Boosting happiness in eight ways

The global pandemic related struggles of the past two years as well as the racial, social, economic, and political clashes of America that have been brewing since our inception coming to a head in that same time period have made it harder for many people to maintain a baseline happy life. If you’ve found that your natural happiness has taken a hit, you are surely not alone.

We can all do our part to contribute to public health as well as fighting for racial, social, and economic justice, but we do not control any outcomes there that extend beyond ourselves and whatever power and privilege we can lean on to make change happen. 

To get a happiness boost, there are some things we can control though:

Remove financial stress to the best of your ability

It’s very difficult to focus on the positives when the weight of financial problems is on your shoulders, so you can do some winter work inside on seeing if you can do anything different financially. Financial management apps that track your income and spending are helpful in this process. 

Most of us living above the poverty line have some financial waste in our lives. Some things are so easy to trim. Starting with home entertainment packages - what streaming subscriptions do you have versus what you actually use? MFD is constantly subscribing to shit we don't need and I am always unsubscribing. $5 here and there can add up.

Invest in your wellness

Go for a walk, talk about your feelings with someone you can be totally honest with, find a therapist, join a club, read a book, sing loudly and activate your vagus nerve, ground your bare feet to the earth, get fresh air, wear comfortable shoes, stretch, eat good food, sleep, rest, hydrate, say no to things you don't want to do or don't have the bandwidth for without explaining yourself. Adding good habits is an amazing happiness booster. 

Removing the negatives is equally as important when thinking about your happiness. The fallout of persistent bad habits will continue to stand in the way of true happiness. Quitting cigarettes is a popular choice. When that finally stuck for me it was from reading a freaking book our friend Lyndsey mentioned as being the way she quit - if I had known it was that easy I would have done it in the late 90s.

Be with the right people

Human interactions hold the key to our happiness. Giving the most toxic interactions the most time and energy leads to toxicity internally and life is too short for that. Unfollow, let the interactions drift, make a clean cut, whatever works. 

I don't care who they are to you or how long you've known them - toxic friendships and relationships in general do not serve you. Remove these people from your circle and you'll have more room for people who fill you up. 

Likewise, we are not contorting to fit other people. It is not our job or be likeable or palatable to people. It is our job to be ourselves. Your people will love you for you. Anyone who doesn’t is not your people. It is so freeing to be fully yourself. Try it if you are not quite there. 

Do something bigger than you

Volunteer. Donate money. Advocate for equality. Work to abolish oppressive systems. Clean up the park on the corner. We are hyper focused on ourselves, which is good until it isn't. Step away from yourself to gain perspective. 

Paint your nails

Or whatever your nails are in your life.  I am not well with chipped nails. Painting them makes me feel immediately more put together. Changing your look is superficial but packs an immediate flush of happy for most of us. New hairstyle, fresh nails, a little bit of lipstick or mascara, wearing a favorite outfit you love. Simple, easy mood boosters. You can of course go further. MFD got his million dollar teeth as we call them years ago. Many of my adult friends have gotten braces. The average braces cost will give you another reason to smile for years to come.

Social media is not your life, your life is what happens outside of it

Don't let the social media lead to an inferiority complex. You're not perfect, nor is your life, and no one else's is either. Worry about what you're doing. Make sure you're living your life outside of facebook, instagram, twitter, tiktok, etc. How much time are you spending on them? Use them as intended, not as your main life. 

Realize constant happiness is not going to happen

The cult of positivity might have you thinking you should be happy all the time but not only is it not probable, it's not possible. We're human. We have a range of emotions. Your life doesn't suck if you aren't always showing a happy face. 

Take care of your loved ones

Spending time with the best people is one thing, but knowing that they are happy and healthy brings a new level of joy. Taking care of your family is the natural starting point. It could mean working with home care agency experts to assist your elderly parents. Or it may focus on acquiring extra support for your child’s development.  

Knowing that you’ve done everything to support the most important people in your life is key. Aside from boosting their quality of life, it allows you to live without mental distractions. In turn, you’ll be in a better position to take care of yourself too. Whether you need outside help or not, providing for your family is one of the most rewarding things you’ll do.

Plant the seed and leave it

I used to plant a seed for growth or change and dig it up and poke it every morning to see if it had taken root. Sometimes I pulled it all the way out and sometimes I just moved the dirt around enough to unsettle it.

Nothing I did that to had the opportunity to secure itself enough to stay. 

Now I plant the seed and I leave it. I water it with my thoughts and let its roots traverse my brain and encircle my heart. I give it time and more importantly I give myself time to sit with it. 

If it’s compatible with my life it stays and if not it works itself up and out. Some things die soon because I am not a good soil for them; some stay for a season like annuals that are planted, flourish, and die every year; some things last for years like perennials; some things grow into the biggest trees that will line the rest of my journey here. 

Not everything is meant to take root, but nothing we self sabotage even has a chance to.

Set the world on fire or don't. It's your life.

Throughout March with International Women's Day coming early on and its Women's History Month designation,  I meant to do a series of posts about the various states of women. Here we are two days before the end of the month and this is the first one. The best laid plans, right?

Coming home from an event Sunday night celebrating women, Debbie and I were talking about how much of women's empowerment messaging is tied up in achievements like being a boss and shattering glass ceilings, as if we're only worthy if we do those things. While there were some awesome bosses and glass ceiling shatterers presenting Sunday, this was not the messaging of the event we attended, but as all good events do it sparked a lot of off-shoot conversations on the 45 minute ride home.

As a feminist, I love women who are bosses and shatter glass ceilings. I certainly want all of us regardless of gender, race, orientation, etc., to have equal opportunity and ability to be the boss and ascend to the highest levels in all fields.

But mostly I want women to know who they are and be happy with who they are even as they're working on who they might become next. That goes for all of us, from the glass ceiling breaker to the world traveler who works when she needs to to the stay at home mom and all the millions of us in between.

There's an art to appreciating who you are in this moment while knowing that you are not finished growing into who you will become because we're never finished becoming who we are. In this fast world, society pushes us to constantly think ahead to what we're going to do and be next and I wonder if that art form of appreciating where you are right now is dying.

If you are the woman who has the drive and determination to be the boss and break down the barriers, I support you. If you are not that woman and don't want to be that woman, I support you. It takes all of us to make this world go around.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to set the world on fire. There's nothing wrong if that sounds like too much to you.

There's nothing wrong with living what you consider to be a regular life. There's nothing wrong if that sounds like not enough to you.

We're each on our own path, and we must allow for that and encourage each other when our paths cross, resisting the urge to push everyone down the path we have chosen for ourselves. We all have this one life to do with what WE want.

Don't let the world make you feel like you are not enough or that your life and what you want from it and what you're doing with it is not enough. Don't let the world make you feel like you're too much or that your life and what you want from it or what you're doing with it is too much.

The only person who decides what's enough or too much is you. 

I know this much is true

Some things are scientific facts that can be looked up. Some things can't be proven, but we consider them facts nonetheless because they hold such truth in our lives. Of course, they're usually in opposition to someone else's truth. My truth is not necessarily your truth which is okay, because if we were all the same life would be extremely boring. If you need your friends to be carbon copies of you, you should rethink your life. Mean Girls is a movie, not a think tank.

Some things I know to be true...

-The beach is a good place to come to terms with life.

-No one can love you unless you love yourself.

-Using a base coat and a top coat on your nails is crucial to a good manicure.

-It is possible to have a casual, surface relationship with someone you don't like. It's called being a grown up and is required in certain situations.

-A good laugh, a long sleep, a cup of coffee, and salt water can cure most things.

-Excuses make the most stand-up people sound like assholes.

-Dogs throw up, pee, and poop on fabric surfaces over hard, easy to clean surfaces 97% of the time.

-Books will take you places you'll never go in person.

-Saying, "I'm so busy" doesn't make you cool or enviable. It means you've over-scheduled yourself.

-A person's skin color, genitals, age, political leanings, or god don't make them a good or bad person. It's what's in their heart, soul, and mind, and how they act.

-Constant cynicism is tiring. We get it, you're an enlightened skeptic. You're also draining as fuck.

-There are worse things in life than being wrong.

-Not making time for and practicing self care is not selfless, it's foolish.

-Life is not fair and the world owes us nothing except for what we earn.

-There's three sides to every story: yours, mine, and the truth.

-Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it. Right is right, even if no one is.

-Feminism is the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities. If you believe that, you're a feminist. 

-When the snorer falls asleep first, the other person gets no sleep. 

-Comparison is the thief of joy.

-Acting from a place of fear will never bring about the result I'm looking for, in any situation.

-There's bad everywhere, but there's also good. It's that way for a reason. We need the yin and the yang.

Thanks to The Girl Who Loved to Write for this post idea. 

What are some of your truths?

 Linking up with Shanna for Random Wednesday