Saturday, December 31, 2011

Let's Review.

2011 in review.

MFD finally did Disney and loved it even more than I thought he would. We loved the cruise so much we booked a seven nighter for next year.


We spent more on Geege's teeth than either of ours.

I had the worst sinus infection that lasted more than two months and took two Zpacs, one other antibiotic, two rounds of steroids, 1072 neti pot uses, 479 bottles of nose spray to eradicate. F U sinuses.

I worked on my birthday and vowed to never do so again. I did not work on MFD's birthday and that was infinitely more enjoyable than mine.


We learned what type of damage a leaky fridge will do, but got a gorgeous kitchen as a result.

I went through three Totes bubble umbrellas. 2011, you rainy bitch.

Gus got sprayed by a skunk.

I hosted my second favorite party ever - the Royal Wedding Party (RWP). Only surpassed by my 33rd birthday party where "BLACKBERRY. CHILLED," was born.


Saw the Phils in early May, which I always want to do but never get around to doing.

Had a brief but intense affair with mushrooms in the month of October.

Was a pot of gold to MFD's leprechaun on Halloween.

Changed my name to Doyle.

Tried to take a photo every time I saw an awesome sky.

Tackled Kim Schultz in the snow outside of Laura's house.

Maybe the booze had something to do with it?
Took this hilarious photo.


Celebrated my Pop's 80th birthday wearing suspenders in his honor.

Saw this in action.


Got this superb chair after spending an entire weekend with my ass glued to it. Thank you Jack and Lori for letting me take yours home and ordering another.

Hello, Darby.
Had two visiting pugs, bringing the total up to four for a week. It was fun and hilarious.


Lost too many good people, and had friends lose good people. Why do good people go too soon while assholes live forever? Age old question.

Obsessively watched Chopped, Mob Wives, and Investigation Discovery channel.

Started this blog.

And a host of other things, big and small.

I look back on 2011 fondly, and look forward to 2012 with anticipation.

Goals include continuing to have an attitude of gratitude, even for the small things; writing here at least thrice weekly; spending time and energy on the wonderful people in my life; crossing some things off of my Life List including seeing Niagara Falls from Oh Canada, walking on the Golden Gate Bridge, and freezing my ass off while doing the Polar Bear Plunge; and getting back to the healthy eating/exercise I was doing well with until the holidays.

Wishing you and yours the very best in the last four hours of 2011, and more of the same in 2012. Thank you for indulging me and reading this blog.

Kissing 2011 goodbye like Julia Roberts singing in the tub in Pretty Woman,

SMD

p.s. Good luck to MFD tomorrow, who is marching in his 24th mummer's parade. I am proud of his participation in this tradition that is so richly woven into this city's history. Cannot wait to see you and Ferko on TV lovey!

p.p.s. Parade Party Attendees, I have 3.5 bottles of blackberry brandy. Everyone pray it's enough.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Here's a Tip: I've been washing my face with oil.

Say what? Yes, it's true. I've been washing my face with oil thanks to some recommendations from friends and The Oil Cleansing Method. Me, who has bemoaned my shitty skin, zits, and oily face for decades. I am now washing my face in it.


I first heard about this oil cleansing method almost a year ago from my friend Diva T. I pshaw'ed her and said NEVER, mofo! Then Rachel H. brought it up again this year, and I thought what the shit, nothing else is working. I might as well try the blasphemous Oil Cleansing Method.

Never say never is sort of the lesson here, as evidenced by my conversion to The Oil Cleansing Method and also my ability to not wash my hair daily despite saying for years, "I have to wash my hair every day, I can't take it/wake up/feel clean unless I wash my hair, blah blah blah, it's fine if YOU don't wash every day, but with MY hair I need to, blah blah blah." And, no I don't need to and my hair looks better than it has in years. So stick that in your pipe and smoke it, never sayers.


Awesome payout #1 of using this method: I'm not dropping one zillion dollars on moisturizers and other face potions guaranteed to make my skin as fresh as the skin on a newborn baby's ass. Nothing ever worked and  I never used anything until it was finished. And when I *did* find something that worked, it was discontinued - I'm looking at you, Avon True Porefection. I bought a bottle of castor oil and a bottle of sunflower oil, mixed them up in a travel bottle, and that's it. Dunzo.

Awesome thing #2 of using this method: I am a lazy as hell face washer and rarely do it. Which coincides perfectly with how you do the oil cleansing method. Just rub a wash cloth over my face most days? Sold.

So reporting in after a week: My skin is much softer and looks a lot better. I do have some new zits, which they said would happen. But my old zits are basically disappearing, which is wonderful. And it's not oily to the touch.

I'll keep you apprised of the state of my face. I know you're on tenterhooks now, bitches.

Oily oily oily oily, life is but a dream. Happy hump day!

SMD

p.s. Why when I google images for Never Say Never, does google images donkey punch me with 20483084 pages of Bieber? Jesus Christ! Some warning would be nice.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Knock knock. Is anybody home?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. Exhausted. Next year I am saving my days and taking this entire week off, for sure. Santa  missed the memo to get MFD slippers for Christmas...he has two right feet ones from two different pairs and wore them all day. Poor guy. I will be getting him some matching ones this week.


Due to the kitchen remodel, we decorated on 12/23 and put our tree up on 12/24. We have never been so late. I normally like to restore order and begin the new year without Christmas items up, but MFD loves his Christmas stuff out so this year I agreed to leave it up until 1/6. Merry Christmas babe.


I hope you all had a fabulous Christmas weekend.

We did our traditional Christmas Eve at Sandy's, followed by some more family stuff. Christmas morning was a whirlwind, and we had a steady stream of visitors from about 11 a.m. all through the day and night. I believe our last guests left around 4 a.m.?  It was wonderful and the new kitchen was enjoyed by all. I stayed up too late, drank too much, and laughed my ass off at all the beer cans I found in all the cabinets.  Someone (Michelle) was nice enough to give me some laughs and also to document them with my own camera. hahahahah
 





On a sad note, we lost a wonderful person on Christmas Eve. Mr. Ricci was a true friend, very giving and loving to so many people, and an all around fantastic guy. I have known him since I was about six, and he was always so good to me. I am so sad he is gone, and my heart is with his family and everyone else who loved him.

Things like this remind me that you never know what's going to happen. It's so important to appreciate and focus on the good  in your life. Life is simply too short to give creedence to anything that brings negativity into your atmosphere. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful. Appreciate the people who bring you joy and be grateful for every day. This concludes my soapboxy sermon.

Toodleoo, I hope you have an easy peasy week. Speaking of easy peasy, I saw a variation of this on pinterest and did my veggies like this on Christmas day. I thought it was fun.


Is it 5 pm yet?

SMD

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I won't, and you can't make me.

Finish a bottle of lotion I don't like.
Most recent victim










Read a book that doesn't lure me in within the first 32 pages (it used to be 50 pages, how it came to be 32 seems like it would be an interesting story, but it's not). There are too many books on this earth to waste time finishing one that's not worth it.










Drink white zinfandel.
Sorry White Zin fans













Fight for a seat on an airplane. I will gladly pay extra to pick my seat in advance.









Listen to Gloria Estefan.
Sorry Ms. Estefan. The Rhythm is NOT gonna get me.













Vote for anyone who is anti-choice.












Purchase ketchup that is not Heinz or mayo that is not Hellmann's.

Wear Crocs or Uggs.
                                                      



Not budging,

SMD

p.s. I should really stop buying wine for our Christmas Open House and leave some for other people to buy.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Listen up: Christmas Playlist

Before ipods were as common as the cold, MFD and I made Christmas CDs for everyone each year. Then no one used CDs anymore. The End.

Just kidding.

Here's my Christmas playlist for this year without input from MFD, because between this kitchen renovation and mummery we barely have time to talk to each other let alone craft a Christmas playlist.  Some of these songs make it every year, of course. I kept it to 20 songs because you have better things to do.

1. All I Want for Christmas is You - Mariah the Pariah. Kenny Schwarz is the only person I know who hates this song.

2. Christmas is Coming - Vince Guaraldi Trio. I think Charlie Brown is a weinerwhistle (I know this is not a popular opinion and some of you want to throw snowballs at me for this) but the music is wonderful.

3. The Christmas Story - Dexter Gordon

True Story: This poster hangs in our spare bedroom.
4. Danse of the Sugar Plum Fairies - Bela Fleck and the Flecktones

5. Last Christmas - Wham. I sang the shit out of this song in the car on Saturday. It was awesome.

Happy Christmas. I wrapped it up and sent it out with a note saying "I love you," I meant it now I know what a fool I've been but if you kiss me now I know you'll fool me again

6. A Marshmallow World - Bing Crosby

7. Mele Kalikimaka - Bing & The Andrews Sisters

8. Purple Snowflakes - Marvin Gaye


9. Santa Claus is Comin' to Town - Jackson Five

10. Sleigh Ride - The Ronettes

11. What Christmas Means to Me - Stevie Wonder

12. 2000 Miles - The Pretenders

13. Fairytale of New York - The Pogues. It was Christmas Eve, babe...in the drunk tank. I love love love love this song, always have and always will. My favorite unconventional Christmas tune.


14. There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays - The Carpenters

15. Father Christmas - The Kinks

16. Hard Candy Christmas - Dolly Parton


Merry Christmas Dolly. I love you.
17. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen - BNL and Sarah McLachlan

18. Here Comes Santa Claus - Willie Nelson. God love you Willie Nelson. I hope you get a fat bag of weed from Santa.

19. Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley

20. Please Come Home for Christmas - The Eagles


If you're not familiar with any of these, I hope you check them out and enjoy them as much as I do.

Keep a good thought for us as we race to the finish line on this kitchen reno. We currently don't have a useable sink/garbage disposal, and our water is not hooked up to the fridge. Back splash would be a nice present under 12/20's tree. And we have one sad wreath up as decor. Clark is not well. I did buy him a t-shirt that said Go Griswold or Go Home. hahahah ho ho ho ho

HO HO HO mofos!

SMD

p.s. I just ordered Christmas Vacation, how the hell do I not own this already? Thank you Amazon.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Ninjas and other Wednesday Things



To kick off Wednesday Things, I will discuss Tuesday. It must be done. I hate Tuesdays, always have, they suck the life out of the week and serve no purpose. So I am always surprised when I have a Tuesday that sort of rocks. Yesterday was one of them. Thank you Universe.






All of my Christmas shopping is done and everything is wrapped. Thank you tiny baby awful wrap job jesus for gift bags. Kiss my grits bitches!
You can walk on my kitchen floor again, and we have some walls. From what I hear, we also now have appliances. The rest of the house is still a fucking war zone. I cannot wait to put this all back together after the counter tops are installed on Saturday. When you exist in an orderly space and are plunged into chaos, it screws with your head. Plus my dogs are puking, pissing and pooping wherever they please to show their great displeasure with what's going on. Is this over yet? How do people do longer renovations?

Eleven days out from Christmas we have no tree, indoor or outdoor decorations. MFD, aka Clark Gris, is not happy. Saturday we are missing two holiday parties and a dinner invite from dear friends to set things to rights and make Clark's heart fill with the joy of the season.


MFD and I are hosting a Christmas Open House on 12/25, and I'm plotting the menu this week, which I love to do. If you're hosting Christmas or the Eve, what are you having? Are you trying anything new? I want to try some stuff I've pinned on pinterest or starred on my Google Reader.

Jalapeno Popper Dip, you've made the cut. Congratulations.
You can thank Jessica W. for the gold star after I pinned her pin on pinterest. Say that three times fast.  
The sky was so gorgeous this morning I almost got into an accident staring at it.

I watched a Storage Wars marathon last night. I love that show. I would like to pitch my own show to A&E: Thermostat Wars.  MFD cranks the heat up and turns our house into a floppy sweatbox so he can meander around in shorts, flip flops and a t-shirt all winter. Meanwhile I'm so hot I'm panting and woozy and my skin is so dry it's about to crack. But he questions my need for humidifiers on every floor.  We conduct our Thermostat Wars like sniper ninjas. We don't discuss the heat. I hear "beep beep beep" from wherever I am and I know he's turned it up, so I wait a few seconds before slinking over and turning it down, "beep beep beep beep." A&E, this is a goldmine. I'll be awaiting your call.

And finally, the zit on my face looks like a flesh wound. Am I 14 or 34?

Searching around for some Clearasil,
SMD

Friday, December 9, 2011

I Don't Get it - Volume III

1. Skinny jeans for babies or men. Why, God? If you are a man and you're reading this thinking "Hey, I wear skinny jeans," well then I'm sad for you and your skinny jeans and I'm here to tell you they do not look as good as you think they do.

2. Inexplicably "sexy" Halloween costumes. A sexy cop? I've never seen a lady cop wear a skirt a mere inch below her crotch and have all of the buttons on her shirt undone, flashing her boobs and playing peekaboo with her lady town. A sexy nurse? The nurses I see wear scrubs, and often have long sleeves under them. They do not look like the Blink 182 nurse. Ladies, you don't need to use Halloween as an excuse to be sexy. Also, and I mean this in the nicest way, sexy does not equal trashy or whorey. Use your imagination and rock an awesome costume.


3. Adults who collect stuffed animals. Stuffed animals are dust and mite magnets. Their grossness makes me shiver. Back in the stone ages when I last dated, I was out with a guy who was hellbent on winning me a stuffed animal on the boardwalk. That was our last date.


4. Anything about Bieber or this fever for Bieber. Or anyone who wants to tell the world they had sex with him. Does he even have a penis? No one answer that. Yikes.


5. Michelle, how is your vagina still intact? You are carrying child # 20. Inquiring minds want to know. Also, let's meet to discuss your hair. *Edit: I just heard she may have miscarried? I am truly sorry for their loss, that is never something anyone should go through. However, my question still stands.


6. Drinking whiskey.

7. Why SEPTA regional rail can't stick to a schedule. SEPTA, you are late EVERY day, and you are unapologetic about it. I had to change my train and get up at the crack of dawn to ensure I will arrive at work at a comfortable time. Ruiners! Sleep thieves!



8. When I pull into a DD drive through and say "I'd like a large hazelnut with one cream," why do they always ask "Do you want sugar?" If I wanted sugar, I would have said "with one cream AND SUGAR." Stop asking me this.


9. Bumper stickers that are not magnetic. As if driving your car off the lot didn't bring down the value enough, now you're putting stickers on it that won't come off?

10. The need to go out shopping on Black Friday. I know many of you are fans and do this...but you can get all the shit online and sleep off the wine you consumed on Thanksgiving.

11. The fit sneaker or whatever the hell it's called. Aside from the hideous croc or Ugg, is there a more unattractive shoe? Witness two offenders on the train.



12. This shotgun shell wreath. Thank you Pinterest for this gem.


That's all for today class. I hope you have a wonderful weekend that does not include seeing any of the above.

TGIF mofos!

SMD

P.S. Kudos to my friend Mrs. B, proprietress of this blog. The ultimate (in my mind) blogger, The Bloggess, read her blog and loved it. I die I die I die. So awesome.
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