Show Us Your Books - January 2019

I don't know about you but I am planning on getting hygge with it this month and reading the shit out of a lot of books. My kindle is overloaded with Netgalley and books I've collected but never read from Amazon, my library hold list is pulsating through the ether, and my owned but never read bookshelf is sagging in the middle. Let us begin, 2019 reading year. 

I kicked it off by reading five books and a short story in the last six days. My brain is spread through five countries, more than six states, speaking in various accents, and existing in different eras. I sort of love it. 

But first what I've been reading since the last linkup on December 11, so some 2018 reads still on here but a few 2019 as well. As usual title links to goodreads, buy links to Amazon and it costs you nothing to buy through them and gets me pennies, which I use to run this linkup.

Engrossing Reads
Verity by Colleen Hoover - Read this, immediately. This actually appeared on my Favorites of 2018 list before it even appeared on a regular SUYB. So here it is. I picked this recommendation up from Maya on IG and this is why I like when people share what they're reading on IG, especially if it's a MUST READ NOW. I borrowed it for free from Amazon's Lending Library, which I didn't even know was a thing. Now I do. E-copy, borrowed from Amazon. Buy kindle / buy paperback

Never Tell (Detective D.D. Warren #10) by Lisa Gardner - When I requested this from Netgalley, I had no idea it was a series. I didn't know until I was about 30% in and logged on to Goodreads to add it as currently reading. I'd never knowingly jump into a series but I freaking loved it. I was reminded that the same thing happened with my first foray into the Kate Burkholder series - I jumped that one late too and went back and started at one. I liked the characters in this so I'll probably do that here too. Free e-copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Book comes out on February 19. Pre-order kindle / pre-order hardcover

Evidence of the Affair by Taylor Jenkins Reid - A short story. I read this on the train on the way into work Friday morning because I forgot the library book I wanted to start and didn't want to start a whole new book on the kindle. I liked it but as usual with short stories, I wanted it to be, you know, a full one. Does anyone else feel like a short story should only be counted as half of a book if you're counting books you've read? Free with prime on kindle Buy kindle

How to Walk Away by Katherine Center - I've seen this one floating around for a while. The first few pages I was like ehh I am not going to like this but I did. I loved pretty much everything about it and I finished it with my heart in my throat.

Philly library hardback. Buy kindle / buy hard cover

Passed the Time Just Fine

 The Wedding Guest (Alex Delaware #34) by Jonathan Kellerman - That's right, 34. I've read 34 books in this series. I love the characters. The stories themselves are a little watered down by this point but I will always read them. Free e-copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. 

The Latecomers by Helen Klein Ross - This book was super fucking sad on many fronts. I liked the writing but it was a lot of stuff from the past that was not cool and you wish you could forget about but shouldn't because some of it is in fact still happening and it'll never stop if you don't think about it because it makes you feel sad or mad. Did that make any sense? I'm tired. Philly library, hardback 

In Her Bones by Kate Moretti - The premise of this is great, the execution just okay. I wanted to skim a lot which is never a great sign. Philly library, hardback

The Favorite Daughter by Kaira Rouda - Like her other book, Best Day Ever, but the narcissistic main character is female. Quick read, passable, not my favorite, although she does do the narcissist quite well. Free e-copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Book comes out May 21, 2019

Golden Child by Claire Adam - This book was slow slow slow then crash and burn in a horrible train accident you can't look away from type  of way in the last like 20% of it. I liked it, but I could not get on board with a major choice that was the pivotal point of the book and how it ended. I don't want to be nice about it and talk in literary terms, I want to rail against the chooser and judge the shit out of him. Free e-copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. Book comes out on January 29. 

An Act of Villainy by Ashley Weaver - This was on Audrey's favorites of 2018 list and I picked it up on a whim. It's the fifth in a series but I don't feel the need to go back and read the others. However I did enjoy this one. I like the main character, Amory, quite a bit. I will probably read more in the future. Not exactly a cozy mystery but sort of along those lines? I liked it and read it in a few hours. Philly library hardback

The Witch Elm by Tana French - I'm a fan of the Dublin Murder Squad books. This one is quite different but it was fine despite not liking the main character at all. Well fine except the last 1/4 of the book...I felt like French threw everything but the kitchen sink into this book and while it was cleverly tied together quite a bit of it was just unnecessary and a reach. As a lot of her books are, this book was about 75 pages thicker than need be. Philly library hardback

Not Worth It
n/a

Did Not Finish

Remember Me by Daisy White - Do you ever start a book and hate it on instinct for absolutely no reason? That was this book. Then within like five minutes I had an actual reason and within 10 another. Free ARC from Netgalley, I couldn't do it. 

What have you been reading? 

Linkup Guidelines:

This link up is the second Tuesday of every month. The next linkup is February 12, 2019 

1. Visit and comment with both of your hosts, Jana & me
2. Display the button and/or link back to us on your blog post
3. Visit other blogs & talk books

INLINKZ SCHEDULE BULLSHIT HAPPENING. Link up will be open at noon. 

Inlinkz Link Party

TWTW - the one to be still

Friday Laundry, leftovers, and lounging with a book. Our living room ottoman arrived and I love it. I'm so glad we rearranged the room and pulled my favorite chair out from the corner where it has languished, hidden, for two years. It gets much more use now. 

Saturday Bruce's turn for his royal portrait. I washed sheets, towels, and dog beds; painted my nails (OPI Purple Palazzo Pants); booked some weeks at the shore with renters; had a plumber come in to fix the kitchen sink leak; read; caught the super sunset after a day of rain; and unknowingly did a face mask with Debbie at the same time, just over the phone. 

Sunday I did some food prep and eased into the day - I was up late reading Sunday night - and had plans to purge drawers but my energy level was not there. I'm frustrated with this long walking pneumonia recovery. So you get more dog photos. You'll get those most of the winter because this weekend is my winter plans in summary. Sunday night we watched the second half of the Golden Globes. 

Weekly food prep: power breakfast muffins to freeze, soup from the freezer for lunch, breakfast burritos to freeze, dinners are chicken thighs in the crock with homemade cream of mushroom soup (that is the slop pictured, delicious slop) over rice with green beans and pasta with sauce (will make later this week, sauce from freezer). 

See you here tomorrow for Show Us Your Books! 

Motivating Children: The Carrot or Stick?

Good morning and happy Friday - did the title give away that my friend Jessie wrote this article and not me? One of my favorite roles on this earth is Aunt Steph but I never regret my decision not to have kids and not to become a teacher as was my original plan in life. Without further ado...

Image credit

When it comes to motivating children, it can be a challenge.  There are two types of motivation, extrinsic and intrinsic.

Extrinsic motivation is when a person is driven by external rewards such as food, or toys, and this is why you can find so many people searching for a list of toys for 7 year olds - because at this age, extrinsic motivation seems very effective in getting your child to do what you want them to do… but, this is essentially bribery, and the effects are rather short lived.

Plus, it creates an expectation of unrealistic reward, which might hinder your child’s progress as they get older.

Intrinsic motivation, on the other hand, is motivation that comes from within the child. For instance, if you were to encourage the child to be the best they can be - and they acted on the basis of wanting to be the best they can be, rather than an extrinsic reward, at the end of it… they are motivated from the inside out.

This can create much higher self-esteem, but it should be noted that some parents accidentally condition their children to feel so motivated to “succeed” that the child feels they have to succeed in order to be loved.

Therefore, it’s important not to use “love” as a motivator in any motivation style.

Let’s now take a look at some of the best ways to motivate your children to succeed, with specific reference to the notion of the “carrot or stick” approach.

THE CARROT
You’ll have probably heard of the metaphor referring to the carrot or stick which describes the polar forces of motivation theory.

Think of a donkey that has a carrot dangled in front of him; he moves toward the carrot because he is moving toward the pleasure associated with the reward of that carrot.

THE  STICK
At the same time, the man leading the donkey has a stick, and therefore as the donkey  doesn’t want to be hit by the stick (i.e. punished) he keeps moving away from the pain associated with the stick.

MOVING AWAY FROM PAIN / TOWARD PLEASURE
In psychology there are two broad types of people when it comes to motivation theory; those that prioritize moving toward pleasure and those that prioritize moving away from pain.

Of course, most children have a mixture of both, but there is usually one predominant force that motivates a particular person.  Reflect on what tends to work best with your child, and use this to “speak their language” in terms of creating the motivation to take action.

Then frame your requests in a way that resonates with their motivation type.  For instance, one child might be more motivated by the punishment associated with not tidying their room (such as not being allowed to play out with his friends) whilst another child might be motivated by the reward of their favourite food for tea if they tidy their  room.

In this sense, you could use both forces and say if they tidy their room they will get food they love for dinner, and if not they will get food they enjoy much less.  This way, you are using both forces.

By applying both forces, you will be able to manage most children effectively.

***************
Are you motivated intrinsically or extrinsically? If you have kids, do they react better to moving toward pleasure or moving away from pain?

Thursday Thoughts - kiki, do you love me?

Sharing New Year's Day pics. Debbie and I had fun as always.

Wishing peace for the families and friends of the South Philly String Band members and their partners who died or were injured in a tragic New Year's Day accident. I can't imagine how they feel, as a person removed from it I was ill all day yesterday just thinking about it. I’m sad that our mutual friends are hurting, young lives were cut short, and families are left missing them forever. Your whole life can change in an instant. 

Speaking of your whole life can change in an instant...I'm hoping the murderer of seven year old Jazmine Barnes is caught, soon. If you are in Houston and surrounding areas, please share info and be on the lookout. Senseless acts of racist hatred must not go unmentioned. It's 2019. This has to stop. White people need to make it stop. Follow Shaun King for updates and action items. 

Sending Laura all the happy birthday wishes today. Love you forever!

Booking shore weeks for the summer. I have five weeks booked, six weeks + Memorial Day weekend available.

Buying nothing. Consume less, be more, and all that. I am in the market for one side table for the living room - I have attempted to put every other table in my house there and none are working - and a bathroom vanity for the shore and will be trolling thrift stores for those. A coat rack and ottoman for the living room arrive this weekend. Otherwise things will be considered as other things run out (I'll be evaluating what I use instead of just blindly repurchasing what might not be a necessity) or as needed and let me say aloud in public right now I don't need anything.

Spending nothing. Consume less, be more, and all that.

Focusing on getting my house in order over the next few months: purging to trash/sell/donate, organizing, lightening the physical load around the place, getting hygge with it. This was my plan last year too then a campaign came into the picture and all plans disappeared.

Hibernating...that's basically what the three points above add up to, right?

Thinking, when I do buy something, where I’m buying it from and who profits.

Fucking pumped for this House swearing in today. The most diverse House ever, and more to come in the future. Nancy, you need to deliver.

Enjoying my rearranged and brighter living room. The dogs are too.

Going to the Women's March in DC again this year. Last year I stuck to Philly. I'll be seeing Mimi who I haven't seen since the DC March in 2017 and Gena for the first time since my freaking wedding in 2010 and Gwen it's been like five years I think? Debbie and Melissa are coming too and it should be a productive Girls' Weekend with some of the people I love most on earth. Everything was planned and paid for and plane tickets booked early so our displeasure with anti-semitism from leaders will be on our signs and I've written to the March leaders. If you don't want to show up there, please continue showing up somewhere. Recognize that no movement or organization or candidate is going to be perfect. Don't let that stop you from showing up. Work to change things from the inside if you can. Do. Participate. Women need to step up, speak out, give each other space and grace but do what we can to work together because absolutely nothing is changing without us. We are the reasons the patriarchy still stands, we are the reason white supremacy still exists - we protect both systems, sometimes without even knowing it.

Listening to In My Feelings by Drake , well not actually listening as I’ve never heard the song all the way through. But I’m listening to it in my head and singing that one line out loud because I can’t get it out of my ear. My three year old niece sings it and it's a riot. I thought Debbie was going to tackle me to the ground numerous times over the weekend because I said kiki, do you love me out loud 76578866 times.

Reading:  Golden Child by Claire Adam courtesy of Netgalley. I'm hoping to walk over to the library today to pick up some books on hold. Show Us Your Books is Tuesday.

Reminding the world that what it feels like is more important than what it looks like.  

E-carding: I kid. I'm actually looking forward to being quiet this month, doing less, and recharging.

What's new with you?

Linking up with Kristen

Happy Mummers Day

Happy New Year! In Philadelphia, we’ll at least in this house and many houses we know, January 1 is more Mummers Day than New Year's Day.

What's a Mummer?
http://www.pennlive.com/life/2016/12/mummers_philadelphia_what_is.html

What type of Mummer is MFD? 
He's in The Joseph A. Ferko String Band. The String Bands are the last division to perform and Ferko goes up 14th out of 16 string bands. Their theme is The World Renowned Ferko Circus.

They are supposed to be on TV around 3:10 but the parade is typically running behind (live stream link below), so start checking in a little before 3:10 if you specifically want to see them or a little earlier if you want to catch all the string bands - it's quite a production with the music and the costumes and props; and a time honored tradition to put a good show out on the street on New Year's Day. REMEMBER TIMES ARE APPROXIMATE, PARADE RUNS BEHIND.

Today is MFD's 31st parade. Best of luck to him & Ferko and all of our framily in other bands.

For a guide of the 2019 parade, visit  
https://phl17.com/2018/12/21/2019-mummers-parade-order-of-march-and-themes/

http://www.mrmummer.com/blog/2018/11/2019-mummers-parade-guide/

http://www.philly.com/things-to-do/mummers-parade-philadelphia-route-start-time-road-closures-how-to-watch-20181227.html

Guide & street closures: https://philly.curbed.com/2018/12/28/18159058/2019-mummers-parade-guide-new-years-road-closure-route

To stream live - you cannot use Internet Explorer as your browser:
http://phl17.com/live/

Coverage begins at 9 am. Stringbands are on a lot later.

The parade will also be live on PHL17's facebook page.

To catch some shots on Instagram:
Philly Mummers String Band Association (@phillymummerssba)

As always, I will post a pic of MFD so you know what type of costume to look for if you watch the live stream (@lifeaccordingtosteph on Instagram).

Cheers!