Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Don't fear the thirties

Jeep tour in Cozumel with Kim & Debbie less than a month after I turned 30
I've seen a lot of people creeping close to their thirties announcing the last years in their twenties and wondering how their thirties will treat them.

Honestly? Awesome, if you're like me and a lot of other people.

People seem to fear entering the thirties, like that's when you have to grow up. False. You have to start being responsible much younger than that. As for growing up, I hope a part of you never does. The things that are on the less glamorous side of being an adult - paying bills, people dying, physical aches and pains of aging, etc - those things are not the fault of the thirties, so don't lay that shit at this decade's feet. I have about eight months left in my thirties, and I have to say they've been amazing - huge highs and devastating lows, big life events and small changes that have led to me being the me-est me I've ever been.

I can't say I've hated any age, but the twenties were trying. I feel like I spent a lot of time spinning my wheels, reinventing the wheel, throwing the wheel up against a brick wall, and wondering why the fuck the wheel seemed so hard to reach when I am an adult and I was promised access to the wheel. I also wondered if I was working at the right job, living in the right place, being with the right person, doing the right things.

Very simply, for me the thirties signaled an end to the wondering. I trust myself, and I know what's right. Sometimes I'm on the wrong path, and even then I know that's right because of the lesson I need to learn on that path. I don't always listen to that inner what is right knowledge, but I don't wonder any more. I am no longer adrift. I am where I should be right now, and if I want to be somewhere else, I know what moves I need to make to get to that place.

I feel secure and mighty, safe in harbor but willing to tear ass out on a boat at any time. Aging has not made me risk averse, but it's caused me to be more picky and calculating in my choices.

The thirties have taught me so much about the world and through that, about myself. I've fallen in love with them...but that doesn't mean I won't fully embrace the 40s when March rolls around. All signs point to more adventure ahead.

 photo purple_zpse5f7f916.png



37 comments:

  1. if you think 30s was awesome, 40s are even better. You just have an even greater appreciation for life and the things that life can bring/has in store.

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  2. I have to agree, I have enjoyed my thirties so far much more than my twenties. I am much more comfortable as a person and trust my decisions. I can smell bullshit a mile away, and don't have as big of a problem saying no to things I don't want. The thirties have been pretty awesome!

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  3. Yes. To all of this. I have been enjoying my thirties so much more than my twenties- not that they were bad, just that this is better. I'm only in my very early thirties, but something about it signaled a change to me. My husband is turning thirty this year, and he dreads it. But I tell him that greatness is right around the corner. :)

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  4. I wasn't finished. Immediately The Byrds song Turn, Turn, Turn popped into my head. To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose unto heaven. Embrace the pros and cons of every age. Carpe Diem !
    Love. Your. Momma.

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  5. I enjoy being 30 (well, 31 currently.) I don't know that my own mindset changed when making the age jump, but other people's opinions of me did. Isn't that weird? Saying I'm 30 automatically garners respect in a room, whereas people dismiss you when you say you're twenty something. Maybe that's just the legal profession. Regardless, I like it! 30 has been good to me.

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  6. I have always loved an older women...

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  7. I'll admit that I had some reservations before turning 30...I had this panic of "WHAT HAVE I ACCOMPLISHED SO FAR??!" Now that I'm closing in on 32, it's easier to look back and see how far I've come and realize I have a lot of life left to live. I'm looking forward to the 30s. But, wow, does time seem to fly the older I get!

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  8. I love this and hate the stigma that's associated with growing older (more so for women!)-- there really shouldn't be a doom and gloom over getting older, so I love everything you associated the thirties with. I'm not there yet, but it seems like every year you grow more into the person you're supposed to be, and what could be better than that?

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  9. I still have a few years left in my twenties, but to be honest, I look forward to my thirties for all the reasons you described. Each year is a gift of an opportunity to improve yourself, improve your life, relationships, and hold on the world. Who ever would want to wish that gift away?

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  10. 30s are awesome, I'm so thankful to be in them right now. I knew someone who just dreaded it because her 'list' wasn't accomplished and I'm like HELLO, you can do things in your 30s. I feel so much more sure of myself and goals in my 30s and a lot of big things have happened and will be happening in this decade so I'm enjoying the ride. I also see every year as a gift so I don't care what age I turn, I'm thankful for another trip around the sun.

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  11. I can remember having a serious depression about turning 30... like serious.
    & now I'm 44, I look back & see how AMAZINGLY WONDERFUL my 30's were. Really the best years of my life.

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  12. YES! I agree so completely with everything that you said here. I'm turning 35 next week and keep thinking how much better my 30s have been so far than my 20s, for exactly the reasons that you mention. Just feeling more assured of who I am and what I'm going with my life rather than so many false starts and the uncertainty and insecurity of my 20s.

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  13. I trust myself more at thirty and that is huge. I also stopped settling for less and that is also huge. My twenties weren't bad but my thirties are shaping up to be pretty good. Minus 2016 that is. This year is shit.

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  14. Love this! I am not yet 30 but I've seen so many people freak out about it...and I just don't get it. Maybe my 20s just weren't fun enough, haha. But I love my life and it's gotten so much better as I've gotten older...

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  15. I. LOVE. THIS. It looks like you are living your best life-somethign we should all do at every single freaking age!

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  16. Fabulous post! A lot of this resonates with how I feel and how I view this new decade that I'm (kind of...) new to. While the 20s had their trying moments and at times I felt like a chicken with my head cut off, they totally served their purpose and I reflect on them with so much love. The 30s have definitely been more about the "adult" me and that still includes many of the same threads of that 20-something chick, roaming around the world finding her place. Great post, Steph. Second best thing I've heard all week (after FLOTUS of course :)

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  17. I had a weird moment in my head about turning 25... I felt like it was the end of "young adult" and the beginning of "adult." For some reason I tried to resist it. I don't have any fear of hitting 30. Young adult or normal adult- each year has good and bad, progress and backtracking. I feel better about myself with every year- more confident to make big decisions and say "yes" whenever I want to. Great post, Steph! You make 30 sound even better than 25!

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  18. I was actually really excited to be turning 30 as I kind of already felt like I was 30 in my head. My twenties were full of a lot of nonsense, exactly as you say with the wheel, and I was so ready for it to be over! It's only been like, 6 weeks but already I'm loving my 30s. I hope the remainder of yours is just as kind to you and that your 40s are even better!

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  19. I have been on my own since eighteen, and feel like I spent a huge part of my twenties in a constant state of worry...I definitely had fun too, but not knowing what the future held or how to adult scared me. Not like at thirty-two I have all answers now, but I feel more calm, and confident on how to handle life better. I can only imagine that gets better with age!

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  20. I was having babies and raising little ones so for me the 30's were work, work, work! I am loving my 40's though... this is the best decade for me since the 20's!

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  21. Well said my friend. One funny thing I have to say I've noticed since turning 30 almost three years ago, I've noticed random long ass HAIRS on my chin/neck and the first time one caught light and I saw it in the mirror, I gasped in horror. Where and WHY do they come from?!?!? I think I'm going to have to start waxing my entire flippin face soon enough..... ;-)

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  22. I like what your momma said: "Embrace the pros and cons of every age." So true.
    If I'm breaking down my life in decades, I've experienced the "huge highs and devastating lows, big life events and small changes" throughout all of them. Mid to late 30s is when I really started self-analyzing, self-discovery, and self-growth. Do I think my 30s where a magical time for this to happen? No. I wish I'd started that journey sooner. But, I'm thankful for it. I never want to stop growing and getting to know myself and applying what I learn to be a better, brighter me...plus a better, brighter person, friend, family member, wife, member of society. And, I happen to think life experiences (and years lived) have helped that personal growth.

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  23. My dad told me that every decade gets better and once I hit 30, I realized that it didn't seem so crazy. The more you learn about yourself and love yourself, the more you enjoy life. Aging like wine, not like milk :)

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  24. <3 <3
    I like to think of myself as fine wine, just getting better with time!

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  25. I am totally digging the 60s! The 30s were rough, the 40s were transitional, the 50s were all about growth and learning how to live, and the 60s are blissful! Try it, you'll like it!

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  26. I find my 30s to be different, but I didn't dread them at all. Nor do I dislike them now. As my "growing up" post this week stated, it's just an age that does require some change and adjustments since it's very different from your 20s (thank God). 30 is really when my confidence grew and I started to REALLY know what I wanted and didn't want in life. That's always a good thing!

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  27. It's funny how with every year we think that not much changes, but when you look back on it you realize how much each and every year seriously teaches you in terms of growth and evolving. Great post!

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  28. I've enjoyed being 30 so far. The 20s are confusing...but 30 I'm more confident and more sure of myself. I feel more adult and I have so far enjoyed it so much more!

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  29. Back when Julia Roberts was my idol, around 10 (?), I read an interview where they asked her about being in her thirties. She said that it has been her favorite time in life because she finally feels solid with who she is and what she cares about. Combine that with 13 Going on 30 and I find myself looking forward to the big 3-0.

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  30. Honestly. I'm looking forward to my thirties. 😁

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  31. This was fabulous . . . I think it gets better every decade because we care less about what others think, which means we focus on what really matters. I think each new decade is sort of scary because it signals that time marches on . . . my body may notice but so far my mind and spirit remain young and full of adventure!

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  32. 'I was promised access to the wheel' hahahahahaha
    i am turning 30 next year, and my best friend is turning 30 next month. she won't stop talking about it, she's super freaking out, and wants to do all these things, including going out every weekend, and because she doesn't work during the summer, sometimes on a tuesday and i'm like are you kidding, it's a school night! well, work but still! i'm not going out until 11pm on a school night. and she's like but this will be the last time before i'm 30! and i said..... you can go out as a 30 yr old. whether i am 29 or 30, i won't be going out with you on a tuesday night. i am not super into thinking about death or old age, but i know that 30 is not any closer or further away from it than 21... death can come at any age, being afraid of the clock ticking doesn't make you any safer or any less likely to die. so. yeah. way to be a bummer kristen haha. but i'm not afraid. i can't wait for 30. i don't know if my 20s were as trying as yours, they were 1000000000% better than my teens, so i'm thinking my 30s will be even better than my 20s.

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  33. I love this so much. So much.

    I was one of those people who was really freaked out about turning 30. For me, it was all about the fact that I hadn't accomplished as much as I'd hoped by the time I hit 30. I'm still pretty new to my 30s (I'll be 32 next month), but I'm starting to realize that most people don't accomplish every single thing they want to accomplish by a certain age. And that's okay. I make goals (big and small). Sometimes I accomplish them, sometimes I don't. That's life.

    I won't pretend like I don't still struggle with some of the same insecurities I did in my 20s, but I do think I look at a lot of things in a different light. When I think about myself at 21 vs. myself at 31, it's insane: I feel like I'm thinking about two completely different people. I know I'm still growing and changing and figuring myself out, but I like the place I'm in now much more than the place I was in 10 years ago.

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  34. I'm so with you! I'll be turning 32 this November and I'm perfectly okay with it. I was giddy like it was Christmas morning to turn 30. Like you said, the 20s were trying. Needless to say it was a loooong decade and I couldn't wait to start my 30s. That was when I was going to have my shit together, "start my life". Fortunately, that's exactly what happened.

    Plus, there's that extra dose of confidence and lack of fucks given that come with the 30s, and who doesn't love that?

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  35. I wouldn't say that I fear any age, but I'm often confused about what they mean. The problem with working with 18-year-olds? I constantly think I'm 18. That's both good and bad... but I definitely don't feel my thirty-something.

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