Shit MFD Said Vol. 5

Driving to Cape May

MFD: On the way back, we should take  the Tacony home and save $3 on the bridge toll.
Me: That is ridiculous. I am not taking the long ass way through Jersey to save $3, which I will spend in gas stopped at lights.
MFD: I like to pinch pennies.
Me: Except when you go to Dunkin Donuts twice a day.
MFD: Yes, except for then.

Me: You ate all of those things? 

MFD: What things?

Me: The 12 Popsicles we got less than two days ago.

MFD: I don't know what you're talking about. Someone must have come in and eaten them.

MFD: I had like a four foot long hair coming out of my nose. 

Me: Oh yeah? Age. 

MFD: I don't like it. 

After 5 straight minutes of whipping the dogs into a cacophonous barking frenzy that is grating on my ears and soul:

MFD: Steph, are you a member of the CMB? Steph, I asked you a question. You better answer me. 

Me: What the hell is the CMB?

MFD: Cash Money Brothers. CASH MONEY BROTHERS!!

Me: Are you leaving to drop the paint off now? Or something?

Two weeks later

MFD: Steph, are you a CMB?

Me: A what? 

MFD: A CMB!

Me: This again? A cash money brother? Is this a thing? Why do you keep asking me this?

MFD: Because we live in a New Jack City, Steph. This is the way it is. I don't know what to tell you.

MFD's infatuation with Groupons lives on. 

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Haikuesday:
Cash Money Brothers...
This exists? Caught unaware.
New Jack City, yo.

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All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1
Shit MFD Said Vol 2
Shit MFD Said Vol 3
Shit MFD Said Vol 4

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Shit MFD Said Vol 4

Via phone after buying four pairs of glasses at Warby Parker and Pearl Vision in under two hours to make sure all the FSA money was spent by the deadline:
MFD: I bargained those bitches down. I said, "Look. I have $500 to spend and I want two pairs of prescription RayBans. For $500."
Me: And then what happened?
MFD: I bought a Groupon for 39 bucks for $200 off two pairs of prescription RayBans and BOOM I got them. I fed the dogs and now I'm going to buy shoes. Bye.

After spending 20 minutes in the Sam's bathroom:

MFD: Why would you blow your nose in the bathroom? It's like breathing in someone else's shit.

10:43 p.m., bedroom

Me: Are you eating? 

MFD: Just a light snack.

Me: A light snack does not arrive on a plate in the bedroom.

Watching Law & Order, mumbling to himself

MFD: He should go to jail for that hairstyle.

Looking in the mirror

MFD: Hey Steph, guess what I won't be doing anytime soon? 

Me: What?

MFD: Using that self tanner. 

Me: Well you thought it was lotion at first. 

MFD: Is that what you're saying so you can say, "My husband wasn't using self tanner for a week?" 

Via email:
MFD: Can you mash these two and put this kilt onto Dracula? (two photos are attached) Thanks!

Via phone:

MFD: I went to Dunkin Donuts today and the lady was barking, "Can I help you?" I said, "Can you give me a minute? There's a lot of items on your menu." Then she said it again real mean so I backed out of the drive thru. 

Me: I hate bad service people. But with the menu...it's not the first time you've been there...you go every day.

MFD: Well...NOT TODAY.

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Haikuesday:
Excellent service...
Is there a Groupon for that?
I would buy 15.

******************************************

 
All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1
Shit MFD Said Vol 2
Shit MFD Said Vol 3

Linking up for