Concert Douchery

This weekend I was in a large concert crowd two days in a row, which I usually try to avoid because large crowds turn me into Zuel and it's best if the public and I are not exposed to each other with such frequency. Concerts are great for people watching. And when people watching, it's always fun to play Spot the Douche. In a sea of humanity, it's not that difficult.

You have the can you please sit down-ers, which, no, I cannot. Actually, I do sit down because someone (MFD) urges me to, and then I get pissed and I stand up again because this is the encore of a concert and I believe it's an appropriate show of thanks and respect to the artist who just played for hours and go fuck yourself for making me turn around and explain to you that everyone else is standing up. When I go to a concert or a sporting event, I fully expect people in front of me to be so in the moment that they stand to express that. I either stand as well or I sit and listen. Something I never do: ask them to sit down. If you want to see perfectly, watch it on TV. p.s. saw you up dancing during Call Me Al, you cannot dance then be the dance police when others are dancing

You have the shushers. I hate shushing. And at a concert, people are going to sing and cheer and right on, you guys. It's your time too. Concerts are interactive experiences. The performer needs the crowd and the crowd needs the performer. For those of you who want to listen to a song so quietly you can hear a pin drop, stay in your living room.

You have the non-stop talkers. On the other hand, there are people who need more than a shush...if you wanted to just talk the entire time, why did you pay to come inside? You can do that in the parking lot for free.

You have the wild boars using inside toilets. Ladies (and I use that term loosely), if you spray the entire seat with your pee, wipe that grossness up. If you don't, someone else has to. And that's fucking disgusting, animal-like behavior.

You have the Very Important Person Leaving the Concert (VIPLC). This person does not follow the one to one etiquette of the parking lot, as in one person from each direction goes, taking turns, so that the line moves and everyone gets home. This person busts themselves up to the front and cockblocks everyone from escaping parking lots.

You have bros. Although to be fair, bros annoy me everywhere and I am up my my eyeballs in bro encounters recently so I have zero tolerance right now. I saw a guy in a white blazer and sunglasses at night at Peter Gabriel/Sting that looked like he was attending the Catalina Wine Mixer and not a freaking concert on the lawn in Camden, New Jersey.

Tell me your concert douches.

p.s. in the non-douche vein, happy birthday to my cousin Courtney!

I love you, but...

I love you, but I can't read another formulaic weekly link up blog post even if I read every other post you put out there. Sorry friends, but this goes for anything with confessions (how's that for a confession? lol) or Friday favorites in the title. Look, I get it. We all need our standards to fall back on. I always post TWTW on Mondays and Thursday Thoughts on Thursdays and I've done both for five years. Many people have asked me to do linkups of both over the years and the answer has always been no. I do not want to spend two days a week reading the same shit, my own included. It is entirely possible to bore even yourself. I can totally get down with monthly linkups where most blogs I read are similar that one day. But weeklies where the blogs I read are all similar two to three days a week, every week? It's like Stepford, everything runs together and I can't distinguish. So I just started to x them out when I see the titles. I'm not saying don't write it...I just can't read it like some people can't read weekend recaps. I used to participate in weekly linkups, and they are an awesome idea I love at first until I've boxed myself in and instead of switching it up I churn out the same shit every week. My content sucked. Repetition hides personality and I read blogs because I love small details and seeing personality through writing. I'd rather read one paragraph of something true to you than a longer post comprised of canned, impersonal stuff. I always tend to like something people feel worthy of writing about even if the subject itself doesn't interest me. There is a passion to real content that is lacking in formulaic writing. Blogs feel very basic and rote to me right now, like they're being written in patterns or because they have to be written or are supposed to be written, not because they want to be written.

I love you, but I can't deal with people who act like they are the only people in history to ever suffer from allergies and that theirs are the worst, you don't even know.

I love you, but I can't spend a lot of time with anyone who is unable to exist in comfortable silence. If you have to talk constantly, I will be cursing you in my head until I tell you outright that I just need silence then it will be awkward and it doesn't need to be awkward. Just shhh sometimes.

I love you, but if I pull up your Instagram and five out of the top nine block of photos is you, I'm scratching my head a little, thinking every single day, the photo you most want to share is one you're in?

I love you, but what you can do with snapchat filters doesn't amuse me.

I love you, but I want to know what you thought of the book, not read your summary of it. Other people are paid to summarize it.

I love you, but I will never join you in an adult coloring session. Sell the relaxation angle to someone else.

I love you, but if you're watching YouTube videos audibly, I want to punch you.

I love you, but I'm not the person you come to if you need someone to sugar coat it.

I love you, but if you need everyone in your life to agree with you, we won't be friends.

I love you, but I need you to take the time to check your spelling and grammar.

I love you, but if you are voting for Trump, we can't discuss it because I can't have a rational discussion about it.

Anything you can't stand, even when people you love do it? 

I Don't Get It - Volume II

More things I don't get, man.

1. The phrase "Just sayin'." Are you actually just saying it, or are you really doing it/thinking it/feeling it? The phrase's time has come to an end. I'm not just saying that. I really mean it.

2. When the weather turns from summer to those first crisp days of fall in October and people turn out in wool coats and gloves. No one has fleeces or lighter jackets? A heavier sweater and scarf are inadequate for 63 degree weather? Do their moms send them out like this in January?

3. Imma be.

Gus - Halloween 2006

4. Thinking dolls and stuffed animals are cute as an adult.

5. Consistently being late. We all have things that delay us when we're trying to get somewhere. Life is about adapting and constantly examining options and priorities - sometimes you can't do something or deal with an issue AND be on time. If it can wait, let it wait. Most things can wait. Don't keep your clients, colleagues, friends or family waiting. It's unprofessional and rude.

Set your clock earlier or something, fool.

6. How my entertainment center can be dusty immediately after I dust it. Why, household gods? Why?

TV tuned in to Investigation Discovery Channel.

7. These two.

8. The most recent upgrade to facebook. I can see what friends post on the walls of their friends that I don't know. Why would I want to be able to do this? Everyone likes to stalk a little bit but this is just a creeper's paradise, Zuckerberg.

9. The Real Housewives. I watch, but I don't understand. 

10. Why people think only lazy uneducated hippies understand Occupy Wall Street. I have a job and a mortgage. I bathe daily. I don't piss outside unless it is absolutely necessary. I don't understand the concept of not working every day or not washing every day, but I do understand people taking issue with  the American taxpayers bailing out the banks and other corporations and then being pissed off when the banks hike fees on the consumers and stop lending money to small businesses; and the CEOs of the banks and other corporations continue to make a zillion dollars and receive bonuses. That makes no sense to the OWS protestors, and I have to agree with them. Some of the OWS people are probably lazy assholes, some of them are pissing all over the walls of City Hall or storing their urine in bottles here in Philly...but some of them are exactly like me, and work their asses off and are getting squeezed by the tax man while huge corporations fuck off and are not held accountable for what they've done with the money lent to them from my taxes, and CEOs of companies that were bailed out flitter around on private jets.

I am annoyed with every member of my government, and I think they should all be called to the carpet and impeached. I'm sick of the politicking, the finger pointing, and the arguing over gay marriage and abortions while people lose their jobs and homes. Fix the fucking economy and let people worry about who they marry or if they carry a child. Hold people accountable for their lives. Cut the lifetime pensions and health benefits for elected officials - you serve your term(s) and you go, then you do something else. You don't continue to live off of the tax payers for eternity. Create jobs so the unemployed and the people on welfare can earn a living and provide for themselves. Fix the welfare system - it was designed to give people a leg up, not to be their income for years and years. 

I Don't Get It - Volume I

Everyone has their things that they just don't understand. Here's Volume I of mine. Relax, enjoy!

1. People who jump into an almost closed elevator when other elevators will be available within seconds. The odds that whatever you're doing at wherever you're going involve you saving the world with seconds to spare are quite low. This is real life, not the movie Iron Man. Wait for the next elevator.

2. Non-voters. So, you don't care enough to go to the polls but think you should still have the right to bitch about the way things are, or that things will never change? It doesn't work that way. If you don't vote, I don't want to hear anything from you. Politicians are all the same, shit won't change, blah blah blah. Keep it to yourself. Of course it won't change when you're sitting in your house picking your nose on Election Day. Do you know how many people on this earth would kill to be able to vote on anything?

3. Confederate flags and nazi flags. In this day and age, really? You might as well wear a sign on your forehead that says "I'm ignorant. Uh duh."

4. Rat tails. I don't get them, but I absolutely love them. They make me wonder at the world and want to embrace those that think these hairdos are a good idea.  My brother Stephen wore one for a while. I was horrified yet secretly thrilled. His did not get to this length, but God how glorious would that have been?

5. Dirty houses. We all get lazy sometimes. Things pile up, overtime is required at work, sickness overtakes our homes. Cluttered and messy are different than dirty. I cannot comprehend why you'd pay a mortgage and then just let your house drown in dirt, dust and scum. I see "I'm too busy living to clean" quotes, and I call bullshit. Everyone is busy. I'll let you in on a secret: when you don't let it get bad, cleaning doesn't take long. If you have a doubt as to what funk and grotesqueness is living in your crumbs, dust, toilet rings, whathaveyou, please rush immediately to your computer and watch episodes of How Clean is Your House? These ladies mean business, and they are in the business of people not being pigs.

6. People who have to rush up and stand at the door before their stop on the train. Listen up, we're all getting off. If we file off seat by seat it'll be much more orderly and disembarkation will be quicker and we'll ALL get home faster. Nobody likes a butter!

7. When my hair feels dirty after I just washed it.

8. Why MFD rinses his dishes and places them nicely into the sink. Which is, coincidentally, right next to the dishwasher. The man uses a lot of dishes. One day, I lifted them out of the sink, put them on a tray, and put them outside on the stoop. He came in a few hours later laughing and said "I have to admit, that was good." Damn good, thank you.

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,

SMD

p.s. Dear Phillies: you will not be any better as a team than you are right now. Do this.
p.s.s. I woke up today and really thought it was Friday. That was a low blow.