Taking a page out of US Mag.

This post is modeled after US Magazine's column 25 Things You Don't Know About Me...only they use famous people and I am not famous. Discuss amongst yourselves if reading US makes me shallow, vapid, and part of the problem with pop culture.

Andplusalso, everyone on my facebook newsfeed is all "Fa la la la la my house is fully decorated for Christmas, welcome Santa and tiny baby Jesus in your golden fleece diaper, we are so ready for you" and I'm all, "It's December 1, I have no kitchen, my entire house is chaos from this kitchen remodel, everything is dirty with a fine layer of drywall dust, early darkness makes me want to be a slug like Randy from A Christmas Story and lay on the couch not moving, and I feel stabby because I know Clark Griswold will be making a grand mess decorating the shit out of the house on December 22 since we're hosting a Christmas Open House."

Ahem. Back to the 25 things.

1. I don't like to run out of anything. My house is always stocked with at least one backup of everything, specifically canned goods, paper products, and cleaning tools. Relax, it's not like extreme couponer stock piling. I have one extra mustard, not 173. I get this fear of running out of something from my mom's side of the family. If there is ever any type of disaster and you can't get food from a store, we could live off of my pantry for a while. And clean.

2. My handwriting looks like a serial killer's. I was advised not to address any of my wedding correspondence, and I have carried that over to my Christmas cards. Thank you Michelle for your label making prowess and always taking care of me when you do yours. Laura, I am waiting for you to come over and re-label all of my shoeboxes with your P-Touch since my handwriting makes you cringe.



Ted Bundy? Did you write this?

3. I prefer cold beverages.

4. When I am concentrating or exercising, my tongue is always out. When I was little, I took gymnastics at Joel Baba and they constantly told me I was going to bite my tongue off. I quit gymnastics for unrelated reasons.

5. I prefer lukewarm or cold food (even if it's supposed to be served hot) and I put salt on everything without tasting it first.

6. I love the laughing Buddha. I have a bunch of them throughout my house.

7. One of my favorite toys as a child was a girl doll that I called The Boy. It is a frightening and awful doll that lives in our spare bedroom. I can't throw it away. Caveat: MFD suggested this one. This doll legitimately scares me as an adult, I dislike dolls anyway and this one looks like it was resurrected from Pet Sematary. I took a picture of The Boy against my better judgement. If this haunts me, we know who will pay.

Please don't come alive at night and kill us in our sleep, The Boy.

8. I don't like the top of my toes to be touched.

9. I love to sing along to the sweet sounds of the grocery store soundtrack even though I have an awful singing voice.

10. I'd rather be at the shore than anywhere else in the world. However, I disagree vehemently with paying for beach tags. This land is your land, this land is my land. I'd rather pay a fee to enter town.

11. Sometimes I reply "Your mother" to any question someone asks me, then I laugh like a maniac. Every time.

12. I don't do math.

13. I don't give a rat's ass about the NFL or NBA. The salaries and insane celebrations they participate in after doing what they are paid one zillion dollars to do really chaps my ass.

14. When I get really frustrated, I cry.

15. I love how heels look, but am past the age of caring to wear them. They kill my feet and it's not worth it.

16. I don't eat beets, coconut, very spicy foods, Indian food, bread or rice pudding, or overcooked meat.

17. I can't function in chaos. I need to create order. Naturally, I like my pantry neat, but not Sleeping with the Enemy neat.

18. I've never broken a bone or gotten stitches aside from my wisdom teeth.

19. I often think in song lyrics to describe things. If a night is very starry, "we drove out to the desert just to lie down beneath this bowl of stars" will pop into my head immediately.

20. I only watch Channel 6 - Action News.

21. I love mosaic glass and would have it all over my house if I could do so without coming off like a crazy glass-whore version of Miss Havisham.

22. I name all of my cars. My first car was Wheeza (Ouiser from Steel Magnolias). My current car is the fabulous Kelly Taylor.

23. I carry two cell phones. I am not a friend of Jason Bourne. I don't have unlimited texting on my work phone, and that is my preferred method of communication.

24. I adore quotes. In junior high I started quote notebooks, and I wrote in them through college. I still have them. I believe I spent 97% of my ninth grade biology class crafting my notebook.

25. It was hard to compose this list.

Inching towards grinching,

SMD

p.s. Thank you MFD for bearing the brunt of this kitchen bullshit.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

Another lovely Thanksgiving weekend in the books. On Thanksgiving Eve, MFD and I took that ride over the bridge onto the Jersey side to spend the night at Frank and Amanda's. Many laughs and too many Michelob Ultras for me. I came home way too late smelling like a fire pit.

Thanksgiving day dawned sunny and warm. We took the dogs for a walk (during which I found $5, score), cleaned ourselves up and headed to my Mom's. Dinner and visit one down, we travelled on to the Leidy residence, where Mindy and Andy were hosting their first Thanksgiving in their new home. The day was delightful.

I found five dollars and you did not.

Every year while people are out pepper spraying their fellow man on Black Friday, Peters and I pack up a car, toss Gus and Geege into the backseat, and travel north for three hours until we hit North Woods, the Wentzel home in Bradford County, for the annual second half of Thanksgiving weekend. It is so relaxing and lovely up there, and I am mostly without cell phone service, which is awesome. My dogs absolutely love it, they can frolic freely in the woods and sniff all over God's creation. This year's activities included walks in the woods, wine, a bridge dedication ceremony, stuffing ourselves with Thanksgiving leftovers and at the Chinese buffet, patronizing local businesses on Santa's Sleigh Ride, telling stories, making a shit mess out of a Gingerbread House, loads of laughs and more wine.

This bridge will take us over the creek and through the woods, but not to Grandmother's house

Tranquility and coffee to kick off the day

I'm truly grateful for my family and friends...and that the weekend of food and booze excess is over. Stick a fork in me, I'm done!

These dogs are done too.

Sunday...back to reality. My current reality is interesting for someone with OCD tendencies like myself. When I sit on the living room couch and look into the dining room, I see the side of my pantry, my fridge, my old coffee maker, an empty bookshelf with a bag of contractor trashbags on top of it, a cabinet with potato/onion pullout bins, a handsaw, a broom, a dog toy, dog bowls, a toaster oven, a Phillies hat, a bottle of wine, a bin of dog food...it looks like fucking Hoarders up in here, none of those things belong in that room!

Serenity NOW.

Deep breaths. I know it will be worth it in the end. Last night MFD was singing "Look at this fucking flooooor," and saying "Hon, come here. Look at this," every five minutes as he removed the moldy sub floor. Curse you kitchen leak. Curse you.

So friends, please cut me some slack if I'm teetering on the edge of sanity as we try to get this shit in check over the next three weeks.

Dear tiny crowbar wielding, demo mask wearing, wall scraping, appliance replacing, searching for salt and pepper shakers amongst the rubble baby Jesus: please let this go smoothly, and let us not kill each other in the process. AMEN.

Back to the grind,

SMD
p.s. Dear Lowe's: Your appliance sale was stellar. Thank you.