Thursday Thoughts - And you ask me what I want this year and I try to make this kind and clear

1. How much is that doggie in the window? Bruce sits there for hours while I work, waiting on the world to change.

2. I'm also waiting on the world to change. I'm not here to blow smoke up anyone's ass. This week has been a struggle. I had to postpone my acupuncture appointment due to the last big storm and my neck is so jacked up that my eye twitches constantly. I'm still over a week out from that rescheduled appointment. I’ve lost some motivation and I feel like I have nothing to show for this week aside from work work. I miss seeing my people. Winter is suffocating me. I was up shoveling this morning and Bruce absolutely refuses to go to the bathroom thus far today. 

3. So those things this week, in addition to 11 months in a pandemic; government giving citizens and businesses literal fucking crumbs financially and with vaccine rollout; living in a country where a violent cult is trying to seize power, half of the people in government don’t feel that is alarming or punishable, and half of the citizens who previously were like fuck your feelings we own the libs you’re all demoRats would now like the rest of us to care about their very special feelings while we sit in a circle, ignore systemic racism and white supremacy, braid each other’s hair, and sing songs about unity. Fuck all of that.

4. Also, fuck whoever packed this paint. Come on! All over everything else in the box, me, my shirt, and another box. But this is a good color. It's for a dresser. Hopefully the replacement arrives intact. Amazon: I'm going to refund you without asking you to return anything. Me: NO SHIT, THERE'S PAINT ALL OVER EVERYTHING. 

5. Over on the Good Ship Lollipop, I spied this big mama in the water at Dog Beach and ventured in to get her. If the big ass fillable lamp I bought from Target doesn't open, I'm going to have a problem. 

6. I’ve spent a fair amount of time out on the beach this week with the best friend dogs just walking it all off. It’s been grand. 

7. I scored amazing advanced reader copies from Netgalley, my Girl Scout cookie order arrived, and I got a new AND CHEAP (under $50) stick vac that works well out of the box. I'll use it for a while before expanding.  

8. How you know Ben was here. 

9. Reminder, in case you have not unlearned this:

10. E-cards: the rooms are virtual but the annoyances are the same

What appears beyond the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts titles is what I'm listening to when I'm starting this - this week is Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls

A Tale of Three Mattresses

Hello and happy Friday and Happy Rosh Hashanah and happy birthday to my friend of nearly 40 years, Jen. 

Once upon a time, a woman had a plan to change a queen mattress out into a king. She ordered the frame she wanted, and since it was on back order and would not arrive until October 6, she cast only a cursory glance at mattresses. She had time.

Then she got a notification that the king frame would arrive September 8. Ah well, she thought. I'll just store that frame in the apartment until at least after the last rental of the season checking out September 20. 

Then she got excited about increased storage opportunities with higher clearance bed frames. When she bought an industrial storage tote and realized they were not readily available, she started amassing them. She looked around her small apartment at the boxes and thought oh dear, I can't deal with being literally boxed in. Whatever shall I do?

Lightbulb moment - she will order a mattress to arrive on Monday. Guests check out Sunday and new guests don't arrive until Thursday. This will work. She tells her husband he has to help her move things.

Sunday night he moves their king bed and installs a new higher bed frame in their apartment. She gleefully installs storage totes under it, eagerly anticipating doing the same through the main house where there is absolutely no storage. 

Monday arrives. The husband gets rid of a full bed frame/mattress/box spring down four stories. He moves a queen bed frame/mattress box spring up one flight. He moves a queen mattress and box spring out of a room and assembles a new higher queen bed frame. He moves a king bed frame from the ground floor apartment up three stories to await the new king mattress. 

The shadows grow long on the day and the mattress has not appeared. Calls to Linenspa and also FedEx assure the woman the mattress will be there Tuesday. All phone representatives are full of pep and promise. The husband was supposed to leave Monday and is now changing his schedule around to accommodate the new arrival date. 

The outlook is still sunny. Anticipation is still in the air. 

The mattress does not arrive Tuesday. The husband is really pushing it and has to leave. They decide to move their king mattress with no handles up three flights in a 120 year old house with narrow entries and doors. This is not ideal for many reasons, particularly because it has come to the end of its usable life and they are getting rid of it soon and who the fuck wants to move that 100 pound thing up two flights of steps (one twisting requiring a lot of pivots) when they're just going to get rid of it? No one. Nevertheless, they huff and puff and vault their pudgy 43 year old selves over the mattress because thankfully it bends or not a damn thing would be getting up those stairs. They crawl their aging backs under it, maneuvering it all around to the bedroom without breaking anything. They joke that the new mattress will surely arrive right after the husband leaves to go to work an hour and a half away. Which he is late for because the fascist president is in town stopping traffic on highways.

Narrator: The mattress does not, in fact, arrive right after the husband leaves. Nor at any time in the next few hours before the "end of the day" as was promised. Night falls and so do the woman's spirits.

On Tuesday evening phone calls, both the shipping originator and FedEx are less sure of the mattress's ability to arrive and in fact cannot vouch for the mattress's location. There is no pep. There are no promises. 

On Wednesday, there is still no mattress.  

Wednesday phone calls:

FedEx: We don't know where it is, but it will surely arrive today.

Me: That's what you said Monday about Tuesday and Tuesday about Wednesday. If it's lost it's cool, I know you are all overloaded with stuff especially during this pandemic, just need to know so I can cancel and place another order. I need a bed.

FedEx: uh we escalated this to an investigation yesterday, we'll call you right back 

no call back

The woman decides to cancel the mattress and re-purchase from Amazon even though the couple is trying not to feed Jeff Bezos but this is what you fucking get when you avoid Amazon. 

Mattress people: Oh no, we understand, we'll certainly cancel and refund. If it shows up you can just refuse delivery or call us and we'll send FedEx back for it. 

Woman: I don't want to be a Karen, but this is your problem now. You can try to nail FedEx down on if this package even still exists. I have someone renting my house. I don't have anywhere to store a huge 110 pound item. I have been anticipating this package's arrival since Sunday. I'm emotionally unavailable to wait for the arrival of this package or deal with it if it ever does arrive. It's not you. It's me.

Mattress people: Oooookay Ma'am. Okay. We'll issue a refund and contact FedEx.

Refund received, new mattress ordered from the Amazon machine to be delivered on Friday. Woman goes about her business. 

Thursday afternoon the mattress no one could locate on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday arrives in the driveway and is deposited next to the renter's car. No notifications of delivery are received. No FedEx trucks in sight. It's like a fairy farted it out and it dropped without a sound. 

The woman huffs and puffs and drags and pleads and busts the screen on the screen door trying to get the mattress box inside. 

Friday morning the second mattress arrives. Delivery man is super nice and deposits mattress inside. 

Two new king mattresses for the price of one. If you drive by on Monday, you might see a third king mattress being ejected from the third story because that shit is not being carried down.

The End. 

Take the stress one day at a time

Alternate title: let's talk about stress, baby sung to the tune of Salt-N-Pepa's classic released in 1990. Everything's coming up 90s these days.

Anyway.

Despite our best efforts, stress is always bubbling under the surface, threatening to pop off and take you down like that invisible sidewalk curl we all trip over at some point. We've all seen some variation of the meme me trying to excel in my career, drink enough water, exercise, stay sane, text everyone back, survive, and be happy and at some point in most weeks we relate.

The problem with stress is that it very easily compounds, and if you’re stressed about one thing and you're not careful to contain that, it does a reach around and latches onto other aspects of your life. Even small things can feel stressful and compared with the bigger stressors, that's too much.

Sleepless Newborn Stress

Nobody ever said having a newborn wouldn’t be stressful, but no one realizes how much stress you’ll be under until it happens. There are so many things to think about after having a kid, including keeping them healthy and happy while still maintaining your sanity. 

Sleepless nights are one of the most significant contributors to stress, and if your baby struggles to settle down during the night, it can wreak havoc on the rest of your day. My mamas out there with poorly sleeping kids have all my sympathy. I know a few have looked into a baby sleep schedule to figure out the best way to deal with it and it's been helpful. Others...nothing helped. You know who you are. I see you and am sending you coffee and water. 

Financial Stress

Bills are an inescapable part of life, which sucks, let's be clear.  Getting the bill for your rent, mortgage, gas, phone, cable, electric, credit card is something you dread on those unexpected expenses months. Absolutely everything is more expensive than it used to be, including/especially food. 

Addressing areas of financial stress usually involve stopping something, or truly examining want vs. need, or changing how you do something.  Making changes to your lifestyle can give you a buffer and help you live a little more comfortably. You can buy discounted food, stop eating out, and be more cautious with the heating. The change will be gradual, but soon you’ll notice you have more money to spare to squirrel away or put toward bills. Pro tip: none of the cutbacks matter if you treat yourself to things you don't need. Discipline is key. 

Work Stress

The idea that some jobs are more stressful than others is a load of bull. Each role brings different challenges that demand your full attention. Every person's life is different. No, you are not better than the cashier because you have a lofty title. When you feel wrung out from work, it's good to take a step back and consider how your job helps you and what is rewarding about it. Like, it enables you to live and pay your bills are huge ones, but what else? Do you have flexibility, awesome coworkers, a beautiful route to work, kind superiors who understand the stresses of work/life balance attempt (I say attempt because there is no true balance). 

Focusing on the positives over the negatives make it easier to deal with the fact that yes, we all must work because we are not millionaires. Examining your position might even make you appreciate it more. Most of us work to live instead of live to work, and in a capitalist society that can feel really draining because we are part of a machine. We are not alone.

No Time For You Stress

We need downtime to relax ourselves so we can deal with the stresses of everyday life. Most people need alone time to do this. Most people also have a lot going on and give other people time before themselves, leaving them feeling like they don't have a minute to spare. 

With work, collecting the kids from school, making dinner, and ensuring the house is in order, it’s a struggle to find the time. While you can’t magically summon more hours in a day, you can work out a routine that gives you time to dedicate solely to you. When I say can I mean you really must. Especially you moms out there trying to do it all and be it all. 

Just giving yourself an hour a day either by taking a soak in the tub, reading, painting your nails, or watching mindless TV helps you unwind feel better prepared for anything coming your way in any area of life. 

The Stress of the Future

The uncertainty of the future is basically the only thing that is 100% certain, but we worry about it like there's no tomorrow. Which, of course, wastes today. You can’t do anything to change the unforeseen events of the future. No matter how much you worry, that time and energy you expend has ZERO impact on what is or isn't coming down the pike. You can prepare yourself but you never truly know what will happen. It makes more sense to what you can in the present to make each day a good one. 

Worrying too much about the future means you miss out on what’s in front of you, and without going crazy with spending sprees or living an extravagant lifestyle, you can still experience what’s right in front of you. 

Take a walk. Sit outside. Breathe deeply. Recognize beauty around you even in ugly spaces. Make connections with people. Give your animals a lot of pets. Drink enough water. Be sensible with your money and your time. Be comfortable alone. Recognize that rest is necessary. Put down what you're carrying. Distance yourself from potentially harmful influences and energies - in person and on social media. Give yourself permission to not worry or stress. And don't be so freaking hard on yourself or hold yourself to an impossible standard. 

Please take a few hours for yourself this weekend, regardless of what other people need from you. Ladies, I'm looking at you in particular.