Friday, May 11, 2012

I Don't Get It - Volume V

It's been a while.

What the shit is this? I don't get the super dark lip liner on the first shot with the super light lips - WHO does that? - or the poop brown face on the second that is a result of too much tanning and a money shot of bronze shoe polish every morning. The second one has to be fake, yes? Unfortunately the dark lip liner on the first is probably not. If you're wearing dark lip liner and very light or no lipstick, there are things we should discuss.


Natural deoderant. Why? Don't.

Taking photos of yourself  in your car. If you do this, please  caption your photo, "I look so awesome right now in my car that I had to take a photo and show you," because that's what the photo is saying. Is it because the lighting is good in the car? p.s. it's also good lighting for eyebrow tweezing. When stopped, of course.
Are the boobs a little weird in this shirt? 

How dog hair seems to multiply by the thousand in spring.

Passive aggressive status updates on facebook. If you have beef with someone, talk to them about it. If you must post about it on facebook, call them out by name. Don't post something to the effect of "I guess some people just don't value friendship like I do," or something equally lame. And no, I'm not talking about any of you in particular so don't be all "She's a hypocrite! p.s. Do you think she's talking about me?"

Why I feel guilty when I have the day off from work, like I'm playing hooky or doing something I shouldn't be doing. Work guilt is foolish. Yet another instance in life where I could learn a thing or two from Ferris Bueller. Danke Shoen, Ferris.


(Cr)Applebee's. I have literally never come away from a meal there without having dinareena. TMI? You asked for it by eating at Crapplebee's.

If MFD was writing this, his contribution would be: Why do you put your ipod on shuffle and then fast forward through songs? In the words of Bobby Brown, it's my prerogative.


Have a glorious weekend. I hope all you mommas out there treat yourselves well every day, but especially on Sunday.

1 comment:

  1. Ahhaha on the MFD saying about shuffle. I have to will myself not to fast forward. L


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