Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Shit MFD Said: Vol 41

Waiting on sushi
MFD: I need to eat.
Me: You just had a salad.
MFD: That was nothing. That was like I went outside and yawned and grass blew into my mouth.

After a four day who will empty the dishwasher standoff
Me: So I noticed the dishwasher has been emptied.
MFD: Oh? I wonder who did that.
Me: I'm not sure, because the dirty dishes are still in the sink and weren't put in the dishwasher. 
MFD: Weird.
Me: Must have been a moron.

MFD: Steph, this is very good.
Me: What is?
MFD: This salad you made.
Me: The one portioned out for my lunch in the little containers?
MFD: You didn't make this for the house? There were lots of containers.
Me: Five days in the week. Five containers for lunch.
MFD: Well I'm eating it for lunch now and it's excellent. It's so good, if you died tomorrow, this salad is what would get me through the week. I don't know what would get me through when it was gone, but this...it would get me through the week.
Me: Well I'm glad. 

Me: Aren't these shoes pretty?
MFD: Another pair of new shoes? Are you Imelda Marcos?

Me Driving his car to the shore
Me: I thought we discussed how your music isn't good driving music for me.
MFD: I thought we discussed how you're a turd.
Me: No. We haven't discussed that. 

MFD: What kind of lettuce is this?
Me: It's lettuce.
MFD: Is it spinach?
Me: It's lettuce. 
MFD: It looks like cabbage patch kid lettuce.
Me: Still lettuce. 

As he's heading down to the basement
Me: Bring up that bag downstairs that's full of towels.
MFD: It's actually not full of towels. It's full of butts and turds.
Me: It's not.
MFD: Where is it?
Me: Open your eyes.
MFD: singing open your eyes look up to the skies and seee...I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low
Me: Very nice. Do you see it?

And via text




All read and approved by MFD before they go live...
Shit MFD Said Vol 1Shit MFD Said Vol 2Shit MFD Said Vol 3Shit MFD Said Vol 4
Shit MFD Said Vol 5Shit MFD Said Vol 6Shit MFD Said Vol 7Shit MFD Said Vol 8
Shit MFD Said Vol 9Shit MFD Said Vol 10Shit MFD Said Vol 11, Shit MFD Said Vol 12, Shit MFD Said Vol 13, Shit MFD Said Vol 14, Shit MFD Said Vol 15, Shit MFD Said Vol 16, Shit MFD Said Vol 17, Shit MFD Said Vol 18, Shit MFD Said Vol 19, Shit MFD Said Vol 20, Shit MFD Said Vol 21, Vol 22, Vol 23, Vol 24, Vol 25, Vol 26, Vol 27, Vol 28, Vol 29, Vol 30, Vol 31, Vol 32, Vol 33, Vol 34, Vol 35, Vol 36, Vol 37, Vol 38, Vol 39, Vol 40



Monday, May 22, 2017

TWTW - the one traversing New Jersey

Friday night taking care of hausfrau biz like purging and reorganizing kitchen drawers, making hard boiled eggs, changing and washing sheets, and putting laundry away. The dogs were all enough, sit down with us.
Saturday I spent way more time on the Garden State Parkway than is advisable. Firs I headed to North Jersey for MBD's first birthday party. He is so cute and pleasant. Laura and Chris for the combined win with the combo of the rainbow balloon arch (Laura) and the Prince welcome (Chris). It was great to spend an afternoon with my family of choice, and especially nice to see the littlest members MBD and Natalia because I don't get to see them in person often and they don't text or email.
I left around 6:40 and headed south on the Parkway to reach the shore by 9. I just wanted to peek upstairs at the new carpet but ended up putting most of the two bedrooms back together, which meant 49 trips up and down the stairs. The carpet is dark enough to hide hide stains and the 98374982734 pounds of sand it will swallow every year. I also realized I needed a new quilt and ordered it from the couch at 11:45 pm. I love technology.
MFD and the dogs arrived late, and I was up until after 1:30 thinking about all the shit that needed to be done Sunday, so no sunrise. We got right to work at 8 and kept going until 6. There were no large projects or picture-worthy shit but it was an ass breaking day all around. Basically we spent 10 hours going up and down three flights of steps 52974 times carrying shit up. We finished putting the third floor back together, touched up paint up there, took a magic eraser to the walls in all bedrooms and hallways, dealt with a sudden dresser top problem with contact paper, cleaned out under the beds on the second floor, patched a ceiling hole, cleaned off the steps, wiped down the railings, applied brackets to secure a side table, got rid of all the outdoor mats, weeded the insane shit growing in the driveway sand, cleaned out the bike alley behind the house/outdoor shower/driveway area, and hung bunting for Memorial Day. We also removed everything that will not stay in the house for the summer season, which is a lot when you've been using it personally. And shit I originally thought we needed but made it through a rental season without using went too. We ran over to Somers Point to buy a new air conditioner for MFD to install on the top floor and Jen & Tara stopped by to see us on their way out of town but otherwise, no breaks. MFD does not like no breaks but I only had to threaten him with death and divorce like five times. The Sunday before Memorial Day is always stressful but we killed it and not each other. Success.
We rewarded ourselves with dinner at Luigi's and a bike ride on the boards. Biking on the boards at night is coming to an end next weekend. This is MFD's I survived the Sunday before Memorial Day with my insane drill sergeant wife face.
I made the executive decision to paint the trim on the top two floors on Thursday night. Lord help me.

Weekly food prep: I only need breakfast for three days and lunch for two since I'm off on Wednesday, which is good timing since I had neither the time or inclination to do this this weekend. Breakfast is power breakfast muffins and hard boiled eggs; lunch is peanut butter, honey, and banana roll ups on multi-grain tortillas with a side of bell peppers; and dinners are spinach and artichoke pasta and avocado toast.


We stayed at the shore Sunday night so this morning means an early rise and ride for me. But it's a short week - I'm off Wednesday and I'm working from the shore Friday and we'll probably close early. 

Happy birthday to Sarah today! 

Memorial Day week already, man. 



Linking up with Biana at B Loved Boston for Weekending


Friday, May 19, 2017

And then I threw up on the train.


I wasn't planning to close down the week with a blog post about how I threw up on a goddamn train but here we are. Yesterday one of my worst non-life shattering nightmares came true.

I felt off in the morning and thought maybe I hadn't had enough water the day before. I trudged into work and drank some Gatorade and ginger ale and a lot of water in case I was dehydrated. By around 11 I knew I needed to go home. The trains are running on the hour at that point in the day so I was stuck in my office until 12:04.

When I got to the train station, of course my train was 10 minutes late. I slumped over on a bench next to a mother and her son who could not stop talking about what they were going to have for lunch AND dinner. Breathe through it. Breathe through it.

The train was a local making every stop and the ride felt like it took place over the span of four years instead of just over 40 minutes. We were rolling up to the stop before mine when it happened. The unthinkable. The public puking as a not inebriated or hungover adult on public transportation.

I whipped out an empty Old Navy online order bag and dispersed all the liquid I consumed that morning into it. Four pukes in the less than three minutes between that stop and mine. I tried to be quiet and hold myself as still as possible.

Then it was done, and the only thing my stomach was full of was mortification.

The lady next to me was looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and horror. I briefly considered telling her I was pregnant to explain away the spontaneous public vomiting but instead wiped my mouth on the inside of my dress and apologized profusely for vomiting next to her on public transportation. She scooted out of the seat to give me a wide berth and I rolled my puke bag securely down and gathered up my shredded dignity to exit the train.

If anyone ever needs to throw up in public and then carry it around with them, I would like to suggest the Old Navy online order bag. It's strong and it doesn't leak.

Can I also take this opportunity to blame SEPTA? If the train hadn't been late, I would have made it to my stop and puked outside of the train. I would like to be able to blame someone. Right? I am against blame shifting but lord I need to blame someone for this. Just this once.

At home I slept for five hours. My eyes were closed before my head even hit the pillow. Can your body shut down from public shame? I think that happened. I was back in bed at 9:30 last night and woke up at 6 this morning feeling fine.

What a weird fucking day. One that I never, ever want to repeat. When you take public transport, your main fears are 1) bed bugs 2) accident 3) needing to puke 4) uncontrollable diarrhea. Out of the four of those, puking is the least horrifying and I hope it's the only one I ever have to deal with. Thank God it wasn't my regular train so I don't feel the need to don the paper bag of shame over my head for the foreseeable future.

Lessons learned:
1) do not travel without a solid, leak-proof bag
2) do not leave your computer at work so you feel the need to come in when you shouldn't
3) leave an hour before go time if you are sick at work

I haven't thrown up today, so it's already 470% better than yesterday.

Happy weekend!




Thursday, May 18, 2017

Thursday Thoughts - sliding into third

1. This week is carnival week on my street so some dick in a box from outside of the neighborhood parks the wrong way on the street constantly. Turn around and park correctly, you lazy shitgibbon.
2. I watched in fascination as a fellow commuter set out her trashbag seat cover on the train and then again next to me on the shuttle bus to the park-n-ride. I mean, I fear bed bugs. I get it. This lady had her shit down. Her husband was the only one who was visibly annoyed by her until she started yelling "Oh no, oh no, JESUS CHRIST IN YOUR NAME NO!" on the shuttle bus because there was a car in sight on the road as the bus was making a left. Then people got snarky as fuck with her, telling her the bus driver did that every day.  She replied, "It only takes once for us to all die a fiery death." Thanks for that. Cheers and goodnight, lady.

3. I have worked three blocks from here for years, walked by it a million times, and I swear I've never noticed this.

4. I can't get in depth this week with politics, but the resistance is clever as fuck. And mighty.
5. Crazy Christians who want to control women's bodies and who other people can marry among other things scare me more than ISIS...mainly because my fellow citizens don't seem to have a big problem with that form of control.
6. The Progression of Productivity this week:
Monday night...I went to Marshalls, made turkey taco lettuce wraps and prepped breakfasts and lunches for the week, washed pans and ran the dishwasher, packed up bathing suits to take and leave at the shore, mopped the bathroom floor (AKA Dog Pee Town), washed and dried a load of shore towels + home towels, sorted mail and opened packages, reorganized my laundry stuff, watched the season finale of Billions, and read.
Tuesday night...voted, went to to the fool carnival, folded towels, unloaded dishwasher, finished a book.
Wednesday night...slumped, slack jawed and lifeless on the couch, hot and annoyed. Rallied to make naan pizzas, fold more towels, wipe down the kitchen, put a vat of iced coffee in the fridge to process, pick up the living room, cycle MFD's laundry, and do a load of my own laundry, all while humming a tune called special prosecutor under my breath.
Thursday night...can she make it four productive nights in a row? Probably not. I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and MFD will be walking 10 miles in the heat with the Earth Quaker Action Team for Green Jobs & Justice so it'll be a slow night at home.

7.  Sometimes when I'm in a stabby mood I google fuck you images and then I feel calmer. Is that how you define crazy?

8. I feel like I see car selfies more than ever. Just me?

9.  I'm super pumped for this weekend. I'm going to get some shit done at home, I'm going to see some of my people and celebrate MBD's birthday, and I'm going to put the shore house back together after the carpet replacement that happened this week and be mostly done with shore chores inside for the summer. There is some touch up painting that needs to be done but otherwise I'm fucking free.

10. E-card of the week...we might be waiting a while this week.

Home stretch of the week. 


Linking up with Kristin & Joey 


Stuff, Things, etc.


Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Eating Around Ocean City, NJ

Memorial Day and shore season approacheth, my friends. Time for some shore-themed posts.

Since buying our house in Ocean City in October 2015, MFD and I have made it a point to get out and sample as many places as we can for a few reasons - in case renters ask our opinion, and also to support small businesses. And honestly in the off/shore chores season, because we're too damn tired to make anything. There are many places to try and we're not finished yet (I've been coming to this town for 40 years and I'm not finished yet), but here are our favorites in town right now.

Coffee & Donuts
-Drip n’ Scoop, 9th & Asbury. The best iced coffee on the island. Try the honey glaze donut.
-Local’s Coffee, 6th & the Boardwalk. Passable iced coffee on the boardwalk.
-Brown’s Donuts, 1st & Boardwalk. The cinnamon sugar donuts taste like my childhood. You can also eat at Brown's, and it's just called Brown's, of course...I added the donuts.
Take Out
-Bennie’s Bread, 12th & Asbury. Crumb cake and tomato pie. Good takeout Italian stuff too and, of course, bread.
-Voltaco’s, 10th & West. Takeout sandwiches. Cash only.

Sit Down
-Jon & Patty’s, 6th & Asbury. Breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
-Luigi’s, 9th & West. Simple but excellent Italian, the best on the island. Meatballs and lemon loaf are a must. Everything is made in-house. Takeout available but nice ambiance for a dinner out. Credit cards accepted, but tips are cash only.
-Ike’s Seafood, 13th & Boardwalk. So I actually don't like fried shrimp...but I like Ike's fried shrimp. And their fruit tea.
-Cousin’s, 1st & Asbury. Large portions, more expensive but good.
-Bob’s, 14th & Boardwalk. Not a bad breakfast, good views and outdoor ambiance.
-Northend Beach Grill for breakfast. There is literally always a line so if you are going to make the wait longer, you're going to have to google the address. LOL
-Yianni’s, 8th & Asbury. All around good food. The only place I buy bagels in town. Go early for them.
-OC Surf Cafe, 8th & Atlantic, for breakfast.

Buy on the fly
-Shriver’s, 9th & Boardwalk. The only place I will buy candy.
-Shriver's Gelato - veddy good.
-Pizza by the slice: Tony P's (9th & Boardwalk), Angelo's (13th & Boardwalk), NY Pizza (Promenade on the Boardwalk)
-Ice cream: Prep’s for sundaes (10th & Boardwalk), Kohr Bros mint julep (everywhere), Aloha Soft Serve (13th & Boardwalk), Yoasis (12th & Boardwalk, they have soft serve with awesome toppings but also healthier Beach Bowls)

Places I don't love: Manco & Manco, Ocean City Coffee Company, Johnny Rockets, Ready's, Varsity Grill.

If you're an OCNJ person, what are some of your favorite places to eat?





Linking up with Betsy at Musings of a Museum Fanatic

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