Friday Five 3.12.2021

1. MFD was on dinners a few days this week and since it was nice they were grilled - ribeyes and steamed asparagus and then hotdogs and bratwurst that he served with Redner's potato salad. I am anti-store potato salad because I rarely like it but theirs was really good. It was called Philly-style. I don't know what that means. 

2. Grill day #2 translated into hot dog time for dogs too. Always exciting. 

3. This MFing dog is out here doing whatever the F he wants and Brucing things. He is so ridiculous still, and he's going on four now. He'll be a fool for his whole life.

4. Tis the self tanner season. I use a drop of this Clarins Radiance-Plus Golden Glow Booster with my moisturizer a few times a week so I have emerged from my vampire winter. It says to use three drops but I'm telling you, if you use more than a drop you're going to look like Tan Mom. 

5. I picked this up from Lidia Bastianich years ago and there is no other olive oil. I can't find it in the store anymore so I order a Colavita two-pack (affiliate) from Amazon and have one at home and one at the shore. 

I meant to go back to the shore Wednesday, but I got to see Pop for his 90th birthday yesterday, the first time in over a year, so it's been good. I'm heading back to the shore today.

Birthday weekend! 

I mean that's the weekend after too, when my family comes. Then two weeks after we'll celebrate again when my family comes for Easter. Birthday month exists for a reason. I'm off Monday, of course, because I don't work on my birthday if I can help it, and I can usually help it.

Thursday Thoughts - in between what I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine

1. Today is my Pop's 90th birthday. Last year my family cancelled his 89th birthday party because he wasn't feeling well and I haven't seen him since. I'll see him through a window today, his place is letting us come together. 

2. Where are my Aldi's people? This was delicious.

3. As were these. Happy birthday week to me! My neighbor has her own business - these cake pops and chocolate covered strawberries were delicious and quite reasonable - local friends in Northeast Philly and Bucks, check out her page on Facebook, she's Dipped and Delish by Dana. Some of the designs are so freaking cute. 

4. Other birthday week behavior: got my hair done because I hate not having fresh hair for my birthday but drive home with it wet because having it dried there is a gift to my longtime friend and stylist Kristi, not myself lol. Went to HomeGoods and browsed. Purged t-shirts. Rode around with the windows down, sunroof open, music loud. Had a happy hour with work ladies but only drank bubly. Smashed the patriarchy at every opportunity. Stopping to see Michelle today. Had a leak fixed in the basement. Why is there always a fucking leak. 

5. What would happen if I did a Thursday Thoughts and included no dog photos? Probably the same thing that happens when I yell for Gus, who is deaf. Nothing. And the same thing that happens when I yell at Bruce to stop singing the song of his people when he's outside and every damn dog in the neighborhood is barking. 

6. I’m unsure of the purpose of the “one year ago was the last normal week and we didn’t know it” memes. I am keenly fucking aware of that, I think we all are. Couch it in personal info at least, and what it means to you. 

7. I  know winter will come back and we'll be doing 40s but man this week's warmer temps were so nice.  I soaked up the sun at lunch and we got fresh air whenever we could. Also this year has really been a time for my quote tees to shine even more than before. I've always worn them, but t-shirt of the day took on a new meaning with them being eligible for all workdays. 

8. If you haven't thought about this, you are cordially invited to.

9. Reminder

10. E-cards: 

What appears beyond the hyphen in Thursday Thoughts titles is what I'm listening to when I'm starting this - this week is Heart of Glass by Blondie

From there to here, and on into the unknown

Life in the Time of Corona. The beat goes on. Monday I read this from The Atlantic: Late-State Pandemic is Messing With Your Brain and it hit, as written pieces will do for all of us. This one because it brought up two things I've been thinking about, and maybe you have too. 

The first and most glaring is I've forgotten how to live the life I used to live before this. 

I went into my office a few weeks ago to go to my dentist and it felt like catching glimpses of a past self. The prospect of going back to even a passing semblance of what I used to do feels as it mentions in the article - unimaginable on a literal level, like my brain can't or won't put me in those places, doing those things. Walking down the still largely empty streets of a city I've worked in the middle of for over 12 years with it bustling and buzzing around me, assimilating me into itself every time I stepped out of a building or train station, is creepy and jarring. I  imagine a scenario in which I return to those streets, dodging people that once again fill them, will also feel creepy and jarring. 

Are we each living in our own version of Sliding Doors?

I'm starting to forget and in some instances have completely forgotten what life before this was like, so the prospect of returning to anything that was just as it was feels foreign too. Every night I went over the morning commute - what train did I want to catch? Okay, that means leaving at this time or this time or this - and every day I knew when I had to get my shit together and get out of there to catch my regular train home. If I had to walk to acupuncture at lunch, I had to leave at x time. Same for the dentist or any appointment anywhere in the city I was walking to. 

I have always been a master of time, always been early. Now? I blank even thinking of how long it would take me to get to the train station and move my ass onto a train. I had to run from my office to my acupuncture appointment a few weeks ago because I misjudged the time. When I have to leave the house for one of my few and far between appointments now, it is hard for me to gauge what time I need to leave by - I either cut it way too close or I'm an hour early. 

Yesterday crept into the 60s and I sat in my yard in the sun at lunch which was my constant respite as the weather warmed last April - arguably one of the worst if not the worst months of mental struggle for me in my lifetime - and I felt an uncomfortable sense of looking around for April 2020 me and hoping she wasn't going to dare show her face around here again. I'm normally not so inhospitable toward my previous selves. 

Early on in this, I worried if it would impact my brain and thinking patterns long-term. A year in, that's so LOL...it's not a matter of if it will, but how it will. While I don't struggle as much mentally anymore, I do still feel at times what The Atlantic piece mentions as a physical heaviness about the shoulders and which I refer to as a pandemic sweater, and carrying that doesn't come without a price. And as in the case of the author of The Atlantic piece, I have experienced the pandemic from a place of obscene privilege as well - I can WFH, my immune system is good, we weathered the financial impact of loss of wages and income better than a lot of people could, our losses have been few, our close framily are people who believe in science - yet it's still been hard to carry, so how the fuck are the people who did not experience this from that place going to be okay moving forward. 

How do we go ahead at all when some people still don't believe something close to 530,000 Americans have died from in under a year is a thing? How can there be a collective grief for people and ways of life lost when there are so many people out there who are basically like fuck your loss and fuck your grief and I didn't change anything and you’re a sheep for doing so? Forward seems like walking through honey next to these people.

But forward is happening. Vaccine rollout is happening. 

Exactly what forward looks like personally, professionally, societally...we're all heading a little bit into the unknown. I'm interested as hell to see where we go from here, with us dying to do some things again and not interested at all in going back to others. 

And that's the second thing I've been thinking about. How to prepare to transition into what's next when we don't know what next looks like. The abrupt change in life on March 16, 2020, was part of what was hard - no easing in. No transition. And it looks like asking for an ease into the next is still too much. But we've shown we are extremely adaptable and resilient, and we'll be that way with whatever comes next too. That's the plan, I guess. 

Show Us Your Books March 2021

March! Books! Birthday countdown (less than one week)! I feel a little more like my regular reading self these days pace-wise. 

Before we begin, just as Black History Month is every month and Black history is everyone’s history, Women's History Month is every month and women's history is everyone's history! 

Here's what I've been reading since the last linkup. 

Engrossing Reads

Circe by Madeline Miller - I bought a used paperback copy of this from my local used paperback store, and I sat down with it on the eve of picking up two library books I really wanted to get into because I thought I would not like this and would just pass it on to the shore library I keep in the living room for renters. I'm not interested in Greek mythology and I hate stories of Odysseus so I never expected to like this. I loved this book. This is why I am willing to let books I don't love go unfinished - because if I wasn't, I'd be less likely to pick up ones I think might fall into that category and I'd miss out on something wonderful. used paperback, own

Punching the Air by Ibi Zoboi, Yusef Salaam - I tore through this in under two hours. As it's in prose, that is super easy to do. I thought it was great, but prose is not my sweet reading spot. OCNJ library hard cover

The Incredible Winston Browne by Sean Dietrich - I absolutely loved this. I loved the characters and this little town. The book was like a hug. It reminded me of Fannie Flagg books. Thanks to Netgalley for the free copy in exchange for an honest review

The Girls are All so Nice Here by Laurie Elizabeth Flynn - I don't know what I was expecting, but it was not this book. It was dark, and imperfect as all stories are, but I was sucked in and could not put it down. The end seemed rushed. Multiple trigger warnings. Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review. I also won my first ever Goodreads contest and got an advanced paperback copy of this book, which is how I read it.

Every Last Fear by Alex Finlay - I could not put this down. So good. I figured some things out but that didn’t matter. What a ride! Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Passed the Time Just Fine

Quiet in Her Bones by Nalini Singh - This book reading experience is hard for me to explain to others. I loved the writing and the plot, but something about it kept breaking down in the reading of it and it took me a while to get through. I was always thinking about the book and puzzling it out in my brain, but I was less eager to pick it up. It was a weird reading experience. I definitely liked it. OCNJ library hard cover

Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey - What a character. It was fine, a little draggy in parts, I was most interested in the actual biographical parts of his life and less in the philosophical parts although I do enjoy his outlaw wisdom. I probably should have listened to this, which would make it the second book I ever listened to outside of Michelle Obama's. OCNJ library hard cover

Inheriting Edith by Zoe Fishman - There are a lot of books on my kindle that I have literally no idea how I got them or when. This is one of them. It ended up being a fine story, very light despite some heavier themes. Sort of Elin Hilderbrand-ish. kindle book

The Fortunate Ones by Ed Tarkington - It's not going to sound like I enjoyed this when I say it, but it was like a watered down version of a Pat Conroy drama. If you know how much I love Pat Conroy, that might make more sense? Anyway I liked it. OCNJ library hard cover

All Girls by Emily Layden - I love a boarding school book. It drug in some spots and I had little interest in some of the players (too many to track sometimes), but overall I enjoyed the way this story was told. Examination of sex and consent and what women are told vs what actually happens in society. Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

A Killer's Daughter (Agent Nadine Finch #1) by Jenna Kernan - This was not a good start with me - lots of repetition and just some completely unrealistic expectations on the part of the main character concerning her identity - but I attribute that to first in a series blues. Repetition will absolutely kill a story for me - we get it, you've told us MANY TIMES - but this story was interesting and the good stuff was really good. I will give the second book a go. Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

The Midnight Library by Matthew Haig - I loved the concept and the story, and it was devoured quickly despite Nora being on my last nerve at times. I love to think about the possibilities that are connected to different choices, small and large.  OCNJ library hard cover

Not Worth It

Wolfhunter River (Stillhouse Lake #3) by Rachel Caine - I am a believer in reading every book in a series in order but woof. I'd skip this one. OCNJ library paperback

The Good Neighbor by R.J. Parker - I thought this was going to be a quick DNF, but a nice little turn grabbed my interest.  It turns out it should have been as a little over halfway through it devolved into repetitive WTFness. Free copy from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

Call Me Elizabeth Lark by Melissa Colasanti - The idea was good, the execution less so. It was difficult to follow and felt strung together in spots. Thanks to Netgalley for the free copy in exchange for an honest review.

Did Not Finish

N/A

Linkup Guidelines:

This link up is the second Tuesday of every month. The next linkup is Tuesday, April 13, 2021. 

1. Visit and comment with both of your hosts, Jana & me, and check in with as many in our reading circle as you can - give some love to the later linker uppers! 
2. Link back to us in your blog post - if you want the button you can get it from that link

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TWTW - first in March

Friday MFD took the couch covers to the laundromat, and I changed them over and made dinner on my afternoon break. After work we ate and watched Men in Kilts and MFD watched a cult show while I barely paid attention and read instead. 

Saturday We eased into the day - I cried multiple times watching the Mister Rogers movie, and read (no crying).

We took a family walk on the beach and MFD did some investigating - they are filming some scenes for M. Night Shyamalan's Servant on Apple TV in town over the next month. We came back and ordered hoagies and onion rings from Randazzo's. 

MFD made meatloaf, mashed turnips and potatoes, and veggies for dinner and watched Murder Among the Mormons while I finished a book and got in bed early. Gus was up with stomach issues from 2 am on so it was a miserable night.

Sunday morning was misery due to being up all night. I showered, painted my toes (Zoya Madeline in honor of my Grandmom's birthday this month - they're no longer with us but they're with us), and we watched Coming 2 America. I loved it. Gus was feeling better by early afternoon so him and Mae stayed at the house while MFD threw his line in for a minute and I went on a walk with the best friend dogs. It was gorgeous and also fucking freezing.

When we got back I packed up my car and made a throw together dinner: spaghetti squash, spinach, mushrooms, onions, crushed tomatoes, ground pork. Hit it with some garlic powder and truffle salt and it was good. I got over halfway through The Midnight Library and then headed home. I was locked out for 20 minutes before MFD arrived. Good times. 

Happy birthday to my Mom Mom. It was no coincidence that they chose International Women's Day to land on her birthday. She forged her own path and did not give a fuck what people thought of it. She's been gone since I was 18 but is never truly far away from me. I'm glad I grew up at her knee. 

Show Us Your Books is tomorrow!