sit down and relax until everything is crossed off my list
• Cooks confidently
• Gets shit done

I've been meaning to make an About Me page for this blog, and I think this post is it.

TGIAF, yo.

Linking up with Running in Stilettos for