TWTW - the one with the girls at the lake

Friday if I was any more relaxed, I would have been dead. Mom and I got to Lori's lake house around 8:30 on Thursday night and settled into relaxation station. Lolling around just being and enjoying the silence for most of the day, painting nails (Lori gave me the blue color and I'm super jazzed), snacking, playing with the dogs in the yard, reading. Melissa arrived early afternoon and Debbie early evening and we did more sitting around and talking before hitting the hay.

Saturday we headed into Montrose to do some strolling and shopping early with the Bs. There's the cutest store there that looks like it's just a flower shop and while it is it also sings to my tie dye loving heart. I got a dress and headbands there thanks to Lori!

We came back and chowed down, did a little floating and relaxing, talked talked talked, went for ice cream, and rounded the day out with CAH and hair mane games.

Sunday I woke up to let the dogs out at 5:30 and Bruce had an accident then had super hurt feelings about it and was shaking for an hour. Loon. I finished a book over coffee and we sat out on the porch together before Mom and I hit the road around 10:30. I love this weekend. It is super relaxing, we are all so easy together, it's beautiful up there, my dogs can be there, Jack pops in, and Lori is a wonderful hostess. Love my ladies! I stopped at a farmers market off the turnpike on the way home, dropped Mom off, got home and changed our sheets and washed towels, and took a little snooze. MFD got home from the shore and we went for sushi at Sakura. 

Carol's birthday was Sunday. Happy birthday Carol! We love you! Thanks for everything you do for us. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is breakfast burritos. Lunch is zucchini pie. Snacks are grape tomatoes, blueberries, peaches. Dinners are tomato sandwiches and corn on the cob and pasta with lemon and broccoli. I didn't need anything for today so the zucchini pie will get made tonight. 

Show Us Your Books tomorrow! See you here for that. 

Thursday Thoughts: Consider this the Hint of the Century

1. The world feels right again in some aspect, at least. I liked the campy fictionalized reunion of the cast years later. I wasn’t expecting the show to pick up where it left off so for me this was a good compromise of them referencing the show and just being back together. LET ME HAVE THIS. Also I will never be over Luke Perry’s death. 

2. Fresh to death. I love to spend a lunch hour relaxing with a book while getting a pedicure. It doesn’t happen often anymore but I love it. My feet were trash. I am perpetually barefoot at the shore and sand and sea destroy the feet even more. 

3. When you're holding John Bender while wearing John Bender and drinking out of a Breakfast Club mug. Dorks R Us, founding member. 

4. My first Dropps subscription order arrived. I got the laundry detergent pods in clean scent and fabric softener pods. It's not as good smelly as I like, but I have to sacrifice some shit for the good of the environment. They do a good job of cleaning (I had ordered the sample pack previously), no waste packaging, the pod encasement dissolves in the laundry, cruelty free. If you decide to go for it and use my link, you get $10 off a subscription. 

5. I'm thankful for the tremendous body of work Toni Morrison left behind.

6. This speaks to me. Come to my house and see my weird things.

7. Currently reading. Show Us Your Books is Tuesday.

8. Some things for your consideration: Malcom Jenkin's post regarding the Galveston mounted police leading a black man on a leash behind them; this series of tweets from Ericka Hart presented on Instagram on the ways white supremacy devalues human life (click the arrows to read them all); this series of tweets by Ijeoma Oluo presented on Instagram on the violent patterns of white supremacy (click the arrows to read them all). Our mass shooting issue can't be separated from our country's white supremacy issue. They are fueling each other and both must be addressed with urgency. Seeing mass murderers apprehended without a scratch after they've killed over 20 people and injured over 25 like in El Paso just adds salt to the wound when black men are killed for selling loose cigarettes, or gunned down in their family's yard with a cell phone in their hand. I see one zillion comments from people desperate to cling to the system that has white at the top by default, people who have never considered being anything other than white. It is up to us to break this and help build systems that are even and equitable for everyone.

9. Reminder:

10. Ecards:

That'll do for today.

What appears after the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts is a song lyric to whatever I'm listening to when I start to write the post. This week is Losing My Religion by REM in homage to Dylan and Brenda's breakup song

How to be a Supportive Partner After An Accident

Wednesday! How are we friends? Recently I was talking to Lindsay from Bourbon & Lipstick about being a supportive partner after an accident/surgery the other day and had bad flashbacks to MFD's accident a few years ago when he was off his foot for 12 weeks...the longest 12 weeks of my life...and how fortuitous that Maggie is here today with this article. Speaking of Lindsay, check out her post on Bourbon & Lipstick today about skin routines at every age - I volunteered mine to be included.

And speaking of Maggie, Maggie Hammond is a retired nurse and freelance writer, exploring and writing in the U.S. in retirement. An advocate for public health and nursing qualifications, she feels passionate about raising awareness of the current strain on public health organisations.

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Suffering from the consequences of an accident is a trying time for both the person involved and their close friends and family, particularly their partners. You will want to support your partner as best as you can following an accident, so here are a few things you can do to help.

Exercise patience
The impact of an accident, especially one that has resulted in debilitating injuries, can be significant. The individual may no longer be able to carry out certain tasks as quickly, or even at all. It is also likely to have an effect on their mental health, and they may be suffering from negative thoughts and seeking an outlet for their irritation. As their partner, the chances are that it will mainly fall on you to pick up the shortfall during the recovery process and be a sounding board for their outbursts.

Much like nurturing a child’s development, it can be frustrating having to pick up after people or wait while they try to accomplish tasks by themselves and reclaim some of their independence. It can be challenging not to retaliate to heated words or negativity. The recovery process can be slow, but you must remain patient.

Offer encouragement and motivation to your partner, and continue to support and facilitate their independence. Remind yourself that even though it took them half an hour to get dressed, they managed to do it themselves. That may be a massive step for them and one that should be praised, even if made you a little late to the doctor’s appointment.

Don’t let money bring you down
It is no secret that an accident, especially one which results in a loss of earnings, will add financial pressures. Finances are often a source of strain, even in relationships unaffected by injury. Don’t let it come between you and your partner. If they used to manage the bills and handle the accounts, then this may be something you will now need to take on, and you may have to manage your new budget better. If circumstances allow you to work together on this, then even better.

Don’t forget that there are services out there designed to help financially. Personal injury solicitors such as The Compensation Experts can support families through the challenges of post-injury life; that is what they are there for. You should not be too proud to seek out their help and advice.

Take care of yourself
Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help, or too proud to accept it. Friends and family can help to support you and your partner and take the pressure off you both and free up time to recover emotionally. Whether you seek out downtime that you and your partner can share, to distract from injury and allow you to enjoy each other’s company; or you take a little time out with friends for coffee and a chat, make sure you don’t forego all of life’s little joys.

It may feel selfish but don’t give up your favorite hobbies and still make sure you take time out for yourself, even if it is just for an hour. Your partner needs your support and for you to be strong for the both of you, and you can’t take care of someone else if you fail to take care of you.

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Any tips to add on how to be a supportive partner post-injury? MFD was not able to bear weight on his leg for 12 weeks. A backpack and hoodie to move food from kitchen to living room, a recliner, and a shower chair were big helps.

Happy birthday to Marla at Luck Fupus and Uncle Jim today!

Hidden wedding costs

While I remember looking forward to my wedding day, I also remember looking forward to it being over so I didn't have to worry about any more small costs I hadn't thought about enough ahead of time.

Planning your perfect for you wedding day takes a lot of foresight and a can take lot of money, both of which are likely to stress people out. When it comes to planning every aspect of your big day, there are main costs such as the venue, photographer, DJ, food & bev, flowers, and dress/suit; and then there are costs you might not immediately consider which you need to take into account. 

The Rings

Am I the only one who was like oh...we need wedding rings as we got closer? It may seem like an obvious cost to remember, but with the nuptial planning added on top of regular life stuff, it was easy for me to overlook this essential step in the process. Wedding rings are of course an important thing to buy for your big day and they will be a piece of jewelry you wear for the rest of your life if you are like people other than me - over nine years in and I don't wear any rings at all.  I do think your wedding band should reflect you (and not wearing one reflects me, so I'm still down with that), so it's a good idea to explore designs and find some stylish handcrafted rings - put it on your list now and work it into your budget. I ended up spending less than $200 on mine, and I wore that for less than two years. Then I went to a $30 cheap band that I wore for a few years before just not wearing them for years now. I want to like rings but I feel claustrophobic. MFD's cost a little more and he's always worn it (except the few times he's lost it and refound it) but it reflects him well. Search and budget!

Decorations 

Contrary to what you may believe, many venues do not provide you with decorations to make your wedding day special. When it comes to decorating your venue, this can include anything from chair and table cloths and ribbons, gemstones, flowers, candles, and centerpieces too. It will all depend on the theme you are going for, and you can often find some great inspiration for wedding decorations on Pinterest to give you an idea of the supplies you will need to gather. I kept ours super minimal, the decor was the beach setting. I had to pay extra for linen table cloths though and that was unexpected. Make sure you read the fine print of your venue contract before signing it.

Postage 

One of the costs which no one ever really considers when planning a wedding is stamps. Stamps get more and more expensive every year, and even if you don’t need to send many invitations through the mail, you need to budget for this cost. Invitations, envelopes and stamps will all cost a pretty penny depending on how many guests you invite to the wedding so make sure that you take this into account. And don't forget you've got the invite postage and the RSVP postage. 

Wedding Dress Alterations

Finding the perfect wedding dress is important to many brides (again, I'm not in this category - I tried on two maybe? And my aunts bought it for me). Depending on when you buy your wedding dress in the lead up to your wedding day, there may be several alterations which need to be done to make it fit like a glove. If you're on a wedding health kick you might need to take in the dress more than once if you buy it far enough off your date. Make sure you find a good seamstress if you're going outside your bridal shop and get on her schedule! In my experience alterations are much cheaper outside the bridal shop. 

Transport

On the day of the wedding, there are a lot of logistics in play, and one of these is the transport for the groomsmen and bridal party to the venue itself. Get your quotes early and ask people you know who they can recommend. Try to  find the best deals you can for this, and even try to negotiate a bundle deal if you hire multiple vehicles from one company.

Hotel rooms 

Don't forget about accommodations if you're staying at or close to the wedding venue in lieu of going home that night. If you're getting married inside a hotel, this is super convenient and it means that you can head up to bed after the night is over and sleep off the busyness of the day (week, really, let's be honest) without thinking about getting home. 

Favors

Wedding favors are a huge thing for you to consider when planning your wedding, and they will be something you can really make personal for your guests. A wedding favor is a small token to say thank you to your guests for coming to the wedding and sharing in your special day. There are lots of options you can choose for gifts but make sure to think about the best way to save money on this too. Including not to have favors at all because people don't need them and often throw them out. 

What were some costs you forgot to factor in as you approached your wedding? 

TWTW - the one in two places

Friday MFD was at the shore and I was up at 3:50 a.m. with our visiting dog friend Baxter who stayed with us from Thursday to Sunday. Work work work during the day. After that I made power breakfast muffins to freeze and read. I left for the shore sans dogs around 8:15 as MFD was on his way home from there. I did some organizing and prep work when I got there, tried to buy a card at Rite Aid and failed since they're liquidating everything, and fell out.

Saturday outdoor clean up, turnover in house clean up including attempting to tighten a toilet seat and figure out a ceiling fan problem, about a million walking errands, assembling a new fan, and cleaning our apartment. I was on the run from 7:30a-3 p when I paused, hydrated, painted my nails with Sally quick dri, got a five second shower, and headed to the library then out of town. 

Saturday afternoon gathering at Frank & Amanda's with framily. I was only there for a little under two hours and I wish I could have stayed much longer. MFD ended up going back around 10 but I simply could not even speak at that point I was so tired. 

Saturday night bingo benefiting Advocates for Homeless & Those in Need where MFD volunteers and is on the board. No one won bingo but I did win two baskets. It was fun. 

I got home around 10:15 and was just done. The morning felt like days before. All of my reading material was in MFD's car. I swear I sat on the couch staring stupidly into space with my teeth in my mouth. 

Sunday I was dying to sleep in, but no. Another night of less than six hours of sleep. I was up by 7, changed the sheets, did a bunch of wash, and hit Aldi and Giant. I love the trolley bags Aubrey got for me. Back at home I continued laundry, started a new book, and did food prep.

After a little lay down on the couch, I headed to Mom & Rich's for family dinner. It was nice to sit outside and relax. And try on my mom's glasses. Big glasses, big laughs, big fun. 

I got home around 8 and that's all she wrote. 

Weekly food prep: Breakfast is greek yogurt with granola. Lunches are fun boxes. Dinners are shredded buffalo chicken over spinach and tomato sandwiches with corn on the cob. 

This weekend was five minutes long. Much longer for the victims and families of the  mass shootings. Plural. Much, much longer. 

Happy birthday to my college roommate Jody!