Friday, January 30, 2015

Islands in the stream of consciousness from the massage table

What my brain is saying and seeing while on the massage table. 
Alternately titled: Showing You My Weird.

That's a lot of oil.
Like an oil slick.
Exxon Valdez.
I'm the Captain now. 
I never even saw that movie and Jill has me saying that.

Should I go to Pier One after this?
How do they keep from dropping the oily hot stones?

What is that noise?

I think Pier One closes at 9.
No one should close at 9.

So thirsty.

That noise is my breathing. 

Darth Vader breathing.

The massage therapist probably thinks I'm suffocating.

Think relaxing thoughts. 

I am in a meadow.

The hills are alive with the sound of Griswold.
Machine Gun Kelly. Machine Gun as a nickname. I can't imagine it. 

I wonder if anyone has the nickname Slotted Spoon.

I hate Atlantic City.

I hope I don't fart.
That's like...the international shared thought to have during a massage.

My feet are like hooves. Pedicure time.

Relaxing thoughts relaxing thoughts

I'm on an island. 

Islands in the stream. 

I'm glad Kim and Steve picked that song.

Baby when I met you there was peace on earth.

Give peace a chance.

Yoko Ono's singing is terrible.

Stream of consciousness. 

Thoughts darting like tiny minnows

I should make this a blog post.


That's what I remember from my Tuesday night hot stone massage. My brain goes crazy for about 10 minutes then goes into an almost sleep-like state for the rest of the massage. Stream of consciousness is interesting. And funny. And really weird. And light enough for Friday.

So, here we are.

Happy Friday, happy last work day of January (I originally said day, thanks Tara for helping a sister out with the calendar!), and happy weekend! What are you getting up to?

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  1. Thoughts darting like tiny minnows.....that is beautiful. I now am picturing all the little thought fishes swimming...flashy little things!

  2. I almost always fall asleep during massages. Then, I'm annoyed because I paid to enjoy the massage, not sleep through it!

  3. Lol. The mind really wanders many times. Great idea for the blog. Groundhog Day is Monday, and oh, no, more snow forecasted.
    Maybe I love the summer because I have a June birthday. Time can fly by right through to 80 degree weather. Be kind. Stay warm and safe and sound. Love, your Momma

  4. Side note: you really should watch that movie. It's really good!

  5. hahaha, this is my thought process every second of every day!

  6. Haha! I am glad it's not just me! When it's so quiet I swear Darth Vadar is breathing behind me, I blame this dry heat and my sinuses. The Sound of Griswold! Bwahaha!

  7. Oh, Kenny and Dolly! Love this.

  8. Hot stone is my favorite massage. I always start the massage off thinking too much and then... coma sets in... heavenly! Have a great weekend!

  9. I love that the post title is like a Wheel of Fortune before and after puzzle. And not wanting to make any weird sounds definitely tops my list of massage thoughts.

  10. So random but so many funny thoughts especially the slotted spoon & Atlantic City. Like where do those come from? lol This happens to me too but I think my brain might go a bit slower. The pedicure thing for sure!

  11. That's too funny! I can never totally relax during a mind keeps going.

  12. You know I love a good stream of consciousness post and this one is hilarious and superawesome. We should start a blogger mafia. Your nickname can be Stephanie "Slotted Spoon". You would OWN that shit!

  13. I'm up to lots of fun little things like Chuck E Cheese with my son and niece, then HH for my company later tonight, then play date Saturday and brunch iwth the ladies on Sunday :) Haha it's funny how the brain can became so self-aware during moments of extreme relaxation. It's like being transported somewhere else mentally. :) Glad you had a good time makes me want a massage now! Have a great one Stephanie! -Iva

  14. Hahaha, "I'm the Captain now" I almost spit my water out!

  15. I enjoyed this very much. I got my first every massage about a year ago! I didn't have fun thoughts though. Mostly just, "This is weird. Yep - hands all over my body. Hot stones are HOT!"

  16. hahah "I hope I don't fart." I've never actually had a massage- but I'm sure there would most definitely be a thought that I would have!

  17. LOL! I always think the "don't fart" thing, and wondered if I should have shaved my legs, if they can smell me, why/if they are grunting and a whole menagerie of "darting minnow" thoughts! Now I really want a massage...

  18. Hahaha, the nicknames! Isaiah and I have been watching The First 48 and wondering how on earth all these thugs get these ridiculous nicknames. "Murda" was one the other night..."Lil' Smoke"..."Yellow Boy"...WTF, seriously.

  19. hahaha oh my god, don't fart. I don't know if I could make myself stay still long enough for a massage!

  20. I thought I was the only one who had ridiculous thought processes during a massage!

  21. Haha! And this is why I love reading your blog.

  22. oh my gosh this is beyond hilarious - and seriously this is also why i'm scared to have a massage because i'm afraid i'll fart or moan really inappropriately (monica lol) but i've never had one so what do i know! i was drinking water when i read the slotted spoon thing and i have no idea why but it made me laugh so hard i almost choked.

  23. Haha OMG I love this! It also really makes me want to get another massage for 2 reasons now. A) They are relaxing as all get out & B) I'm curious as to what I think about when I'm trying to relax & not think.

  24. Good to know I'm not alone in my ridiculous thoughts. Sometimes I get mad if they ask a question while I'm mid-stream of consciousness thought....

  25. Hahahaha!!!! I always think random things and try to calm myself down in situations like that and then almost fall asleep too! And worrying about not farting in awkward moments is just the worst! haha! And now I think I need to go to Pier 1 too. have a great weekend!

  26. I find it impossible to really relax during a massage. It's just quiet thinking time. Acupuncture was the same way (only absolutely terrible…nothing relaxing bout that).

  27. haha I love massages but I cant fully relax all the time and my mind roams too. Laughing at your thoughts esp "yoko ono's singing is terrible" haha how did that even pop into your head?! lol

  28. The fart thought every time! I am so self conscious about that possibly happening it's ridiculous haha.

  29. I mean, obviously my favorite thought is the fart related one! Bahahaha!

  30. I am literally laughing out loud. At work. (Stay away from the crazy person laughing at her computer screen.) I always think of the fart though. And heavy breathing like Darth Vader. Love this!


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