Friday, August 26, 2011

In the name of all that is holy, consult a grammar guide.

Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their. They're putting their books right there.
2. your, you're. You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.
3. lose, loose. You lose games. Your clothing is loose.
4. quite, quiet. The evening was quite quiet.
5. to, too. You're too nice to her.
6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally fucking insane. When you address something to people, it is The Smiths, not The Smith's. Your family's home can sleep 12, so a few families can stay there. Capisce? Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something.

7. Cutesy spellings. Nite. Lite. No.
8. The is a word that has no abbreviation. Da is not a form or abbreviation of the. Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. If you don't feel like typing out "shut the fuck up," abbreviate that in a text, not are/the/to. Carry on.

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to Hurricane Irene coverage and the corresponding facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,



  1. Thank you, bless you, amen, etc. etc. etc.

    Love, Your Friend the Editor


  2. Hallelujah!

    It is sad that the up & coming generation has no idea how to spell properly or articulate their thoughts clearly because they're so accustomed to text & email and there abbreviations and fragments are the norm. I now understand why my Business Communications professor was such a stickler for spelling & grammar. (Bonus points for not sounding like a moron in professional communications).

  3. while i fail at never capitalizing when i post online, i do agree with everything else you have said. i hate that shit.

  4. Preach it, sister! I could not agree more.

  5. I always wondered how to spell capisce. Thanks, Steph!

    Great post, I laughed out loud (and I am not going to insert a smiley face here).


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