Friday, October 30, 2015

Friday Five: Things that Piss Me off about Willy Wonka

1. Grandpa Joe is the laziest a-hole faker alive. When there's work and real life going on, he's laid up in bed with a million other old people, feeble and unable to contribute. Literally, these old people are bed ridden for YEARS. Wah wah wah. Poor Charlie's Mom has to do it all. But when there's a golden ticket, Grandpa Joe makes a miraculous recovery, singing and dancing and moving around QUITE well. Lazy faker. Get a job or sweep a floor or cook some gruel or something. 
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2. Charlie is a weinerwhistle. This kid...his face is constantly on the verge of crying or whining or moping. He's also a dick, choosing Grandpa Joe the faker to escort him to the Wonka Factory instead of his long-suffering, hard working mother. 
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3. The Fizzy Lifting Drinks situation. That a-hole Grandpa Joe instigated this, first of all. Secondly, I am a rule follower and I really thought Charlie was too. 

4 It's terrifying. It's a kid movie and here you have to listen to a slave army of small orange robot-like things called Oompah Loompahs poorly singing judgmental doomsday prophesies, you are approached by menacing strangers (Slugworth) acting as an undercover agent for a tyrannical boss (Wonka) who is off his g.d. rocker, and there is quite possibly death by candy at every turn in the factory. 

5. Did I mention the title character is totally insane? He is a creepy old tantrum thrower to boot.  NO THANKS WONKA, you psycho. Take your golden ticket and sit on it. I do really like these lines though even though he's red faced and letting spittle fly when he says them: You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir. 
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What I do like is all the condescending Wonka memes on the internets. I also love Veruca Salt as she is my spirit animal. We both want it now

Have a happy and safe Halloween weekend, you must. From Darth Vader (Gus, a total match to his personality), Yoda (Geege), and a real pissed off Princess Leia. For the first time ever, Gus did not freak out over a costume. I think he felt a kinship to Darth Vader, just like I do. He's our alter ego.


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49 comments:

  1. The first time I noticed you use the term weinerwhistle was in regards to Charlie Brown. Maybe it's the name Charlie? What do you think of Charlie Sheen? (I'm guessing I know the answer to that question.) Pissed off Princess Leia is my favorite dog in costume pic I've seen all year!

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  2. Bahahahaha, this is great. Perfect for a good Friday laugh! I agree, the movie is quite creepy and bad things happen to all the kids, scary when you're a child.

    Gus looks great in his costumes, so festive and fun! Happy Friday!!!

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  3. Would you believe - I've never seen willy wonka...one of those movies I missed as a kid and just haven't really cared to watch as an adult lol!! xo, Baina -BlovedBoston

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  4. This had me hysterically laughing!! Oh lady, YES TO ALL OF THESE!! Everyone is all I LOVE WILLY WANKA and I'm over here like the dude is fucking creepy and I don't want to eat his candy!

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  5. haha, YES! I remember the time I was watching this as a kid and my dad said the movie was creepy. And then pointed out a lot of these things and I saw it completely differently. It IS a creepy kinda movie.
    And oh my goodness, the pugs!!!! That is the best set of dog costumes I've seen! I hope you guys have a great Halloween weekend!

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  6. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH Mae's face is priceless!!!!!

    i have never seen willy wonka!

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  7. seriously though. all of it. another childrens movie that is terrifying is chitty chitty bang bang. and my sister and i used to watch it on repeat. looking back on it, i'm not sure why we weren't scarred for life from the extremely creepy old man who literally stole kids in the back of his fake candy van.

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  8. LMFAO I am seriously STILL DYING over the dog pics... I even texted them to a couple of my girlfriends and had them dying, too! Gahhhhhh.
    "GOOD DAY SIR!" is obviously the best line in Wonka. I haven't watched it in years so I don't remember all the names, but, I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaated that little kid with the toy guns.

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  9. OMG, those Leia-Mae pics are priceless. Someone's on the path to the dark side!

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  10. hahahahaha yes to everything about willy wonka.. he is seriously nuts, but i love how sarcastic he was. and the dogs!!! love their costumes. their faces are priceless.

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  11. The costumes! The faces! Seriously so much love for that right now! They are adorable!

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  12. Grandpa Joe always pissed me off too and the whole boat scene where they cut the chickens head off? Yeah no thanks. Love the dog's costumes this year! Mae looks so mad which makes it better.

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  13. OMG on the Star Wars trio! May the Force stay with you and them!! Amen, on Gussie feeling his costume !

    Willie Wonka- apparently I was so thinking with my stomach and love for chocolate and all things sweet- I glazed over the weirdness, etc. of the characters and was enamored of the candy that was everywhere.
    Fun and happy Halloween blog!
    Love, your Momma

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  14. Haaaahahaha! I love this. I actually really liked Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory BUT I have to concede all of your points. ALSO, why in the hell does everyone else get kicked out for not following the rules, but Charlie gets to stay when he fucked up just as much? There should have been an Oompa Loompa song the moment he and Grandpa Joe got close to the fans. And every once in a while I reference the creepy boat song, "Is it raining, is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing?" because the way he sings it is sooo eerie!

    LOVE the Star Wars dog costumes and especially pissed off Leia. Hysterical!

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  15. I could never put my finger on WHY this movie annoys me but I think you summed it up pretty well. Especially the Grandpa Joe part. And I have the same question as Jenn--why do all the other kids get kicked out for breaking the rules but not Charlie? Nonsense. I hate arbitrarily applied rules.

    Dog costumes make me smile.

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  16. "Death by candy at every turn." LMAO Also, even though I still think your dogs will one day get serious revenge for all the dressing up, THESE costumes are the best ever!

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  17. YAS! This year's dog costumes are awesome! I'll have to show my hubby.

    Also, Gene Wilder as WW is absolutely terrifying. I was so afraid of him as a kid and loved it. Also, agree 100% on Grandpa Joe.

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  18. I had replies for Willy Wonka....and then I saw Mae...OMG!!!! I love these pup photos!!

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  19. OMG. If this post didn't already have me laughing my ass off, it got even better when I scrolled to the pups! I feel like I need to share this post. Geege - Princess Leia! I just can't...

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  20. I like this movie solely for the candy factories candy land.

    Mae is not talking to you for the rest of the weekend I'm pretty sure.

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  21. I always wanted to punch Mike Teavee and his mom in the face. They were awful. Have you seen the remake, with Johnny Depp as Willy? 100 times creepier than the original.

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  22. Agreed on all accounts, the movie mostly freaked me out. Except Veruca, I agree - Veruca is my spirit animal. OMG Gus, what a perfect costume. LOVE.

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  23. HA! I can't stand the kid who played Charlie. His face. Ahh, it bugs me so! Also, totally agree about Grandpa Joe. WTF? And the scene still you chose of Wonka, that's one of my favorite parts. Totally telling about the decade this was made in. It's borderline creepy, which of course makes me love it all that much more.

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  24. hahaha i have never thought of this before but you're 100% accurate. also the dog costumes win today.

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  25. Oh Mae!!!!! Hahahahaahahahaha. I have never seen a more pissed off pug. They all look so awesome! Love it!!!

    Oompah Loompahs scared the shit out of me. As did Will Wonka. Why is he so damn creepy???? I hope you have a happy Halloween!!! Give Mae lots of pets and tell her shes pretty :)

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  26. Even thought Jared and I dressed up at Willy Wonka and the golden ticket a few years back, it really is NOT a great movie haha. I was totally scared of it as a kid and haven't seen it in ages! Your dogs look AMAZING.

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  27. This is the best post ever for so many reasons. But mostly because of pissed off princess leia! DYING.

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  28. That is definitely hazel! Great pic!

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  29. hahahah, great, great breakdown!!! This movie is SO bizarre. Don't get me wrong, I like it and I will generally watch it about once a year but it's so effing weird! And I honestly never thought about the fact that Charlie should have taken his mom - you are so right!! That bed situation with the grandparents always skeeves me out, hahaha.

    I love how Veruca Salt is your spirit animal, I'm always kinda excited [SPOILER ALERT] when she falls down the chute. thanks for this random and funny read!

    Also, the last pic of the dogs!!!!!!! aldjfaldkjfadk SO CUTE.

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  30. OMG I never though of Willy Wonka in that way but kinda true and hilarious! The pups all look adorable but Mae and her face is just priceless.

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  31. I Love this post... you are spot on. I did love the movie as a kid but it's really weird when you think about it. And... you dogs... I am dying over how stinkin cute they are!!!

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  32. HAHAHH! LOVE!!! I also hated Grandpa Joe, especially during the lifting drinks scene. I was creeped out but so fascinated by this movie as a kid, but as a parent, I'm really not eager to show it to my kids. Haha! I quote this movie all the time at them though "Augustus, sweetheart, save some room for later!" and "Cheer up, Charlie." Those memes are seriously the best! Your pups look amazing!!

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  33. Mae looks so ...angry. Adorably angry.

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  34. This post is hilarious - and so true! Thanks for sharing - Svetlana @Life With a Side of Wine

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  35. I've attempted to watch Willy Wonka twice and both times, I just can't do it. It's just so weird and creepy. And the remake with Johnny Depp, holy creepiness, I do not enjoy his character.

    I hope you guys are handing out candy with the children dressed up in the background. They really do look great. Such troopers. :-)

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  36. Totally agree on Granpa Joe and Charlie the douche. Still love Wonka. It may be because we are all slightly mad.
    Ps--Love the Star Wars Costumes.

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  37. This oompah loompahs really are terrifying predicting all the bad things that happened! And I never really thought about how the grandpa makes this miraculous recovery, but seriously what a jerk!
    Your pups are so adorable in their costumes! Princess Leia does look really angry though lol

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  38. I snorted at the first entry about Grandpa Joe (so true!!!), but my the time I got to pugs in costumes, I was DONEEEEE. Love the pugs.

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  39. Leia... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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  40. Laughing so loud in the airport reading this...you nailed it.

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  41. I love this post. The dogs easily win for the best costumes of the year. I looked at those costumes so many times, but our dogs won't keep anything on their heads. It would be such a waste of an amazing costume. I'm so glad they pulled them off.

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  42. I always thought the boat scene was really freaky for a kids movie. Love the costumes!!! I'm impressed they posed for photos!

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  43. I literally laughed out loud as I read this entire post. When I got to the pug pictures, I laughed even harder! (Though I've been laughing over Mae since you posted her picture on Instagram ... I even showed Eric the picture and he started laughing and said, "Wow, that is one pissed off dog!") Haha.

    I don't know if you've ever seen the music video for the song "Dope Hat" by Marilyn Manson (it's from their first album, Portrait of an American Family), but it's basically like watching a slightly more fucked up version of Willy Wonka. There are even Oompa Loompas in the video! The first track on that album also features Manson reciting a poem from Willy Wonka. I always think of that album when I see anything related to Willy Wonka.

    I do like those memes as well, though.

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  44. Love those puppy Halloween costumes! Too freaking cute.

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  45. OMG the pugs! I'm dying of cuteness overload!

    - I also agree with all of these things. Grandpa Jo is a jackass. If I were Charlie's Mom I would have throat punched him.

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  46. I had a fear that my grandparents were going to move into my living room and all just live in a bed together. And I was terrified. Mae's face is still making me laugh!

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  47. Fridays are someway relaxing as after Friday a long weekend comes up. But, sometimes they pissed me off by best essay services review. This is because; the other two days have a much hectic routine other than the working days. A lot and lot of assignments, quiz’s are lined up that one have to do on the next two days.

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