The older the fiddle, the sweeter the tune - Irish Proverb. Alternate title: Happy Birthday MFD!

(Posting this on 8/31, the birthday eve, since we will be at the shore tomorrow on the actual day)

Happy 34th birthday to my friend of 21 years and my husband of 341 days. Life is a grand adventure with you.

So cute. Disregard the white ear, I don't have patience to fiddle with PhotoShop to fix the scan.

Who is MFD? Michael Francis Doyle Jr. is loving, happy, funny, silly, interesting, zany, likeable, welcoming, inclusive, inquisitive, joyful, spontaneous, unique, and curious. He is a people person. He is a master of The Grand Gesture and The Surprise. He constantly whistles a melodious tune without realizing it. He is kind to everyone even when they don't deserve it. He truly is a kid at heart.

He knows history and politics and loves reading about, watching and researching both. He's a staunch democrat and works to help candidates out around election time. He subscribes to Time Magazine. His favorite channels are Discovery, Weather, History, and National Geographic. His favorite movie is Big, with the Star Wars movies and Braveheart close behind.

He's in that rare class of people who both love their job and are great at what they do. He loves helping friends find homes that suit them perfectly, and he's really good at it. I think I was his worst client and he was very patient and kind to me. I was a raving lunatic during our house hunt. tra la la la laaaaaaa

He is a great musician. He appreciates all kinds of music. He sings and plays the sax. He's a mummer.  

He is Clark Griswold at Christmas. He resembles Bill Clinton. He usually forgets underwear on vacation. He is murder on cell phones. He eats Carvel ice cream cake every year for his birthday. His favorite meal growing up was his mom's salmon casserole. He loves the ocean. He loves fishing. He's an excellent swimmer. He does line dances at weddings. At parties he often disappears and reappears in a ridiculous outfit or someone else's clothes.

Thank you Evan Leslie for this portrait of MFD in Michelle's dress after a wedding.

He likes his kitchen to hold Oreos, fruit snacks, Ellio's pizza, Kraft mac & cheese, Chicken in a Biscuit and Ritz crackers, EZ Cheese, Tostitos queso, neapolitan ice cream, Ring Dings, Combos, gummy bears, Life cereal, and twizzlers. He is a very good, creative cook. He makes excellent seafood, specifically scallops in a blush sauce.

He can't and won't be rushed - he does things on Michael F'ing Doyle time. He's meticulous about his clothes and irons every day but keeps casual t-shirts until they are as soft and holey as woobies.

He talks to our dogs in a made up language.

He makes me laugh even when I don't want to. He drives me crazy. He allows me my moods, over-organizing and cleaning behaviors and embraces my Randy the slug episodes. He never asks me to shovel snow. He always outdoes me on Christmas gifts. He gets up and lets the dogs out every morning even though I'm already up just so I don't have to get up even a minute earlier. He is my opposite in so many ways and brings so many things to my life that I wouldn't have otherwise.

He is not perfect. I am not perfect. Together we are not perfect. Together we are simply us, and that is perfect for me.

On his birthday I felt like listing what I love about him, which is a million little things...the preferences, penchants, and idiosyncracies that make him who he is. I couldn't find a Hallmark card that did that. Get on that, Hallmark.

Happy birthday lovey. Enjoy your day in the sun.

Singing an off-key happy birthday to MFD,

SMD

And then came Gus.

Before MFD and I got Gus in October 2005, I was not a dog person, and I wanted you to get your dog off of me thankyouverymuch.

One of my best friends growing up always had a house full of dogs (hello Van Schoycks!), and I basically said loudly "Get away dogs!" every time I stepped through their door, which was quite often. I didn't get it. Yes nice nice dog tut tut I patted you now leave me be.

Then came Gus. Augustus Fred Mellor Doyle to be exact.

There were two males in the litter. We drove to the middle of nowhere to pick which one we wanted instead of having the breeder pick for us. MFD is always very quick to remind me that he picked Gus. I picked Non-Gus because Gus Gus bit a hole in my shirt and scratched me while Non-Gus slept peacefully in my arms. This is one time (possibly the only time in history?) that I'm happy I didn't get my way.


He chose Gus.

The day we brought Gus home, he attended a block party at Michelle and Jamie McKnight's house where he peed on the rug and was fawned over like a furry Jesus. 

Gus at the McKnight Block Party - October 2005

Gus was supposed to sleep in his crate that night and every night. MFD put him in there, listened to him cry for one minute, and took him out. Gus has been getting his way ever since. As a puppy, he wreaked havoc on our apartment. Geege joined us in May 2007 and let's just say the inmates run the asylum.  

Geege's first weekend with us - May 2007

Gus is a royal, lazy, stubborn, jealous, snuggly, snoring and farting machine who loves his bones and toys and will insinuate himself anywhere he wants to be, at any time. Geege is a neurotic, sensitive, soulful, energetic, protective, happy, loving guy who loves to frolic and run both on-leash and off and is scared shitless of thunderstorms, firecrackers and loud noises in general. They make us laugh every day. MFD speaks to them in some made up language I've heard for six years and still don't understand.

And they've made me into a dog person. I can't imagine being without one, ever. Or being without these two specifically, even though they howl at me until I make it inside the house, are constantly underfoot and have even sent me flying down the stairs (I'm talking about YOU, Gus), sometimes mark things inside, bark like demons at passerby when I'm trying to hear the TV, leave hair everywhere, and cost a lot of money. They are a flipping mess and I adore them. They are part of our family. When you walk in, they bumrush you and I don't pull them away. I'm that asshole dog owner. They're excited to see you, says the former non-dog person.

If you had any lingering doubts on how much we consider them part of our family, see below. They were in our wedding, for crap's sake.

Find the dogs.

So why the dog love today? Today is Gussie's sixth birthday. Happy birthday Gussie! Wet food and an extra long walk for all dogs today. MFD's birthday is Thursday, and a few years ago I took this photo which makes me laugh every time I see it:

Three of my favorites in party hats with dog prints on them. What's not to love?

Perpetually covered in dog hair and dealing with it,

SMD

p.s. Dear smug dog trainer from around the block walking your enormous perfectly behaved robot dogs and smirking at me as my two small dogs jackass around like nobody's business: Suck it.

In the name of all that is holy, consult a grammar guide.

Particularly in these instances:

1. they're, there, their. They're putting their books right there.
2. your, you're. You're going to regret not bringing your umbrella.
3. lose, loose. You lose games. Your clothing is loose.
4. quite, quiet. The evening was quite quiet.
5. to, too. You're too nice to her.
6. Incorrect use of plural and possessive forms. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, you are an offender. This drives me totally fucking insane. When you address something to people, it is The Smiths, not The Smith's. Your family's home can sleep 12, so a few families can stay there. Capisce? Possessive form of a noun indicates that the noun owns something, so if you use that apostrophe, the noun better be in possession of something.

7. Cutesy spellings. Nite. Lite. No.
8. The is a word that has no abbreviation. Da is not a form or abbreviation of the. Don't use it. I'm serious.

9. If you can type out gr8t, you can surely type out great. The same goes for 2 - it's just one keystroke less than to. R instead of are saves you 1.5 seconds. It also makes you look stupid. If you don't feel like typing out "shut the fuck up," abbreviate that in a text, not are/the/to. Carry on.

10. Compose texts and emails as if you're speaking out loud to someone. If you say it out loud and it's reminiscent of sounding out words when you learned to read, stop. Start again.

Take your time. Think about what you're saying. Express yourself intelligently. Make your kids do the same. When you're not sure how to write or spell something, look it up in a reference guide or on the world wide web.

You may now return to Hurricane Irene coverage and the corresponding facebook status updates.

Grammatically yours,

SMD

Let's have a coffee and catch up, hmm?

1. MFD finally got his beloved Keurig to kick off his birthday celebration. I no longer have to hear his sales pitch that goes a little something like this: "You know, Keurig always makes a perfect cup of coffee. And it really is convenient. I'd drink more coffee at home and not buy it daily. " Repeat a few times nightly.
                                                                                                   


2. I saw this sky after I made the Keurig purchase. There have been hellious storms and really weird skies recently. ET phone home.

3. Thanks to a tip from Mimi Garcia, I went to Le Dollar Store and purchased plastic baskets in various sizes. I organized the shit out of my freezers (I have a top/bottom in the basement and a side/side in the kitchen. Side/side pic is below) and underneath my bathroom vanities. This photo doesn't do it justice, but take my word for it: nothing is falling out when you open the door, like is with like, and there was much harmony throughout the land. This has sent me off on a reorganizing tangent throughout the house. The man and dogs are none-to-pleased with the uproar. Martha Stewart on the cheap. You know you want to.

4. Geege is super scared of thunderstorms. Tara  lent us her dog's thundershirt so we could try it. We weren't home when he wore it Sunday, but since there was a huge pile of turds on the dining room floor to greet us when we returned, I'm not counting on it as a success. I'll give it another try, but my thumb is leaning down. Sorry for the pink Geege. Dazey is a girl.

5. Gus doesn't give a rat's ass about thunderstorms, but he doesn't like to be left out. This is his "No photos please ok wait yes take it, I love my fans!" look.

6. And finally:

• Pine-Sol smells awesome, I want to clean everything with it.
• My BFF Lil Kim is back from a fabulous trip to Africa. I missed her so!
• Is it September 14 yet? Vacation, I've caught your intoxicating scent blowing up from the south.
• Why can't I buy the correct replacement lightbulb unless I have the actual bulb with me? I suck at lightbulbs.

Randomly yours on this beautiful Monday,

SMD

Crabtopia

We spent the weekend in Chester, MD, visiting our good friends Meem and Doug. We had a lovely and relaxing time. It's  insane that we don't visit them more often since 1. We love to hang out with them 2. it's an easy, quick drive 3. crabs. Not the gross kind either, dirtbags. These glorious lovelies:

The crab that walks too far falls into the pot ~ Haitian Proverb

Meem's parents live on Cox Creek and have a dock that you can fish and crab from, and instead of just setting traps Doug & MFD actually crabbed on Saturday with bait and nets. Meem has been crabbing since she was in the womb so she lent a hand. I observed and was a lazy asshole. Crabbing butts pictured below.

Lucky for us, Meem and Doug picked crabs in advance. This weekend's menu included:

• Meem's muffins (bacon cheddar mixture on an english muffin, baked in the oven to savory deliciousness) with fresh crab mixed in. Superb.
• Crab cakes. Meem's mom's recipe. No filler, fresh crab. I ate it then died.
• Crab fried rice. Again, so good you could drop dead and be happy because you just ate it.
• Steamed freshly caught crabs supplemented with a dozen from Mr. B's.

Holy shitskies, people. Really. Everything was phenomenal. Meem is a fabulous cook and Meem and Doug are wonderful hosts. And they sent us home with crabs, homemade frozen egg rolls, and figs freshly picked from Meem's mom's trees. Oh happy day.

Also:
1. Friday night we left our house at 11:15 p.m. and had a totally bizarre full moon ride that was a cross between Adventures in Babysitting sans kids, Pleasantville sans time travel and Back to the Future sans flux capacitor. Doo doo doo doo.
2. I learned how to make egg rolls at the hand of the master (Mimi). Everyone who comes to a gathering at our house within the next year, expect to have egg rolls made by moi.
3. The drive home on Sunday was made in almost two hours of awful white knuckler rain, the worst I've ever driven through for such a long duration. Yikes.

And that was the weekend that was. Sunday night blues, commence.

Crabfully yours,

SMD

p.s. I cannot say crab without saying FRab. Someone's kid said that when they were little. Who was it?
p.p.s. I cannot say crab without picturing one singing.

Image property of Disney