TWTW - the one with the bridges

Friday I made salad and gnocchi for dinner and put it aside. MFD assembled my new desk and I worked until 8 pm. I ended up having to put the damn desk on the opposite wall, fucking up my gallery spread but whatever. I had no idea the one outlet was only two prong. I think it's the only one in the house. I fell out around midnight.

Saturday I was up, over the Walt Whitman bridge, and down the shore by 8:30. I went to the beach for a bit, prepped things for MFD to do turnover next week, had an easy turnover aside from a super gross grill which is why one of the reasons we do not provide grills any more, caught up with a neighbor, and was back over the Walt Whitman by 12:45. I stopped at HomeGoods then two damn grocery stores because the first one was our of salsa verde. Got home, made a quick dip, painted my nails (OPI Do You Have this Color in Stock-Holm? And four nails topped with Rainbows a Go Go), and had MFD load the car and buckle me in to not ruin them.

Back over to Jersey on the Betsy Ross Bridge for the return of the annual Sannelli summer party. Aside from Evan once last May, Darwin once last May, and Frank and Amanda, it’s been two years since I sat around with these people. Most we have known for 30 years, with families and partners and entire group adopted friends picked up along the way. Nothing makes me remember the person I have always been and what is good and true and important than being around my longtime friends. Nothing shows me the ways I’ve grown and changed more than being around them either. It was great to be together again. I was There for seven hours, back home over the Tacony, and got home around 12:45! Still got it. Not really but it feels good to say. 

Sunday These damn dogs were up at 6 even though we were all up until 2. There was a fight over food and Mae’s eye is fucked up so that’s being monitored. She is also having an allergic o episode and her wrinkles are infected. It is fun to wipe them three times a day. JUST KIDDING. I worked much of the day and night, did some purging and organizing in the basement, engaged in the business of running a household - placing Target same day delivery and Chewy orders, updating calendars, getting all the trash and recycles out (we missed last week and had a ton), cleaned the washer, etc - and made salad and grilled chicken thighs for dinner. 

I have my first in person meeting today since March 2020. So that's the focus! 

Have a good one!

TWTW - the one that feels like old times

Friday I was up and working early to dip out around 10 and see a chiropractor. Post-appointment was instant euphoria, as very few things feel better about a back that was out being back in place. I should have gone the weekend before and just kept aggravating it. I got OPC at Drip N Scoop & my first Bungalow Bowl of the year on the way back. MFD did a late lunch of crescent rolls made with leftover Easter ham and cooper sharp cheese. Delicious.

After work we watched Thunder Force and ordered pizza and salad from Randazzo's. I started The Four Winds and stayed up until 1 to finish it. 

Saturday Started way too fucking early for having been up past 1. Thanks dogs. We were moving by 6 am. They were back to sleep immediately, but we were not. I showered and walked to my hardware store, then came back and scraped and sanded paint off the metal flashings on the upstairs porch and spray painted them. In previous times, I would really want a mask to wear during the job and not have one. NO WORRIES, I HAVE PLENTY. That is a literal band aid just so the metal can't be seen, they need to be replaced. Salt air destroys everything outdoors. I painted my toes (Essie suits you well, which I think is a great color for toes) and lay with the old dogs while they were drying. I also measured the bathroom floor, cleaned up on the main floor, went to Foglio's and ordered new for the small bathroom, picked up a chair and yard sign for Philly at Hearth & Sole, and replaced my rusted out wind chime that came with the house with a new glass one at Handlaget. It always feels best when I can buy what I need from small businesses.

MFD did a "soft clean" (his term) of the downstairs porch, and I took the best friends to the south end of the island for a long, foggy walk and some shelling for a few hours. I came back to see him set up for a solo driveway party. We sat outside listening to music, Michelle stopped by to pick up chairs, and then MFD went up and got Angelo's steaks as it's their opening weekend and they are a solid favorite - my favorite pizza in Ocean City. We were completely assed out at night. I started and stopped another book and MFD went fishing. That's about it. 

Sunday I was packed up and on the road back to Philly by 10. I even creeped on my own flowers. I have very few spring buds left. Thanks asshole squirrels. Every year I say oh I will remember to replant then I don't. It's fine. I unpacked outdoor cushions, broke down boxes, started laundry, went to pick up a table from FB Marketplace to replace the bathroom one at the shore that I've been looking for a replacement for for a few years, picked up a ceiling fan and storage boxes, got a few groceries, and purged the shit out of the upstairs - two bedrooms and linen closet. I got rid of three bags of trash, set aside three bags of donations, a bookcase, a king box spring, a chest my dad made in senior year woodshop (that's going to my brother), two nightstands, and the king bed frame will go next week. We also got rid of a queen bed and box spring, dresser, and two lamps. The twin mattress and bed frame in the basement are going too. I carried more shit down the stairs too, and took all the photos off the walls. Our floors are getting refinished up there half and half - the steps, two rooms, and hallway first, then the two smaller rooms. This way we don't have to move all the furniture out of the house/downstairs and can just cram shit into two rooms. We planned to do these floors over 10 fucking years ago when we moved in. Getting to it. I also think I'm switching our bedrooms and we'll paint our old bedroom. The coral color I picked in there a few years ago is a fucking disaster, and that ceiling needs to be painted anyway. The trim too as Bruce has destroyed it barking at his backyard friends like a fucking lunatic. 

I made pork tenderloin, quickbread from a Pampered Chef mix, and broccoli for dinner. I pulled frozen veggie meat sauce out of the freezer for tonight. 

A weekend that was solidly in forward motion and leaves me a little tired Monday morning feels like old times. Not totally like old old times, because I absolutely never would have rested until all shit was done. 

Still, it's fitting, as today is two weeks since my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine so I am fully vaccinated. Please remember you are not fully vaccinated in the science sense the day you get your second shot - you are only fully vaccinated in the social media sense. And in all cases, continue to mask up in public as you do not know who is vaccinated or not. Please sign up and get vaccinated when you are eligible. Also why is there such a cross over between people who scream about small businesses being hurt and people who scream they are not getting the vaccine? You're hurting them more now by refusing to vaccinate. 

Anyway. 

Show Us Your Books is tomorrow! 

Thursday Thoughts - I';ve seen that road before it always leads me here

1. Happiness is a new doormat. 

2. Monday I went down to the Convention Center for my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine. I did a bunch of updates on my Instagram stories, but to recap here - I am happy to answer any questions with these caveats a) You are not anti-vaxx b) you are not a person who asks other people why they qualify when they qualify as if you are entitled to know things you actually aren't entitled to know (also do you people who do that realize how ableist that is, as if something is only wrong that you can see or know about? That is not my case but it is for people I see get asked publicly like they are required to answer personal questions posed on Facebook when all they are doing is letting you know they acted in the interest of public health and are in the vaccine process) c) you don't ask me science shit that is over my head. I don't fuck with A & B types of people and I am just going to direct C to google. 

3. I hoped for the best and prepared for the worst. I'm lucky in that my job is flexible and this week in particular only had one deadline and was light due to spring break, so I scheduled all my administrative tasks for Monday & Tuesday. I also made sure I was hydrated and had Gatorade and Pringles. I think it is so interesting how differently we all react, and I will share my reactions with you in case you also think that is interesting. My reactions: immediate soreness in arm (different from first shot). slept 11 hours the first night. Woke up fine, showered, worked, picked up candy from my stepmom during lunch, came home, and about 30 hours in went down like the fucking Titanic. I was in a delusional, chilled, feverish state (highest was 101.4, I am steadily 97.5) punctuated by Wonton soup and season three of Beverly Hills 90210 (specifically Kelly and the diet pills and Iris and the crystals and Steve and Celeste). Wednesday morning I woke up tired in that way that you're tired when you've spent too much time sitting or laying and not enough time moving, and continued to feel fine throughout the day. Wednesday night i had a low grade 99.7 fever again. All worth it to do my part to uphold public health and selfishly to have girls weekend with my friends who I miss so much. I want some pieces of life back, and I am going to do my part to get them back. 

4. I stayed in Philly so I could have someone wait on me and let the dogs out. Like this guy.

5. Speaking of dogs, here is your weekly dose. 

6. Shot girl things took over most of the week, we did manage to get a larger pickup (Vietnam Vets are picking up if you are looking to get rid of stuff) out - MFD even contributed a bag. 

7. I also ordered flowers from my friend Jen's girls' dance fundraiser, looked up movers for work-related trade show items (learn more), did related research to learn more about nursing services in relation to those items, got a zillion loads of laundry done, got curtains for the front room, smiled at the article titles on this website, used the crockpot (that is a super rare thing here), read almost none of my book, kept a scant eye on Derek Chauvin's trial (Police Officer Derek Chauvin is on trial for murdering George Floyd - George Floyd, who was murdered by Derek Chauvin in full view of God and everyone as we were all home on lockdown watching, is not on trial, and literally nothing George Floyd did or did not do in his life is a reason to murder him in the street or justification for his murder, so stop), tried and failed to clean up my email, watched a ton of 90210, and ate a lot of homemade candy from Carol.

8. I passed the gate in Philly as I was walking to my appointment, which I love. I'm holding space for the Asian community in the wake of violence against Asian people, especially the elderly. Speak against it everywhere and for the love step in if you see it. I miss seeing stuff like this gate. I'd love to be back in Center City one or two days a week. Ask me later about how I want to get there, because taking the train remains unappealing, and I was incensed to be sitting in bumper to bumper traffic on 95 on my way to a noon appointment on a Monday during a pandemic with no visible reason for said traffic. 

9. Reminder:

10. E-cards: You know what today is.

What appears beyond the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts titles is what I'm listening to when I'm starting this - this week is The Long and Winding Road by The Beatles

TWTW - the one that was all a blur

Tuesday Christmas Eve I'm starting on Christmas Eve because I do what I want. My mother-in-law arrived for her Christmas stay Monday night. Tuesday morning food prep with my sister in law Mindy followed by traditional framily gathering at Sandy's started by my Dad and his friends.

Annual Christmas Eve gathering at my aunt & uncle's with apps followed by serial killer masking and peppermint tea drinking while MFD and his mom decorated the tree using no red balls because I prohibited them. MFD did the overnight at the homeless shelter as usual and arrived home around 7:30 on Christmas morning.

Wednesday Christmas My nephews were there to open their gifts, and we opened ours after that, then headed to see Lola Jean and Baby Steeeeeeve for a bit and have breakfast sandwiches. MFD went home to sleep and Debbie and I popped in on Mom, Rich, and Sean. 

We got stuff ready for dinner then took a breather. Mark, Sarah, Maureen, Maddi, CJ, and Darwin were there for dinner and desserts. I took no photos but it was a nice relaxing time. Debbie and I masked again and watched Schitts Creek. 

Thursday Debbie and I were at Target early but those aholes didn't have any ball sets for me to buy to better match the living room. Balls. I honestly don't know what I did the rest of the day? Cleaned up? It's a mystery. Oh, MFD's Gram, Uncle, cousin and her boyfriend came to visit in the afternoon. And I watched more Outlander with my mother in law while MFD went to mummery. Again, like no photos. There was some resting at some points. 

Friday I made a bunch of turkey burgers to freeze for lunches and for my mother in law to take home and jalapeno/banana pepper dip to take to Mom's. We went to Mom & Rich's for pizza and post-Christmas visiting, then to Marshalls to replace kitchen towels and get a new table runner. It was time on both.

Saturday Turned some unused space into usable space. Disregard the nail holes and the paint job that's needed and let me live. I also ordered front door paint and new flooring for the entry, washed new kitchen towels and put them out. My MIL left and I purged a lot of the utility closet and cleared up the basement bookshelves, put most of Christmas away (the rest will wait until after most of the remaining basement work gets done because it goes down there), dropped some donations off, caught a nice parking lot sunset while I picked up paint and paint chips, had pumpkin pie for dinner while watching the office, and painted the already primed bathroom door. 

Sunday More purging and organizing in the basement (including mostly emptying the utility closet so some work can be done in there Tuesday), laundry, changed sheets, changed shower curtain liner and washed the curtain, finished a book and started another, and puttered around putting shit to rights. Not really photographable items.

Weekly food prep: Nope. I did receive groceries for NYE meal (wings in the air fryer, crab legs, shrimp, mozzarella sticks, pizza bites, a dessert I still need to figure out) and NYD meal (pork loin, sauerkraut, mashed potatoes, corn). Leftovers after that. I'm also making breakfast burritos tomorrow to freeze since I'm off. Maybe power breakfast muffins too, I haven't decided yet.

Hope you had an awesome Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Solstice/Weekend. 

If you missed it, I shared my top favorite reads of 2019 on Friday. 

I'm super pumped to close this year out with much less STUFF in my house than just three weeks ago. My mind is already clearer, which is never a bad place to be. Even MFD sees the light on how much better it feels with less shit that's not used laying around. 

Happy happy birthday to my friend Angie today! Love you!

Working from home today to close out the work year and the goal is email inbox zero. Let's do this.

Introspection via the closet cleanout

When it hit the shelves a few years back, I didn't read The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I thought I already purge my belongings regularly, I don't need to try another way. I still haven't read it and don't plan to, but I got the gist of it and confidently said NO THANKS for a few years. I was wrong.

Some behaviors that were holding me back:

1. By going through either one season of clothing or one spot (closet, dresser, etc) at a time and storing things in different rooms, I was never getting the full picture of what I had. I was forgetting about stuff and buying things I didn't need.
2. By not going into purging with the mindset of only keeping what I truly loved or items that were utilitarian, I was never paring down. There were too many things I'd put on and take off immediately for one reason or another but still keep. So I'd keep buying things I shouldn't buy to plug wardrobe holes I actually didn't have.
3. I was still buying freely. It doesn't matter how much you get rid of if you don't stop the flow of items into your life. And if you don't think about what's coming in and what you're consuming and the rate at which you're consuming, you're definitely not thinking about textile waste and where these clothes that are often fast fashion that don't last more than a year in your life are ending up.We shouldn't be buying things just to buy them and we shouldn't be getting rid of things just to get rid of them. The second is taken care of if we can manage the first.
4. I thumbed my nose at the Konmari folding method.

Those things, combined with not being as diligent about managing my belongings since we bought the shore house in 2015, had me bowing under the weight of things. It isn't as easy for me to manage two households as I thought it would be and each year I am less interested in managing life here since I'd rather live at the shore. Not coincidentally, one of the things I like best about my time at the shore is living with less - I have no hanging room there and can keep limited clothing, my living space in season at least is extremely small...yet I'm happier there. With less. Living smaller. Spending my time living instead of managing stuff. At home I was wearing clothes, doing laundry, and then wearing those same clothes again. If I sort of liked something, I bought it without thinking about if I loved it or would use it. What I owned grew more in the last three years than it ever has in my adult life. I would do a bit of purging here and there, but I was not digging into it like I used to.

Last year with managing rentals solo while a campaign raged here at home then transitioning right into working on that campaign after the shore season was over and going full speed until November was the tipping point. I was mentally and emotionally drained from the entire year. I was also physically tired, but more than that I felt physically weighted down by stuff. Stuff stuff stuff. I was sick of stuff. That made me sick too. Such a privilege to be sick of stuff, a privilege to have too many things when so many people have nothing.

I started thinking about what I wanted out of this year, and on the last day of 2018 I shared it here: What's the plan for 2019? Be happy, be solvent, consume less resources and things, work for a better world, and mind my energy. If I had to boil it down to a phrase it might be consume less, be more. That all still stands, except I've added live smaller and own less, which are related but more articulated.

I knew I had to get rid of things to remove that weighted down feeling, but that getting rid of stuff without changing my mindset of mindless buying would only ensure that I ended up with too much again a few months down the road and that I continued to contribute to clothing waste that is a huge problem in the world right now. That's not what this is about. That would be grossly wasteful and flippant and not in line at all with my plan for living small and consuming less.

Saturday I took every single piece of clothing I own and put it out in the spare bedroom. Holy shit. I was horrified at the amount of stuff, embarrassed to have so much I don't use or need when so many people have so little, trying not to think about the money I've wasted on shit that was sort of okay, sick over all of it, and eager to make it go away.

Eight hours later I had half set aside to donate or sell. Of that half, there's not one piece I wavered on. I could probably stand to let go of some more, and I'll be using a system to see what gets worn and what doesn't. For the first time in the almost 10 years we've been in this house, all of my hanging clothes are in one closet and all of my folded clothes of all seasons are in one room, all visible at the same time. Nothing stored in the spare room. I can see everything and there's not so much of it that I don't know what I have and don't have. I agree with Marie...that does feel life changing. I have drawers that are empty and the four fabric bins that used to have clothes in them are no longer necessary. I was wrong about the folding too - I can do the folds, and it works even when they're not perfect.

I kept saying why the fuck did I keep this? The answer was clear quickly. I love color and pattern, and I was buying things because I loved the color but never wore them because the fit or material was just okay. It's like I was scared I'd never find another item in that color I loved so much so I bought an item that I didn't love overall and let it sit in my closet. When I would purge, I'd be like oh but it's the only thing I have of that color so I'll keep it until I find something else. Meanwhile I was never wearing that - no reason to keep it. It's nuts. It's a mindset that I'm now aware of and will be mindful of in the future.

I didn't take true before and afters, but here's my donate or thred up and sell piles (they're propped up by baskets so not as big as they look but they are big).

The closet full of dresses I've been holding onto forever and the dresses I kept.

This amount of stuff feels more manageable. I am secure in my mindset to own less, think before buying, and buy clothes from companies who pay a living wage to their workers and are investing in sustainable fashion. Will I be perfect in that quest? No. But I'm sure as hell going to try. And I'm never letting my clothing get so out of control again.

TWTW - the one to kick off December

Friday I worked from home and blew my nose 472983048 times. MFD took some stuff down the shore to his mom and cleaned out our fridges. He did some mummery at night and then we watched The Shape of Water and discussed changing around the living room. I took advantage of the 70% off Wayfair sale and an assload of reward points I had saved up there to order a new area rug, lamps, and TV stand. 

Saturday was nails (Sally Hansen Insta-Dri in Blink Pink), then a pantry clean out and reorganization with a new lunch station installed on top (need to contact paper that top shelf, whew), some cabinet purging, scheduling a donation pickup for next weekend, a trip to Sherwin Williams to get paint samples and Lou's for veggies, playing in the yard with los perros, cleaning up the flower beds and leaves out front, some Christmas decorating, and about a half hour of rest on the couch that was hard to get up from.

But get up we did to head over to NJ to attend Jenn's surprise 40th Christmas spectacular. It was a lot of fun - it can't not be fun if cutouts are involved, can it?

Sunday was loungey until about noon, then I got food prep and laundry going and continued purging. I even got MFD involved with getting rid of all of his papers and shit in the basement when he got home from mummery. After Christmas we're full speed ahead moving things around and making spaces useful so until then we'll be purging and organizing which we've been ignoring for a lot of the year. Sunday night I watched the entire first season of Camping on HBO. I haven't watched a show in forever. 

Weekly food prep breakfast is scrambled eggs over broccoli. Lunch (not pictured) is spinach salads, snacks are kiwi and cheese. Dinner Sunday was kielbasa with roasted vegetables. Leftovers and chicken enchiladas as the week progresses. I also made lemon blueberry protein muffins (Kodiak mix) and my power breakfast muffins to freeze. 

December. I can't believe we're at the end of this year but I can't say I'm sad about it. Today the water gets shut off at the shore house and we close her up for winter. I'll still be making at least one more trip this year to pick stuff up and I'll probably take Bruce so he can go on the beach. 

How was your weekend? 

Thursday Thoughts - Seem like the whole world walking pretty and you can't find the room to move

Purging: Dresses, and a bin in my bedroom that I've ignored for an eternity.

Painting my nails OPI Cajun Shrimp

Reading:  Tear Me Apart by J.T. Ellison c/o netgalley. My Amazon First choice this month is I Will Never Leave You by S.M. Thayer and my Book of the Month Club choice this month is nothing although I'm intrigued that they categorized one of the choices as Appalachian Noir. I wasn't aware that was a thing, but since it is, it's certainly a thing for me. One of my favorites that would fit in that category that I own is Back Roads by Tawni O'Dell.

Anticipating: A two day work week next week. I'm at the shore Monday and Tuesday and at the lake for girls' weekend Friday so this cookie has crumbled in a wonderful way for me. I can't wait to see how Bruce Springsteen likes the lake. 

Wanting this ceramic Christmas tree nightlight to add to my ceramic tree collection.

Lagging behind on everything except work work, which is the most important in the grand scheme of things. Housework, laundry, shore rental stuff, emails, texts, replies, etc. I am at least a day but likely two to five days behind. 

Thanking you all for your kind words and thoughts on the substance abuse/sobriety/addiction stigma piece I published on Tuesday. My oldest and dearest friend Jen commented on Instagram that over the 38 years she's known me she's always thought one of my best qualities is my ability to never falter from genuinely and un-apologetically doing me exactly how I have felt best. I've never heard it put like that before, but after thinking about it, that is how I live every day. Publishing this pulsating, personal piece at a time when it could most be used against my family is an example of exactly that. Because fuck people who would stigmatize addiction and use it against MFD or me - the amount of people who reached out to me privately to share something of their own experience was staggering but sadly not surprising. It lets me know pushing publish was the right thing to do and that, as Rachael said, now was the right time to do it even though it is the most vulnerable time to do it.  People are out there suffering and if we can help ease that, that is what we are going to do - not worry more about how it presents politically. When MFD decided to run for office, I said the only way you can do this is if you can be who you are, not a whitewashed version of yourself. Despite many "advisers" telling him to be cleaner/better/more polished/more buttoned up/less passionate/less open/more toned down, that's what he's doing. And it sure as shit is what I'm doing because I'm not compromising my own truth for a damn thing or person. We're out here open about who we are and what we've been through because otherwise, what is the fucking point? We are here to help each other as human beings, period. I hope I've started a conversation that will continue because that is how we will reduce the stigma together. 

Recovering from putting in the emotional labor. 

Wishing our BFF Evan a happy birthday. He's in Italy, I'm sure it won't be unhappy.

Wondering where July went. Who Kiki is. When I will finally address the clutter in the basement. How to make Bruce stop before he drops. What will make me interested in food prep again. 

Raging over the people attacking and harassing Shaun King and his family (read his wife's statement), a direct result - no, repercussion - of his pursuit of fairness and equality. When people are too woke and become too powerful, they are targeted. As people who support his work, we can't do much but we need to know this is out there happening to people.

Reminding us all:

E-carding: 

What's new with you?

Linking up with Kristen