Oh, perfect world.

Obviously, in a truly perfect for ME world, I'd be rich beyond comparison and able to spend my time volunteering and reading on the beach. Besides that, I think a perfect world would be one in which...

Food & Drink
Pizza, pasta, cheese, butter, pies, ribeye steaks, hotdogs, Doritos, and ice cream treats would be the no-cal extremely healthy super foods. Brown rice would be the worst possible food you could eat.

Blah

Wine, beer and booze would have no calories, and drinking them would not impair your ability to drive or trigger any asshole genes in anyone.

The Human Condition and Governance
No one would be hungry, dirty, abused, neglected, illiterate, forgotten, lonely, dealing with cancer, or without shelter.

All children would be safe and loved, and no parent would lose a child before their time.
There would be no lazy assholes living off the system.

White men would not rule everything. There truly would be equality for all races, creeds, genders, and sexual orientations. Under this also falls: equal pay for equal work, no legislation on wombs, and no limit to who can marry who as long as the union is age appropriate and both parties are willing.

Violent crime including rape, murder, and child molesting wouldn't exist.

Marijuana is legal, mmkay?

Government officials would turn blue when they told a lie, which they'd only be able to do for a maximum of four years. Welcome to term limits, bitches. Oh, and no more health insurance and pensions for eternity while average Americans pay their own insurance and build their own retirement funds. While you might not like to admit it, that is also being a lazy asshole living off of the system.

Asshole Island would be a place where perpetual asshole ruiners would be sent to make each other miserable and leave the rest of us alone. Alternate name: Island of Misfit Toys - Peters, Lil and I use this one. I was introduced to Asshole Island by my friend Sylvia. I have to say I like it. Asshole is one of my favorite words.

Welcome to Asshole Island. Enjoy your life here, Asshole. 

Work
Work weeks would be four days, weekends three.

Standard American vacation time would be four weeks off to start, as well as a week of sick time. And all of the bank/school holidays.

Everyone would be off from December 23 - January 2. I'm sorry, as the wife of a mummer I must demand this. The last week of late nights and extra practices kill the energy of everyone in the house, not just the one mumming. I need my rest.

Personal
My nose would never run.

I'd be able to eat and drink whatever I wanted and be healthy and trim.

I'd be the mistress of a shore compound in Strathmere and make a living writing novels about assholes who have moved away to Asshole Island.

Dog hair would disintegrate when it fell off of dogs.
My dogs would live as long as I did so there was never a day when I didn't come home to them howling with pure joy, Geege running in circles yipping and Gussie bringing me a toy.

90210 (the original) would air continually until I died. Those bastards would never age, Donna would never cease to look like a snail, Kelly would never choose between Brandon and Dylan, Brenda would never stop throwing hissy fits, Valerie would continue to be a conniving asshole, and they'd all be on the show at the same time. Exceptions: I want Steve to have a huge bald spot, and I want Andrea Zuckerman to look her real age while everyone else stays young. Also, Noah shouldn't speak.

I'd never get a zit again.

Clown costumes and horror movies wouldn't exist.


My work attire would be yoga pants, sneakers, and a super soft shirt.

Day dreaming,

SMD

p.s. it's only Tuesday? For the love of God.
p.p.s. Thank you Shelby Cohen of this blog for pointing out something I forgot - everyone should have their birthday off.

I smell something burning. Rog, is that your underwear?

Sorry Dee Spencer, it is not Rog's underwear. It's the smell of the weekend getting close.

I personally can't wait. I will finish planting my spring and summer bulbs, do a lot of work for Relay For Life of South Philadelphia, make a kick ass yet healthy creamy cauliflower soup, see a lot of friends, and probably have a hangover on Sunday. Ok definitely on the hangover. I'm not as spry as I used to be. Recovery is not swift.


T H U R S D A Y  T H O U G H TS

1. As you can see from the forward, I do not have off tomorrow. In Dream World B, I would have all the bank holidays off. Dream World A is where I win the lottery and have every day off.

Thank you, veterans. I appreciate your courage and your service. We are the land of the free only so long as we are also the home of the brave.

Courage is almost a contradiction in terms.  It means a strong desire to live taking the form of readiness to die. 

~G.K. Chesterton

Along those lines, happy birthday to the USMC. Semper Fidelis. Thank you.

2. My second day hair is brought to you by got2B fat-tastic dry shampoo. Ladies who say you can't go a day without washing your hair, I feel you. I have oily hair and I said that for 20 some years, until my fabulous stylist Kristi Morgan at Sensational Scissors said really, you CAN go a day or more between washings, and your color will last longer. Now I actually think my hair looks best on the second day I don't wash it. Thank you fat-tastic dry shampoo. Find it at Rite Aid. Once a month they run buy 1 get 1 free sales. I always buy two and am happy as a flipping clam.

3. Today is my little nephew's very first birthday. Happy birthday Jax! I love you.

4.Yesterday five Christmas gifts arrived in the mail. I am officially more than halfway finished Christmas shopping. Tick tock, mofos. Lots of awesome online deals out there.

5. I don't understand why so many movies are being made in 3D. I have motion issues, 3D makes me ill. Stop it, Hollywood.

6. Revenge and Modern Family didn't air this week due to the CMAs. I'm thankful this is my complaint for the day.

7. Dunkin Donuts near Track 1 at Suburban Station, please be speedy with your renovations. Where's a girl to get her morning coffee on Fridays without having to tramp through the urine filled underbelly of the station?

8. Brace yourself - I have not made a dish containing mushrooms this week...and I don't plan to. Earth shattering, I know. Is everyone ok? Counselling will be provided for those who need it. The first person to name the type of mushroom in this photo in a comment will receive a $5 Dunkin Donuts gift card in the mail.

9. I'm afraid to go to my sculpting class this afternoon. After class two weeks ago, I couldn't walk downstairs without looking like Forrest Gump with his leg braces on. Nor could I sit on the toilet without bracing myself. TMI? It's my blog. I'm not Bobby Brown but it is  my prerogative.

10. I am lifting this ditty pretty directly from my facebook status this morning. I cannot tell a lie.

I'm confused by the Joe Paterno supporters lamenting over what's being done to him. Most of those statuses say nothing about the victims. What if your kid was the next victim because he didn't do enough? Let's be real - he was the most powerful man in Happy Valley. He could've blown the lid off of this and had it handled another way. For a man who holds so much power, taught conservative family values and is a father himself, he should have done more when he saw nothing was being done by the AD. When there is a far reaching coverup of of this magnitude, EVERYONE must go. When you're the boss, it starts with you. No, he's not going out with his head held high. None of those kids left the showers with theirs up either.

Sandusky is a vile being. Those who stood by and didn't do enough are not in the A+ column. In his FB status, my friend PJ Katz opened with this quote, which is so very relevant to this situation: "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." THAT is why Joe, and hopefully the rest of the people who knew about this, are being removed.

To those who say we don't know everything: No, we don't. But we do have 23 pages of a grand jury report that tell us what happened. We do know after that report came out, 20 more victims came forward. We know that Paterno himself says in hindsight he wishes he did more. What more do we need to know? The unwillingness of anyone who witnessed something to follow through and make sure this predator was dealt with appropriately makes them culpable as well. To do what is required of you legally does not in any way mean you did what was required of you morally, and that's what makes you unable to sleep at night.

To PSU alums and students: Your institution is famous for its football program, but it is certainly not defined by it. You have many things to be proud of that don't have anything to do with a football field. Don't take it personally when the world at large puts your icons on blast. Find solace and strength in your numbers. You still ARE Penn State. Current students, go back to class. Learn, grow, make the world a better place.

To those that still want to argue: imagine the boy in the shower was your child, and someone walked in on him being raped and didn't shout or attempt to intervene physically. And the people in power who knew about it didn't follow up to find that boy, or to make sure it didn't happen to another little boy. How staunch are you now in your support of the coaching and administrative staff who had knowledge of these heinous acts? If you say you still support them, I call bullshit.

I simply can't understand the sympathies expressed for the adults who knew about the abuse instead of the victims who endured it. It sickens me.

Blast off,

SMD

I Don't Get It - Volume II

More things I don't get, man.

1. The phrase "Just sayin'." Are you actually just saying it, or are you really doing it/thinking it/feeling it? The phrase's time has come to an end. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it.

2. When the weather turns from summer to those first crisp days of fall in October and people turn out in wool coats and gloves. No one has fleeces or lighter jackets? A heavier sweater and scarf are inadequate for 63 degree weather? Do their moms send them out like this in January?

3. Imma be.

Gus - Halloween 2006

4. Thinking dolls and stuffed animals are cute as an adult.

5. Consistently being late. We all have things that delay us when we're trying to get somewhere. Life is about adapting and constantly examining options and priorities - sometimes you can't do something or deal with an issue AND be on time. If it can wait, let it wait. Most things can wait. Don't keep your clients, colleagues, friends or family waiting. It's unprofessional and rude.

Set your clock earlier or something, fool.

6. How my entertainment center can be dusty immediately after I dust it. Why, household gods? Why?

TV tuned in to Investigation Discovery Channel.

7. These two.

8. The most recent upgrade to facebook. I can see what friends post on the walls of their friends that I don't know. Why would I want to be able to do this? Everyone likes to stalk a little bit but this is just a creeper's paradise, Zuckerberg.

9. The Real Housewives. I watch, but I don't understand. 

10. Why people think only lazy uneducated hippies understand Occupy Wall Street. I have a job and a mortgage. I bathe daily. I don't piss outside unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't understand the concept of not working every day or not washing every day, but I do understand people taking issue with  the American taxpayers bailing out the banks and other corporations and then being pissed off when the banks hike fees on the consumers and stop lending money to small businesses; and the CEOs of the banks and other corporations continue to make a zillion dollars and receive bonuses. That makes no sense to the OWS protestors, and I have to agree with them. Some of the OWS people are probably lazy assholes, some of them are pissing all over the walls of City Hall or storing their urine in bottles here in Philly...but some of them are exactly like me, and work their asses off and are getting squeezed by the tax man while huge corporations fuck off and are not held accountable for what they've done with the money lent to them from my taxes, and CEOs of companies that were bailed out flitter around on private jets.

I am annoyed with every member of my government, and I think they should all be called to the carpet and impeached. I'm sick of the politicking, the finger pointing, and the arguing over gay marriage and abortions while people lose their jobs and homes. Fix the fucking economy and let people worry about who they marry or if they carry a child. Hold people accountable for their lives. Cut the lifetime pensions and health benefits for elected officials - you serve your term(s) and you go, then you do something else. You don't continue to live off of the tax payers for eternity. Create jobs so the unemployed and the people on welfare can earn a living and provide for themselves. Fix the welfare system - it was designed to give people a leg up, not to be their income for years and years.