Wednesday, October 12, 2016

To be crystal clear


what two consenting adults engage in sexually in private
appreciation for the physical aspects of the opposite sex
reading a book with sexual content
having sexual thoughts about other adults
having conversations about sex
explicit sex talk between consenting adults
actual locker room banter
cheating on your spouse

are not in any way at all related to
Donald Trump saying, "Grab them in the pussy. You can do anything."

Not in any way. 
None of those things are the same as what he said or in any way related.

Attempting to relate them is blindly existing in rape culture.

Attempting to pass it off as just words that liberals are pearl clutching over is absurd. No one gives a good fuck that he used the word pussy. People care about how he said he would grab women by the pussy in a manner that implies lack of consent. Lack of consent is not something to joke or be flippant about. Lack of consent is rape and rape is absolutely something to be concerned about. Acting like it isn't is doing everyone on this planet a disservice.

Attempting to invoke the marital issues of the Clintons and Bill's sexual conduct or misconduct will not lessen the blow of a presidential candidate with a cavalier attitude about how he can take anything from women, whether they consent or not. Let's be honest, this is just the latest misogynist bomb out of Trump's mouth. Are we surprised? No. Are we finally finished putting up with it? I hope so. There are some people who hate the very air the Clintons breathe, and I'm not taking that away from you. Among other things, you are pissed about a blow job Bill got in the Oval Office 20 years ago and how horny and immoral he is. You've been banging that drum for 20 years, so I'm sure you'll excuse us while we take some time to deal with sexual assault language by a candidate who says he respects women but clearly does not. Women make up over half of the population. It's a problem. 

Attempting to blow this off as a distraction from the "real issues" of the election says to me you are happy to live in a world in which women's bodies are assumed to be property of others to do with what they wish and that you won't ever do or say anything to change that.  You're concerned about national security. I get that. What about bodily security for everyone, not just the males?

You can give me any excuse or justification or bullshit about how what he said is not important or a big deal and I will simply tell you I don't care. Because it's a big deal to me. And to many women and men. 

I don't know if you can hear it where you are. It's loud around me. An army of women is marching as we speak. Some of us are out screaming and stomping in the streets. Some of us are looking out the window through the blinds, standing in solidarity in living rooms hoping no one sees us but standing just the same. Some of us can only light a match to illuminate an ideal of equality in our minds, but we're there. It takes all kinds in this army.

I cannot and will not be silent about this. This is not politics. This is humanity and equality and respect and safety and I will press on it and demand it and remind you of it. Loudly and with absolute conviction. That's my role in this army.

If that's not a role you're comfortable in,  that's okay. There's a place for everyone in this army. Men, that means you too. Even if you've stood by in the past while others made comments like Trump's or even if you made them yourself. Perfection is not expected. A willingness to admit when you've been wrong instead of trying to pass it off as not a big deal or turning it around and pointing at someone else for doing something similar in an attempt to excuse yourself is required. So is trying to do right in the future.

By the way guys, we don't need you to stand up for us or protect us because we're the weaker sex, or because we're your daughters or wives or mothers. I know...I've fallen into the invoking relationship trap myself. But I'm finished doing that. I'm not asking someone to treat us equally because of who we are in relation to them anymore. I'm asking them to treat us equally because we are someone.We need you to stand with us - to stand beside us in solidarity - because we are people who deserve the same respect and bodily autonomy you have. Across the board.
Trump is not yet a part of this country's government. Whether he is in the end is up to you on November 8. But plenty of us are currently represented by people who support him. You might want to check and see where your representatives stand before Election Day - hopefully they're not like Jeff Sessions from Alabama who, in his desire to defend Trump, stated that he is unsure if grabbing women by the genitals is sexual assault. I'm not sure about you, but I don't need people like this writing bills or laws in this land.


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36 comments:

  1. Amen. To ALLLLLLL of this. I don't understand the "justifying" of this. It's not justifiable. It's not a distraction from the issue. It IS an issue. A really effing BIG issue. I don't understand how ANYONE could support a man like this to be the head of a company, let alone the leader of the free world. I can't for the life of me understand that, especially women. And people with children. THIS is the man we want kids to look up to and want to be like when they grow up? Ummm HELL NO! Thank you for saying this. And saying it again and again until enough people open up their eyes and realize what the eff is going on!

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  2. I cannot. I CANNOT. It is utterly confusing to me that we even have to have this conversation.

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  3. YES, Steph. YES. I knew I could count on you to type absolutely everything I feel. I am so f*cking upset that I still have family members that consider voting for this absolute monster. (They know my thoughts and will continue to know them up til the election.) Series killers start with animals, rapists start with groping, peeping, and arrogant threats. I'm pissed it took them this long, but I'm glad that a very large handful of Republicans are looking at this "guy" with disgust. I can't believe we're still talking about this. Anyone that still plans to vote for racism, bigotry, hate, sexism, etc. has lost all respect in my eyes.

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    1. YES (to your email)! My husband was tell me about people making the comparison to 50 shades.

      I haven't read them, but that doesn't matter. I'm a female that enjoys sex and romance. God help the man that takes that to mean I want to be groped or touched inappropriately without consent. IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE SAME THING.

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    2. YES - why are people still attracted to vote for a man that spews so much hateful rhetoric driven by fear, insecurity and distrust, instead of realizing that this man clearly does not value any form of human life or human dignity unless it can serve him and his personal desires?

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  4. my blood is boiling just thinking about this. It's just embarrassing to have to talk about this to Europeans who don't understand how this man could have gotten this far.

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    1. My German BF's relatives wanted to talk about how serious Trump was in June when we went to visit. They all said how horrible of a choice it would be for the US. I was so embarrassed by our country any time it was brought up and he wasn't even the official nominee then. We haven't skyped with them in a few weeks, but I know they will bring this up soon. It's so mortifying.

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  5. I just want to puke at what is happening in our world & what people are accepting as OK

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  6. 100% yes to all of this. Also, I read the comments (I always do on your posts like this because it makes me happy to see all the agreement, ha!) and saw Audrey's. The 50 Shades thing is SO annoying. People are so uncomfortable with women and their sexuality that they compare a woman reading a sexy book (in which a woman has a lot of consensual sex) to a man bragging about sexual assault? How in the world is that an argument someone made, and how did it take off?! It just doesn't make sense.

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  7. YES, GIRL, YES!! Thank you for speaking up! Voting for Trump for me would be telling my unmarried sister and my young nieces that it's ok to be talked to and about like this. It would be telling my nephews it's ok to behave in that manner. It's SICK.

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  8. *Stands up out of chair and am clapping* <3

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  9. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! I get the appeal to men by claiming each woman is someone's something, but FUCK THAT. I'm someone, and I'm just as important in this world as my dad, brother, boyfriend, nephew, mother, grandmother, supervisor, and gas station attendant. And I've completely reached a point where if you are a Trump supporter, you are not my family. And if you're not a Clinton supporter, that is 100% your right. But acting as if Hillary's errors in judgement are in ANY WAY as egregious or dangerous as Trumps is ludicrous, and I'm sick and goddamn tired of that song too.
    Thank you SO much for the call at the end to check in with our congressional representatives. I have never been more honored to be represented by Senator Cory Booker.

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  10. Amen, Amen, Amen!! I'm so tired of all the "excuses" his surrogates are making. STOP. IT. NOW. There is no excuse. I love that graphic so much too. I, too, have been guilty at framing it from a relationship standpoint - what if it was your mother/daughter/sister etc. in large part because that was the only way "some" people seemed to grasp how horrible that kind of talk is and the damage it can cause. But it shouldn't be that way. It should appall you that a human being thinks he can treat another human being that way. It shouldn't matter whether you have a sister/wife/mother. We have to stand-up and say enough and teach our children this kind of behavior is unacceptable.

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  11. Amen! Can I also add that I am SO glad I'm not American right now...I hate how people can't see what he said was so wrong. What happened to the walking a mile in their shoes? Why do I have to spell it out them that if it was their daughter, mother, aunt or sister that those comments would be atrocious? In SO many ways we've moved ahead from being barbarians(like stoning gay people) but in SO many ways it feels like we've barely moved away from it.

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  12. Yes. Thank you for this. I'm so worried that Trump's vitriol will normalize that kind of attitude and just make it easier for other abusers. He must be stopped.

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  13. YES, YES, YES!

    This revelation has unfortunately exposed so many people who say they're against sexual assault, but then defend Trump's language by some of the arguments or statements you outlined at the beginning. What he said is NOT okay, and we need to stop sweeping rhetoric like this under the table. What he said qualifies as sexual assault and its an issue our country needs to address head on. We continue to become outraged over high profile cases of rape or assault, but then talk about it as a country that "boys will be boys". I am sick of it. I know far too many women, myself included, who have been the victim of sexual assault, and this is one of the issues I am highly passionate about. We need to start holding people accountable and change the national conversation on issues like this among many others. We can't afford to wait until sexual assault becomes personal, because it already is personal for so many. Our country needs a wake-up call, and this is hopefully the beginning of a changed conversation.

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  14. From an outsider's perspective ... It baffled me (and others) that this dude got this far. Like, its almost a joke. But it completely floored me when I realized he still had support after his latest comments.

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  15. Love this, unsurprisingly - and you hit every point I've been fighting tirelessly to make all week since this story broke. It's not about the "P-word" or calling a woman hot; it's the insinuation of assault and feeling entitled to a woman's body simply because you're a man and in a position of power. FUCK THAT. Anyone taking the time out of their day to defend this in ANY form should be ashamed of themselves. That said, I've officially reached my breaking point and I am SO OVER THIS ELECTION NOW.

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  16. I literally don't understand what is going on. Just when you think he's reached peak disgusting human being, he manages to outdo himself. What does he have to stay to stop people from voting for him?

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  17. I read this this morning and had no words other than the praise hands emoji. I still don't have much else, but this has totally stayed with me since you nailed it so hard. I went out with friends over the weekend who brought up that in 30+ years in hip hop, there has never been a lyric as hated as what Trump said. And there have been some awful, misogynistic rap lyrics. Bill Clinton had his time and was held accountable (or not) for his actions. The Clintons' friends who Trump wants to bring into this mess aren't running for president. If anyone looks at the two individuals running and still thinks Trump is the superior candidate then... I just have to hope it's a small enough number of people to not affect the rest of us for the next four years.

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  18. 1) I approve the use of my name in the post title.
    2) I posted on Twitter the other day asking for men who think it was "just locker room talk" to let me know if it would be just as OK if it had been a tape of Hillary saying that she just starts kissing attractive men - she can't help it! And that she can just go up and grab them by the balls because she's famous. Strangely, despite a lot of retweets, not a single man replied to say that would be fine. Huh.

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  19. I had a busy day and just read this. Spot on as usual. Trump is inhumane. Too many support him. My big issues are women's health care and gun control and equality for all. GOP sucks on all of those issues. I am still in disbelief on this whole DT horror.
    The universe will not allow it.
    Thanks for putting into words how I feel.
    Love. Your. Momma.

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  20. What really infuriates me is to hear other women justify his words by saying "well how is it any different than you reading 50 Shades". Absurd. That is such an ignorant comparison. One is a canidate for president and another is fiction...FICTION. What he said is not locker room banter and if he thinks so then that is another problem. The fact that people can be so flipant about it drives me crazy. I want to scream at them. I wish they would take a moment and just imagine what it would feel like to be a victim of sexual assault and then have it be brushed off, and not just brushed off but considered okay by some. I hope that all men would stop another man in his tracks if he said the things that Trump said. Him abusing his power to go backstage at Miss Universe is also disgusting. I hope, pray, and vote that he will not be the victor come November 8. Thank you for writing this post.

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  21. All of the praise hand emojis.

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  22. I agree... that message shouldn't be taken lightly from any man and especially not the president of America setting standards...we need standards...and his idea of making America great again is fucked up.

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  23. I shared your post in my post I just published.
    So, I 100% get the point your making about we as women being someone regardless to our relationship to another. But, I also think relationships are important. Of course they are. So, I keep going back and forth trying to be able to articulate that I am not offended if someone says that I'm someone's sister, daughter, wife, step-mother, friend, etc. But, in stating that relationship to assume that is my only worth, well, that does offend me. Obviously, I'm still working on how to articulate my feelings on this topic.

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    1. Fuck! I used "your" when "you're" should've been used. Fuckin' hell.

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  24. We are a very anti-Trump household and when we went out to dinner a few nights ago with (older) friends, we discovered a "Make America Great Again" cap and I almost dieeeeeeddddd. I kinda knew they were Trump supporters, but we found the hat hilarious. I had Teh German put it on and I took his picture, but before he would allow me to take the photo, he made the caveat that it was not allowed to go on the internet and I had to tell him that I would never put something in such bad taste on the internet since we'd both be afraid that people would take him seriously.

    His family in Germany often asks about the election and I can't even respond because it's so embarrassing and frustrating. We shouldn't even be having this conversation because Trump is a joke. He was a joke well before this whole election thing and I cannot comprehend how this is still happening. The US is such a joke to the rest of the world right now because of this Troll. I just.. I can't.

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  25. he is unsure if grabbing women by the genitals is sexual assault - EXCUSE ME?!

    people comparing this shit to someone reading 50 shades is complete and utter bullshit. everything about trump is absolute bullshit. it's times like these i wish i could vote.

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  26. Yes! Thank you! Also, I love, love, love this, "I'm not asking someone to treat us equally because of who we are in relation to them anymore. I'm asking them to treat us equally because we are someone." It was driving me crazy hearing different men referencing their daughters and wives as the reason why Trumps words upset them. You should just be upset because that is an absolutely vulgar way to talk about another human being. Period.

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  27. Interesting that we're back to this a year later and the arguments today from the Trump supporters still blame the woman and compare Bill to suit their need as long as the orange one is kept on their pedestal.

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Tell me what you think, leave a comment! I'll reply to you via email if you have an email associated with yourself, otherwise, check back here for my reply. Thank you and good day. I SAID GOOD DAY.

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