Wednesday, March 27, 2019

Consider it handled...or not

I can handle the hard seasons in life with what feels like barely blinking sometimes - the pain and sorrow and mistakes and fear and fighting to keep my head up and despair - living through it for as long as it goes on, knowing it will end because everything ends, good and bad. I can do hard things. I have lived hard things. I have survived hard things. I emerge from the hard seasons tested, true, changed, knowing more.

The Great Oven Incident of 2019 on Sunday reminded me that if I’m going to show my ass, 90% of the time I show my ass over the small stuff. 

I lose my whole damn mind to the point where I feel like I am standing outside of myself, watching with a mix of awe and disbelief as I perfectly execute an epic toddler tantrum over an inconsequential thing. When I commit to losing my shit, I really go for it. 

Things I don't handle well:

Appliances breaking. The Great Oven Incident of 2019 is not the first time I have dropped my entire basket over an appliance. My coworkers talk fondly nearly three years later of the The Samsung Dishwasher Debacle of Summer 2016 at the shore, which they remember so well because of my legendary, withering phone calls to the customer service department. The dryer was the catalyst a few times. The Great Heater Incident of 2015. And if the correct part doesn't get delivered for the shore hot water heater on the third try, a tidal wave of shit is coming.

Dogs on the run. If the leash gets dropped. The rare times they're off-leash and don't come when called. When Bender got out of the yard the night after we brought him home. When Gus and Geege used to get out of the gate and mosey into the neighbor’s yard. You dogs have a better life than many humans. Don’t fucking wander!

Being late. Is the world ending if I’m not five minutes early? Yes, yes it is.

Flight fuckery on the way home. When the trip is done, it’s fucking done, and the mere possibility of missing a connection or a flight cancellation makes me want to lay on the ground and pound my fists into the airport carpet. 

Loud TV. Zero to 60 in two seconds, especially if I’m trying to go to sleep.

A person stopped at the top of the steps down to the train platform. I encounter a lot of annoying things daily and am also probably considered annoying by others, but nothing makes me go all Brodie in Mallrats about the kid on the escalator like the person standing motionless at the top of a set of stairs all other commuters are rushing towards. 

What about you? What small thing makes you lose it? 

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