Friday, May 15, 2015

I'm the person who...

I was going to be snarky today, but then I thought fuck it, it's Friday, ain't nobody got time for that. I've had the commute from hell all week, and I don't feel like it. I also don't feel like doing any actual writing because again, it's Friday. Instead I'll do a little about me like the one I did last July, and hope that you tell me some stuff about you in the comments. Because as my BFF Debbie says, sharing is caring. I'm the person who...

Is wary of women who have no girlfriends.

Takes photos of food. Unapologetically.

Will leave the ice cube on the floor if it drops in my house...but not in yours. 

Has to close the shower curtain if you leave it open.

Hates fake ass bitches.

Thinks heels feel like jail for my feet.

Has no problem saying no.

Dislikes perfectly choreographed photos. The current Instagram trend of posed photos on white backgrounds is not real life unless you live in Stepford. It looks the same as everyone else who's doing!

Allows profanity to pepper my speech with no plans to correct it.

Always seems to be the one to replace the toilet paper roll. How does that happen?

When asked when I'm having kids, will ask an equally personal question in response. Loudly. Along the lines of how are you making out with your chlamydia? I'm not nice when I have to remind people of the boundaries. Don't poke the bear.

Feels the urge to laugh at inappropriate times, like during funerals. Nervous reflex.

Manages my expectations.

Loves birthdays - mine, yours. My BFF Jenn's today.
Has a definite opinion on most things and no problem letting you know what it is.

Goes to the tourist spots. They're popular for a reason.

Successfully grows flowers outside but kills every blessed house plant.

Embraces my inner Grimace for Put on Purple Day for Lupus Awareness in honor of my good friend Marla of Luck Fupus. It's today! Get your purple on, upload a photo of your gear, and tag @marlajan on Instagram or Twitter. Use the hashtags #luckfupus #knowlupus #POP
Marla at last year's Lupus Day in Love Park - we went yesterday too, along with her husband and sister Brie!
What about you? Tell me some tidbits.
 photo green_zpsc25796d6.png


  1. I was just complaining about the perfectly staged Instagram trend of flat lays with white backgrounds. I tried it for 3-4 days and then got SO incredibly bored by it. I don't understand the appeal. All the pictures are the same.

  2. I don't have any girlfriends, I guess because I have trouble meeting women who I can relate to. I am somewhat solitary in real life, outside of my husband. You seem like the type of woman who I would get along with more, haha.

    My husband and I have decided not to have children, but even if we wanted them, I would hate any questions about the subject. It is nobody's business. And from what I have seen, people often get more nosy and busybody-ish when you do have a kid. They act like self-proclaimed experts because they had one themselves....constantly telling you what you "should" do, feel, or think. Ugh. I think I would end up punching a few parents if I became a parent myself.

  3. i could have written this myself!

    i don't follow IGs with perfect pics because hello, that's not real life. the fat jewish IG, now that's real life LOL.

    i will call out people on their bullshit, honk my horn and follow you if you're driving like a dick in front of me and ram the shit out of your cart at the grocery store if you act like you own the place and leave your shit everywhere!

  4. I too have to pulled closed shower curtains if they're open. Just a habit, plus who wants to see all the shit in there anyways.

    And who the hell do people think they are asking about your fertility status and if you're having kids. Unless I know you well, it's not of your fucking business and how dare you be so rude to ask such a personal thing. What if I couldn't have kids? That might be a sore spot of you ask it to the wrong question. It's just so personal and inappropriate to ask someone.

    Have a good Friday. I'm glad my busier than hell week at work is coming to a close soon ... Now I count the hours ...

  5. We share the whole white background posed pictures issue, people need to stop. I am the girl who will choose to stay home and read than have to put on real pants. But I am also the girl who will want to be outdoors hiking when the weather is really nice. I hate that people feel it necessary to ask others about their reproduction, it's none of their business.

  6. Jmj just typed a whole reply and it made me log in! Love how my chickens are unique and similar, as are you and I. #keepbeingyou This was a fun read. Happy weekend!
    Happy birthday to our Striker on the other side.
    Love, your Momma

  7. OMG me too with the shower curtain. I'm convinced that it will make the liner get moldy or mildewy or something if I don't close it. Also, no one needs to see the 1008+ upside down bottles of shampoo and body wash I have in there that I'm trying to use up. :)

    Also, when I read the part about people asking you if you're having kids I ALMOST SPIT OUT MY DIET COKE. I legit laughed out loud at work. Brava!

  8. I'm the same way with the shower curtain! My boyfriend refuses to close it and I think he wants my head to explode. I'm with you on the choreographed photos too. I haven't worn heels once in the four years that I moved to Austin, and my feet love me for it. I don't think that I ever will again.

  9. hahahaha i am going to use the chlamydia line next time someone asks me about kids. so rude!!
    i love touristy spots too. no shame in my tourist game. i also laugh at inappropriate moments. i got suspended from school once because i couldn't stop laughing in the principal's office.

  10. I love Grimace so much. I am perplexed at you leaving ice cubes on the ground.

  11. I kick the ice cube under the fridge at home.
    I curse but say Pardon my French. I love the response to the reproductive question.
    Love, your Momma. Again

  12. And here we just thought you really, really liked the word "ducking..."

    Tourist spots are fun! Mostly on Tuesdays, though. I am not a fan of waiting for my overpriced attraction, thanks.

    Now that you mention it, I'm a stickler for the closed shower curtain, too. Since we moved, we have a stand-up shower so my obsession has moved to making sure the last person in uses the squeegy (which, like you with the toilet paper, always seems to be me).

    Perhaps with you on board publicly, this white background nonsense will cease... though I doubt it.

  13. I too love tourist spots, so fun! I'm so happy I'm not alone when it comes to make sure that the shower curtain is closed. It's like a pet peeve of mine. It needs to be closed, always! ha! Have a great weekend.

  14. I understand women who just moved or something, but I will never trust a women who says 'I have no female friends' or 'I only get along with guys' like it's a badge of honor. It's not. It means you're a snake, because I'm friendly as hell and I'll talk to anyone. So if you can't even be friends with ME, the girl who chats up strangers in line for the bathroom, you're really no good.
    Open shower curtains look messy and also mold. Gross.
    Love the chlamydia line, that's hilarious.
    NO MORE WHITE. I cannot take it. It's so fake and boring, just like everyone else. Give me dogs and dirt and colors and even cups of coffee - just not more white.

  15. I'm so with you on a lot of this. Especially the girls with no girlfriends and posed instagram photos.

  16. Maybe it makes me an asshole, but I've lately found myself really disillusioned with bloggers/instagrammers who very clearly stage every photo. I mean, I appreciate that you don't want to post the grainy, dark, annoying pictures that I can't even tell what they're of, but enough with the fake life. Take a photo, run it through a filter if you have to, but enough with the posing and staging of every single element of your life. I feel like I want to start one of those Dove "campaign for real beauty" campaigns for instagram/blogs.

  17. Oh my, I basically could have written this post myself!!!! Except I don't know how I am with houseplants yet. Time will tell. I am not liking my odds. And OMG with the fake photos already!!!!! Some of my favorite bigger bloggers are so damn fake now with their fake photos and posts to go with them that it is driving me insane. Can't we all just go back to real life?

    I am the person that goes with the flow. I hate picking a restaurant. Speaking of restaurants, I have to look up the menu before I go to have an idea of what I will order because I get overwhelmed and have a hard time picking something. I get buyers remorse if I didn't take more than five minutes to decide if I want something or not. And I am that dog mom that will say something if you let your kids torture my dog. That is not ok. You dont see me poking my finger in your kids eye or pulling on their pony tail...keep that shit under control!!

  18. Maybe we're the only ones who can see the toilet roll? Because I seem to have this problem.... Maybe it has an invisibility cloak... I'm the person who will get up in the middle of the night and shave my legs if I wake up a feel a hair poking me... because I can't forget about it until it stops happening. I'm the person that will complain all night about being hot but have to have a comforter over me otherwise I can't sleep (drives my husband mad. TAKE THE COVERS OFF. I CAN'T. WHY NOT? I DON'T KNOW. I CAN'T SLEEP WITHOUT THEM).

  19. You have me cracking up...I also get pretty annoyed when people ask me about having kids like it's their business or body/life for that matter. I should use your response moving forward instead of basically telling them to fuck off. I agree with the staged IG photos. Just why?

  20. These were all so great. I hate staged photos on Instagram. Not just individuals, but photos of a sofa with a throw, tray and martini glasses, with the caption "just going to watch netflix and lounge on the sofa". yeah, ok.

    1. I try to keep things neat, but does it ever look precise? Extremely rarely.

  21. I'm definitely wary of women with no girlfriends. They always end up being the crazy one(s) on the Bachelor.

    I'm the person who can't stand to have unread email messages, makes me anxious and crazy. And, when I see people whose phone mail icon shows they have hundreds of unread emails, that makes me anxious too.

  22. I kid you not, I was thinking about upcoming posts I wanted to do yesterday while I waited for the train and one along the lines I thought of was like 'people not to trust...' and women who have NO girlfriends was front and center on my list. It's soooo true. BE WARY.

    I like food photos, I never understand the problem with why people hate them. Unless the food looks like puke.

    Your response to the child comment is hilarious, lol.

    I wear heels here and there but I'm WAY into wedges these days. I made the switch with the majority of my shoes - but not all- and my feet are generally happier. However, I really hate flats. I have weird shaped feet and I swear they're hard for me to walk in!

    Great post and fun to read. I love how you said you didn't want to post something negative and then you were super snarky in some of these ha! The best.

  23. "Do not poke the bear." --I'm right there with you! I get super po'ed when people (particularly coworkers) ask me about having kids, or tell me I "need to before it's too late"; back off and mind your own damn business.

    I gave up on heels last year and will only wear them for special occasions. Now that's it's spring the wedges will come back though, because they're comfortable.

    I'm the person who will help others whenever I can, gets angry when a friend doesn't respond to a text but I see you posting all over social media, and does not play well with others before coffee.

  24. haha hates fake ass bitches. yes to all of this. why wouldn't I go to the touristy spots. HELLO. people are weird.

  25. THANK YOU to the Instagram comment. It's not real life! It's boring! Just take a freakin' photo and share something with us... don't spend an hour making it "perfect" because I don't like it!!!! I always close the shower curtain too- my thought is, hey I picked this thing out and it's cute, it needs displayed in all it's glory!!!

  26. Yessss to tourist spots! When traveling, I am a tourist so of course I'm going to hit up the popular touristy spots as crowded as they may be. And ugghhhhh so tired of all the perfectly staged instagram pictures, and what bothers me even more are all the fan-girls eating up

    Happy Friday girl! Hope you have a better commute next week ;-)

  27. I'm the person who can't be friends with someone if they say they don't watch TV at all. It's lame but, come on, I watch crappy TV shows and I want to discuss them! I tend to leave ice cubes on the floor too and then I'll curse the puddle of water that I slip on later. Hope you have a great weekend!

  28. HAHA omg 'How's your chlamidia?' I died. I have a HUGE problem saying No to people and also in telling them off when they ask me highly personal questions. I'm just going to give them your number from now on. I check that my door is locked at LEAST 5x before I go to bed every night. I feel like it's a weird OCD ritual?!

  29. Um, I'm the same exact person as you! Except I already have kids, but I still hate questions like that for myself (when are you getting married, when are you having kids...) and anyone else. Let people live their lives! I was JUST thinking about the toilet paper roll thing yesterday because I put a new one on in all three bathrooms in the past two days. But yes, yes, yes to Instagram, tourist spots, heels, profanity, shower curtain, etc.

  30. Ask Scott about the full on WAR we had over the shower curtain because he can't close it. He knows better now.

    The staged photos make me crazy. I can't take them. I also leave ice cubes on my floor because I know Dobie will scoop it up so I don't have to bend down. He's so considerate and polite. A true gentleman.

  31. i leave ice cubes too. my dog will take care of it. boom. problem solved. i'm the person who doesn't get the hype around pitch perfect, frozen, or star wars. i do love my insta pics but they take all of 10 seconds. throw em on a rug or the floor and DONE! anything else is just ridiculous. hope your weekend is as lovely as you!

  32. Heels are definitely jail for ones feet - I wear super comfy ones and usually kitten heels. :) Haha i love profanity and cursing - I think c*nt is a great word. I never have issues saying no- my family knows this very well. :) Have a great weekend Stephanie! -Iva

  33. Thank you for the instagram comment. Seriously I felt so lame since I never bother with filters and mostly just post pictures of my kiddo...and selfies with no touch ups....I just don't have the patience to stage it all! I also am the only that that changes the toilet paper roll...that seems statistically wrong somehow.....

  34. I pepper my vocab with lots of colorful words, like yesterday, my work momma and I decided the word of the day was fuck. Because we could. Also, yes please just stop with the stepford pictures!

  35. Yes to all of this! I stopped apologizing for food pics a long time ago. Don't care. I hate when people say "How are you not dating anyone yet???" I like to follow it up with "I don't know, I can't believe you're still married!!!" Now kindly fuck off. No more staged white background pics!!! It's not a Picasso in a museum, it's an over priced pos you bought on on Etsy for God's sake!

  36. You had me at "How are you making out with your chlamydia?" This... this is why I love you.

    Thanks for the grimmace love! <3

  37. I think I'm in the minority of liking both the real and staged Instagram pictures. I mean, let's be real, the staged ones are more aesthetically pleasing but the real life ones have more substance. I like a healthy mix of both and definitely feel like you get to know the person more from the real than the staged.
    I swear like a sailor and make no apologies for it.
    Love the kids comment. I need a good snarky one like that for when I get that question.
    Also if you're traveling somewhere and being a tourist, why wouldn't you go to the tourist spots? Like you said, there's a reason people go to them.

  38. haha, love this! and the "don't poke the bear" comment. it used to never bother me when people asked and then when Dave and I started having issues conceiving I realized just how ridiculously personal the question is.

  39. Great post! I love that you're a no-holds-bar gal! So great you ask equally personal questions when people ask if you're having kids!!!!!!!!!

  40. I am CONSTANTLY shutting the shower curtain because Pete leaves it open. I like it open right after to air it out but not all the time - looks messy!
    Also, the toilet paper. Ditto. Once I was so annoyed that I just shook myself dry so that Pete would be forced to change it when he took his after coffee poop. THAT'LL TEACH HIM!


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