Don't fall into the pushy parent trap

Happy Friday! My friend Sarah who last wrote about never being too busy to spend time with your aging parents is back with this parenting piece. If you are polishing your writing chops or have something to say or are trying to get into freelance writing and want some exposure and want to submit a post, email me! If you want to reach Sarah directly, email her. Have a great weekend!

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Every parent wants the best for their kids. You want your offspring to be responsible human beings who grow up tolerant, kind, and thoughtful. You want them to find their place in the world, make an impact, and most importantly, be happy. So, why is it so many parents fall into the pushy trap? While most parents are well meaning, their quest for being the perfect mom or dad can result in an overbearing nature that does nothing but push their kids away. You might want the best for your child but you cannot force your wants on them or live through them. 

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Listen

Most important of all is your ability to be a good listener. If you ask about your child’s school day, don’t then switch off and uh-huh their response. This shows a lack of care. Instead, ask your child how they are getting on every day and inquire about any hobbies that they may have. Just because you adored the debating society when you were at school doesn’t mean that your kid will. Rather than forcefully enrolling them and causing an undercurrent of resentment, let them choose their own path. If they want to join a wrestling team, let them. If they fancy trying out for the fencing society, support them. And if they want to learn a musical instrument, get them a free session. Listen and be supportive at all times.

Give Them Space

Being too pushy can result in your child feeling smothered. You might be interested in what they are doing, but that doesn’t mean texting them every five minutes when they are out of your sight. Instead, give them their space. The transition to teenager can be a tricky time, so tread carefully. They may not be old enough to stay home alone, but you don’t want to coddle them. Get online and search for the best babysitters when you head for a night out. You can specifically find those sitters who have experience with this age range rather than toddlers. Your kids will have a more pleasant time when you're out if they're treated appropriately for their age. 

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Let Them Make Mistakes

While you may be older and wiser and able to spot their upcoming mistake from a mile off, you need to allow your child to find their own way. Storming in and telling them that they are making an error and should change their ways, whether this is with a relationship, a course, or a friend, will only result in them digging their heels in and rebelling. You need to bide your time and allow them to learn from their mistakes. They will emerge stronger and wiser. You will be there to listen and help them make better decisions in the future. By being supportive rather than authoritative you will avoid the pushy parent trap.

Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs you will ever have. However, it is also be the most rewarding when you see your child grow up to be one of the most wonderful citizens of the world.

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Thank you Sarah! Happy weekend everybody! Happy birthday to my friend Jill tomorrow!

Never be too busy for your parents

Happy Friday! I've written about aging parents and grandparents before, and my friend Sarah was inspired by that post to expand a little so is here today to do the same. Friends, I often have space on a Friday - if you are polishing your writing chops or have something to say or are trying to get into freelance writing and want some exposure and want to submit a post, email me! Have a great weekend!

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You're busy, we're busy, I'm busy, we get it...people are busy. It can be difficult to find the right amount of hours in a day to do everything you need to do. There will be times when your needs will have to come first. But please don't be too busy to care for your aging parents, for a number of reasons, including...

They cared for you

Growing up isn't easy, but if you are one of the lucky ones, you had your parents to help you along the way. When you cried as a baby, they held you in their arms. When you stumbled when making your first steps, they picked you back up and guided you on your way. They gave you moral support on your first day of school, celebrated your birthdays, gave you lifts to the places where you needed to be, and they listened to you whenever you needed to talk. They cared for you, and as time passes and they need you to care for them, it's the circle of life and it shouldn't be broken.

They might feel lonely

How many people do you have in your life? From your children to your friends to your coworkers, you might have so much social company you don't consider those who don't. If they aren't able to get around because of their advancing years, your parents might not have the means to see many people. As they get older, they will also see their friendships diminish when age finally defeats their peers. And the problem is compounded if you only have one parent living today, as they won't have that other person to lift them up when they get down. So give them a call, chat with them on Skype, or pay them a visit today.

Their health could be failing

With age comes deteriorating health, and it is something we all have to face up to, including when it's our parents. If you haven't visited them in a long time, you might not have noticed the fact that they are having difficulty hearing. You might not have realized that they aren't as mobile as they used to be. And if they haven't called you, it might be because they have forgotten, not because they don't care, but because their memory is no longer what it once was. So, make every effort to visit them. They might need medical care, and if they aren't able to find it themselves, you will need to do it for them.

They might be in trouble

Older people are vulnerable, and there could be people threatening to do them some kind of harm: door-to-door scammers, cold callers who can easily take advantage of the elderly...you would never know if you didn't speak to your parents. You might need to guide them on elderly fraud scams or check their financial situation and find legal help if they have been scammed. And while we hope this would never be your parent's situation, if they are currently in a nursing or care home, they might also need you to look for nursing home abuse attorneys with proven results if they have been neglected in any way.

And so…

Never be too busy to care for your aging parents. In all kinds of ways, they might need you around. And besides, while you may be out of short pants and living an adult life, your parents still have a ton to offer you too, be that moral support, a listening ear, and a hug that will do you both a world of good today.

Make the time!

TWTW - the last one in April

Friday night I was worn out. Totally. So I came home, I did my weights, vacuumed, did some laundry, then started doing a bunch of other shit. I meant to be in bed at 8 and got 100 second winds. I hate that. Other than that it was a low key night. Oh, and I sent MFD to the store for five things. This is what came back. Life lessons, my friends. Life lessons.

Saturday was a slow start. After I got my exercise in, I tried on every dress and pair of shoes I own and began the twice yearly complete wardrobe purge and reorganization I go through. This is still in progress as of today (Monday). It's a pain in the ass.

When I got tired of that, I went to get a manicure (Zoya Odette) and pedicure (OPI Senorita Rosalita - I can never wear this polish without thinking of my wedding, it's what was on my toes that weekend), then came home and read some mags in the sun.

We had a delicious dinner at my parents' house including a strawberry trifle dessert I wanted to eat 50 helpings of and which MFD did eat 50 helpings of.

You do not know what your patience level is until you go sneaker shopping with MFD. While he browsed interminably I left You Are Beautiful stickers around Dick's Sporting Goods like a dork. I also laughed uncontrollably at this picture on Instagram. MFD was all that's not that funny. Come on! Yes it is.

Sunday was the March of Dimes March For Babies. Team Eva the Diva rocked it. It was awesome to see a thriving, happy Eva next to her storyboard and it was a really nice day for a long walk for a good cause.

The umbrella is up, the new spring mats are out at both doors (both from Target), and the flowers are from Wegman's.

Weekly food prep: zucchini pie and berries for breakfast, orange peppers, carrots, and almonds for snacks; orzo salad with EVOO, caesar chicken thawed from the freezer, spinach, grape tomatoes, red onion, capers for lunches; and dinners are salmon, roasted potatoes, baked chicken, rice, and steamed veggies. Still working on that freezer and pantry cleanout.

This weekend in mail: Penzey's spices and this awesome Darth Vader tank top. Darth Vader is my alter ego. Are we calling that spirit animal these days?

This weekend in pugs...I can't even with Geege's tongue. The cutest. And Gus and Mae are now co-sleepers.

Sunday evening consisted of changing sheets and sitting on my ass. I didn't even make dinner. I ate Wegman's wings and animal crackers. Whoops. I was in bed before 8 and asleep before 10. It takes me a while to get used to so much fresh air again after a long winter. It tires me out.

I totally screwed myself for tonight, I have too much to do now. On a Monday. Barf.

Did you enter to win a $50 Target gift card Friday?

How was your weekend? Inquiring minds want to know.

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending

TWTW - the one with the Easter Bunny

Friday my office closed at 12:30. It was a joyous occasion. I celebrated by going to the hell that is Produce Junction on Good Friday and the gym. I made a quick dinner of baked salmon and salad, then hit Target. I couldn't resist the Buddha of course, but the reason I went was for this Bose wireless speaker. It's awesome.

Saturday Gus got me up at an unacceptable hour. I pissed the morning away shopping online and obsessively building my Spotify library. I just started using it Saturday and love it. The dogs also got gifts from Chewy.com - more to come on that.

Saturday afternoon I went to Fritz's Bakery and the fake Dollar Store (Family Dollar) before having Easter lunch with my grandparents and parents.

I didn't feel like cooking so we went to Sakura for hibachi after I subjected everyone to a family photo.

Saturday night we both did some work and I made some food for Easter. This photo of the dogs has nothing to do with either.

Sunday morning we slept in and ate a shit ton of sugar.

MFD went off to Mass and I laid my clothes out for the week and cleaned my makeup brushes.

I did no food prep this weekend aside from power breakfast muffins to freeze. If I'm hosting dinner and my fridge is full for that, I will typically use something from the freezer or do food prep on Monday night. This week's breakfasts are breakfast burritos from the freezer. Lunch is provided for me Monday and tonight I'll make my lunches for the rest of the week - baked chicken, roasted sweet potatoes, and steamed broccoli. Dinner is Easter leftovers and zucchini noodles with ground turkey and red sauce.

We took a long family walk and enjoyed the beautiful Easter weather.

Sunday afternoon Stephen, Aubrey, and Debbie joined us for dinner. On the menu: ham, double cheese scalloped potatoes (recipe coming soon), mashed sweet potatoes, steamed green beans, corn, steamed asparagus, deviled eggs, pickles, rolls.  Dessert was a trifle made by my Mom, cheesecake, and brownies from Fritz's. After dinner and dessert, MFD was the first to fall prey to the food coma. Stephen was close behind. The women remained at the table chit chatting. We made Peters wear her cataract glasses in our ladies shot. It was a good day! Lots of stuff coming up to be excited about.

Other weekend things:

-I finished my 40/40! I worked out for 40 minutes a day 45 out of 46 days. I feel good, I'm down about a size and a half, and I'm happy so I'm going to continue five days a week.
-Eva the Diva turned one on Sunday! I can't believe it's been a year since she exploded on the scene. I can't wait to celebrate her on Saturday at her Wonder Woman party!

Work has been really busy and I slowed my shit right down this weekend. It felt good.

What about you?

ATTENTION SHOW US YOUR BOOKS PEOPLE! I made a mistake a few weeks ago and announced tomorrow, April 7, as the link up day. The link up is actually Tuesday, April 14. It's always the second Tuesday of the month. Sorry! I hope to see a lot of you linking up next Tuesday.

Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending